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Leon Orcot ([info]under_arrest) wrote in [info]valarlogs,
@ 2017-12-23 16:04:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:alex, leon orcot

Who: Leon and Alex
What: Leon goes to Alex's place after a tough night at work
When: This evening
Where: Alex's place
Rating/Warning: PG-13, for talk of Leon killing someone and adult situations
Status: Complete



Leon took another drag of his cigarette, and then rubbed his gloved hands together. They were shaking, but he told himself it was just because had been sitting outside, at the top of the stairs leading to Alex's apartment, in this goddamn cold for the last hour. Even still, he inhaled the tabacco slowly, willing the tremor in his hands to slacken. His ass was cold, that much was for sure, and there was a small pile up of snow on the shoulders of his leather jacket. He was beginning to wonder if he shouldn't just give up and go somewhere else. He couldn't go home, and he definitely couldn't go pick up Chris. Not after the night he'd had. But he if he remembered correctly there was a bar not too far from here. Though he didn't really want to drink tonight. Felt disrespectful.

He went to the shooting range at least twice a week, though more often three or four times in a week. He knew, logically, that the gun wasn't any louder, that the recoil hadn't been any stronger than the hundreds of other times he'd shot it, but his ears still rang with the sound and his hands still stung. At least the cigarettes were calming his nerves a little. At least, that's what he told himself. Belatedly, he realized that the cigarette had turned sour and that he was now smoking the filter. He snuffed it out, then lit another one. He wondered when Alex would be home.



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[info]dunkirkalex
2017-12-24 05:16 am UTC (link)
"I think I'll live."

Alex released his grip on Leon's scarf and locked the door before he began to prepare the promised hot chocolate. Leon would have to excuse that it was packaged.

After a healthy belch that tasted of the night's rum and egg nog, Alex looked over at Leon as he pulled off his gloves and started teh water to boil. "What happened to you?" he asked. Alex might have blamed it on the cold if he hadn't already seen the man in the cold. Something was off about Leon and he thought the weather might only be partly to blame for the trembling in Detective Leon's usually steady hands.

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[info]under_arrest
2017-12-24 06:34 am UTC (link)
Leon glanced briefly at his hands and then crammed them into his jacket pockets. He could smoke hands free, at least until he could hold them still again. "Rough night at work," he said, slipping off his shoes. Almost as if in a trance, he made his way to the table and sat down.

"I killed someone tonight," he added with a wan smile.

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[info]dunkirkalex
2017-12-24 06:48 am UTC (link)
For an ash tray, Alex set a small glass in front of Leon with a bit of water on the bottom.

Leon's state was concerning to begin with, but when Leon explained what had happened, Alex wasn't sure how to respond. A knee jerk response would have been to be afraid of this man, but Alex wasn't, and that could be accredited to his dreams where everything was a lot more frightening and killing was a necessity.

In Leon's line of work, it was much the same. Sometimes, a man just did what he had to.

The water for the hot chocolate was hot. Alex silently went about mixing the packaged stuff with the hot water. He added some rum to the detective's, then set it in front of him before taking his own seat.

"Go on," he prodded.

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[info]under_arrest
2017-12-24 07:17 am UTC (link)
He tried to shoot Alex a thankful smile for the makeshift ashtray, but it wound up looking more sickly than anything. He took a moment to still his hands, and then he pulled them out of his pocket to ash his smoke.

"I found him," Leon said. "The serial killer I've been looking for. Rociel, though it turns out that wasn't his real name. We had him under surveillance, me and my partner, but Max took off to get us some coffee. And then..." he rested his forehead on his fist. Honestly, the whole experience was a blur. He knew he'd filled out a report as soon as some other cops got on the scene, but he'd be surprised if it made any sense. The only thing he could really remember clearly was pulling the trigger and the brief seconds that followed it. "He had a cop. A rookie. He'd already killed ten people, and those only the ones we know about. I didn't have a choice, but I still... How am I supposed to tuck Chris in at night when I..."

He took a deep breath. The hell was he even doing here? Alex spent his days saving people's lives, not taking them, and here Leon was, showing up in the middle of the night after killing someone two goddamn days before Christmas. And he was getting hot chocolate for it. "Sorry," he said, dropping the cigarette into the water and getting to his feet. "This isn't your problem. I need to deal with it on my own. I should go home."

