They had been living in Morningside for nearly a week. Sabrina hadn’t said much, alternating between laying in the bed and on the couch. It had been a vicious circle of trying not to sleep and then being pulled into nightmares whenever exhaustion eventually won out. But she’d finally talked to Ambrose, which had thankfully gone better than trying to talk to Dan. There hadn’t been much of a conversation with the latter, something that Salem still liked to throw in her face. The conversation with her cousin had been difficult, one that had ripped open a lot of wounds, but she knew the one she needed to have with Nick was going to be a lot harder.
She needed to have it though, preferably before they headed back to the mortuary. She was almost ready to try that out. The weight of everything was still heavy but it wasn’t as completely overwhelming as it had been earlier in the week. There had been a lot left unsaid between them though, words she hadn’t been ready to dive deep into. His presence had helped tremendously, something to anchor herself onto when she felt like she was drowning.
“Hey,” Sabrina offered up as she headed out of the bedroom, still in her pajamas and ignoring Salem’s comments about that.
"Hey," Nick said, treading lightly even in greeting her. A couple days before he'd suggested talking, but she hadn't been ready yet, so now he'd stepped back, allowing her to take the lead. "I made coffee. And we have orange juice if you want something to drink? Water?" He'd been waiting until she was out of the bedroom to contemplate breakfast.
He was also still in pajamas, not at all minding that, his hair still mussed from sleep. But he'd been awake for a while now, having settled into a casual routine over the last week.
“Orange juice sounds good,” she told him as she made her way over, sliding onto one of the stools at the kitchen island. “Do we have any leftovers?” She hadn’t eaten much over the last few days but she found that she was starving now. That had to be a good sign, right? The thought of food had made her stomach churn before, but she’d take whatever they had left in the fridge.
Sabrina realized she had absolutely no idea what all they even had in it. Had Nick gone out for groceries before? He must have. She was pretty sure she’d seen him eating. And the familiars would have needed food. Plus she remembered the casserole Dan had a brought over. And a milkshake--but she’d made that disappear into the ether.
"Nothing that's going to taste good with orange juice," Nick commented, smiling slightly. He poured her a glass anyway before filling another glass with water, and looking in the fridge for anything he could reheat easily. "Pizza, casserole, or I could make a sandwich, or toast and eggs, or whatever you want."
Whatever got her eating, as he'd been trying for a week.
He wasn’t kidding when he said that none of the options would really taste good with her preferred drink choice. The pizza and casseroles sounded a little too heavy even if she was hungry. “Can we have eggs and toast?” she asked, before taking a sip of her juice.
It wasn’t quite the freshly squeezed kind but it still tasted delicious after drinking only water for the last few days. “And I can help make it.” He shouldn’t have to do everything for her.
Nick walked around to where Sabrina was seated, gave her a quick kiss and then told her to stay seated, he was cooking breakfast. Which was eggs and toast so not even that grand. "How would you like your eggs?" he asked, happy that she actually had an appetite, and that he could make himself useful.
She frowned at that but did as he’d said, leaning forward on her elbows as she watched him move around in the kitchen. He was definitely better than her at cooking, which was probably why he’d done better at the potions part when they had been competing for Top Boy. Remembering that competition back in their own world brought about a fresh reminder that they hadn’t been able to compete again the next year. Nor would they be able to celebrate Lupercalia again like they had said they would.
At least not back there.
Sabrina took a deep breath, nails digging into her palms as she looked down at the island. “Scrambled would be good.”
They could do those things in Vallo though, and so much more. She just had to keep reminding herself of that.
Breakfast was easy, toast and eggs didn't take long and Sabrina was finally eating, so Nick considered that a win. He'd take any sign of normalcy, because he knew the situation they were dealing with was anything but, but life kept moving on too.
Which was one major difference between Vallo and home.
"How are you?" he asked finally.
Sabrina didn’t know how to answer that question and pushed at her eggs with her fork before picking up one of the pieces of toast. She shrugged and then frowned, knowing that wasn’t a good answer, and she didn’t want to keep any sort of wall up around Nick. They’d promised they would talk to one another about things.
“I don’t know.” She looked over at him. “I don’t feel like I’m…” Her voice choked on the word, not quite able to say drowning when she remembered what he’d done back home. She set the piece of toast down, not liking how her hands had started trembling.
“It’s not as heavy as it was.”
Okay, maybe deciding Sabrina was eating was premature. Nick frowned and walked over to her, setting his plate down on the counter next to hers before taking her hands which were indeed shaking. He looked at her and sighed. "Sorry Spellman, I should have waited."
She squeezed his hands when he took hold of hers, letting his presence help to soothe her. Except now that she’d thought about his fate, she couldn’t quite seem to stop thinking about it. “Why, Nick?” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop herself. “I wanted to see you again but not. Not like that. Not because of that.”
After a few centuries, when he’d lived a long and happy life. Not a handful of days after she’d met her own fate.
Nick nodded, meeting Sabrina's eyes. "Listen, Sabrina. I'm not who you saw … wherever we were." That part had confused him, and had reminded him of the void. "Alright? I'm not okay with what I did, and it terrifies me that I was, somehow. That you were, somehow."
Because that was not a future he wanted, and he knew it wasn't what she wanted either. "We're on the same page there, Spellman. Okay?" His grip tightened slightly, as he thought about what he'd do if she disappeared, and how he'd have to find the will to keep going, but in Vallo, there was always the possibility for returning. He'd wrestled with that since he'd received his own memories, the shame of his actions a crushing weight on his shoulders as well his failure to understand how he had no regrets in his memories.
