InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Gonna take crackerjack timing"

Elena Gilbert (_doppelganger_) wrote in valarlogs,
@ 2019-09-02 07:31:00

Entry tags:

damon salvatore, elena gilbert

WHO: Damon and Elena
WHAT: Testing the existence of a Sire Bond
WHEN: After their latest text convo
WHERE: Starting at the Gilbert house
STATUS: In progress
RATING: Low

Taking a deep breath, Elena looked out the window for the thousandth time since her last text to Damon. She was nervous about how exactly this test would unfold. Not that she thought Damon would use a sire bond to his advantage if it did exist here, but as she’d told Enzo, she was worried about how a sire bond could affect her decisions. Caroline had already made it quite clear how crazy she thought Elena was for maintaining any sort of relationship with the man who had cheated on her once upon a time.

A shake of her head as Elena resumed pacing. She had to do this, to figure out what exactly had bled over into the real world so she could stop obsessing over a worst case scenario that likely would never happen. The doorbell interrupted her thoughts, Elena whirling to go answer it.

“Hi.” She offered Damon a smile, pushing down any worries. “Shall we?”

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flipstheswitch
2019-09-03 12:59 am UTC (link)

Damon knew that he had to find a way, within reason, to test the sire bond, but that wasn't the only reason he was going to take Elena to breakfast. He felt like he owed her an explanation, many of them. Life changed him, and the dreams - yes, there was a point in the dreams that had changed them, and she wasn't there yet. He felt guilty, and yet he didn't want to ruin this, which left him pretty stuck.

He hopped out of the car and walked to the door, finding her on the other side. "I'm ready if you are. Let's go get a bite." He laughed at the vampire humor.

He opened the door for her to let her in and was on the other side a minute later. "How have you been feeling? Have your senses calmed down yet?" Senses on high were the hardest things to get used to. That and the need for blood.

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	_doppelganger_ 2019-09-03 11:10 am UTC (link)
	"They have," Elena confirmed with a nod. "Thank goodness. i think I'm actually adapting fairly well. Which is a good thing because having two extremely newbie vampires in the house would be rough." Not that it wasn't already. Elena was sure Jeremy was regretting moving back in given the flaring tempers. "I'm on blood bags now." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

flipstheswitch
2019-09-03 04:45 pm UTC (link)

"I still wish you would have called me. I know the cravings are a bitch, and you had a hard time with the transition in the dreams." He looked at her, beautiful as always. He had really screwed things up and it had changed the road entirely.

He took her to a corner cafe, nothing big and busy. "I'd love to have you out at the club in Vegas just to see it. It turned out great," he told her as they were led to a table. He was damn proud of the place, and loved showing it off when he was there.

He made small talk until the waiter came and went, then took a moment to look at her. "I'm sorry for everything, you know. It was a crazy time, and I know you don't know what's coming in the dreams."

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_doppelganger_
2019-09-03 05:24 pm UTC (link)

"I'm glad that I didn't have as difficult a time here as I did in the dreams." Elena shuddered at the thought. The memories of how terrible blood had tasted, of how she had been physically sick to her stomach more than once.

"If I can ever get a few days off in a row I might take you up on that offer." But she couldn't commit to anything given how busy her residency was. "But I'm sure it's wonderful." Damon knew what he was doing when it came to night clubs, and he had some pretty good partners.

"I know you are," Elena assured him. "And I know we've talked about it before, about everything you were going through at the time."

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flipstheswitch
2019-09-04 03:51 am UTC (link)

"The worst part for me was the sensory overload. I could hear a pin drop, ticking clocks, things that you just blow off every day." It had driven him insane, and made him want to smash things. That also wasn't why they were here. They felt together, and yet so separated. He hated that she couldn't come to him, or that those 'friends' always advised her not to.

He sipped his coffee with one hand, placing his other hand over hers. Crystal blue eyes fell on brown ones. "We've talked about it, but not the dream aspect. There was a dream thing, and I resented it in life. It hurt. Usually, I can blow them off to dream bullshit, but that was - bad." There were very few things that Damon couldn't gloss over, grumble about dreams and move on. This one, the dream heavy hitter, hit him where he lived and played every insecurity.

"Do you want to know?" he asked. Would it hurt the dreams to come, the happy days, knowing what would come. He didn't want to destroy those feelings that would likely come anyway. It was easy to see in his eyes the way that it affected him.

