For the second time in a month, Nick woke up to Sabrina's unexpected absence beside him. This time he calmed the rising levels of panic by first checking the network, then looking for any new items in the room. Spotting nothing, he dressed quickly before wrapping his hand around the locket, willing it to work even if he was probably overreacting. But after the way the month had started, he was taking no chances.
As soon as he spotted Sabrina, he knew that he'd made the right call. She was sitting in the forest, shoulders slumped, and without speaking he could feel something was wrong.
"Sabrina," he said quietly as he approached, not even waiting for a response before he dropped down next to her and draped his arm around her. He had no idea what was wrong, but with the memory update so fresh in his mind, he couldn't help but wonder…
Sabrina froze when he touched her, not at all sure how she was supposed to react. She didn’t know what to say, not wanting to reveal the horrible truth. She wondered if she could just blink away but he’d be able to find her with their lockets and that would probably only lead to further questions.
Their lockets.
She hadn’t been wearing hers when she’d died. It hadn’t been her body, her own frozen in the void with it on. She remembered having it in the place she’d gone after though. Had they put it back on her before they buried her? Is that why it was with her?
Nick had been wearing his too when he’d...she squeezed her eyes shut, trying not to think about that. There was no way she wanted to tell him about that, even if she wanted to rail against him for what he’d done. If he didn’t then she didn’t want to ever say it.
She didn’t have any words though that she could think to say, no amount of trying to force herself to put up some sort of calm exterior was working, and so she just hugged herself tighter while trying to come up with some sort of lie to tell to explain her current state.
"Sabrina," he repeated.
It was first thing in the morning and she wasn't talking to him. This had to be a memory update. And if it was, he was incredibly grateful his had arrived first, so that he could understand her, in this moment.
But first he had to risk finding out.
"The day you disappeared into the past…" he began, finding the words difficult along with an apprehensiveness warning him in case he was wrong, "I woke up with new memories." Heaven, if he was wrong and this wasn't about that, he was adding on so much in assuming that this reaction was caused by those.
"Did you… Today?"
No. He wasn’t supposed to know about this, to have experienced any of what happened after the Battle of the Bands. She didn’t want that for him, for this awfulness that was gripping tightly to her and she was pretty sure would never truly go away to be something that he also knew all too well.
Had he also remembered what he had...Sabrina tried to breathe through that, remembering how calm she had seemed in that stupid little reality. How she’d welcomed him with open arms after he.... It didn’t make sense, none of it did as she glanced over at him, trying to gauge how much he knew from his body language. She couldn’t tell though, shutting her eyes as she remembered him all in white.
Dead.
Because he’d…
She couldn’t even complete her thought.
“You shouldn’t have done that.”
He was supposed to have lived a full life and only then should he have joined her in that place. Not as soon as he had. “You can’t do that.”
She wanted to push the words back into her mouth after she said them. What if he hadn’t experienced that yet? What was she supposed to say next?
"I know," Nick replied. So she remembered that too. He had hoped she wouldn't have known that bit, the shame of his actions driven to the surface now. "I had an emergency session with my therapist and we're at two a week now." Which he hadn't exactly shared before because Sabrina had school and didn't need to know, and he hadn't wanted to explain his erratic behavior further.
"Sabrina, I promise, I know. I woke up and was not the slightest bit okay with any of it. It's why I overreacted…"
Telling her to not go save the world when she wasn't doing anything of the sort.
But he fell silent then, knowing how much it had been for him to take in. He could only imagine how much worse it was for her.
How he had acted and reacted while she was in the past made much more sense at that point, all of his worry and overreactions, but her brain couldn’t quite focus on that. On anything related to Vallo. It kept pushing her back toward what had happened back in their world, in how everything had ended horribly. For her, for Nick, for Sabrina Morningstar. For everyone they knew. She pressed her cheek against her knees, falling silent again as the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness mingled with one another, curling through her all over again.
“What was the point of any of it?” Fighting against the Dark Lord, going back in time, defeating terror after terror, stopping the apocalypse at least three times.
She was seventeen years old. Hadn’t even gotten to celebrate that birthday really, lived her last few weeks with a man she hated, and then died. There was no prom, no graduation, nothing but a vast expanse of white and those stupid three paintings.
The Dark Lord was still out there. Lilith too. Blackwood. The demons and other hordes of Hell.
Nothing had changed. Not really. Except the three of them were dead. What had been the point of even being born?
There was no point. Not for her. He could have at least made one but had chosen not to, something he hadn't been able to shake and now had that point reiterated to him. But they had escaped, and that's all that mattered to him now.
He had no doubt Sabrina would get there too but he wasn't going to push the issue right then. Not when it was raw. Not when he knew that even attempting to deal with any aspect of the future was like being torn open.
So he just let her sit there, with his arm draped around her, for as long as she was going to need.
She finally leaned into him, practically sinking against him and allowed herself to cry again. For him, for her, for Sabrina Morningstar. For everything they would never get to do or be. Her head and heart hurt, body aching with the knowledge that was too much to try and fully process.
“I can’t go back there.”
Not Greendale. That was a given. Neither of them could ever return back to their world now.
But to the mortuary. How was she supposed to face Roz or Ambrose or her auntie? Or Dan and Allison? Or any of it? She could barely handle facing Nick and hadn’t managed to keep it together with him. Sabrina knew she wouldn’t be able to act any sort of normal around the others or be able to deal with their questions or concerns.
His grip grew tighter when Sabrina let go and allowed herself to cry, tears forming in his own eyes and occasionally spilling over.
