gladiolus amicitia (cupnoods) wrote in valloic, @ 2020-02-27 17:13:00 |
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Entry tags: | !: action/thread/log, ₴ inactive: gladiolus amicitia, ₴ inactive: noctis lucis caelum |
Log ➢ Gladio & Noctis
It had been days, but the conversation he'd had with Noctis still weighed heavy on Gladio's mind. The way his admission to his feelings regarding Ignis had come out hadn't exactly gone the way Gladio had thought it would. Though to be fair, he hadn't really given it that much thought. The fact he even had feelings for Ignis - for Prompto, for Noctis - had been something Gladio had worked hard to bury deep. He had an excuse list a mile long really. They'd been too young, it hadn't been the right time, they had other things to focus on, it wasn't proper, it would make their lives hard, etc, etc. A damn novel's worth of reasons why things should never be said. If it had just been a simple attraction, some fleeting thing, it would have been easier. Gladio had no doubt if it had been just that that he and Ignis couldn't have just fucked it out of their system and been done with it.
But it was so much more than that. It always had been. For all of them.
And therein was the problem.
Gladio had been honest, but he'd only been less than halfway there with it. It was that which bugged him more than anything as he thought back on the exchange. After all, hadn't they been trying not to do that anymore? Hadn't they been making an effort, here away from all the trappings of their old lives, to be more open about what they thought and felt.
Of course all that was easier said than done.
He rinsed the dish he'd been washing and passed it off to Noctis to dry. "Hey - I wanted to talk to you about something," Gladio said as he started in on the next dish.
Noctis could tell Gladio had been distracted for most of the night. It didn't bother him. They both could get like this sometimes—stuck in their own heads, trying to process and sort through problems before they finally managed to come around and talk about it. He knew all he had to do was be patient, so he waited it out, helping tackle dinner (which he did actually help cook, take that Ignis). He could sense that Gladio was ready to open up by the way his stance shifted slightly, and that ... that was a strange realization to have. Noctis had certainly known their bond was that close, but Gladio was the expert on body language. Still, it gave him a lot of satisfaction to know he could read his friend just as well as his friend could read him.
"Shoot," Noctis said, accepting the plate. His response might have been deceptively simple, but he was already angling himself toward Gladio so he could watch him while he dried the plate, clearly attentive. Not to mention intensely curious. He didn't have a clue where this was going to go, and didn't really bother trying to come up with possibilities. Whatever it was, Gladio didn't seem too upset, so it wasn't an emergency. Maybe it was about his estate?
From the floor, Umbra huffed, turning his head away from them to peer out into the rest of the apartment. Noctis smiled a little. This was all very domestic. Not that he'd know what domestic really looked like beyond movies and TV shows. Neither of them had been reared in anything resembling a normal family environment.
Gladio, surprisingly, found himself kind of zen about the whole thing. He knew it should be a terrifying prospect. To put out oh by the way I'm in love with you there in the open. Especially without any idea whether those feelings were returned, and even if they were if it was something either of them were actually prepared to explore. But it was the little things that settled his nerves on it. The deceptively simple reply, the ease in which they just fit into each other's space that Gladio honestly couldn't imagine much anything changing. The fact that he trusted Noctis implicitly to take what he was about to say and, even if nothing was returned, still hold that in high regard. And more so, to not hold it against Gladio. To have it be out there and maybe not even change a thing other than now he knew.
While Gladio had picked up a good many things on his friends over the years, this was one area he remained mostly clueless though. At least when it came to Noctis. He'd long since known Ignis dated men exclusively, he knew Prompto was like him and liked people more than a gender. Noctis however - Noct was mostly a mystery. Of course when Prompto had quickly and unconditionally become a staple of Noct's life, Gladio had wondered. But that had never seemed to more than what it remained. He knew Noctis loved them fiercely, but whether that meant he wanted any of them was a whole other thing.
Still though, there were moments that tugged at him. Sparked that all too dangerous hope that maybe he wasn't reading into something that wasn't there. The odd look Noctis would throw his way, the touches, the sheer domesticity that he held dear too.
"The other day, when we talked about Ignis - " and really, there was only one conversation he could be talking about there. "I wasn't completely upfront with you." Gladio set the next dish in the empty half of the sink and turned to lean against the counter as he looked over at Noctis. "It's not just Iggy I have feelings for." Baby steps maybe? Hey I have feelings for more than one person before dropping it on Noctis that one of those people was him.