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[info]dunkirkalex
2017-12-24 11:36 am UTC (link)
Two seconds after Leon was on his feet, Alex was on his own He moved to the man, his own hands steady and warm from the gloves and booze when they went to Leon's cold cheeks.

"How are you supposed to tuck Chris in at night when you killed a dangerous man who might've one day done him harm and you wouldn't be able to tuck him in at all? How would you feel then?"

He paused, brows furrowed, his lips tense. Suddenly, his lips felt dry and he had to shake off images and sounds of his dreams to stay grounded in reality. "I won't take away from you any of this, but don't you dare take it on yourself that you don't deserve to be the man Chris looks up to every day. You protected him, you protected things happening to other families. You can feel your guilt, but don't let it consume you, and don't think for once that you're undeserving of that kid's adoration."

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[info]under_arrest
2017-12-24 03:48 pm UTC (link)
Leon's initial reaction was to pull away; somehow the idea of being comforted felt perverse. But he stopped himself. Alex's hands felt hot against Leon's cold face, and he found himself closing his eyes and leaning into the touch instead. The knot in the put of his stomach began to loosen.

"All I've ever wanted to do was protect people," he said, opening his eyes and looking into the younger man's face. If he concentrated on Alex, it was easier not to think of the man they'd called Rociel. "To protect every one of the seven billion idiots I hate in this world. Which means that even of Jack the Ripper himself was standing in front of me, I'd do everything in my power to keep him safe until we brought him to trial. But you're right. I know you're right. I've always known someday I might have to take a life to save one." He just hadn't thought it would be this hard.

Leon started to raise his hand to bring to Alex's face, but he remembered belatedly that they were still freezing cold, and while not as noticeably as when he first walked in, were still trembling, so he put them back in his jacket pockets instead. "Guess I'm not much like John McClane after all," he added with half-smile.

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[info]dunkirkalex
2017-12-25 06:57 am UTC (link)
Leon would have to forgive Alex for being twenty one and not knowing what Die Hard was.

"No, you aren't," he agreed. "You're Detective Leon and you handle your shit." That was what was important. Finally, his hands slid from the worn detective's cheeks and he moved out of the man's space. "You're also staying here tonight." No way was he letting Leon walk out that door.

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[info]under_arrest
2017-12-25 12:07 pm UTC (link)
Leon's eyebrows came together as Alex's hands slid away. He didn't want Alex out of his space. Alex was warm and comforting and distracting in one of the best ways possible. Leon was also pretty sure that Alex was involved with someone, so he stood there for a moment with his hands in pockets feeling like a conflicted idiot.

Then, his hands were out of his pockets, his right hand reaching for Alex's and his left for the side of Alex's face so he could pull him in for a kiss. He wasn't sure what he was doing, but he was pretty sure he could blame it on not thinking straight whether Alex kissed him or punched him.

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[info]dunkirkalex
2017-12-25 05:34 pm UTC (link)
Perhaps some of the reasons Alex and Damon got along so well was they both had a penchant for reckless behavior. Perhaps, too, it was one of the reasons Alex was so attracted Leon. Part of him knew he shouldn't get this deeply involved with anyone, but the other part of him needed the taste of Leon on his tongue again.

There was no hesitation when Leon kissed him. Alex kissed back, selfishly thirsty for him. He thought if Leon wanted him to, he'd fall to his knees and take the man's prick into his mouth. Taking advantage of Leon right now was stupid and ill advised, for reasons beyond the traumatic experiences of today, and it was only those combined reasons that he broke the kiss, huffing against Leon's mouth, his hand at the back of the man's neck.

He squeezed his eyes shut. "Leon," he exhaled. Fuck, fuck, fuck. The words were unsaid. We can't. God, it hurt that they couldn't. It hurt when his body screamed Just this once.

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[info]under_arrest
2017-12-25 07:14 pm UTC (link)
For the first time that night Leon was able to forget about the events of the night. All there was was Alex and the heat of his mouth and the pressure of his hand on his neck. How quickly Leon's body was heating up.

When Alex broke the kiss Leon immediately went for his neck, only realizing after the first aggressive kiss that something was wrong. He pulled away reluctantly, breathing heavily. "Hm?" he asked.

