InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "No apologies. No regrets."

capt_harkness (capt_harkness) wrote in vas_captio_rpg,
@ 2009-10-06 21:07:00

Entry tags:

!active, day 25, ianto jones, jack harkness, location: museum

WHO: Jack Harkness & Ianto Jones
WHAT: Let's see how long they can both repress. Ready, set... go.
WHERE: primarily the museum.
WHEN: Day 25; 13:13
RATING: no comment
STATUS: incomplete

And now they were back to Vas Captio and the only 'change' in the place was the roads were paved and there were now street lamps. Whoop-dee-doo. So that's why all of them got sent "home" for a bit and then got dumped back here. Who gave a shit about paved streets? Jack certainly didn't.

He was deposited back in the centre of town and had made a beeline for the museum. It was frigid cold and Jack was glad he had his greatcoat to curl under -- and was glad Ianto had the duplicate. Hopefully there would be some form of heat in the museum, but that was going to be asking for too much, wasn't it? Jack sighed, gathering up some pieces of wood and long-since faded artwork and set about to creating a fire.

Great. It had taken him about two thousand years to almost have the memories of his family and the Boeshane Peninsula buried. Now look at what happened.

Worst of all, there was no Ianto. Jack could only shudder thinking of where he could have been sent to.

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capt_harkness
2009-10-07 01:21 am UTC (link)

In any other mood, Jack never would have said it to begin with, so there wouldn't have been any teasing to be had. But Jack's past was so raw to the surface and it brought with it all the memories of his mother's rejection. Jack still remembered the look on her face, asking where Gray was as if she didn't care that one of her sons had survived, but that she would have rather Gray lived than him. Jack needed that confirmation that somewhere in the vast universe at least one person loved him.

Yes, this was the man Jack kept covered by the hard exteriour of the captain. Deep down, he was an insecure man -- he just hid it well, so well that in the end he had become the mask.

Jack closed his eyes, letting Ianto's words wash over him, clinging to each one. Lifting his head, Jack let Ianto burrow against him and Jack would have been lying if he said he wasn't trying to crawl just as close. "But I have to fix things," Jack said, once more speaking without thinking. "That's what I do. I fix things and I keep people safe." No, those weren't tears that slid down Jack's face, silently crying for the first time about an event that happened two thousand years in his past. "But I keep being reminded that I can't."

Congratulations Vas Captio -- you broke Jack Harkness.

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madeinwales
2009-10-07 01:22 am UTC (link)

"No one expects that," Ianto murmured through new tears. Seeing Jack cry? Utterly undid Ianto all over again. Ianto pressed his cheek against Jack's and just hung on, nice and tight. "I don't expect it. I just expect you to be a man. Just ... just be Jack." Who was it that expected Jack to be other than that? What had happened to him that Jack ended up in tears like this? This was as horrible as Canary Wharf, in its way.

"Tell me," he murmured. "Tell me."

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capt_harkness
2009-10-07 01:22 am UTC (link)

No one may have expected it, but it was what Jack demanded of himself. Jack clung to Ianto, stealing as much strength as he could from the other man. Jack was glad that Ianto wasn't commenting on his physical and/or mental state right now. He wasn't sure how he'd do being mocked for his fragile state.

"That is me," Jack said softly. "I'm supposed to fix it. Otherwise, what good is it to be immortal?"

Jack closed his eyes, not wanting to look at Ianto as he finally began to talk. "My home... where I grew up," Jack replied. "Reliving the day I couldn't follow a simple request and let my brother fall behind."

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madeinwales
2009-10-07 01:23 am UTC (link)

How could Ianto mock Jack for his mental state when Ianto's state was just as bad? They were survivors of some horrible catastrophe, clinging together. This wasn't some silly game where Ianto could tease and get laughter back. Besides, he didn't feel too jolly at the moment.

He rubbed his cheek against Jack's, rasping a little with stubbly skin, and shivered against Jack. His hands coaxed Jack to continue, trembly and gentle, wiping away at Jack's tears.

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capt_harkness
2009-10-07 01:24 am UTC (link)

Well, he could but that wasn't their sort. Not as strung out as both of them were on the emotional field right now. And really, any teasing would have re-created that shell around Jack and while he may have preferred that -- he also knew he had to at least open up to someone.

Jack closed his eyes, almost shuddering under Ianto's gentle touch. Normally (again with the normal-lys) Jack would have mocked Ianto for the stubble with a 'you're not getting anywhere near my tackle with stubble) but he stayed quiet.

Rolling away and staring up at the ceiling, Jack began to talk about things he'd never before said to another human being or alien. "I was fifteen. We lived under the constant threat of invasion. Never knowing when, just that it was coming." Jack snorted softly. "It's why Gray showed up with the anger he had. I let go of his hand. A simple instruction to keep him safe and I couldn't even do that." Jack reached for Ianto, then, pulling him in so that his head was resting on Jack's chest. Easier still, he didn't have to meet Ianto's eyes. "They sent me back there. And every time I tried to keep hold of him, I couldn't. And the creatures just ignored me." Jack's voice dropped to a whisper, delivering the last line though he would have sworn he only thought the words.

"And looking at my mum. Knowing she wished he'd have lived and I'd have died."

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madeinwales
2009-10-07 01:24 am UTC (link)

Ianto listened quietly but attentively, curled up against Jack with his head pillowed on Jack's chest. "The ..," he took a moment to swallow, hard, "the Cybermen and the Daleks ignored me, too. I .. tried to .. distract them." By throwing himself at them. He couldn't live with going through the nightmare of caring for Lisa again, couldn't go through betraying Jack like that again. He wanted to break the cycle. But the cycle wouldn't let him, either.

His head came up rapidly at the last, though, eyes wide. "Oh, God," he murmured and reached to toss an arm across Jack, to hold him while they lay. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But I'm not sorry you lived." Ianto's voice was thick and sore but the words were as fervent as he could make them.

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