For a long moment, Noctis said nothing. His face said it all, really, or at least to anyone who knew him very well. Brow pinched, eyes slightly narrowed, it was a look of intense concentration more than confusion, although he certainly felt confused. This whole thing—romance, relationships, sex—never really made much sense to him. He'd known that was strange since he was a kid. Luna, Six bless her, had been so patient with him when he'd tentatively asked a few questions in their letters to each other, but that's as far as Noctis had ever really gotten to discovering what he was, or at least what he lacked. He was different, though. Yet another strange thing about him to add to a laundry list of other bizarre and unusual traits. It used to make him uncomfortable to think about, highly aware of Prompto's innuendo-laden jokes and frequently confused by some of the things his friends talked about. The fact that Gladio liked more than one person was ... It was ... It was kind of skirting close to something he'd tried to bury for a very, very long time.
So he cleared his throat. "Isn't ... that how sexual attraction works?" Noctis ventured, knowing Gladio would recognize the fact that he was being entirely genuine. He truly didn't know the answer to this. It had only been a short time ago that he'd been forced to think about this again at all, really. Emerging from the Crystal, Noctis was a shell of his former self, a walking vessel with a human face, barely able to scrape together the pieces of who he'd been in the wake of spending ten years being hollowed out. It took another full year in Vallo for Noctis to feel anything other than numb most of the time, and now, with Gladio basically all but moved into his apartment save for the few times they actually managed to separate from each other, things were beginning to awaken in him again. Feelings he'd only started grappling with at twenty when the world was literally falling apart.
"I mean," he started, then stopped. "Actually, no, you go." Noctis chuckled a little, and ran a hand through his hair from the back, an old habit despite not having the same haircut he used to as a kid. "Finish your thought, man. We'll go from there." Why was his heart starting to beat so fast? He forced air into his lungs and blew it out slowly, focusing on Gladio's eyes. That amber gaze had always calmed him, even when they were kids. It was probably a strange thought, but they were strange people.
He just stood quietly as Noctis gathered his thoughts. The idea of pushing Noct to get there faster of course didn't cross his mind. This was just - how it was. And he was fine with it. While they'd both had some freedom growing up in regards to relationships and all of that, Gladio knew he'd had more. It'd been easier for him to sort all that out when he was younger and he knew that wasn't the case for Noctis. He was fine being patient as Noctis clearly needed to navigate his thoughts about all of this.
He smiled a little as the old fidget appeared. It was somehow more adorable on Noctis then than it had been back when he'd had the hair to hide behind. Funny how the more things changed, these little things still stayed the same.
He shifted his weight a little and shrugged. "My thought kind of ties into your thought?" he offered. Or question he supposed.
Gladio had never really been shy about talking about what he liked, or didn't. So this wasn't necessarily hard for him. Of course being in love with three people wasn't exactly something he knew was the norm, and while he did have moments of does this just make me some selfish asshole, he'd mostly come to terms with it. In a vague sort of not like it's going to be a thing anyways way. His real concern laid with making sure he didn't completely overwhelm Noctis with all that rattled around in his mind over all of this.
"It's different for everyone," he started with, because he knew Noctis. He knew that if Noctis viewed anything about himself as different that he hyper focused on that. And Gladio didn't want that for him. "For me - yeah, the sexual attraction part, I got that with more than one person, sometimes at the same time."
Gladio had never really dated. His life had never really had room for that and he had been fine with that. It wouldn't have been fair either he realized early on, to try to be in a relationship with someone and not be able to be all in. Instead he'd fallen into casual little flings - physical but not necessarily that emotional outside of having fun. "Sex and emotion to me never really went hand in hand - but that's not something that works for everyone," that last part pointed toward Noctis. Not that Noctis was alone in that, Gladio knew a lot of people who couldn't and wouldn't seperate the two.
He shifted his weight. "But uh - beyond that," he continued. "There's only ever been…" he trailed off, paused. Wondered if what he was about to say would be as painfully obvious as he felt it was. "Well, three people. For a long time, and even still."
Noctis leaned against the counter, a strange sort of peace sweeping over him when Gladio didn't seem bothered by his vague question. It actually made him smile a little too, if briefly. There was something so comforting about the fact that they could have serious discussions like this without any threat to their friendship. Nothing could possibly shake it. The foundations went too deep, and they'd experienced too much together. Noctis was loyal to Gladio until the end, and he had been, as much as he possibly could in the face of the price he'd been asked to pay. He hoped his friend knew how much he loved him, and now dearly he cherished every moment together. Even the confusing ones like now.
