This Thea is the best that she could do (besticoulddo) wrote in valarnet, @ 2012-12-21 11:01:00 |
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Current mood: | blah |
Entry tags: | thea queen |
I talked to Livvie last night, for the first time since she disappeared. Okay, so it was a dream, because, as she told me, she didn't survive her accident the way Oliver did, and it was a dream that was totally different in tone from the ones of fantasy world with my fake big brother, but it was still her and she still knew EVERYTHING. She said she blames herself for what's happened to me. It's not...that isn't what I wanted.
The only thing I ever actually wanted, in all of this, is her. I get that it's not possible but...it didn't stop me wanting it, you know? I don't know how to feel now that I know it's never coming again. Worse than the last five years of my life in a way, but...I got to see her too. She hugged me and I felt it even in the dream. And she said she'll come see me again this week, that we have a lot to talk about.
I don't know if this is some kind of screwed up version of The Little Match Girl or what, but I like it. I'll take it for right now. I'm not bringing it up to the shrink on staff here, since I don't want to look completely nuts but it was nice.
And then I woke up to find my fake brother's creepy budhist rock thing from my dreams under the pillow. Oliver, you fucking creep, why were you running around my room, at the ranch for all the kids who fucked up life, in the middle of the night?