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[info]dunkirkalex
2017-12-25 09:58 pm UTC (link)
This wasn't the time to tell Leon about Damon. That could come later. Even though there was no discussion with Damon yet, even though they weren't in a relationship and Alex was pleased to fuck and kiss who he pleased, Leon was different. He wanted more from Leon than just that. Here, there were those pesky feelings involved where Leon was concerned, ones Alex didn't care to acknowledge.

This whole thing was too confusing and Alex didn't feel like thinking too much on it.

"Come on," he urged, taking Leon's hand in his own to start pulling hi to the bedroom. "Not for what you think either, as much as I'd like that."

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[info]under_arrest
2017-12-25 11:59 pm UTC (link)
Leon couldn't keep the look of confusion and disappointment from his face, but he took Alex's hand, twining their fingers together, and let the younger man lead him to the bedroom.

Part of him wanted to know why they weren't still making out in the kitchen and why going to the bedroom didn't entail what Leon thought it would, but he didn't ask. Part of him was worried that Alex had finally managed to seal the deal with one of those two guys he'd talked to Leon about, and frankly, tonight, Leon didn't want to know. He'd have to find out eventually, but that would be a disappointment that Leon didn't want to face right now.

"I don't wanna impose," he protested weakly. "I can crash on the couch."

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[info]dunkirkalex
2017-12-26 12:09 am UTC (link)
If Leon thought the making out was over, he was sorely mistaking.

Alex rolled his eyes and released Leon's hand to start removing his own clothes. Not all of them. Alex would need the barrier between himself and Leon. "Don't be stupid," he told the detective. Shorts and t-shirt would remain on, clothes strewn across the floor carelessly.

"Fuck, it's freezing," he stated as the cold air hit his skin. "Hurry up." Already, Alex was folding back the bed covers so he could slide under them, preferably with Leon's warmth beside him.

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[info]under_arrest
2017-12-26 12:49 am UTC (link)
Leon was a little stunned when Alex started getting undressed, not able to take his eyes off of Alex as he stripped down. He swallowed heavily.

"I don't know what you thought I was thinking when you started leading me here," Leon said, actually managing a grin, as he slipped off his jacket and then pulled off his shirt. "But this is probably pretty close." He slipped out of jeans, following Alex's lead by leaving on his boxers, though they didn't do much to hide his excitement before he slipped in next to Alex.

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[info]dunkirkalex
2017-12-26 07:15 am UTC (link)
It didn't help that Leon's body was as close to perfect as they got. Alex could only fault himself for having invited Leon directly into bed, but if their ideas of what to do were similar (and the state of Leon's shorts said it was true), then both were in for blue balls.

When Leon slid under the covers, Alex scooted close to him, allowing himself to be the smaller of the two. It wasn't hard since he was a slip of a young man and Leon was, well, Leon. He pulled the covers over both their shoulders as their chests touched. He'd been close to Leon before, but he didn't think he'd ever been this close. Leon was still a little cold,but that would go away, Alex was sure. He could feel Leon against his hip and he sighed against the man's mouth, his breath shaking only slightly.

"Have you ever kissed a guy before me?" he asked. Part of him wanted to talk more about the events of the day that had lead Leon to his door, but he wanted other thoughts in Leon's head before he went to sleep.

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[info]under_arrest
2017-12-26 09:02 am UTC (link)
Leon's breath caught in his throat when Alex's chest touched his. He didn't remember his heart pounding so hard any other time he got into bed with someone. He touched his fingertips to Alex's hip and lightly trailed them along his skin.

Leon had always been skilled in the art of suppressing the things he didn't want to think about, and Alex had managed to get his thoughts off things quicker than a bottle could. There'd probably be nightmares, but it wasn't like Leon could control those. A big part of him just wanted to turn off his brain all together and let his body take over, but he was also glad for the chance to calm down a little.

"No," he said. "There haven't been a whole lot of guys I've wanted to kiss. Though I did kiss one since." Goddammit, why did he say that? "I didn't mean to. It just kind of happened. I mean we were both pretty surprised. He offered me free drinks if I didn't tell anyone." Leon could see that he was just making the hole deeper, but he couldn't drop the shovel. "The mistletoe made me do it." He added helplessly. Jesus Christ, Orcot, you sound insane. Just stop talking. "You?"