He fell silent again, quietly processing what Gladio was sharing. The idea of separating sex and emotions was a completely foreign idea to Noctis, but he appreciated how his friend framed it: everyone was different, so he could be different too, and still be normal. That was a nice thought, reassurance he hadn't known he'd needed. "Okay," he ventured, slowly, tentatively. "So you have the emotion part for more than just Iggy." Or did he feel sexual and emotional attraction for their mutual friend? Noctis didn't ask that. It seemed a little too invasive, especially since this felt distinctly like Gladio had more to say, and all of it would be important.
Three people.
Three people.
Even he couldn't miss what that meant.
Still, it sunk in slowly, warm like steeping tea, and Noctis found himself nodding before he'd even really thought anything beyond, "Yeah," he said out loud, his voice gone a little husky. "Same for me." There was more to it, of course, and he felt like he owed Gladio some kind of an explanation if only to clear the air, but the surety of that—his feelings not just being normal, but returned—left him smiling as he gazed up at his friend with all the love and affection he possessed. "Guess this means the kids were right," Noctis said after a beat, and okay, maybe that was an attempt at breaking the tension a little. He half-laughed at himself, blushing, but still very much pleasantly surprised. And once he was sure it seemed like Gladio might be receptive, he reached over to hold his hand. A simple gesture, but one he very much wanted to initiate right now.
Did he still feel a little guilty about potentially causing Gladio more harm when he eventually left this place? Yes. Absolutely. That might never entirely go away. But in this moment, Noctis felt blissfully content, and he wanted to cling to that for as long as he could.
Gladio if given even half an hour could have come up with a list of a hundred plus reasons why being honest with Noctis about feelings was a Bad Idea. But as the admission sat between them all he felt was relief. Maybe it didn't change a damn thing, and he'd he fine with that, but at least it was out there. And after decades of holding onto what he felt it was like a giant weight being lifted from his shoulders.
The same for me though? Well that was more than Gladio could have hoped for and he couldn't stop the warm smile that spread across his face at that. Not that he'd want to. He had wondered over the years. Replayed conversations in his head, reflected on times he'd catch Noctis just looking at him - or Ignis or Prompto - and could have sworn there was something there. But whatever he thought he might have glimpsed over the years paled in comparison to the way Noctis looked at him then, and Gladio had no doubt his own expression was much the same.
"Yeah, I guess they were" he replied with a soft laugh of his own. "If a bit ahead of even us." Not that he entirely blamed them for jumping to the conclusion they had. His and Noctis' friendship had always been incredibly close and intense, easy to misconstrue as something else, especially for people who didn't know the history behind it.
He let Noctis take his hand and gave Noct's a squeeze. Not dropping that contact, Gladio turned to face Noctis and brought his free hand up to cup the side of his face. His gaze was warm as he looked at Noctis, full of love and affection, no longer trying to hide the depth of either. "This doesn't have to change anything, okay?" Of course it did, how could it not? But still. "If you're not wanting that, or if you're not ready for that - I get it." And he he did, he would never push Noctis into anything he wasn't ready for. "I'm more than happy to just - keep doing what we're doing," which really was relationship enough to have others convinced they were dating if not more. They spent most of their free time together, they cuddled on the couch watching movies, they had dinner together… it was enough for Gladio. More than enough. "I just wanted you to know how I felt."
It hadn't occurred to Noctis until fairly recently that he'd been desperate for Gladio to look at him like he was looking now. He thought he'd caught it before, little flashes of something more, something deeper, but then they were gone and he was left wondering. Mostly about why it meant so much to him that his friend gazed at him, and why he kept inserting himself directly between Gladio and his latest object of affection. That was still a little embarrassing, even if he'd been a kid at the time, jealous and struggling not to be. Now, though, his stomach swooped, and he smiled a bit, so very eager to cling to this and explore it but still needing to get one thing out of the way before he did.
"I always used to think this was bad," Noctis ventured, because they were being honest now, and he wanted this all out on the table. No more secrets. "I didn't let myself think about what this might be, just that I couldn't ask more of you. I'd already asked so much." Everything. Gladio's entire life had been dedicated to Noctis—he'd been born for him, trained for him, bonded to him, left his home for him, went through hell for him. To ask for his heart still felt a little wrong to Noctis. And that worried him, his face lined with it as he searched Gladio's eyes. "Are you sure this is okay? And be honest. If you need time to figure that out, you have it. Everything you need."
