βοηηιε βεηηεττ (impsychicnow) wrote in valloic, @ 2021-11-02 17:55:00 |
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Entry tags: | !: action/thread/log, ₴ inactive: bonnie bennett, ₴ inactive: stefan salvatore |
It was Mystic Falls, so Stefan knew it wasn’t good. Their lives had really just been one disaster after another for years. Yet he’d been genuinely surprised to realize just how uncomfortable Bonnie seemed to be around him now. He’d be lying if he said it hadn’t hurt a little. They’d never been especially close, but he’d still considered her a friend. At least she was willing to talk with him. That was a step in the right direction.
Entering the shop a little earlier than their scheduled meeting time, he headed over to the counter and ordered a black coffee for himself. He waffled for a moment over whether or not to order something for Bonnie as well, but ultimately decided to wait. They definitely weren’t in a ordering coffee for each other kind of place right now.
Accepting his cup from the barista, Stefan found a table far enough away from the other patrons that he and Bonnie could speak without worry of being overheard. He settled down in a chair and people watched while waiting for the chime above the door to signal his companion’s arrival.
This was a conversation Bonnie never thought she would have, but once Stefen arrived she knew it would only be a matter of time. She did her best to be civil, but reverting to the friendship they had established before….everything, that wasn’t something she was capable of doing. Polite was as good as she was getting. Which meant it was only a matter of time before Stefan noticed and probably asked questions.
She’d told Sirius where she was going, not because she expected to have any trouble, but because her mood had shifted once Stefan had contacted her and he deserved to know why. Luckily, Samhain, followed by Ronan and Adam’s wedding on the 1st kept her busy and her mind distracted. With Sirius and the twins around, it was easier.
Bonnie arrived just a few minutes before their meeting time, and was not surprised to find Stefan already there and seated. She waved to let him know she saw him, and then stepped into line to place her coffee order. It took a few minutes, but soon she was headed to the table to join him. She set her mug on the table, dropped her bag over the chair, and then sat down. “Hey.” she said with a small smile. “How’s your day going?” Spotting Bonnie, Stefan gave her a small smile and returned the wave. He took a sip of his drink then a few deep breaths to try and keep his nerves steady. He knew the type of things he was capable of, and while he wanted to believe he’d never actively do anything to hurt Bonnie, clearly he’d done something. The anticipation of waiting to hear what exactly that was had him feeling a little jittery.
He’d meant it when he’d told her that he was just here to listen today. It wasn’t like he had the ability to argue his case anyway, given he hadn’t experienced any of it. He just wanted to know what had happened, and hopefully take some time to process it. Then, if he was lucky, they could figure a way to deal with it. And if that meant keeping his distance from Bonnie and her family wherever possible, then he’d do that for her.
“Hey,” Stefan replied as she joined him. “It’s been good. Nothing exciting, but that’s definitely the way I prefer it. How about you?”
“Calmer today than the last several weeks.” She said with a casual shrug. Admittedly, she had no idea how to go about this. She didn’t have to articulate what happened to Stefan the last time she had seen him, because he had experienced it. Now she had to find a way to tell him the story without getting lost in the emotions that would forever be there. The anger, the hurt, the pain. She’d found a way to live with them, but this was going to be a new test.
She wasn’t here to exchange pleasantries though. Bonnie didn’t think she could keep that up for long anway.
“Are you sure you want to know this?” Bonnie asked, leaning forward on her table, hands clasped around her cup. “You’re not going to like what I have to say.”
Stefan’s stomach clenched involuntarily at her words. No, he wasn’t sure. And he belatedly realized it was unfair of him to ask Bonnie to relive it just so he could understand. He sighed and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck to try and relieve some of the tension that had suddenly appeared there.
“I feel like it’s important that I know, especially if I won’t like it. I know it won’t change anything for you, and it certainly won’t make things better. But there’s the chance that I can learn from it here and hopefully avoid making the same mistakes again.”