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[info]dunkirkalex
2017-12-26 11:22 am UTC (link)
Having Leon touch him, willingly touch him in intimate ways, under bed covers, purposefully across bare skin, was still surreal to Alex. He was sure Leon hadn't meant to kiss him either. Moreover, he'd been certain that it would be the only time it woud ever happen and he'd been content in that knowledge.

Now, he was just confused.

He didn't know if this was Leon wanting him or if this was Leon seeking distraction from what had happened to him. It would be easy to take advantage of, but Alex didn't want either of them to regret anything.

As Leon spoke, a wave of relief washed over him, though it wasn't visible in the dim bedroom. "Before and since," he said without missing a beat, seeing the easy segue. "I definitely meant to, just like I meant to with you."

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[info]under_arrest
2017-12-26 02:17 pm UTC (link)
It was ridiculous to feel disappointed by the answer to a question that Leon already knew the answer to, and yet here he was. He was tempted to follow the line of questioning: the whos and then whens and the how seriouses, but he decided the better idea would be to seek out Alex's mouth again. After all, right now, none of that mattered. The who and the when was Leon and now.

His fingers found the edge of Alex's underwear. Tentatively, he ran them along the inside of the band, from the back of Alex's hips to the front, testing his boundaries. If this was where he was supposed to reassure Alex that he'd meant to kiss him too, well, he never had been very good at picking up those kind of cues.

"Anything else you wanna ask? I'll do my best to answer."

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[info]dunkirkalex
2017-12-26 02:34 pm UTC (link)
There was no fucking way this was happening. Everything, the whole fucking world, had dwindled down into one bright-hot point: Leon. Leon's mouth, Leon's fucking amazing body, and Leon's hands and skin and breath and touch.

Now it suddenly became unclear just who was taking advantage of who.

Fingers were sifted into Leon's hair, almost clutching and it was Alex's turn to start to tremble. From cold, from fear of the unknown, from need, all three of them combined and coiled into heat at the pit of Alex's stomach. His eyes opened, trying to find something in Leon's gaze that would help. He found nothing. What was he meant to ask when he could barely breathe?

At length, he wet his own lips. "Would you hate me if I tell you I'm involved with someone, but I want you to fuck me?" There it was. The entire truth, laid out for Leon's consideration. He could deny it all he wanted, but he was with Damon and he wanted that, but he also couldn't deny what he wanted with Leon, possibly his closest friend.

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[info]under_arrest
2017-12-26 03:40 pm UTC (link)
And there it was. Leon could avoid asking questions that he thought he knew the answers to, but he couldn't avoid it when the answers to those questions were laid out in front of him. He wanted to ignore what Alex said, to ignore the feeling of the sharp disappointment in his chest. He wanted to explore every inch of that trembling body and lose himself entirely in it. His entirely body ached for it.

And why shouldn't he? He'd been through enough tonight to justify it. He owed nothing to whoever it was that Alex was seeing. And he still had his excuse to fall back on: he just wasn't thinking straight.

But he didn't regret what he'd done tonight. He felt guilty, yes, but not regret. And if he did this now, well, he might regret it and he'd definitely feel guilty. His parents had raised him better. Sure, if there was ever call for a moment of weakness, this was it. But if he hooked up with Alex he didn't want it to be a moment of weakness. He was forced to admit to himself that he had wanted more. He was too old and too cynical to believe in waiting for the perfect first time, but his first time with another man, with Alex, well... it should be better than this. Leon should have called him after the snowboarding trip.

"Fuuuuck," Leon swore, his curse starting low and raising up with his frustration. He wanted to punch something - the mattress, the wall, Alex's lover - but he settled for removing his hand from Alex's waistband, rolling onto his back, and knuckling his forehand. He curled his other arm around Alex's back and pulled him in tighter. "I couldn't hate you, but fuck me if I don't wish you hadn't said anything."

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[info]dunkirkalex
2017-12-26 03:54 pm UTC (link)
Alex knew that look and knew that tenseness in that tone. He knew it because he felt it in his own body, having to tell Leon this, especially at such a vulnerable time. He couldn't feel regret for being honest, but any relief he felt was overwhelmed by his own disappointment.

Leon fixed it for them both. Alex was too conflicted, young, and stupid, in need of some sort of release. This was not it. If he'd had his own way, Leon would have fucked him all night, until neither of them could feel anything, until they both fell asleep in wadded sheets that Alex would surely need to wash later.