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_doppelganger_
2019-09-04 12:32 pm UTC (link)

He kept asking her that and Elena had avoided answering, unsure if she wanted to know. But looking at him, seeing the pain in his eyes...it wasn't entirely about her. He obviously needed to share with someone, to lighten his emotional baggage. They may be exes but they were at least friendly still. And Elena couldn't stand to see anyone she cared about in pain.

"Tell me what happened," she answered, hand shifting to take his. "What happened in the dreams? Was it something I did?"

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flipstheswitch
2019-09-04 04:59 pm UTC (link)

He knew he probably shouldn't do this, spoil the ride. They were that epic love when they were good. She was getting to the best part that followed the whole sire bond issue. She would experience that whether he told her or not, but maybe it was better to be prepared.

"There was a time in the 1950's that I spent time in a cell at Whitmore College. Five years. Over the years, I had come to help Stefan, not always the right way, but if he was in trouble, I showed up. In that cell, nobody came, nobody found me. I was alone - forgotten." The story that unfolded was his time in that cell with Enzo next to him, the vampire science experiment, being cut open, left to heal, then doing it again, and nobody came to help. His escape had cost him Enzo, shutting off his humanity so he could walk out, leaving his best friend to die. He couldn't save him, and it hurt. The dreams were a bitch in this section. He told the story in full which would lead to the next.

Even after the food arrived, he picked at it as he talked. It gave him something to focus on and lessen the intensity of the entire situation. He looked up into her eyes, wondering if he should stop. "I felt worthless, like no one gave a shit about me. I needed help but no one was there. That isn't on you, but it explains a lot."

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	_doppelganger_ 2019-09-04 05:17 pm UTC (link)
	"No one was there in the dreams," Elena answered, eyes troubled. She understood that he hadn't been able to talk to her about being a vampire but surely he'd known that she was there for him in the real world. As troubled as he was. "I'm sorry you went through that...that you felt like you had to bear that alone, Damon." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

flipstheswitch
2019-09-04 07:07 pm UTC (link)

"Nope, and that isn't your fault, just my mindset in the dreams. Even when I was a kid, Stefan was the baby and the favorite. He got all the help, and I was expected to be the oldest and keep myself better than I was - I guess." He had to be Stefan's guard, example, whatever else Stefan needed. Life and dreams did go hand in hand. The dreams toyed with his already damaged psyche, that left him often bitter and angry.

"So fast forward to the plan and the travelers." He went on to explain the magical barrier the travelers created and the way they took over Mystic Falls. He included Bonnie's death and how she now served as gatekeeper between this world and the other side. He went over the plan and how Matt and Jeremy would set off the gas in a room full of travelers at the Mystic Grill and how he, with Elena as a passenger, was going to blow it up, save their friends who were on the other side, and each other. He saved Stefan, Enzo, Elena, Tyler, and the veil closed leaving him and Bonnie trapped on the other side. "I tried to get through, but it was closed. I didn't come back. I saved people, just not myself." Something always went wrong in those plans. He should be used to that by now, but this one had a unique conclusion. "All I wanted to do was come home to you. That was it. Bonnie was sick of me, but I wanted to come home." He squeezed her hand. The next part would be where it all truly went wrong.

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_doppelganger_
2019-09-05 01:27 am UTC (link)

That so much had happened shouldn't have surprised Elena. The first year of her dreams had seemed to be filled with enough events to populate entire years of a normal life. Back to back episodes of danger, anxiety, and yet a current of love and friendship running through it all, making the pain bearable.

"You came back." It wasn't a question. From everything she had seen in the dreams, Damon would have done anything for her. He always kept his word where she was concerned and Elena had no doubt that he would have found a way back to her, no matter the consequence. "How? What happened?"

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flipstheswitch
2019-09-05 03:51 am UTC (link)

This was that dot, dot, dot moment. He could remember that phrase from the dreams. He had come back, and his world had spun sideways. "You were everything, and I was going to walk through hell to get back, and I did. It took a few months. You were so much better than I deserved, Elena."

He paused, stirred through his plate, choosing careful words. "You didn't have it so easy. You were seeing me or a vision of me. You were pretty unraveled. You asked Ric to help you rearrange your memories of us, remove some like they never happened. I know it was so that you could function, but everything we did, everything we were - he kept the bad, rearranged the good, put others in my place. And the real kick - he couldn't undo it. A vampire compulsion is broken on the death of the vampire. Except Alaric turned into a human again so the compulsion stayed and he couldn't undo it. My best friend let this happen, and didn't try to stop it." That was what hurt the most. He treasured memories, good or bad they were his, and he felt like they were thrown away, and it was that feeling that carried long past the dreams. He would have walked through hell, and she had let him go.

