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capt_harkness ([info]capt_harkness) wrote in [info]vas_captio_rpg,
@ 2009-10-06 21:07:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:!active, day 25, ianto jones, jack harkness, location: museum

WHO: Jack Harkness & Ianto Jones
WHAT: Let's see how long they can both repress. Ready, set... go.
WHERE: primarily the museum.
WHEN: Day 25; 13:13
RATING: no comment
STATUS: incomplete


And now they were back to Vas Captio and the only 'change' in the place was the roads were paved and there were now street lamps. Whoop-dee-doo. So that's why all of them got sent "home" for a bit and then got dumped back here. Who gave a shit about paved streets? Jack certainly didn't.

He was deposited back in the centre of town and had made a beeline for the museum. It was frigid cold and Jack was glad he had his greatcoat to curl under -- and was glad Ianto had the duplicate. Hopefully there would be some form of heat in the museum, but that was going to be asking for too much, wasn't it? Jack sighed, gathering up some pieces of wood and long-since faded artwork and set about to creating a fire.

Great. It had taken him about two thousand years to almost have the memories of his family and the Boeshane Peninsula buried. Now look at what happened.

Worst of all, there was no Ianto. Jack could only shudder thinking of where he could have been sent to.


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[info]madeinwales
2009-10-07 01:10 am UTC (link)
At least they had the coats. When Ianto returned, he was returned in the coat, though he was long past the point where he cared much of the cold. He stood for a long time in the cold, hands held out in front of them, as if they hurt. He had burned them trying to pull Lisa free.

After stumbling around for a bit, Ianto's feet took him back towards the museum, just inside the door, where he crumpled and sat, head against the wall and face blank. He had gone through horror and came out the other side into some still, black pond. Somewhere in his head he knew it was shock, but he couldn't find the energy to deal with it. Nor the will. Ianto simply shut his eyes and sat there, crumpled. The Cybermen and the Daleks could come now, if they wanted. Ianto wouldn't try to save himself.

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[info]capt_harkness
2009-10-07 01:11 am UTC (link)
The Management had been rather cruel in, when he was returned to Vas, the strip of fabric was still around his wrist. No matter what he had done, no matter how he searched, he couldn't find Gray -- he couldn't get to his father in time. The morning seemed to replay itself time and time again but to no avail.

When their room was as warm as he could make it, Jack began to wander the halls, looking like some aimless ghost. His expression was blank and Jack felt like he wanted to find some hole to bury himself in once more and atone for his sins once more.

For the first time in a very long time, Jack needed a drink. He was half tempted to try and find something by way of liquor. What he wasn't expecting to come across was Ianto. Jack stood a few paces away, unable to step any closer.

"...Ianto..?"

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[info]madeinwales
2009-10-07 01:11 am UTC (link)
It took a long time before Ianto opened his eyes at the sound of his own name. It took a while for blue eyes to focus on Jack. For a time, all he did was stare, try to put things together, try to wrap his brain around the fact that this was Jack, this was his Jack, this wasn't Torchwood Three come to loot the fallen tower.

His jaw worked for a bit, like he wanted to say something, but in the end nothing came out. Instead, he held his hands out to Jack. They were reddened, sore, but not the blistered that he remembered them to be.

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[info]capt_harkness
2009-10-07 01:12 am UTC (link)
Soundlessly, Jack moved to sit beside Ianto. seeing those reddened hands and wondering what had caused it. Hopefully it was from standing outside in the cold and nothing else. Swallowing, Jack lowered himself to the floor, looking at each hand in turn. Gently, he rubbed one reddened hand in his own, then the other.

"What happened?" he asked softly, pushing the pain of his morning aside in favour of curling up with Ianto. Hopefully no one else was going to be wandering the halls of the museum right now.

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[info]madeinwales
2009-10-07 01:12 am UTC (link)
"Canary Wharf," Ianto rasped, throat raw from screaming. His eyes closed again at the gentle touch and he bit his lip to try and control himself. He wanted to shake, to cry, to beat his fists against the floor. He didn't do any of that. Instead he slumped against Jack, limp as a rag doll.

His fingers bent round the questing ones, holding on gently. "I tried to save her again. I .. couldn't." Understatement of the year. Ianto felt ill.

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[info]capt_harkness
2009-10-07 01:13 am UTC (link)
Oh God. Forget the propriety. Jack slid his arm around Ianto's shoulder and pulled the other man close against himself. He didn't need to say any more, that was enough to tell Jack what hell he'd been through that morning.

