stay_alive (stay_alive) wrote in valarnet, @ 2012-04-30 15:05:00 |
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Current mood: | anxious |
Entry tags: | annie cresta, finnick odair, haymitch abernathy, johanna mason, peeta mellark |
I need a fucking drink.
I know, I know. I've been terrible about checking in, but given what's coming up, I doubt that anybody here is going to walk up to me and go "You're a horrible person, Mr. Abernathy, post more" or things along those lines. One way or the other, I'm going to have time again in the break between Kentucky and Maryland, so there's a start.
Right, that's all provided I don't succumb to the temptation and get my ass plastered on my connecting flight after the stopover I'm still on. They won't let me back on if I show up reeling, but if I end up reeling on the plane...
So it's the week of all weeks that I can't fuck up and do that and I've got my usual AA generated list of pithy shit to get me through, but HELL, I don't remember it being this tense when I was in this spot last. I'm not going to say I doubt my horse, who's flying here on the same flight as me, and I can't say I doubt my jockey, hotshot little shit he is, he makes you believe before he's even gotten on, And then his hands are MAGIC, but...
Those little moments when you realize how much you've got staked on something, and how bad you want it. I told myself this time I wasn't going to get my hopes up, even when I knew that she was something special, even when we got nominated and all the official shit done, and as far as loading The Girl up this morning. I was calm, I was composed, and then I realized just how many shots I've blown, how damn much I can't screw up now.
I want this win the way I haven't wanted anything in a long time. I want it because, fuck, I care about Girl, and our operation, and possibly reviving this industry that shot itself in the foot years ago. I actually don't know if I can hold it all together until the finish on Saturday.
It isn't her I don't have faith in. It's myself.