It was hard to know where to even start with the whole thing. So she supposed she might as well start at the heart of it. At least her own heart of it. “Enzo St. John.” Bonnie was fairly certain Stefan knew about Enzo in the time he was from. Though he wouldn’t know her history with him. “Once I got back to the land of the living from the prison world, Enzo stuck around. For entirely terrible reasons, but he did. After some time- years- we grew closer.” There was a whole lot that went down in that time period. A lot that would impact Stefan. Lily, Sarah, the Armory. She wasn’t going to get into all of that now though.
“We ended up together.” she said with a shrug. “I loved him. More than I can accurately put into words. I was going to marry him. There was never a formal engagement or anything, but we had plans. We even had the cure, the version from the prison world. He was going to take it.” She had imagined their entire life together. Their home, their kids, growing old, everything. Though with everyone wanting to use the cure on Cade, those plans likely would have ended up changing.
“Anyway, there was the latest big bad threatening Mystic Falls. Damon was in trouble. You wanted to help him.” Which was pretty standard, the Salvatores were either trying to kill or save each other. “So you took a deal. I’ll save you the details, unless you really want to know everything. But the point is part of this deal was turning off your humanity.” That in itself probably told Stefan a lot, because without his humanity things never went well.
“You without your humanity decided that you were going to kill me. Killing me was just eliminating one more obstacle, I guess. But when you found me, I was with Enzo, and we didn’t know you were there. Enzo had his back to you, and you came up behind him and…” she faltered for a second, eyes dropping down to the drink, which was still untouched. The memory of Enzo dying was going to be forever burned in her mind. “Future you killed him, because he was physically standing between the two of us. Ripped his heart in front of me. I didn’t have my magic at the time.” So there was no loophole, there was no bringing back, she didn’t have a hope of getting him back that time around.
Of all the places for this to start, Stefan was truly surprised that it was Enzo. His brow creased slightly in confusion, but he kept quiet and continued to listen without comment. He did his best to stay entirely focused on her story, but there was a part of his mind that was just waiting for the phrase ”turning off your humanity” to be said. When it happened, he felt a strange mixture of relief and complete horror. He knew exactly what he was capable of when he didn’t have his humanity. He could already see exactly where her story was going as soon as she said it. Still, he continued to listen without saying a word. The knot in his stomach tightened with each passing second.
He felt sick. His face burned with shame and he had to look away. He stared at one of the exposed brick walls while his vision went slightly out of focus. He didn’t need to question it or ask for any additional information. Stefan knew how his mind worked without the balance of his humanity, and he knew what he would do in order to save Damon. It wasn’t an excuse, it was just the way things were. And yet again, “the way things were” seemed to hurt Bonnie more than any of them.
Stefan was disgusted with himself and felt nauseous. The fact that Bonnie was even here and talking to him instead of telling him to fuck off was practically unimaginable to him. He looked back down at the table for a moment before he finally forced himself to look at her again.
“Thank you for telling me,” he said softly. “I know it wasn’t fair to ask you to go through it all again. What I did to you is honestly unforgivable, regardless of the circumstances. It’s not something that I would ever expect you to move past. Frankly, the fact that you’ve even spoken to me at all since I arrived here is more than I deserve.” He twisted his hands together in his lap.
“Before this morning, I think I had some stupidly lofty ideals that we could maybe work through things to be friends again. But I won’t ask that of you. All I can say at this moment, inadequate though it may be, is that I am so sorry. You won’t have to see or talk to me again after today.”
If the situation wasn’t one of the worst things she had ever experienced, Bonnie might have laughed at his statement. In some situations their entire social circle was a toxic mess. As much as she missed some people from home, her life had been better since leaving Mystic Falls. They hurt each other, continuously, then forgave each other, and hurt each other more. Nearly every single one of them had done something that could be argued as being terrible, something a real friend would never do. Bonnie herself became best friends with Damon and Elena had ended up in love with him, despite his history with Caroline. Caroline had gone on to marry Stefan, despite what Stefan had done. It was a vicious cycle. It was also one she didn’t think would ever truly end.