It was sweet, then, that Gladio would offer something similar to him. Noctis smiled again, this time tinged with amusement, and took the opportunity to nuzzle that hand. He listened to his friend (and what were they now? He dismissed the thought), not making any attempt to interrupt despite his increasing amusement and intense fondness. "Yeah, uh, that's very sweet and all," Noctis replied, and turned his head to press a kiss to the center of Gladio's palm. Then his fingers. Then his knuckles. "But I'm demi. It might've taken me a while to get there, but I'm definitely interested in the physical part if you are. For the record."
He took a moment to just gaze up at Gladio, savoring that look on him and reaching up to tuck a stray thread of hair behind his ear. "I'd kiss you right now, but I don't have a step ladder in the armiger," Noctis said dryly, enjoying the fact that he could openly flirt with him now and not have to worry about—well, anything. They were almost normal. What a concept.
Gladio had swung between it being wildly complicated and wildly simple over the years. Complicated in that while it wasn't unheard of for a monarch to engage in an intimate relationship with their retainers, it wasn't exactly encouraged either. Frowned upon even in certain circles. And put in the absolutely not under any circumstances box by his father (and wasn't that an awkward conversation for a teenage boy to have with his father). Complicated because it was his duty to protect Noctis. From everything that would seek to do him harm, including himself. How could he juggle that and being with Noctis - something that had the potential to cause Noctis harm from time to time. After all, their respective stubborn streaks really only found a match in each other. What if all of this just simply burst bright and fizzled away, leaving them to pick up the pieces.
Simple though because deep down, Gladio knew it wouldn't. How could it.
Simple because Noctis was one of the only people Gladio could see his life with. A love that was not based on just some fleeting attraction but built up on a foundation that had been put in place literally from the moment Noctis had been born. Carved in all those afternoons spent training, talking, just existing in each other's space. How even now, without the magic of a bond between them, Gladio still felt it. As though he was itrinstincly tied to Noctis in such a fundamental way that even death hadn't severed it. How he knew it wasn't a coincidence that thinking of home as he left the murder house had brought him here. To Noctis.
"Everything I am is yours, Noct," he spoke, his gaze steady on Noctis and his voice unwavering. "Not because you asked it, or our positions in life asked it, but because I want to give it" he assured. "All of that is a world away and it changed nothing." Who they had been would never truly leave them. It had been ingrained in them for far too long, but it wasn't ordered here. It wasn't expected. It was, for the first time in their lives, truly a choice to be with each other. And Gladio still chose it.
He shook his head a little. "I don't want to keep wasting time with you, not when we finally have it" he answered. They'd already lost so much. He knew it wasn't as easy as that though, that maybe there'd be points where one of them might need to take a step back temporarily, or to put a pause for a bit. They both had more demons than anyone should have and Gladio wasn't naive enough to think changing their relationship would magically solve all their problems. But he had enough faith in their relationship to believe they could start to heal - together. That they would be patient and understanding of all they'd been through.
Gladio's breath caught slightly as Noctis pressed those kisses to his hand, watching Noctis intently as he did. "Yeah," he started, his tone a little rougher than it had been before, "also interested - for the record."
The step ladder comment got a soft laugh out of him and he easily lifted Noctis to sit on the edge of the countertop. And while maybe it wasn't a huge difference, it did bring them at least a little more level. "Better?" he asked, a brow raised and the challenge very evident in his voice as he looked down at Noctis. He curled a hand behind Noctis' neck, fingers slipping into the strands of hair there. But he didn't make a move to go further. They were nothing if not a constant challenge posed to the other back and forth, so why change now.
"And everything I am is yours, too," Noctis replied immediately, not rushed, but slow, measured, certain in a way he'd so rarely felt in his life. So much was expected of them, but that was over now. Mostly. And they were still just as dedicated to one another. While it didn't entirely surprise Noctis, he did blink through a few tears, a smile blooming across his face. "I love you," he said, almost hushed. It was still a little staggering, finally articulating what he'd held so close to his chest for so long. But it felt right. Noctis sucked in a sharp, shaky breath, reaching up to cradle Gladio's face. "I'm in love with you, Gladio," he clarified, because like hell he was going to let this go unsaid. He didn't want to stop saying it.
It almost felt strange to be this happy. Noctis couldn't remember the last time he'd felt quite this much to begin with—not since his time in the Crystal, though it had come close when Nyx arrived in Vallo, and especially when Gladio followed a few months later. Sometimes, when they were curled up with each other on the couch, the TV all but glorified background noise, Noctis could feel parts of his old self returning, bit by bit, however strange that was to think about. They would heal together because Noctis was already healing.
