So I attempted a third meal to cook on my own, this one was a complete disaster. And grease fires are just a phenomenal piece of chemistry... regardless, all is well. My supply of specialty meats is a tiny bit exhausted, but otherwise all is well.
So instead I'm playing Super Amazing Wagon Adventure Turbo... it's just... it's frustrating. So frustrating. I might, instead, switch to Goat Simulator and get my achievement in Flappy Goat, but that's also remarkably frustrating.