“We both know that’s not going to happen, Stefan. We’re both in Caroline’s life, and that’s not going to change.” Their lives were intertwined, it had just been easier for Bonnie to ignore when it had just been Caroline and herself from their circle, if you wanted to call it that.
Bonnie had no idea what she wanted from the situation, if anything at all. Could they work though it? She didn’t know. It wasn’t like this Stefan had done the things in Bonnie’s memory. But the future version of him did, and it had completely changed her life forever. It had altered how she approached threats and changed her perspective on what was going ‘too far’ to keep people safe. “I know you as you are now won’t do anything to hurt me or my family.” But Stefan without his humanity? He would, and Bonnie wouldn't hesitate to take action. “But I can’t go through something like that again. I won’t survive it. Understand that I will do anything to keep them safe.”
Of course Bonnie would be the pragmatic one. Stefan could make all the grand statements he wanted, but it wouldn’t change the fact that because of Caroline, they’d be bound to run into each other at least once in a while. Though he was still determined to keep those interactions as minimal as possible for her sake.
He nodded solemnly and studied her face as she spoke. “I do understand, and if there’s anything that I can do to help give you any peace of mind about their safety, I’ll do it. A spell, wards, whatever.” He was willing to give her whatever she needed to keep them safe from any version of him.
With his stomach roiling, Stefan very much regretted choosing a coffee place to meet. He’d be heading out the door and into the nearest bar as soon as they were done talking.
Whatever steps she could take for her family's safety, she had already taken them. That was long before Stefan showed up. This place, despite being better than Mystic Falls, was still dangerous. “The only thing I want you to do is keep your humanity on.”
Because despite everything, she wasn’t going to tell him how to live his life here in Vallo. That wasn’t her place. Especially since this was a version of Stefan that hadn’t done those things. The Bonnie from this Stefan’s time would look at him and consider him a friend. She didn’t know what he was now, but she did know there were too many ties to connecting them to make anything simple.
“And don’t do anything that might hurt Caroline. She loves you.” That was pretty much all she could or would ask for. The rest she was perfectly prepared to take care of herself. In some cases she already had, even if she hadn’t been obvious about it.
“Of course,” he nodded in agreement. “I want it to stay on as much as anyone. It’s not easy knowing what I’m capable of when I’m like that. But it is something I take seriously.”
Elbow on the table, Stefan pressed a hand against his mouth as he still worked to process everything they’d discussed. He may not have experienced it like she had, but he’d carry it with him, nonetheless.
“I love her too. And I know she’s been through a lot since the last time we were both together. I won’t do anything to hurt her.” He met Bonnie’s eyes again, his expression earnest. “I’m glad you found happiness here. You deserve it a hundred times over, and your family is really lucky to have you.”
He stood then. “I should probably go. I’ve got a lot to process, and you shouldn’t have to waste your day with that.” He pressed his lips together awkwardly, unsure of what else to say at that point. There weren’t enough sorries in the world to express his regret. He shoved his hands inside of his jacket pockets just for something to do.
That was all she could ask for, so Bonnie nodded, standing up shortly after Stefan did. She had several things she could be doing, including getting to her shop, grading papers, and prepping for lessons.
Her coffee was still untouched, but she left it as is. It was probably getting cold now anyway. She probably should have got it in a to-go cup to heat it up again later, when she was able to untwist herself from all of this again. She grabbed her purse and sung it over her shoulder, then fixed her hair.
At one point she would have moved to hug Stefan. Instead she offered him a small smile that definitely did not reach her eyes. “See you around, Stefan.” Turning, Bonnie headed out of the coffee shop, intending on getting to the shop to get some work done.