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Tweak says, "Conformity sucks. :-P"

• yikes™ adian rosenberg • (picaro) wrote in valesco,
@ 2016-10-08 02:07:00

Entry tags:

adian rosenberg, amelia-mae perkins, beaumont winogrand, charlotte towler, group, howell williams, hudson duke, jake bexley, kera ryan, louis bonaccord, mina dippet, oliver comstock, penelope fawcett, sage yates, saoirse mullet, willa montague, zayn shafiq

PARTY POST --- IT'S A BONFIRE!!

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leveret
2016-10-18 07:15 pm UTC (link)

Kera. Ollie squeezed his eyes shut, thinking of yet one more person he'd---

He pulled away, just a little, from Willa's soothing touch. He didn't deserve it, he did not deserve comfort in light of the things he'd done. Instead of what was right, instead of not giving in, he had... allowed his weaknesses to control him. And even now, if given the choice this very moment, he couldn't say he was strong enough to choose the right path. It was too much, it was all too much and it always would be, wouldn't it?

The dead part of his chest grew with every touch and soothe of hers. Why was she here? What could he say? Ollie knew, in what little was left of his heart, that just because they had promised to stand by the other did not mean such loyalty would be good for her. He was toxic, he was bad, he wasn't---

"You shouldn't be with me," Ollie languished, more tears collecting in his eyes. He didn't move his hand away from hers only because he lacked the energy; his forehead neither, despite how her closeness terrified him. "You deserve better, Willa. Please... I'm not... good, I'm not good for you. I can't--- I'm not... for anyone. I'm--- I'm not."

How could he drag her down with him? She knew, didn't she? About...? Everyone must know, now....

"Please, Willa, not you too....."

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palmerskiss
2016-10-19 01:13 am UTC (link)

She tried to keep his words from shattering her heart.

“Ollie, Ollie,” she tried to interrupt, but all Willa could do was watch as he criticized himself, as he tore himself down. He couldn’t truly believe those things he was saying...but her own demons, the ones that Ollie had helped her learn to handle, whispered that yes, didn’t she remember? Didn’t she recall how how pathetic she’d felt and how all that could help ease her guilt was the sharpness of her quill against her parchment and her skin?

Willa unconsciously shook her head, her mouth slightly agape as she attempted to find the words. She knew how hard it was to believe in others’ faith of you, but she also knew…

“You are good, Ollie,” she said, her voice a crackling whisper. She took his hand in both of hers. “You are, you are! You wouldn’t be so upset---you wouldn’t care so much if you weren’t---”

Willa pressed her lips against his knuckles before resting his hand on her heart. “I have seen the good in you, Ollie, and I’m not going to leave your side, I’m never going to---”

Her face twisted with emotion and she tightened her hold on his hand.

“Let me help you,” she pleaded, unsure how she’d held herself up. Willa had already stressed her desire for him to allow her in, and she reiterated the notion with shaking words, “You don’t have to do this alone, you’re not alone, you’ll never be alone.”

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leveret
2016-10-20 02:22 pm UTC (link)

But he should be. Because he wasn't. Did good people give in? Did good people hurt the ones they loved? Did they... do what he did, choose what he chose, always given the same chance over and over again? Perhaps at a different point in his life, Ollie would have believed Willa's words, felt a rumble in the part of himself that clung to staying just above the waterline. But now, he was drowning, and he couldn't say he felt compelled to save himself.

At her touch, her lips to his hand and his palm to her chest, he felt his skin fizz and tingle. But it was in a raw way, one that reminded Ollie staying out too long in the snow when you were young and not knowing any better. The top of his head pushed into the hospital gurney in quiet, weak desperation. He didn't know what to say, how to pluck the words...

"I don't know how you can help me," he whispered, perhaps a bit of previously hidden fear rising in his throat. "I don't know how to stop myself. I can't. It's too----"

He closed his eyes tight, fresh tears forming again. He was alone, he would always be--- alone, he had been alone since--- since he--- The empty part in his chest throbbed, enough that he began to shake. He didn't--- he couldn't--- it was too---

"You can't say that," he let out, miserable. "You--- It's---"

He felt himself fumble, the words and thoughts nearly overpowering him as he attempted to smother them. He knew what he wanted now more than anything, more than anything in the world--- and perhaps why he so ceaselessly sought anything he could get his hands on to fill that void.