How he could understand trying to save. Hadn't he done the same exact thing that morning? Jack ran his fingers along Ianto's knuckles, gently rocking him, unsure of what to say for once.

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[info]madeinwales
2009-10-07 01:14 am UTC (link)
At least this time there was comfort. Ianto made himself take it, though he didn't really want to. He didn't really want much of anything. Still, Jack was warm, very warm, and maybe it'd melt some of what was holding Ianto so cold and quiet.

And eventually he'd ask Jack what had happened to him, but for the moment, Ianto was lost in his own pain, trying to drag himself out of it. He just let Jack rock him, moved with it, maybe even clutched a little at Jack's hands.

And tried to think of something to say.

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[info]capt_harkness
2009-10-07 01:14 am UTC (link)
It seemed like Jack's primary function in Vas Captio was that of comforting captain. He didn't mind the role, granted -- but it felt strange to be in it at the same time. Jack shifted enough to pull Ianto into his lap, lightly kissing his temple. Maybe Jack would talk about what happened to him, but most likely he wouldn't.

"Are you all right?" he asked softly. Stupid question, but asked nonetheless. "I mean... did anything happen to you?"

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[info]madeinwales
2009-10-07 01:15 am UTC (link)
Ianto sagged against Jack, giving himself up and over completely, in a way that he hasn't yet done. He's never absolutely surrendered to Jack like this, but then he didn't have anymore fight left in him. Hopefully Jack'd talk. Even just a little. The give and take of comforting like this would be something Ianto could use to drag himself out of shock.

The Welshman stirred, just a little, against Jack's chest and found a comfortable place to rest his head. God, what he wouldn't have given to have had something like this the first time around.

"I was on the archive level," he began, very quietly. "Just like before..." And he went on to describe the entire ordeal to Jack. These were details that he probably hadn't heard before, except maybe from the UNIT reports. Ianto spread his hands out again at the end of his tale. "I burnt them pulling Lisa out. It .. was burning. The metal was hot." Through it all, Ianto's voice was curiously flat and lacking in emotion.

He stirred a little again and looked up at Jack. "..something happened to you too?"

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[info]capt_harkness
2009-10-07 01:15 am UTC (link)
To be honest, it was disconcerting to see Ianto break down like this. Yes, he had seen him act thusly following the Cyberwoman in the basement of the Hub. Watching Ianto collapse against him made Jack ache in a way he didn't quite expect. Yes, yes, Rose -- mock all you wanted. Jack was in very, very deep.

He listened to Ianto speak, gently rubbing his back or threading his fingers trough the hair at the base of his neck as Ianto spoke. "I'm sorry," he finally said. "But you know nothing would have allowed events to change." Stop with the logic, Jack. That's not what Ianto needs or wants to hear right now. Jack tilted Ianto's head up so they were looking at each other. He pointedly ignored the mention of 'something happening' and focused on Ianto.

That's what he needed right now: to focus on Ianto and ignore himself. Like always. "I'm fine," Jack said, brushing the concern away. "I'm more worried about you right now."

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[info]madeinwales
2009-10-07 01:16 am UTC (link)
Logic. Well. What Jack said made sense, but it didn't make things any easier. Ianto bit his lip when his face was tipped up and his eyes flicked down, avoiding Jack's gaze. Not from any traitorous thought or angry inkling, just general guilt.

Maybe more than general guilt. But it wasn't something he wanted to pass on. He couldn't get guns to work for him in London. He couldn't shoot Cybermen, he couldn't shoot a partially converted Lisa, couldn't shoot himself. And he tried, in his desperation. Instead, Ianto shook his head a little, freeing his chin from Jack's fingers.

"I survived the first time," he said in his broken and raw voice. "I will this time. Tell me. I can't make the details go away." He couldn't. Near eidetic meant he could remember what he wanted, in that head of his. Unless it was something traumatic, and then he had no choice.

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[info]capt_harkness
2009-10-07 01:17 am UTC (link)
Jack shifted, almost uncomfortably, watching the expressions play across Ianto's face. Flashes of memory poked at him, seeing Ianto's face this guilt-ridden, but not remembering what caused it. Remembering his unshakeable faith in the other man, but not why he believed so strongly.

Ianto pulled his head away and Jack's free hand fell, resting on the first bit of Ianto it happened to touch (in this case, his upper thigh). There was something in the way Ianto's voice cracked that killed Jack. Again, he was reminded of their conversation a few days ago -- if they were going about this whole 'experiment' in the wrong way.

