InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "cute is not what i am for"

Regulus Black (leonineserpant) wrote in valarcomm,
@ 2019-08-27 03:54:00

Entry tags:

regulus black, weiss schnee

>>Hey
>>How are you holding up over there?

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	notmadeofstone 2019-08-27 10:11 pm UTC (link)
	>> I am >> Alright, if I lie to you then Amycus will just give me that look. >> I am awful >> I had a text meltdown with my therapist. >> I am so awful that I am admitting I needed therapy. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	leonineserpant 2019-08-28 05:18 am UTC (link)
	>>Therapy isn't something you should be ashamed of >>needing >>especially after everything you've been through. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

notmadeofstone
2019-08-29 12:55 am UTC (link)

>> It's going to take some getting used to.
>> My entire life nothing less than perfect was acceptable.
>> You should have seen his reaction when the scar over my eye came through
>> from the dreams, I mean
>> And that was...
>> I should have realised, I suppose
>> It's dream him that gave it to me, in a sense.
>> His summon. His battle.
>> There was no way I could tell the 'real life' him that.
>> Even before I realised how it all was, I was still terrified.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

leonineserpant
2019-08-29 01:05 am UTC (link)

>>And no one can be perfect
>>I know that better than most people
>>and parents that expect perfect from their children
>>are setting their kids up for
>>so much mental anguish.
>>Even those that aren't as overtly unhinged
>>as your father is.
>>Because nothing kills your self esteem more
>>than being constantly put under pressure because
>>your best isn't good enough.
>>And that is before everything else that he did
>>that just
>>makes it all the worse.

>>Summon or not, it was still him that did it.
>>Not in a sense. In actual fact.
>>If someone hits your house with a car
>>it wasn't the car that did it.

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notmadeofstone
2019-08-30 05:46 pm UTC (link)

>> parents... but it was actually just father.
>> mother never really bothered to check in much at all
>> I'll have to deal with my anger with her over that at some point.

>> I'm probably going to be in therapy for the rest of my life

>> But yes, that's exactly it.
>> He expected so much of me and tore me down for anything less than that.
>> In the dreams it was even worse.
>> You start questioning whether real relationships with others are worth it.
>> who you can trust
>> who is really authentically your friend - since you aren't perfect
>> and no one outside of this seems to understand it when you're rich.
>> I had everything handed to me as long as I kept up the charade.
>> I never wanted for food or shelter, just love.
>> so there's that secondary concern of 'oh poor little rich girl'.
>> Do I even have the RIGHT to be this screwed up?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

leonineserpant
2019-08-31 03:55 am UTC (link)

>>Enabling is it's own form of abuse, to be honest.
>>But yeah, it's best to deal with that later
>>and not take on more than your head is able to all
>>in one go.

>>While my parents aren't quite as insanely wealthy as
>>yours is,
>>they are definitely rich enough to speak from experiance
>>here
>>one poor little rich kid to another.
>>You do have the right to be this screwed up.
>>This isn't a suffering competition
>>and just because your problems are first world problems
>>doesn't mean they aren't real
>>and doesn't mean that they don't affect you.
>>You have the right to feel how you feel
>>and neglect is still neglect
>>even if it's of emotional and mental needs
>>rather than physical.
>>And abuse is still abuse.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

notmadeofstone
2019-08-31 04:46 am UTC (link)

>> And I'm going to have to tell some of this to the entire world.
>> It's... daunting.

>> I really do appreciate your perspective.
>> I think some part of me is still trying to find a reason
>> to sweep all of this away
>> as if some larger explanation would make it all seem less real
>> or less awful
>> mainly less real, I think.

>> I sing a lot of songs in my dreams about mirrors
>> What they see, what I can't hide from when I look into them
>> what kind of reflection they give, false or true
>> The Schnee family mirror is about to be shattered.
>> Do you really think they're going to question our
>> what was the word she used
>> moral turpitude?
>> It CAN'T be that questionable to be gay, still, can it?

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leonineserpant
2019-08-31 05:10 am UTC (link)

>>And I can't even begin to imagine how that has to feel
>>to talk about everything he did and is publicly that way

>>And... that makes a lot of sense
>>That you just want to find a reason to not have to
>>deal with this.
>>No one should have to deal with this
>>But that isn't fair to do to yourself either.

>>Rita Skeeter is a writer for a rag
>>the worst of the worst kind of writer
>>she wouldn't know moral turpitude if it bit her
>>in the ass.
>>She was the same way in the dreams
>>I remember laughing at her articles.
>>Pretty sure she graduated with one of my cousins there

>>But no, it's not that questionable to be gay still.
>>Only to a very narrow group of people
>>that have very narrow minds.

>>and I am pretty sure your father shattered his mirror
>>himself
>>by doing what he did.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

notmadeofstone
2019-08-31 07:15 pm UTC (link)

>> I am... nervous
>> But also somehow relieved?
>> I remember that first press conference I did, it actually felt amazing to call him and his cronies out.

>> I had no idea she came from your dream world.
>> She sounds absolutely awful to have to go to school with, though.
>> One of those mean girls always whispering in the hallways
>> Never able to mind their own business.

>> Yes, well... he did
>> But if no one ever said anything he'd have gotten away with it.
>> and I don't mind that we're all making sure he doesn't get away with it.
>> It's better like that for all of us.
>> It's just a lot to handle.
>> And not just for me

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leonineserpant
2019-09-01 01:16 am UTC (link)

>>How can we help?
>>Whatever you need.

>>I'd ask my cousin if she knew here here as well
>>but I am not exactly on speaking terms with that cousin
>>But I wouldn't doubt at all that that's what she was like

>>You're right, he would have gotten away with it if no one
>>spoke up
>>And it is better for you that he's being brought to justice
>>but I can understand at the same time how hard it
>>has to be.
>>But we're here for you
>>You've been adopted as one of our own, okay?

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