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Rose Jean Frost ([info]diamondclaws) wrote in [info]utr_logs,
@ 2008-01-21 03:42:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:gar logan, rose frost

who. Gar and Rose
what. Freaking out
when. Late-late tonight
where. Gar's pad. NYC


A fifteen year old girl walked down the streets of Manhattan alone in the middle of the night. Her hair was slicked back, dripping wet. She didn't have a proper coat on. The clothes she wore were a few sizes too big.

When Rose had transformed back into her normal self, she'd been in the streets of London. There'd been dried blood on her. And in her mind were blurry images of the sort of violence she'd never dreamed of. She'd hurt strangers and friends. She'd brutalized Rachel, her almost-sister. And the worst part of it was that she'd enjoyed it. Working mostly on automatic, the first thing Rose had done after snapping back to reality had been to break into the nearest empty apartment to shower and change into clean clothes.

Before she'd even realized where she was going, she took the portkey to New York and walked down the streets. She'd never been to Gar's apartment, but she knew the way there. By the time she got to his door, she was shivering and her cheeks were puffy. She was in a bit of a panic, realizing what she'd done. What she'd become.

She knocked on the door, fearing that Gar would open it, take a look at her, and shut it in her face. But she didn't know where else to go. Home wasn't any option. She couldn't go back there. She didn't deserve to go back there and she couldn't face her family. So she knocked again and waited.


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[info]lewdgreendude
2008-01-21 09:12 am UTC (link)
Rose was crazy. And how badly Gar wished that this was the first time he'd had this thought about a woman in his life. He didn't like it, but it was a fact that, for the time, being, Rose was insane. And thus, a threat. And as a superhero (or former superhero, or part-time superhero, or whatever he was) it was his duty to help deal with her. Or at least to bring her down long enough that she could be rehabilitated or pacified or something.

Gar paced back and forth in his bedroom, talking to himself. "All right. I... I need the Titans on this. Kon's here, Cassie's here, Tim's here. I can probably get Kory and her not-Nightwing boyfriend in on this. Got strength, got powers, got smarts. Damn, I need a psychic. Can Rose deal with psychics? How did we never have that 'What are your weaknesses in case I need to take you down?' talk?"

He took a deep breath. "One on one, maybe. She seemed like she didn't want to see me around. Everyone else she knew she wanted to fight, but she didn't want to see me. Which means that I can probably get close to her before she kills me. Hoo boy."

If Gar had been even remotely close to a plan, it was ruined when he heard a knock at the door and, jumpy as he was, leapt behind a chair. "That was great, Gar. Only needed someone here to see your courage." Another knock. "Coming, coming." He got to the door and, without bothering to check who it was, opened it.

This time, he didn't jump back, but if he hadn't just embarrassed himself he probably would have. "Rose! You're a Rosebud again." In times of horrible, terrible trauma? Puns. "Thank God."

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[info]diamondclaws
2008-01-21 09:19 am UTC (link)
She didn't know what to say. For a long moment, Rose just stood shaking, arms wrapped around herself tightly. She seemed smaller and younger than ever. Her normal mask of confidence was gone and her eyes shone bright with unshed tears.

Taking a very deep breath, she tried very hard to settle herself. Much like her mother, she was stubborn and hated people seeing her in anything but a perfect and well manicured state. Of course, appearance was the last thing on her mind at the moment.

"I didn't know where else to go," she said quietly, part of her just waiting for him to realize that she was bad and needed to get away from him.

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[info]lewdgreendude
2008-01-21 09:28 am UTC (link)
Gar looked at her for a long time. It was clear that she wasn't the same person threatening and disemboweling everyone on God's green (ha) Earth, but he was still partly in the mindset of wondering how to deal with her, to say nothing of the fact that he was wondering if it was a ruse or a trap.

But the reason he was looking at her for so long was that it was hard to believe her to be capable of much of anything. No matter how much he reminded himself of all the things she bragged about doing, of all the injuries he inflicted on the people she loved, he couldn't stop seeing a scared friend.