"We don't have to go back there," Nick said when she spoke up. "Our future is here." It already was, they'd already agreed upon it, but now they no longer had a choice. He had no idea she was referring to the mortuary as well.
She wanted to believe him about their future being in Vallo, but even that seemed impossible for her at that moment. Sabrina didn’t want to think about it, didn’t even want to think about anything really, but she couldn’t stop her brain from working.
“I meant the mortuary.”
Nick frowned, but didn't let go of Sabrina. "I don't think Roz knows," Nick said quietly. There was no way she could know without the rest of them being aware because she couldn't hide her emotions that well. "But Ambrose and your aunt know. And Dan and Allison are your family, Sabrina."
Though he knew there were complications involved. The same that had led to him yelling at her not to risk too much for everyone, even when she was doing nothing close to that.
Sabrina shook her head, nearly pushing him away. Her aunt and Ambrose knowing made it worse. How was she supposed to face them knowing how much she had to have devastated them with what she’d done? She couldn’t even explain it to herself, let alone to Dan and Allison. She considered Lux but then she’d have to talk to her dad about everything and that was another layer she wasn’t prepared to deal with yet either.
There was Pandemonium and while Sabrina thought Maze would leave her be if she wanted, Sabrina couldn’t help but think of it as Sabrina Morningstar’s place. Even if what had turned up in Vallo belonged to her.
“I can’t.”
Maybe it was cowardly or selfish or something along those lines, but she didn’t care right then. Being around things that were familiar seemed like a burden she wasn’t ready to bear.
"We could get a place at Morningside?" Which would have the distinct advantage of being free and easily disposed of when she didn't need it anymore. He hadn't even considered Pandemonium or Lux, because wherever she was going to stay, he wanted to be with her.
Nick would give her some space, but he had genuine concerns about leaving her on her own for too long and he hoped he wasn't included in the list of people she wanted to keep at bay.
Sabrina nodded, not too sure how that would work but confident that Nick would be able to figure it out. They’d need to get Salem and Shadow, though the familiars could probably figure out where to meet them on their own. “Okay.”
It was all she could manage to get out, the weight of everything pressing down on her again, feeling as though it was going to crush her. She probably needed to reach out to her therapist but that would need to wait for a couple of days. Maybe by then she’d be ready to face her family and the world again.
* * *
A few messages from his phone was all it had really taken to arrange the apartment, with Nick caring little about the details since they were all furnished. He'd never stayed in Morningside. Even when he'd arrived in the snowglobe, he'd found the Mortuary early on. But for now, Shadow was exploring the new space and Salem wasn't allowing Sabrina out of his sight.
It was bright and cheery and didn't really match the mood, but it afforded Sabrina some space to deal with everything. "I should write to someone," Nick said. "Ambrose maybe?" It would only take a few words to let the other warlock know they were safe and catch him up.
Sabrina nodded from where she sat on the couch. She’d been in one of the apartments in the building when she first showed up in Vallo. It hadn’t been too long before the Mortuary had shown up and Dan had moved with Salem and her into it. Sabrina reached up, touching the chip necklace that he’d given her, the one she always wore along with the one Nick had given her.
Salem butted his head into her side, wanting to be held so he could offer up his own brand of comfort and she moved him onto her lap. “Yeah.” She didn’t want any of them to worry, though she knew that would happen regardless. But at least if the others knew where they were that would help alleviate some of it.
She thought she should say more than that but still couldn’t quite get anything else out as she laid down on the couch, trying not to let the memories seep back in.
Nick walked over to Sabrina and sat down in front of the couch, as though he was guarding it. Which he was. Sabrina probably needed to sleep and while Nick wasn't going anywhere, he expected to be moving around.
But for now, he turned his attention fully toward her, facing her and running his fingers through her hair. "Try and sleep?" he asked. "I'll take care of everything."
The idea of sleeping terrified Sabrina and she caught hold of his hand, holding onto it tightly. She shook her head. “I don’t want to sleep.”
Sleeping meant dreaming and dreaming meant reliving everything. Again and again and again. It was bad enough doing that while awake. She didn’t think she could handle it while sleeping.
Nick gave Sabrina's hand a squeeze and nodded. "Okay, no sleeping," he agreed. Then he took her other hand and lifted her forward so he could slide in behind her on the couch, feeling much better when he could wrap his arms around her protectively.
Everything he was feeling, he pushed aside, focused on Sabrina. But there was one thing he'd fixated on once he'd determined she was alive. "We have a future here, Sabrina," he said quietly. "I'm going to be here every day to remind you of that."
Sabrina sniffled at that, desperately wanting to believe him. But that idea seemed so far away, the promise of a future not guaranteed with how Vallo was. Even if they wouldn’t be returning to anything but death if they were sent home. Others had been sent back to their deaths. Maybe she could figure out a way to make it so they stayed but even that idea seemed far too much for Sabrina at that moment.
So she just nodded and turned so could hold onto him better, pressing her face into his chest. As much as she didn’t want to sleep, exhaustion eventually won out, pulling her down into a fitful slumber.
If they were really going to stay here for a few days, there were things Nick needed to do. But when Sabrina fell asleep all thoughts of moving disappeared. Instead, he messaged the other residents of the mortuary and then Ambrose specifically, before heaving a sigh and trying to be comforting as Sabrina slept.
He didn't want to leave her, but he kept avoiding thinking too much about home, about the memories she now held. They had known for some time that their future, the one they wanted, laid within Vallo. Now there was no other choice and he'd dwelt on that enough already. To be there for her, he couldn't get lost in those thoughts again.