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Tweak says, "Shotgun shuts his cakehole"

inmyownworld (inmyownworld) wrote in vas_captio_rpg,
@ 2009-05-17 15:39:00

Current music:	Bright Eyes- "The First Day of My Life"
Entry tags:	!complete, day 08, l lawliet, laura moon, location: pharmacy/liquor store

This is the First Day of My Life. Swear I was Born Right In the Doorway. (Complete)
Who: L and Laura
What: There's got to be a "morning after." *is shot ded*
Where: The drugstore
When: Day 8, Early Morning
Rating: Probably PG-13 for mentions of *cough* past events
Status: Complete

Morning used to mean little to L. There had been no real distinction between night and day in his world, with only a stark white computer screen replacing his Sun and moon. However, this morning, L found himself not only awakening to a new day, but feeling enthused and refreshed. Not only that, Laura was still in his arms when he opened his eyes. He was disheveled, sore, and he felt like he could use a shower, but when it came right down to it, he was extremely happy.

They had risen, acted normally while biting back smiles and sideways glances, and checked their journals independently. However, it hadn't been long before he'd started writing on her pages, and then they'd felt foolish for writing to each other when they both possessed working voices and were only across the room from each other. "I'm sorry. You're right, of course, we should really be talking," L said, with a content sigh.

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spitandviolets
2009-05-31 01:39 am UTC (link)

"If my memories are my own, and not someone else's, having children meant a great deal to me while I was alive. No one ever loved me for most of my entire life. My father did, but he died of a heart attack on the toilet when I was thirteen. My mother, maybe she loved me, but I don't think that she really liked me, if that makes any sense at all. And my sister was always the perfect one. She had the husband, the children, the white, middle class suburbs in Texas. She didn't really have time for me. She never made room in her life for me. And other than Robbie and Audrey, that was my world, the long and the short of it."

"I always thought that if I had a child I would have something, someone, who loved me unconditionally, the way that I loved my father. I thought Shadow loved me that way, but it's very difficult to be someone's husband or lover or what have you. There are so many things...so many things floating in the gap, in the space between the words that are left unsaid, and sometimes you just can't get past all of them. I learned that Shadow didn't love me unconditionally. He just loved me. Unconditional love is too much to ask of anyone who isn't from your own flesh. But children? That's completely different. You're their whole world. You're everything. No matter what you do to them, somewhere inside, they'll never hate you and they'll never forget you."

Shaking her head, she reached up, rubbing her cheek. "I don't think all of those are mine. And it doesn't matter now. They're memories from another time. They may as well be from over a thousand years ago. I'm sure that I bored you." The implication in his statement had not gone unnoticed. She was not sure what she was experiencing in the pit of her stomach. Part of her wondered if it was worms or something equally disgusting. "I should have stored my eggs or had children younger. It's not like I was doing a whole lot with my life. I should have gotten pregnant before Shadow went to prison. It doesn't matter now." Giving him a faint smile, she smoothed out her hair nervously, twisting a few strands around her fingers. "I must not be the right person. The right one would still have the capacity to give life. I suppose this proves, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am dead, truly."

Making her way to him, she leaned down and touched his cheek. "I will come back. I will not return, however, until my mission is complete. I need to find you food. As soon as I procure some, it will be as if I never left. Nothing will happen. You will see me again. This place is rough, but it isn't full of vindictive gods who have been in America too long or new gods with an axe to grind. I watched my husband hang on a tree and die. I can take a lot. I will come back to you." She turned for the door once more, still dazed from their conversation. It was like she was moving in slow motion.

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inmyownworld
2009-05-31 11:25 pm UTC (link)

L listened, feeling slightly dazed, as Laura tried to measure and rationalize something that a living woman probably would have thrown something at him for. He listened intently to her words, hearing from the other gender and the other side of life and death what it meant to be a parent. He tried to think of his own mother, tried to see her as loving him unconditionally, tried to remember if he had loved her unconditionally, but when he attempted to see that far back into a life that had faded and given way to a new one, everything only blurred and blended uneasily.

"You never bore me. But I'm sorry for bringing that up... I find you attractive and interesting no matter what," he was quick to assure her. He thought about telling her that he couldn't love his mother, but it was achingly true that he would never forget her, and he couldn't admit that to himself, much less his lover.

"OK. I'll see you later, then... please be careful," L murmured, as Laura left.

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