InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "jesus christ it's a lion >:3"

Bella Donna Boudreaux loves cooking and murder (poisonwine) wrote in utr_logs,
@ 2008-03-01 22:56:00

Entry tags:

belladonna boudreaux, jonas joseph jane

Who: Belle and Jonas
What: Stopping Belle from doing anything stupid
Where: Belle's apartment
Rating: Triggery material possible and probable.

She hadn't really moved much. Her stuff was mostly packed up and sitting in the place at Georgia. She'd come there under the pretense of grabbing the last of her things when it had all gotten to be too much.

She didn't want Gilbert to worry, or see her like this.

So she was sitting in a chair in a nearly empty room, her iBook humming softly as she stared at it, not quite seeing it. Jonas would be there soon, and she didn't know what to tell him.

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jonasjustjokes
2008-03-03 03:38 am UTC (link)

Jonas wasn't sure how he knew how to get to Belle--he just sort of did. It was one of those things that happened to him every so often, and this was one of the few times that he didn't kind of hate it. Right now he needed it more than anything. He didn't have the time to ask for directions.

He took a portkey, getting as close to the house as he could, and then he ran. Sprinted, actually. He was terrified that something might happen to her before he could get there.

The front door was unlocked, so he thumped up the stairs, making a racket in the quiet house. His heart seemed louder than anything, pounding in his ears, keeping time with his steps. Too slow, he'd be too late--

But there she was. He slid to a stop in front of an open doorway and walked in, sweaty and red. He could feel the relief pulsing through him with the adrenaline, as the worst of his fears began to subside.

"You're okay," he said, incredulous. He panted for a moment, then added, "I mean, I was worried."

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	poisonwine 2008-03-03 06:26 am UTC (link)
	She looked up and laughed. "No, I'm not okay." Woodenly she stood, ushering Jonas into the chair she'd been using, tapping a button on her computer to send it into hibernation. "You ran?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	jonasjustjokes 2008-03-04 03:03 am UTC (link)
	"Not really," he said, walking slowly over to the chair. "Well I...I ran from the portkey." He sat down, never once taking his eyes off her. "Okay. So...do you want to tell me what's wrong?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	poisonwine 2008-03-04 07:37 am UTC (link)
	She shrugged, sitting on the desk she'd cleared. "I've fucked everything up. Just sat back and let my life go t' hell. Don't see anyway I can fix it." Her voice was quiet, devoid of emotion, though it was easy to see she was close to breaking into tears again. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

jonasjustjokes
2008-03-07 01:31 am UTC (link)

((*is lives*))

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "What are you talking about?" he asked, mystified and horrified at once. He didn't want to hear her talk about herself like that, but wished for the thousandth time he knew more about what was wrong. His voice softened. "There's no such thing as a problem without a solution. I'll help you figure it out, if you need it. What happened?"

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	poisonwine 2008-03-07 06:33 am UTC (link)
	She sighed, putting her head in her hands. "I just stood back and let shit happen. First my entire life got fucked up because I let myself get frozen by indecision, and then I got taken advantage of because I trusted someone I knew not t' trust." She curls up a bit, resting her chin on her knees. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	jonasjustjokes 2008-03-08 05:27 am UTC (link)
	He pulled his legs up beneath him, watching her closely. "Slow down," he said, studying her face. "First things first--no matter what you think you did, if somebody took advantage of you it was not your fault." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	poisonwine 2008-03-08 05:31 am UTC (link)
	"I know better." She said. "Supposed t' be the smart one, the one who's always on the lookouit f'r danger. And I got my ass handed t' me because I walked int' a bad situation tired and didn't keep track of my weapons." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	jonasjustjokes 2008-03-08 06:00 am UTC (link)
	He leaned forward a little, his eyes piercing. "Listen. to me. You and I both know that there was no way you could have predicted something like that would happen. And even if you could have, you getting...taken advantage of falls completely on the shoulders of the person who did it. They made the decision. Not you." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	poisonwine 2008-03-08 06:03 am UTC (link)
	"If I'd have gone with my gut instinct it would have been a lot harder. I gambled on the kindness of a man who made my skin crawl, and I paid for it." She had, in her mind, gotten exactly what she'd deserved. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

jonasjustjokes
2008-03-10 01:14 am UTC (link)

