InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Woof, David"

Elena Gilbert (_doppelganger_) wrote in valarlogs,
@ 2019-09-02 07:31:00

Entry tags:

damon salvatore, elena gilbert

WHO: Damon and Elena
WHAT: Testing the existence of a Sire Bond
WHEN: After their latest text convo
WHERE: Starting at the Gilbert house
STATUS: In progress
RATING: Low

Taking a deep breath, Elena looked out the window for the thousandth time since her last text to Damon. She was nervous about how exactly this test would unfold. Not that she thought Damon would use a sire bond to his advantage if it did exist here, but as she’d told Enzo, she was worried about how a sire bond could affect her decisions. Caroline had already made it quite clear how crazy she thought Elena was for maintaining any sort of relationship with the man who had cheated on her once upon a time.

A shake of her head as Elena resumed pacing. She had to do this, to figure out what exactly had bled over into the real world so she could stop obsessing over a worst case scenario that likely would never happen. The doorbell interrupted her thoughts, Elena whirling to go answer it.

“Hi.” She offered Damon a smile, pushing down any worries. “Shall we?”

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flipstheswitch
2019-09-05 03:51 am UTC (link)

This was that dot, dot, dot moment. He could remember that phrase from the dreams. He had come back, and his world had spun sideways. "You were everything, and I was going to walk through hell to get back, and I did. It took a few months. You were so much better than I deserved, Elena."

He paused, stirred through his plate, choosing careful words. "You didn't have it so easy. You were seeing me or a vision of me. You were pretty unraveled. You asked Ric to help you rearrange your memories of us, remove some like they never happened. I know it was so that you could function, but everything we did, everything we were - he kept the bad, rearranged the good, put others in my place. And the real kick - he couldn't undo it. A vampire compulsion is broken on the death of the vampire. Except Alaric turned into a human again so the compulsion stayed and he couldn't undo it. My best friend let this happen, and didn't try to stop it." That was what hurt the most. He treasured memories, good or bad they were his, and he felt like they were thrown away, and it was that feeling that carried long past the dreams. He would have walked through hell, and she had let him go.

He knew that this was not the girl in front of him, but that hit sent him off the rails. It sent him to someone who promised all sorts of the same things, and was all too eager to make his point known. Sam hadn't meant to play on those emotions. He hadn't known. The angel only offered what Damon needed the most, and hit just the right moment to ward off resistance. He wasn't going to expain it but it was all too easy to connect those dots.

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_doppelganger_
2019-09-05 11:46 am UTC (link)

As he spoke, the emotions settled over Elena. Empathy, because of course she could see how much that had hurt him, but also a dawning realization that left her cold. "...that's when it happened," she completed.

Fork was carefully laid down, Elena trying to not react as viscerally as she felt. He'd cheated on her because of something that had happened in the dream world. And he hadn't been able to talk to her about any of it.

Eyes slid shut for a moment. "I'm not her," she advised after a moment. She had been punished for something her Dream Self had done. Whatever they had had in the real world had been hurt because of it.

"I'm not saying I don't get it." Pained eyes finally looked to him. "I understand the domino effect. But it wasn't fair." And they wouldn't be able to have what they'd had again.

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flipstheswitch
2019-09-05 03:38 pm UTC (link)

"I didn't say it was fair. I said I get that you aren't that girl, and you might not have made that choice, but you know how real those dreams are, and how they feel. They change you. I've been a dreamer for five years, and I'm a vampire. In those dreams, that is me now. I never said it was right, or whatever. I've always said it wasn't. I haven't justified it. All of your friends will tell you how bad I am and how wrong I am for you like they are fucking saints." He rolled his eyes, unable to help it. "They will always play that self-righteous card when it comes to me."

He forced himself to take a bite of the now cooling food. There was more to it, things that this world had dealt during that same time. The dream was that proverbial straw, and it broke something in him. "My dream self keeps chasing you, trying to get back to what we were. I just felt like we lost it. Our whole foundation was based on those memories, and they were gone. I raged, and I destroyed." His worst habit was that, killing the good things in his life with that anger that he found hard to suppress.

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_doppelganger_
2019-09-05 06:18 pm UTC (link)

"You're not bad, Damon," she disagreed with a soft sigh, sitting back in her chair. "I never thought that about you...or just the once. Once in each world, really." In the Dream World when he had snapped Jeremy's neck and in the real world when he'd cheated. "You lash out when you're hurt." A lot of people did, some were just more effective at it than others.

"I certainly didn't think you were wrong for me. Or that I'm somehow better or morally superior to you whatever Caroline or anyone else says." because that was obviously who he was talking about. She'd told her friend before that she understood what had happened even if she didn't forgive him.

"And I'm sorry that I hurt you, too." Even if it hadn't been her. Even if he'd hurt her as well. "And if you're still dreaming about us, you can talk to me. Whatever is going on in that world...you don't have to keep it bottled up."

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flipstheswitch
2019-09-06 12:39 pm UTC (link)

"I'm not good either. I think I've taken up neutral. After you've heard it enough, you believe it, and I'm not about to cater to anyone and apologize for breathing wrong. I'm done with that. Their words get in my head and they also get in yours. You didn't even call me when you transitioned, and I could have helped you." Damon was a lot of things but he would have done right by her. "I haven't even seen that much of you for months." Med school took a lot out of her, and his life was chaotic, so it was hard to schedule time. "Texting is an option."

He decided to eat again, feeling the worst was over. "I'm at the end. We do end up together, and eventually you get the memories back. I get a lot of reruns, which are more like Damon Salvatore's greatest hits." He smiled and cut the waffles. "I'm glad you know. I always thought when you see that, you would know, or understand. I know it isn't fair that of all things to bleed over, it was that one. it's always the one that hits you the hardest."

"So, tell me about med school? We've been out of touch lately. I know it's pretty hard."

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_doppelganger_
2019-09-06 12:54 pm UTC (link)

"I didn't know what to do when I transitioned, Damon," Elena answered honestly. "I didn't reach out to anyone, not just you. I'm lucky someone found me and made sure I didn't hurt anyone. I wouldn't have been able to live with the guilt."

She offered a small smile, though. "I'm glad the dreams end happily enough." Even the little she'd dreamed had been full of bad things and she'd dreamt less than half of what Damon had, given his century and a half as a vampire.

"I'm a resident now. The clinic I work at specializes in helping Dreamers. The weird injuries that bleed over from the dreams. Other clinics or hospitals might ask questions and get answers they wouldn't believe."

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