But they didn't have to think about that right then. They could leave it for another day, because Gladio's breath was catching, and he was gazing at Noctis with that Look. What he wouldn't give to hear him sound like that all the time. "Lucky for me," Noctis replied, a smirk curling his mouth. So what if he felt a little confident? It was still tinged with love and amusement like it always was. He faltered a bit, though, when he was unceremoniously lifted onto the counter. "Show off," he muttered, not at all commenting on the fact that the move had actually sent a spike of heat down his spine.
Not that he was in any rush. "Yeah. Better," Noctis agreed, his own voice husky now. He simply took his time gazing up at Gladio, dragging his hand along his forearm, petting lightly. It felt nice, letting this heat between them simmer. Exploring each other. And even when Noctis leaned in to steal a kiss, it was too soft, too brief, before he leaned back again, amusement sparkling in his eyes. Definitely another challenge.
It felt like everything finally clicking into place. Gladio felt like he had spent a lifetime being in sync with Noctis while simultaneously being out of step. And now - with their respective confessions laid bare between them - if felt like all those little pieces had finally come together. All those missteps and frustrations they'd had over the years that he'd always wondered if were born out of them feeling things they didn't know if they even should feel in the first place, or how to even begin to articulate them. But now it was out in the open, as it should have been years ago though Gladio tried hard not to sink into the thoughts of all the time they had wasted. They were here now and that was all that mattered. They were slowly putting themselves back together bit by bit with nothing but love between them and that was worth more than Gladio would ever be able to say.
He didn't rush Noctis in this, like Noct simply enjoying the moment. One that was so quiet and so simple in the wake of the lives they'd led, but perfect. Meaningful in so many ways, standing on all that history that existed between them but existing outside of it at the same time. For the first time in their lives being allowed the luxury of choosing what it was between them. Knowing it didn't change a damn thing was one of the greatest revelations of Gladio's life.
That kiss, as all too brief as it was, meant more than any that had come before it and absolutely grew that spark of heat that had settled into him - want and love in equal measure as he took in Noctis' expression afterward. "Brat," he teased, though there wasn't even the smallest hint of any real bite behind the word. No, it was all affection and heat as he rose to the challenge posed and leaned in.
Gladio brushed his lips against Noctis', as soft as Noctis had given at first. For a moment before he splayed his hand flat against Noct's back and pulled him in as he stepped in closer between Noct's legs, his other hand still cradling the back of Noctis' head. He deepened the kiss, that first brief exchange waking up that hunger that had laid simmering beneath the surface for so long now. As though he could make up for decades of not kissing Noctis senseless at every available moment in that one kiss.
And when he pulled back he didn't go far. His forehead against Noctis', his thumb reaching to brush against his lower lip. His eyes dark and heavy lidded. "I'm in love with you too, Noctis," he said, his voice rough with emotion. "I've been in love with you - I don't even know - always maybe," in whatever form in love took at that particular moment in time. "Always will be."
This could very easily get out of hand. Noctis was surprised to discover that, mostly because he'd lived so much of his life uninterested in anything having to do with sex. Sure, he'd thought about kissing his friends, but the idea of it was still abstract, just an extension of the depth of his love for all of them. It was a need to express his affection when so much of his left had been planned and scheduled down to the minute. Even the road trip had been orchestrated, a larger, looming task he couldn't escape from. This, here with Gladio right now, was everything he'd so desperately wanted. They were choosing this, together, and it felt wildly reckless and therefore incredible.
Except Gladio was a little too good at this. It didn't intimidate Noctis, not quite yet, because he was mostly distracted by the rush of desire that shivered through him. "You like it," he countered, a glint in his eyes. He did, actually, have a sneaking suspicion Gladio really enjoyed being hassled. It was something he could tease him about now, something that was theirs. And wasn't that a nice thought: theirs. Together. No one telling them what they had to be and how to act. Although he was pretty sure his ancestors were rolling in their graves right now.
He made a soft noise when Gladio tugged him closer, not quite surprised, but definitely interested. "Rude," Noctis breathed, smirking against the ensuing kiss. And hell, was that a kiss. It was impossible not to respond to it, not to moan into it, his fingers winding their way into Gladio's hair so he could hold him there for a moment. Noctis wanted to savor every ounce of this, even when the kiss finally broke and Gladio rested their foreheads together.
"Cool," he breathed, then a chuckle escaped, amusement and longing and affection all wrapped into it. He knew Gladio would understand. He always did. Noctis shifted to press a kiss to his cheek then, teasing. "That's really, really cool." And if he spent the rest of the night stealing kisses, well. It couldn't be helped. His heart was soaring with the knowledge they felt the same, and the future was looking brighter than it ever had before.