InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I'm feeling fat and sassy!"

Rose Jean Frost (diamondclaws) wrote in utr_logs,
@ 2008-01-21 03:42:00

Entry tags:

gar logan, rose frost

who. Gar and Rose
what. Freaking out
when. Late-late tonight
where. Gar's pad. NYC

A fifteen year old girl walked down the streets of Manhattan alone in the middle of the night. Her hair was slicked back, dripping wet. She didn't have a proper coat on. The clothes she wore were a few sizes too big.

When Rose had transformed back into her normal self, she'd been in the streets of London. There'd been dried blood on her. And in her mind were blurry images of the sort of violence she'd never dreamed of. She'd hurt strangers and friends. She'd brutalized Rachel, her almost-sister. And the worst part of it was that she'd enjoyed it. Working mostly on automatic, the first thing Rose had done after snapping back to reality had been to break into the nearest empty apartment to shower and change into clean clothes.

Before she'd even realized where she was going, she took the portkey to New York and walked down the streets. She'd never been to Gar's apartment, but she knew the way there. By the time she got to his door, she was shivering and her cheeks were puffy. She was in a bit of a panic, realizing what she'd done. What she'd become.

She knocked on the door, fearing that Gar would open it, take a look at her, and shut it in her face. But she didn't know where else to go. Home wasn't any option. She couldn't go back there. She didn't deserve to go back there and she couldn't face her family. So she knocked again and waited.

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

diamondclaws
2008-01-21 10:34 am UTC (link)

Rose couldn't be sure how much time passed between the first few tears shed and the last shuddering gasp. But eventually, she found herself running out of steam. Taking big gulps of air, she began to get some sort of control over herself. It wasn't easy and she found the world around her blurring between breaths but eventually it slowed to a near stop. The sobs ended. The room grew terribly quiet.

She'd let him hold her when she'd cried. Now that the worst of it had passed, she let one hand lightly go around his middle. She rested her face against his shoulder. Closing her eyes, she inhaled his scent, that weird mix of animal smells, in an effort to try and get the scent of blood out of her nose. It helped, but couldn't get rid of all the blood.

Inhaling deeply, Rose closed her eyes. "I'm sorry," she mumbled in a low whisper. She wasn't sure if she was apologizing to Gar for intruding like this or if she was apologizing for all the sins committed over the past few days.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

lewdgreendude
2008-01-21 11:12 am UTC (link)

Gar chose to take it as the former. "It's fine." He wanted to say something that would magically make it all better, but that wasn't him. That was Donna. That was Vic. He made jokes. And right now there wasn't one funny enough to help Rose. "It's okay," he repeated.

Even though he knew intellectually that she was far from actually all right, Gar was a little bit relieved. Her voice wasn't steady, and he could almost feel the shame and sorrow and worry coming off of her, but it did feel like there was at least a chance of her feeling better. Or at least not feeling as bad in the same way.

And, he thought wryly, at least he knew what she was doing there now.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

diamondclaws
2008-01-21 06:21 pm UTC (link)

"It's not okay," she said, a bit dully. There wasn't much argument in her voice. He was trying to comfort her, she realized. But things were so completely and utterly not okay, and she didn't know if they ever would be again.

Rose knew she probably should have moved away from his touch, but she didn't. Couldn't, at the moment. Her head was still on his shoulder. Slowly, she opened her eyes and saw green. Much better than the red she kept remembering. "I don't know what to do," she admitted quickly. Before she could stop herself, she was asking, "What should I do?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

lewdgreendude
2008-01-22 12:54 am UTC (link)

Gar gave thought to this. What did you do? It wasn't as if there was a simple list of rules somewhere, a how-to guide for getting over the trauma of seeing the abyss inherent in the human soul. "You remember. You try to move past it. You try to make up for it. And you learn from your mistakes."

He realized how unhelpful this was, which might have been why he added, "There's not really going to be a point anytime soon where you're completely okay with everything that... happened. But sooner or later you'll stop thinking about it all the time. And sooner or later you'll let yourself laugh and tell jokes again. And sooner or later you'll see one thing happen that you know shouldn't have happened, and you'll know for a fact that the future isn't set in stone."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

diamondclaws
2008-01-22 01:05 am UTC (link)

He hadn't sugarcoated things and for that she was slightly grateful and a little sad. It would have been nice to be told that things could be fine in enough time. But Rose didn't think that could happen. She felt too different.