"You will," Jack said softly, lightly kissing Ianto's forehead. "You survived the last time and you didn't have me around. This time, you do." Jack drew in a breath, finding the words rolling off his tongue. For once, Jack didn't find the words hard to say. "I'm not going to let you not get through this. I love you and I won't let you give up or wallow. This place is designed to fuck with us. I feel bad for those who don't have someone to curl up with after a bad day. You have me, Ianto. I'm not going anywhere."

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[info]madeinwales
2009-10-07 01:17 am UTC (link)
Ianto, frankly, had never heard anything like that ever come out of Jack's mouth and he had never expected to have something like that aimed at him. He swayed forward and tucked his face against Jack's shoulder and just .. cried. He didn't sob or wail or anything like that. It was just an outpouring of grief and pain.

It took a while, but when that storm passed, Ianto simply lay against Jack's shoulder, spent and tired, and twined his arms round Jack's waist, under the coat.

"S'cold," he said. It was the first time he was aware of his surroundings since coming back.

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[info]capt_harkness
2009-10-07 01:18 am UTC (link)
To be honest, Jack wasn't expecting to ever say anything like that to Ianto either. Rose, you were going to get a piece of Jack's mind soon. Particularly because he wasn't a mushy man and lord, what was he saying. Jack grunted softly as Ianto turned to him, half wondering if this reaction was from his words and not because of what happened.

Jack held Ianto through this, rubbing his back and whispering words of comfort in his ear.

"It'll be warmer back in the room. Hold on." Not caring how it must have looked, Jack lifted one of Ianto's arms to loop around his neck and, hand supporting his arse, awkwardly climbed to his feet, still holding Ianto in his arms.

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[info]madeinwales
2009-10-07 01:19 am UTC (link)
He .. was being carried. Ianto didn't comment (though any other time he would have called Jack a complete idiot for doing it), he only wrapped his arms around Jack's neck and thought light thoughts. Yes, it meant that Jack did most of the work (alright, all of the work) but somewhere inside himself, he knew that Jack needed to do this.

And he couldn't deny that at the moment, he needed something like this, too.

The sudden comforting warmth made Ianto lift his head from Jack's shoulder, though he tensed just a bit at the flames. It was necessary, he told himself, though now part of him wanted to douse them. "Thank you," he mumbled and tried to untangle himself gently. He was aiming for their bed.

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[info]capt_harkness
2009-10-07 01:19 am UTC (link)
Any other time, the only way Jack would carry Ianto is if his legs were wrapped around his waist. But carried in this manner? No, that was reserved for bad romance novel covers. Still, Jack carried Ianto back to their room because he did need this. Jack couldn't save his family, he couldn't save his brother -- but he could save Ianto.

And right now, Jack needed to feel as if he were useful, as if he could do something.

"Warmth," Jack said in regards to the fire in the corner. "Freezing in here otherwise, we need it." Jack did, though reluctantly, set Ianto down, though kept Ianto close to him. He started moving back toward the bed, following Ianto's lead. Wordlessly, Jack dropped onto the bed and pulled Ianto close, getting lost in the other man's warmth and scent, wrapping them both in his greatcoat.

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[info]madeinwales
2009-10-07 01:20 am UTC (link)
Ianto managed to kick off his shoes before Jack pulled him in close and burrowed himself still closer. "Thank you," he said again, pressing his chilled nose against Jack's neck. It felt marvelous and it served to help thaw out the icy center in his heart.

He still didn't know where Jack had been sent to, but Ianto suspected that it was someplace nearly as bad as Canary Wharf. A chilled and shaky hand pet awkwardly at Jack's cheek, offering what comfort he could.

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[info]capt_harkness
2009-10-07 01:21 am UTC (link)
Jack wasn't quite so lucky, but it was his fault for wearing boots as opposed to shoes. Later he'd get them off, but for right now, he (for once in his life) didn't have sex on the brain. All he wanted was to cuddle close to Ianto and breathe in his lover's scent.

"I swear, I'm going to start calling you puppy dog with that nose of yours," Jack murmured, tightening his grip on Ianto.

When next Jack spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper. It was a request he barely made, but Jack was so broken he needed something strong and solid to hold onto. Right now, of all things, it was his relationship with Ianto. "Just tell me you love me."

