Enjolras isn't a statue, really (solo_patria) wrote in valarnet, @ 2013-05-02 15:14:00 |
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Current mood: | contemplative |
Current music: | jane eyre obc-forgiveness |
Entry tags: | enjolras, musichetta, wanderer |
Forgiveness is the mightiest sword
A topic for discussion, and something that I'm posting about on my blog when my own thoughts about it are a bit more settled. Until I whip this out at my typical audience, I'd like to talk about it here, with people who I think understand a bit more of the specifics of my situation. So. Valarnet. Forgiveness.
Particularly when you have to direct that forgiveness toward yourself, for some of the things you've done in your dreams. I was particularly cruel to a valued friend there, and I regret the sharp words I've turned on him, and the way I let some of that spill over into this world. I've since apologized to him, and sent a note asking about reparations, explaining my feelings on this, and on another action that I took, due to the dreams, the one I asked about a few weeks ago, and I am fairly sure that he will forgive me. He's a friend, and one of my brothers, and we care for each other as brothers would, I am fairly sure.
The trouble comes then, in forgiving myself, mostly for the way that I behaved towards him in that past life. I cannot forgive myself for other mistakes I have made as well, in regard to those things I mentioned before that hurt and dishonored my friends, but I am working on that slowly. The issue of forgiving myself for something that I remember doing, that *I* did not actually do in this life instead of in the one I left behind me is confusing.
How DO I find that path to forgiving myself when I did nothing consciously wrong and apologies have been issued. Is there some way to find acceptance of my mistakes and to feel better about my chances of not making them in future? Has anyone here had to face similar? Perhaps we could discuss this?