He reached up and touched the neck of his turtleneck, an unconscious gesture--all the pain and anguish floating around the room were getting deep into him, and it was hard for him to focus. "You didn't pay for anything. The only thing you did was trust, and if nobody trusted anyone else this world would be alot sorrier place to live than it is. You did what you thought was right, or you wouldn't have done it."

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	poisonwine 2008-03-10 04:06 am UTC (link)
	"I did it because I'm stupid." She shrugs. "'S just the way it is." She touched where the rope burns hadn't quite faded yet. "Don't know how something physical could hurt so much more when the wounds have faded." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

jonasjustjokes
2008-03-11 03:12 am UTC (link)

He wrapped a hand around his own wrist, looking down. "You weren't stupid," he said softly. "You were trusting and maybe, for a moment, naive. But what happened was no more your fault than it would be if you'd been kidnapped walking down the street, or mugged in a dark alley. Maybe you could have been a little more alert, but the malicious intent of the other person...that's what did it. Not you."

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poisonwine
2008-03-11 03:53 am UTC (link)

She nodded, looking dejected. "Just. . . he was my fuckin' brother. I've trained all my life t' protect his sorry ass, and that's how he repays me. He fucked up my marriage and got his ass fragged, and then he came here and-"

She stops, shaking her head. "How can I hate my own flesh and blood so much? How can I wish for my own death with all my heart? It makes no sense."

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	jonasjustjokes 2008-03-11 04:09 am UTC (link)
	He winced. That he hadn't known. "Jesus," he muttered. "Where is he now?" "It does," he said, shrugging, his eyes still on his shoes. "You don't want to go on because going on means getting through. They say the brave thing isn't not fearing death in the face of misery, the brave thing is to keep living until things get better." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	poisonwine 2008-03-11 04:13 am UTC (link)
	"Dead." There is not an ounce of uncertainty in her voice. "I made sure." She listens to him talk, still curled up tightly. "What if they don't? What if this is some crazy Hell dimension?" She could have died without knowing it, for all she knows. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

jonasjustjokes
2008-03-11 04:16 am UTC (link)

"Kay," he said, "just double-checking."

His thoughts had gotten very bloody there for a second, very violent, so much so that it made him uncomfortable. He didn't like hurting people, and he didn't like being reminded of the fact that he was capable of it under the right circumstances. Had he still been alive, Belle's brother would have been within said circumstances.

He shrugged. "I don't know. Look around. Alot of people seem really happy here. I'm pretty happy. It can't be all bad, can it?"

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	poisonwine 2008-03-11 04:18 am UTC (link)
	"I don't either. I'm just bein' over dramatic. This isn't a bad place. I just. . .wish t' God my brother hadn't come here." More than anything else, she wishes that he had just remained dead. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

jonasjustjokes
2008-03-11 04:23 am UTC (link)

"Me too," he said, his voice barely audible. He felt for her, deeply and honestly. He'd been through it, wasn't entirely over it yet, and knew what it was like. He didn't feel like he should exactly be the person giving her advice on how to move on, but a pity party wasn't what she needed right now. She needed somebody who was going to be a rock, and so he was going to do his very best. "But even if we want to, the past is always going to be there. On the other side of the coin, it's also back there. The past, I mean. It's not happening right now--it's over and done with. And in this case, it can't come back."

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poisonwine
2008-03-11 04:30 am UTC (link)

"Yeah, but there are always gonna be bad people. World's full of 'em. It's just. . .hard t' believe there are many good people, sometimes. And even harder when you can't honestly say that you're a good person."