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[info]madeinwales
2009-10-07 01:21 am UTC (link)
Imagine that. Jack Harkness needing to hear something like that. In any other mood, Ianto would have teased him. But like this...? Broken as he was and broken as Jack just showed himself to be? Ianto snuggled closer, until he was under Jack's coat along with him and lifted his head so that his lips grazed Jack's ear.

"I love you," he whispered, like it was a secret, too fragile to just be tossed around casually. "I love you. I love you. Only you. I'm scared as fuck right now and it's only okay because you're here. Not because you'll fix it, but because I love you." Ianto shut eyes sore from tears and tried to insert himself under Jack's skin by osmosis.

He was fairly certain that Gwen would have peed her pants hearing Ianto say something like that, back home. This place certainly had changed them.

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[info]capt_harkness
2009-10-07 01:21 am UTC (link)
In any other mood, Jack never would have said it to begin with, so there wouldn't have been any teasing to be had. But Jack's past was so raw to the surface and it brought with it all the memories of his mother's rejection. Jack still remembered the look on her face, asking where Gray was as if she didn't care that one of her sons had survived, but that she would have rather Gray lived than him. Jack needed that confirmation that somewhere in the vast universe at least one person loved him.

Yes, this was the man Jack kept covered by the hard exteriour of the captain. Deep down, he was an insecure man -- he just hid it well, so well that in the end he had become the mask.

Jack closed his eyes, letting Ianto's words wash over him, clinging to each one. Lifting his head, Jack let Ianto burrow against him and Jack would have been lying if he said he wasn't trying to crawl just as close. "But I have to fix things," Jack said, once more speaking without thinking. "That's what I do. I fix things and I keep people safe." No, those weren't tears that slid down Jack's face, silently crying for the first time about an event that happened two thousand years in his past. "But I keep being reminded that I can't."

Congratulations Vas Captio -- you broke Jack Harkness.

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[info]madeinwales
2009-10-07 01:22 am UTC (link)
"No one expects that," Ianto murmured through new tears. Seeing Jack cry? Utterly undid Ianto all over again. Ianto pressed his cheek against Jack's and just hung on, nice and tight. "I don't expect it. I just expect you to be a man. Just ... just be Jack." Who was it that expected Jack to be other than that? What had happened to him that Jack ended up in tears like this? This was as horrible as Canary Wharf, in its way.

"Tell me," he murmured. "Tell me."

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[info]capt_harkness
2009-10-07 01:22 am UTC (link)
No one may have expected it, but it was what Jack demanded of himself. Jack clung to Ianto, stealing as much strength as he could from the other man. Jack was glad that Ianto wasn't commenting on his physical and/or mental state right now. He wasn't sure how he'd do being mocked for his fragile state.

"That is me," Jack said softly. "I'm supposed to fix it. Otherwise, what good is it to be immortal?"

Jack closed his eyes, not wanting to look at Ianto as he finally began to talk. "My home... where I grew up," Jack replied. "Reliving the day I couldn't follow a simple request and let my brother fall behind."

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[info]madeinwales
2009-10-07 01:23 am UTC (link)
How could Ianto mock Jack for his mental state when Ianto's state was just as bad? They were survivors of some horrible catastrophe, clinging together. This wasn't some silly game where Ianto could tease and get laughter back. Besides, he didn't feel too jolly at the moment.

He rubbed his cheek against Jack's, rasping a little with stubbly skin, and shivered against Jack. His hands coaxed Jack to continue, trembly and gentle, wiping away at Jack's tears.

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[info]capt_harkness
2009-10-07 01:24 am UTC (link)
Well, he could but that wasn't their sort. Not as strung out as both of them were on the emotional field right now. And really, any teasing would have re-created that shell around Jack and while he may have preferred that -- he also knew he had to at least open up to someone.

Jack closed his eyes, almost shuddering under Ianto's gentle touch. Normally (again with the normal-lys) Jack would have mocked Ianto for the stubble with a 'you're not getting anywhere near my tackle with stubble) but he stayed quiet.

Rolling away and staring up at the ceiling, Jack began to talk about things he'd never before said to another human being or alien. "I was fifteen. We lived under the constant threat of invasion. Never knowing when, just that it was coming." Jack snorted softly. "It's why Gray showed up with the anger he had. I let go of his hand. A simple instruction to keep him safe and I couldn't even do that." Jack reached for Ianto, then, pulling him in so that his head was resting on Jack's chest. Easier still, he didn't have to meet Ianto's eyes. "They sent me back there. And every time I tried to keep hold of him, I couldn't. And the creatures just ignored me." Jack's voice dropped to a whisper, delivering the last line though he would have sworn he only thought the words.