After a very long moment, Rose straightened and pulled away a little. She wiped at her cheeks with the blanket's edge. Her eyes held all the sadness she felt. "I can't go home," she said softly.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

lewdgreendude
2008-01-22 03:15 am UTC (link)

"You can always go home. That's what home is." Gar took Rose's hand. "You have to keep telling yourself that all those things... that wasn't you. That wasn't really the person you are. And that now that you know something like that can happen... you know how to make it not happen." He kissed the top of her head.

"About a year and a half ago..." Was it already that long? It had to be. "About a year and a half ago, I got pulled into the future. In ten years I had become a monster. Literally, I was barely human anymore. I went out of my way to be less human than I even am. My friends and I were hell bent on ruling the world. Torturing, murdering, maiming anything that went against us. Even our younger selves. So I know what it's like to be ashamed of what you can be. I also know that you have to work as hard as you can to believe that you're better than that."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

diamondclaws
2008-01-22 03:51 am UTC (link)

He was saying the right things to strike a chord. Rose nodded, even though she didn't completely believe everything he was saying. She wasn't sure she could go home, show her face to the people she cared about. She didn't know if she could talk to Rachel, whom she would have killed had the Phoenix force not awoken during the attack. But she was listening and some of it got through. When he kissed her forehead, her eyes watered and she felt the lump in her throat grow.

When he told her his story, she just stared. Mostly because she couldn't ever see Gar, who was always joking, being anything but some snarky superhero who was lewd but well meaning. That he had the potential to be a murderer was a big surprise. Rose opened her mouth to say something, but nothing really came. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. She sniffed and realized there were tears on her cheeks again. It was likely she'd be a leaky faucet for a while. "I'm sorry," she whispered into his ear. Sorry that he could understand how she felt. Sorry that he hadn't seen a good future for himself.

She cleared her throat and pulled away and ran a hand through her hair. She worried her lip. "What if I'm not better than that?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

lewdgreendude
2008-01-22 05:04 am UTC (link)

At least she was actually talking now. But Gar had had the same thought more than once in his life. So he told her the same thing he ended up telling himself. "If you weren't better than that, it would be bothering you as much as it is." And because even when she was doing it, there had to be a little part of her that was ashamed. He didn't know why that was, why it was that Gar was the only one that seemed to pull those feelings from her, but she had chased him away for a reason.

"Look, Rose." He put a hand on her chin and turned her head so that she was looking at him. "You don't have to have faith in yourself right now. It's hard to find out that you might not be who you think you should be. But I want you to know that I have faith in you, okay?" He looked into her eyes for the first time since she'd shown up on his doorstep. "You're a good person. I promise."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	diamondclaws 2008-01-22 05:43 am UTC (link)
	She blinked back tears again. Now he was forcing her to look at him, to realize that he meant it. She didn't mind, but it was hard to keep herself from crying again. "I-" She found it was hard to speak. After clearing her throat, she tried again, "Why are you being so nice?" (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lewdgreendude 2008-01-22 06:18 am UTC (link)
	"I..." It hadn't occurred to him not to be nice. When she showed up at his door, that was pretty much it. "Because you need me to be. Besides. Nice guys finish last, and women like that in a partner." Gar Logan was nothing if not stubbornly devoted to telling the worst possible jokes at the worst possible times. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

diamondclaws
2008-01-22 06:33 am UTC (link)

"Thank you," Rose said. She was thanking him for being a nice guy, for making a joke at a bad time, for being her friend. He was saying what she needed to hear. Who knew Gar Logan could be serious for more than five minutes at a time and would be so good at handling a messed up girl? Rose swallowed and leaned in, breaking the bit of distance between them to press a soft kiss to his lips. It was quick and chaste.

When she pulled away, she looked down at the floor, thoughtful. "I can't hide here for very long, can I?" She was almost asking permission, as though he could hide her away from the world for a while. She knew logically that was impossible. Her family was going to find her. Sooner rather than later.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(Read comments) -