Later, he'd be grateful to Leon for fixing it. Right now, he was just frustrated that his hand was gone and he had to settle for cuddling against his friend's chiseled body. He didn't know if he should apologize, but he thought better of an empty apology since he was only sorry that Leon wasn't letting him put his mouth around him.

"Me, too," he all but sulked, his arm going around Leon's torso. He sighed. "But I'm glad you're staying." There was that much at least.

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[info]under_arrest
2017-12-26 04:11 pm UTC (link)
"I couldn't leave even if I wanted to," Leon muttered. He did want to leave, if for no other reason than the fact that now he probably wouldn't be able to get to sleep with Alex curled up so close to him. Everywhere that Alex's skin touched his was burning, and just the thought of his lithe body pressed up against Leon's was enough to get him hard. But he still wouldn't be able to sleep if he went home. Then he'd just be left alone with all his own thoughts.

He cleared his throat. "So, you like this guy I take it? What's he like?"

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[info]dunkirkalex
2017-12-26 04:18 pm UTC (link)
"I don't want to talk about that."

Not with Leon, who was a lot like Damon. Alex pushed himself up to look down at his friend, his fingers splayed across the man's bare chest. Now Leon felt warm and looked flushed and agitated. Alex couldn't very well blame him either.

"You were the other one," he confessed. "You know, the one I was sure I didn't have a chance with." All signs pointed to Leon not being interested in Alex that way, especially the day he'd asked Alex to stop.

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[info]under_arrest
2017-12-26 05:06 pm UTC (link)
Leon laid quiet for several long moments. His love life had been, basically, series of rejections and getting dumped, and so the last person he'd had ever thought was the guy Alex had been talking about was him. The thought hadn't even crossed his mind. He wondered what he would have thought had Alex told him. Probably that it was some kind of joke. He hadn't even really thought of Alex like that back then. Sure he'd felt a sharp twinge of jealousy every time he thought of Alex with someone else, but he'd been able to ignore and then forget it.

The laughter rose up from his stomach and was escaping from his mouth before he could stop it. He wasnt sure why he was laughing, there really wasn't anything funny about the situation. He was obviously losing it, but he was glad for the release all the same. "Yeah, that sounds like my luck," he managed between the laughter.

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[info]dunkirkalex
2017-12-26 05:15 pm UTC (link)
That kind of laughter was unnerving. Alex's brows drew together again, but he didn't move from his position.

"I think it's both our luck," he added. "And, knowing mine, I'm wrong about this whole thing and he won't want to be more than fuck buddies anyway." Then Alex will have blown his chance with Leon and that would be some kind of karma, wouldn't it?

Relaxing again, Alex settled back to Leon's chest. "If it makes you feel any better, I'll probably drown in my dreams again tonight."

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[info]under_arrest
2017-12-26 06:47 pm UTC (link)
Leon wrapped his hand around the hand Alex had on his chest, still laughing but hoping that focusing on Alex's supple fingers would help ground him, anĸ after a moment he was able make the laughter subside. "If that's the case then he'd be an idiot," Leon said, never hoping for somebody's idiocy more in his life.

"I don't know what part of waking up cold and wet you think will make me feel better." He could still remember how Alex had woken up, blue-lipped and drenched to the bone. Leon had never been so scared for someone outside of work. He wrapped his fingers in Alex's hair, holding his head protectively against his chest. "But I know CPR so I'll make sure to bring you back before I kick your ass for it."

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[info]dunkirkalex
2017-12-26 07:07 pm UTC (link)
"I'm the idiot," Alex thought aloud.

Leon was perfect and Alex was rejecting him for reasons unknown, aside from Alex having something undefinable with something else and knowing it wasn't fair to either of man he was in this with. In a perfect world, he could have them both, maybe try to be one of those fucked up thrupples who never really worked out. Alex let out a breath between his lips, sounding not unlike a horse. What did he give a shit about fairness? He could fight a war, he could survive (at least up until the moment he may or may not have drowned), he could see a man through his own traumatic experience, but when it came to this shit, he had no idea what he was doing.

Fingers laced in with Leon's free hand, his lips turning to Leon's warm chest as the man held him there. "I ain't really worried about having a nightmare," he admitted. "You're here with me." Even if he had a nightmare, Leon would make him feel better, like he always did.

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