"And looking at my mum. Knowing she wished he'd have lived and I'd have died."

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[info]madeinwales
2009-10-07 01:24 am UTC (link)
Ianto listened quietly but attentively, curled up against Jack with his head pillowed on Jack's chest. "The ..," he took a moment to swallow, hard, "the Cybermen and the Daleks ignored me, too. I .. tried to .. distract them." By throwing himself at them. He couldn't live with going through the nightmare of caring for Lisa again, couldn't go through betraying Jack like that again. He wanted to break the cycle. But the cycle wouldn't let him, either.

His head came up rapidly at the last, though, eyes wide. "Oh, God," he murmured and reached to toss an arm across Jack, to hold him while they lay. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But I'm not sorry you lived." Ianto's voice was thick and sore but the words were as fervent as he could make them.

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[info]capt_harkness
2009-10-07 01:25 am UTC (link)
They needed this, they truly did. Jack hands skirted up and down Ianto's back idly, eyes looking at nothing in particular. What was it about this place that that decided to destroy them so completely? Was it a result of their conversation of the other day? The whole 'we're doing well here' -- so as a result the Management had to so completely fuck with them?

Jack swallowed, realising from Ianto's reaction that he had spoken aloud. He clenched his jaw, refusing to look at Ianto for a very long time. "She never said the words, but the way she asked where Gray was..." Jack closed his eyes, fingers running up Ianto's back to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. "Well, at least one person is. For the longest time I thought my immortality was a curse. Mocking me for letting Gray be taken."

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[info]madeinwales
2009-10-07 01:25 am UTC (link)
Ianto listened at the soft, edged words for a while, let Jack play with his hair for a while, just lay there for a while. He gave comfort without asking Jack a million questions, took comfort without offering answers. He really had none. All they could do now was bind up their wounds and be miserable together over the past.

After a while, he murmured, "As horrible at your curse is, without it I wouldn't know you. There is some good, then. I meant what I said, too. It's not so bad, here, because of you." They were eating granola and twinkies and there was no coffee and they were washing with rainwater Ianto caught in trash bins, but he wasn't miserable. Even with the mental wounds of Canary Wharf fresh in his mind.

It meant he'd be very jumpy for a while and have a tendency to look over his shoulder, but, this time, there was Jack. He was Ianto's meaning.

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[info]capt_harkness
2009-10-07 01:26 am UTC (link)
This was one of the many reasons that Jack loved Ianto as much as he did -- because Ianto never pressed Jack or made him talk about that which he didn't want to talk about. Right now, he'd said more than he ever thought he would and had no desire to speak about it anymore. At least, not now. Jack just wanted to curl up with his lover: to hold and to be held by him.

Jack closed his eyes, stiffening ever so slightly at Ianto's words. "And I wouldn't know you either," Jack said softly, kissing the top of Ianto's head. "But still... I still thought it was. And then when everything happened with Gray and John? I thought I'd accepted everything then I questioned it all again." Jack sighed, hands sliding down to gently rub Ianto's back. "Though, to be honest, if I had my way... I'd send you home if I could so you wouldn't have to go through all of this."

He took the comfort Ianto gave and pushed his own pain back down. Right now, he'd distract himself by taking care of Ianto. "How are you, lover? Truly."

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[info]madeinwales
2009-10-07 02:02 pm UTC (link)
To be held and to hold. That, there, felt like the best possible thing for all of this. The only thing better would be to be holed up in Jack's bunker, nice and safe and snug.

"If I could go back, I think I would, even if it meant leaving you here, behind. I could move heaven and earth to get you and the rest out of here from outside. I'd make UNIT help and the rest of the bloody world. I'd get you out." His arms tightened, though. He'd leave, if he could safely, but he wouldn't like it. Not one bit. The entire time he'd get little to no sleep, driving himself on until he got everyone safe again. Until he got Jack safe again.

How was he? Truly? Ianto sat for a moment, listening to Jack's heart beat and thinking about the question. How was he. He was drowning under guilt for a battle he had no choices in and wondering if it would have been best if those twenty eight survivors would have been better off casualties with the rest of the tower. The Doctor was right. Ianto hated that. "I'll be fine," he murmured. "We'll both be fine."

Repression was a lovely thing.

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