He knew that this was not the girl in front of him, but that hit sent him off the rails. It sent him to someone who promised all sorts of the same things, and was all too eager to make his point known. Sam hadn't meant to play on those emotions. He hadn't known. The angel only offered what Damon needed the most, and hit just the right moment to ward off resistance. He wasn't going to expain it but it was all too easy to connect those dots.

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_doppelganger_
2019-09-05 11:46 am UTC (link)

As he spoke, the emotions settled over Elena. Empathy, because of course she could see how much that had hurt him, but also a dawning realization that left her cold. "...that's when it happened," she completed.

Fork was carefully laid down, Elena trying to not react as viscerally as she felt. He'd cheated on her because of something that had happened in the dream world. And he hadn't been able to talk to her about any of it.

Eyes slid shut for a moment. "I'm not her," she advised after a moment. She had been punished for something her Dream Self had done. Whatever they had had in the real world had been hurt because of it.

"I'm not saying I don't get it." Pained eyes finally looked to him. "I understand the domino effect. But it wasn't fair." And they wouldn't be able to have what they'd had again.

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flipstheswitch
2019-09-05 03:38 pm UTC (link)

"I didn't say it was fair. I said I get that you aren't that girl, and you might not have made that choice, but you know how real those dreams are, and how they feel. They change you. I've been a dreamer for five years, and I'm a vampire. In those dreams, that is me now. I never said it was right, or whatever. I've always said it wasn't. I haven't justified it. All of your friends will tell you how bad I am and how wrong I am for you like they are fucking saints." He rolled his eyes, unable to help it. "They will always play that self-righteous card when it comes to me."

He forced himself to take a bite of the now cooling food. There was more to it, things that this world had dealt during that same time. The dream was that proverbial straw, and it broke something in him. "My dream self keeps chasing you, trying to get back to what we were. I just felt like we lost it. Our whole foundation was based on those memories, and they were gone. I raged, and I destroyed." His worst habit was that, killing the good things in his life with that anger that he found hard to suppress.

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_doppelganger_
2019-09-05 06:18 pm UTC (link)

"You're not bad, Damon," she disagreed with a soft sigh, sitting back in her chair. "I never thought that about you...or just the once. Once in each world, really." In the Dream World when he had snapped Jeremy's neck and in the real world when he'd cheated. "You lash out when you're hurt." A lot of people did, some were just more effective at it than others.

"I certainly didn't think you were wrong for me. Or that I'm somehow better or morally superior to you whatever Caroline or anyone else says." because that was obviously who he was talking about. She'd told her friend before that she understood what had happened even if she didn't forgive him.

"And I'm sorry that I hurt you, too." Even if it hadn't been her. Even if he'd hurt her as well. "And if you're still dreaming about us, you can talk to me. Whatever is going on in that world...you don't have to keep it bottled up."

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flipstheswitch
2019-09-06 12:39 pm UTC (link)

"I'm not good either. I think I've taken up neutral. After you've heard it enough, you believe it, and I'm not about to cater to anyone and apologize for breathing wrong. I'm done with that. Their words get in my head and they also get in yours. You didn't even call me when you transitioned, and I could have helped you." Damon was a lot of things but he would have done right by her. "I haven't even seen that much of you for months." Med school took a lot out of her, and his life was chaotic, so it was hard to schedule time. "Texting is an option."

He decided to eat again, feeling the worst was over. "I'm at the end. We do end up together, and eventually you get the memories back. I get a lot of reruns, which are more like Damon Salvatore's greatest hits." He smiled and cut the waffles. "I'm glad you know. I always thought when you see that, you would know, or understand. I know it isn't fair that of all things to bleed over, it was that one. it's always the one that hits you the hardest."

"So, tell me about med school? We've been out of touch lately. I know it's pretty hard."

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_doppelganger_
2019-09-06 12:54 pm UTC (link)

"I didn't know what to do when I transitioned, Damon," Elena answered honestly. "I didn't reach out to anyone, not just you. I'm lucky someone found me and made sure I didn't hurt anyone. I wouldn't have been able to live with the guilt."

She offered a small smile, though. "I'm glad the dreams end happily enough." Even the little she'd dreamed had been full of bad things and she'd dreamt less than half of what Damon had, given his century and a half as a vampire.

"I'm a resident now. The clinic I work at specializes in helping Dreamers. The weird injuries that bleed over from the dreams. Other clinics or hospitals might ask questions and get answers they wouldn't believe."

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