She didn’t understand how they could feel so differently than how they’d thought in that place. Maybe it had something to do with being there. She hadn’t raged against it or even tried to find a way out and Sabrina was pretty sure that’s what she would have normally done. Maybe it had a way of pacifying them, of twisting their reactions to be more gentle than what they were feeling now. She wasn’t sure but hearing him say he wasn’t okay with what he’d done, that they were on the same page here helped to ease a bit of the worry that she hadn’t been able to shake,
They had no say in whether they stayed or left Vallo and she didn’t want him going down that dark path again if she disappeared tomorrow. She wanted him to live. “I don’t understand anything that happened in that place.” She wasn’t even sure how she’d gotten there.
“But good, Nick.” She squeezed his hands one more time. “I know we don’t have a say here and it was hard to even think about any of it earlier...but I do want an actual future with you. One that spans centuries.”
Nick nodded. "I want that too. Which means I'm going to need you to eat something so I stop worrying."
Sabrina nodded at that before turning her attention back to her plate and finishing off the toast. The eggs were going to take a little more time but she was still working her way through them. There was something else she’d been wondering and had slowly been piecing together over the last few days.
“You got a memory update when I went to the past, didn’t you?” It explained so much if that was the case.
He'd told her that already, but that had been the day of, and she had been so listless and distraught that it didn't surprise him at all she didn't remember. "The morning you disappeared," he confirmed. "If it weren't for Ambrose I'm not sure I would have held it together." But he'd avoided Ambrose for the first couple of days all the same, not knowing that Sabrina's cousin was aware of everything that had transpired.
Almost everything at least. And when they finally talked, Ambrose knew it all. It had been selfish, but it had allowed Nick to breathe a little easier in the end.
"But yeah, that's why I went a little nuts about you jumping in to help people, and why I was so worried."
It really did all make a lot of sense once she knew that. All of his worry, his snappiness that she’d read in the messages and even how tightly he’d held her when she’d returned. There had been a sense of sadness that she hadn’t understood then but knew all too well now.
“I’m so sorry.” Everything she’d done had only made his worry worse.
She had no intention of jumping into anything anytime soon, a sense of bitterness that rested below the surface over having done so countless times back home when it all hadn’t mattered much in the end. Her family and friends were alive but the two of them weren’t. She still wasn’t sure what to think of her life back home except that it had been a waste. What was the point in her having been born when it was cut so short and all it left anyone with was misery? And they would all forget the two of them in the long run anyway. A blip in everyone else’s time.
Sabrina didn’t want to say that out loud though.
“I’m not going to do that here. I think I’m over jumping into anything anymore.”
"Regina wanted me to tell you, and maybe I should have," Nick said quietly. "But I didn't know how… I just know eventually I would have. Because trying to hold it together at that party? Knowing that this is what I want, right? Us to have a future where we can do all of these things without thinking twice. Except I made a mistake thinking about the last party at Dorian's where I'd just found out I'd died and…"
He shrugged.
"I don't keep things from you well. Part of me is selfishly glad I didn't have to tell you but the other part wishes I could have been the one to do so."
As to whether or not she'd jump into things, he didn't have any qualms about her taking a break from that. None, whatsoever. But Vallo was different than home. She'd see that eventually. He wasn't about to push the issue now as it wasn't at all critical.
“I don’t think it would have seemed real if you told me. It didn’t when Aunt Zee told me about us breaking up.” But she could understand not being able to hold it all in, especially everything that they had experienced back home. “I think Regina is wrong though. You deserved to have time to process everything you experienced before having to tell me anything about it.”
Sabrina sighed, shoulders slumping forward as she finished off the eggs. “It’s better that we both know though because I really don’t know how you kept this all in.” As horrible as it must have been that she hadn’t been around those first few days he’d known, maybe that had helped give him some time to grieve and internally handle things before she returned. She definitely hadn’t been able to hold anything in. She’d barely managed to do much of anything over the last few days.
“Part of me does wish I knew but only so you didn’t have to carry all of that on your own.” Most of her wished none of them ever knew. Even better would be if it never had happened, but that wasn’t possible.
"Well, you know the truth now," Nick said quietly. "And we had already talked about this being our future, but now it definitely is. And we can have one here," he said confidently. "You and me, Sabrina."
His own food had sat neglected, so now he reached for a piece of toast, placing the other slice on her plate in a not so subtle gesture. "Why don't we finish eating, and then go on a walk outside. Even if it's just around the block or something? Maybe head to one of the parks."
“We can and we will.” One that spanned centuries.
Sabrina picked up the toast, taking a bite of it before nodding. Getting out of the apartment would be nice, the fresh air even better. “We might need to take Shadow and Salem with us but I think it’d be nice to go to one of the parks.”
With the prospect of both of them getting out for a while ahead of him, Nick quickly ate breakfast. It was a good thing Vallo was used to magic, because a black cat and a wolf following two teenagers around might otherwise draw attention. But they would probably be fine.
"I'll clean up," he offered. He still needed to change too, but that wouldn't take long. Anything to reclaim another aspect of normalcy in their lives. Because their world wasn't going to keep them from living fully now. They'd escaped, and Nick had to believe it was for a reason.
“I can clean up,” Sabrina insisted. “You made breakfast.” She took his plate, stacking it on top of her own and dared him to try and out stubborn her on that. It wouldn’t take long to do anyway. Then she could change and they could take another step forward again. Together.