She knows what she does, or rather what she did, was evil and wrong. Everything she is revolved around the Assassin's Guild, and more than she knows her name, she knows her function, which was to terminate others' lives for money. How can she live with that knowledge? Especially on top of this, when her first response to the situation was to mercilessly kill her own brother?

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	jonasjustjokes 2008-03-11 04:33 am UTC (link)
	He bit his lip as a little pang went through him. "That sounds familiar," he murmured with a faint smile. "I...I have to know there are good people, Belle. To get along, I have to know that. I've met them, so I know they're out there. Maybe you miss them for years at a time, maybe you meet them every day, but they are there." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

poisonwine
2008-03-11 04:36 am UTC (link)

She nods, staring at Jonas. "I know. I should know better. I know one thing, but feel something completely different. I'm a telepath, and I know that nobody's truly bad, but I feel as though there are only three good people in existence. I know what happened was, in the long run, not the end all be all of my existence, but at the moment it feels as though that's my entire life."

She shook her head. "It's all so stupid. Whole fuckin' thing's just stupid."

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	jonasjustjokes 2008-03-12 03:46 am UTC (link)
	He shook his head. "It's not stupid. Something terrible happened to you and you're not over it yet--I don't know anyone who would be. If you know that people aren't all bad somewhere, the rest of you will come around to it in time. You're not giving yourself any time to process it." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	poisonwine 2008-03-12 03:53 am UTC (link)
	"I'm tired of being broken." She sighed. "It sucks." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	jonasjustjokes 2008-03-14 03:54 am UTC (link)
	"Nobody likes it," he said, shrugging, feeling somewhat useless. "If it helps...I think I would have done the exact same thing you did, if I was in your position. And probably felt just as bad about it, even there's no real reason to." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	poisonwine 2008-03-14 05:51 am UTC (link)
	She nods slightly. "A little." Not really. But having him here is helping more than she'd thought it would. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	jonasjustjokes 2008-03-15 04:11 am UTC (link)
	He shuffled his feet a bit, staring down at them. "I wish I could be more of a help," he said, a bit forlorn. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	poisonwine 2008-03-15 04:20 pm UTC (link)
	She shrugged. "You helped. I'm not alone anymore. Always feel more sane around other people. I just had t' get away from Gilbert for a little bit. He's a nice guy, but. . . I guess I feel bad because I don't like him as much as he likes me." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	jonasjustjokes 2008-03-16 04:00 am UTC (link)
	He shifted, looking up at her again. "You haven't really mentioned him before," he said. "Who is he?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

poisonwine
2008-03-16 05:42 am UTC (link)

She grimaced. "Uh, wow, have I really not mentioned him? He's my live-in lover. Kinda. Was my lover anyway, until the whole sex thing got to be too much."

There was a sigh. It takes a hell of a lot to stop Belle from wanting to have sex. Prior to this, nothing has managed it, not even fear of eternal damnation of for her life. "He talks about marrying me, eventually, sometimes, but. . .I don't love him, and I don't have much in common with him. But I don't want to be alone, and I don't want to break his heart."

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	jonasjustjokes 2008-03-17 03:19 am UTC (link)
	He frowned. "That's...that's rough," he said carefully. "I have to say, though--wouldn't it be worse to string him along than to let him go?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	poisonwine 2008-03-17 05:33 am UTC (link)
	"Yeah." She hangs her head. "But what if it's just the crazy shit that's happened that's making me feel like this? I liked him enough to pursue him in the first place." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	jonasjustjokes 2008-03-18 03:29 am UTC (link)
	He shrugged, kicking his legs a bit. "I don't know, Belle. You're the only one who can come up with that answer." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	poisonwine 2008-03-18 05:22 am UTC (link)
	"I know. It's just. . .in the past two months I've gone through more trauma than most people experience in years. It's getting to be too much." She shakes her head, and rests her forehead on her knees, her hair falling in curtains around her face. (Reply to this) (Parent)