Pete Wisdom is saving the world...from itself. (mister_wisdom) wrote in valarcomm, @ 2012-07-02 05:26:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | neena thurman (domino), pete wisdom, romany wisdom |
E-mails to Romany and Domino
Please read through these and e-mail/forward back anything you'd like added or amended because I am not having this turn into a situation where I will move back into one of my rat infested hell holes because of my sister because of things happening if no rules are in place. So read through it over the next day or so, or at your earliest convenience.
So here it is...
- No pets. I see so much as a goldfish? It goes into a pan, I fry it, and I eat it.
- That includes outdoor pets. I see it? I kick it. Or I'll pawn it off onto the neighbor's children. Hopefully not in pieces, or we'll be receiving complaints. Don't make us have to receive complaints.
- I might make an exception if it's a large angry breed of dog, and it eats people's faces off and has rabies. But only if it has both of those conditions, not one or the other. Oh, and it has to like me more than anyone else. And maybe it can like Thurman, also. But not Romany. For it will try to eat her. Then all shall be as it should be, for that pleases me.
- No bodies or body parts are to be left indoors. We have a yard now, so we're obligated to plant corpsey bits into it and see what grows.
- Do not drop ice into my scotch or I will break your fingers and stab you in the hands.
- If the moldy bread man becomes the new kitchen overlord, then there's three sets of eyes here and it's not all my fault. Growths happen.
- I will strive not to create pizza box furniture. No matter how utterly brilliant that is and how much better than Ikea it is.
- No orgies. You know who you are, that I'm directing this toward.
- No devil worship outside or in the common areas. Keep it in your room.
- While we're at it, Romany? Don't answer the door, sans clothing.
- Furthermore? Leave your sex toys in your room and sexy times with toys do not happen on the sofa.
- No feng shui in our respective personal spaces. We like our things where we leave them, as is. No one else needs to move anything if it doesn't belong to them. Or Thurman will pull out her hair and go stark raving nutter butters. We don't want that, since she's the most heavily armed individual in the house.
- No one touches anyone else's weaponry. That applies to where you might find it taped or tucked away. It's there for a reason. Leave it be.
- Bloody well respect eachother's privacy. Our bedrooms are off limits. Stay out of mine. Don't touch anything in there, don't enter without knocking, and then I won't have to piss on your pillows and burn things in retaliation.
- I'll wash my dishes when I bloody well feel like it. That includes putting them in the dishwasher. If it's that offensive to you that I dumped them into the sink and left them, then YOU move them. Don't rag on me about it. It is what it is.
- Freezer must be stockpiled with as much chopped up cow as it can hold.
- I can and WILL park on the front lawn, if I so desire.
- Speaking of? Tending to lawns is that which I, as the male of the household, will not be doing.
- In fact, I can't be arsed to do much of anything, so don't count on me to do it.
- Finally, no rituals to raise dead people or ghosts in the house. Not unless it's for a bloody good reason and there's a unanimous vote that it can happen. THEN it's all right.
There. Got that out of the way. If either of you have anything to add, then add it now. Because when rubbish happens, as it WILL, I will point to this outline and then threaten to start killing people. I won't even be systematic about it. I'll simply start with whomever's closest.