"I want my mum," he cried, shuddering as he uttered the words he'd refused to speak for a very long time now. "I wish--- I had--- I don't know how to--- it's--- too hard, I can't--- do it anymore, I--- I---" He dissolved into a quiet, helpless heap of tears.

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palmerskiss
2016-10-20 11:12 pm UTC (link)

She found herself frozen for a total of a few rapid heartbeats, eyes wide with---he had never--they'd never talked about----

Her chair skittered out from underneath her with how fast she shot to her feet, nearly disappearing under the curtain that had been pulled around his bed. Willa felt a gut-wrenching sorrow overcome her as she threw her arms the best she could around Ollie, trying to hold him, to attempt to console him as he seemed to finally be unleashing that which deeply plagued him. Oh, how she wished she could provide him with what he wanted most, but there was nothing, nothing---

Willa did what she could, her face buried against him, whispering through her own cries that they'll get him help, that she was sorry, so sorry. She agreed that it was hard, but that he could be strong she knew he could be. Willa knew that her words...they may not mean anything, they could mean nothing, but Ollie needed to be left with something to potentially hold on to, she couldn't let him slip away when he...he...

Standing awkwardly bent at the knees against the side of the bed, Willa couldn't hold him tight enough.

"Ollie, Ollie," she mumbled over and over, kissing his cheek, the side of his head. Through their tears she heard Matt's familiar voice on the other side of the curtain and she felt a rush at the panicked notion that they were soon going to have to leave this space. Trying to grip Ollie's face the best she could because Willa needed him to look at her, she said through shuddering breaths,

"I love you, Ollie Comstock," she proclaimed, not for the first time and certainly not for the last. "I love you with everything that I am. We're going to get you through this, you are going to get through this, I swear it, I swear."

Willa's legs burnt from keeping the stance beside him, but she would've stayed this way for hours or days if she had to. Her eyes had taken on a fervent determination and she gathered him up against her again and buried herself into him before her expression cracked.

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leveret
2016-10-21 07:08 pm UTC (link)

His arms wrapped around her, Ollie truthfully feeling too stunted to do much else but accept the comfort and support Willa offered. Not knowing what else to do, he let her touch and words sink into the empty parts of him. He wasn't sure what.... that felt like, he wasn't sure about much of anything aside from the painful realization that something within him... had a relentless desire for... the one thing he knew was gone forever. He wished he didn't feel it, he wished it hadn't reared an ugly head at the expensive of the ones he loved. He wished----

Ollie pressed his face into Willa's neck, closing his eyes tight. He felt himself shake, he felt his hair stand on end, he felt his head throb, his stomach lurch.... he held her tighter. He heard her words, felt her emotion, but perhaps too overwhelmed, Ollie was unable to respond in any other way aside from holding onto her with a weak grip. Swallowing, eyes unfocused, he numbly nodded against her.

When he heard Matt's voice, Ollie quickly ducked his eyes and buried his face into Willa's neck. Simply unable to look at one more person, he shuddered before shutting down. Maybe it wasn't the right response, but so wrung out--- he sighed as he expelled a telling breath.

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palmerskiss
2016-10-22 01:18 am UTC (link)

When it felt as if they were both ready to collapse from the weight of the night, Willa helped Ollie back down to the mattress. She wiped his tears, she pushed his hair away from his face, and when he'd completely given in to exhaustion she pulled a blanket over his shoulders.

Willa stood back, looking Ollie over to make sure she'd done what she could do. Which, in the great grand scheme of things, had not been very much at all. Her face twitched with a new batch of tears and for the few seconds she had until she'd be forced to leave his side, Willa covered her face and wept. She knew that for the next few weeks, months, however long it took to get Ollie back on his feet, that there would be little time for her to appear weak. And while she was ready for that, she knew the difficulty that awaited.

Wiping her face with the hem of her shirt, she saw reminders of the night; splotches of dirt, sweat, blood, and tears told a story that she wished never to repeat again. It wouldn't, they couldn't let it, and with a deep breath she smeared the tears off her cheeks and pushed through the curtains to find Matt and let him know exactly what needed to be done.

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