InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "The penguins are coming!!!!"

Lorna Dane loves rocks and math (compassrose) wrote in valarnet,
@ 2013-12-12 14:59:00

Entry tags:

commander tyra shepard, faye valentine, j'onn j'onzz (martian manhunter), jace herondale, lara croft, lorna dane (polaris), neena thurman (domino), ruby lucas (little red riding hood)

I need a distraction after last night's dreams, so who wants to help me open a secret dreamers only bar or nightclub or coffee shop or whatever? We need a place where we can talk about this stuff in the open. Also, I can't think of any group of people more in need of a drink.

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	lara 2013-12-12 11:21 pm UTC (link)
	Isn't the network that place anyway? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

compassrose
2013-12-12 11:23 pm UTC (link)

No, because we're not really supposed to talk about the extra crazy stuff. It's supposed to be a secret and for a really good reason, too. Beside, when has an online conversation with someone sympathetic actually been more useful or helpful than a real life meeting? When bad stuff happens I want more than the idea of hugs, I want to be able to look someone in the eye and know that they understand where I'm coming from.

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	lara 2013-12-12 11:28 pm UTC (link)
	Sometimes it's hard to want to look someone in the eye, knowing what they'll see in yours. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	compassrose 2013-12-12 11:29 pm UTC (link)
	You know what? That's when it's most important. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lara 2013-12-12 11:35 pm UTC (link)
	I can't even face myself in the mirror. It's easier sometimes to just write these things down. I can get how others might want to talk face to face. And I will if it happens, but I don't really go out of my way. If that makes sense. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	compassrose 2013-12-12 11:37 pm UTC (link)
	Then I guess you can't work as a bartender for this imaginary bar. Do whatever you need to do, nobody's going to judge you for it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lara 2013-12-12 11:39 pm UTC (link)
	I'll judge myself for it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	compassrose 2013-12-12 11:41 pm UTC (link)
	That's a pretty big waste of your time. Holding yourself to a certain standard and being mad when you don't meet it is one thing, but letting yourself mope about the dreams is a useless habit. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lara 2013-12-12 11:42 pm UTC (link)
	Who said anything about moping? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	compassrose 2013-12-12 11:47 pm UTC (link)
	You in about three of these comments. Not being able to look at yourself in the mirror isn't good, and admitting it to someone you've met three times in a public forum isn't great, either. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

lara
2013-12-13 12:18 am UTC (link)

I meant I'd just judge myself for my own perceived weakness by not facing it. I can't face myself in the mirror doesn't mean I don't try. It isn't the new scars every morning, or the blood on the sheets. I just can't recognize the person looking back anymore. You're different, maybe you see a woman staring back who isn't changed. Maybe you see a woman who is changed but it's easier to look at her. I'm not you, so I can't make any judgement about it, nor should I.

If I don't write about it I internalize it, which is the last thing I should be doing, really.

Moping implies I'm doing nothing but laying around all day angsting over my inner turmoil at the dreams turning me into a hardened survivor ~~with PTSD~~. I've got too much work to do to let myself be paralyzed by it.

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