He opened the door the rest of the way. "Come in."

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[info]diamondclaws
2008-01-21 09:35 am UTC (link)
She blinked when he finally allowed her in. Glancing up, the disbelief that he would even want her around after what she had done was plain in her eyes. She walked into his apartment slowly and stiffly. The worst of her trembling was starting to subside but there was still a bit of frost in her hair.

"Thank you," Rose said. She felt a lump in her throat but worked around it and got the words out without sounding strangled. For a moment, her vision blurred but she blinked the tears back. She didn't want to cry, especially not in front of him.

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[info]lewdgreendude
2008-01-21 09:48 am UTC (link)
"You're freezing. Stay here." Gar ran to the linen closet where he found a blanket and a towel. It occurred to him that this was probably the longest he'd ever spent in human form around her, especially in private. He put the towel and blanket on the couch. "Come on. Sit down." He led her gently to the sofa and, when she just looked at him, put the blanket around her and the towel on her head.

"I don't know if you can get frostbite--" he resisted the urge to make the joke-- "but it's not smart to wander around in freezing temperatures wet." If he had to, he would have admitted that fussing over her was almost entirely to avoid the real question running back and forth through his mind: what are you doing here and what happened to you?

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[info]diamondclaws
2008-01-21 09:53 am UTC (link)
Rose was docile, taking his instructions and waiting patiently as he fetched the blankets. Her eyes wandered over the walls and the belongings, but she didn't really take note of anything. She was in a bit of shock and her body was fighting off the effects of walking in the cold for so long with little protection.

"I needed to get the smell off," she said by way of an explanation. Rose couldn't make eye contact with him, instead focusing on the floor. She gripped the edges of the blanket tightly. "I still..." smell the blood. She couldn't bring herself to say it. She swallowed and breathed in through her nose to keep herself from getting sick.

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[info]lewdgreendude
2008-01-21 10:10 am UTC (link)
Now that she mentioned it, he could smell something on her. He knew what it was; he'd smelled it often enough to know it by heart, but he chose instead to believe that he didn't know. Instead he focused on drying her hair, wondering just what to say to the girl in front of him to make her feel better for the horrible things in her memory.

"You should still have dried your hair. Maybe you can't get sick, but it can't feel good having the cold hit you just before the point where you go numb all the time." When he removed the towel, her hair was far more mussed than he'd ever seen it. In any other situation he'd smile. Right now, it just highlighted how broken she looked.

Gar put an arm around her, hugging her gently. She even felt smaller.

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[info]diamondclaws
2008-01-21 10:16 am UTC (link)
"I didn't..." her voice broke and she fought to keep herself level. She wasn't going to give into the tears without a fight. "I should have..." She sniffed and fought against a wave of panic. He was being sweet and gentle and taking care of her and the reality of what she'd done was starting to come crashing down around her.

When he embraced her, she tried to push him away, but it was a very weak shove. She didn't have a lot of fight in her. And really, she wanted comfort. She wanted something safe and warm and good to erase all of the blurry dark images that lingered in the back of her mind. "Don't." She said. And that's all she could manage before the first sob broke through. That was all it took. The tears came finally, flowing freely and the sobs were so bad that her entire body shook.

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[info]lewdgreendude
2008-01-21 10:26 am UTC (link)
Gar wasn't glad she was crying--far from it--but at least crying was something he knew how to deal with. All he had to do was be there for her, and he was more than willing to do that.

He didn't say anything, although he really didn't have anything to say. All he did was tighten his embrace as she pushed him away and wait for her to be ready to talk to him again.

He could easily wait all night.

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[info]diamondclaws
2008-01-21 10:34 am UTC (link)
Rose couldn't be sure how much time passed between the first few tears shed and the last shuddering gasp. But eventually, she found herself running out of steam. Taking big gulps of air, she began to get some sort of control over herself. It wasn't easy and she found the world around her blurring between breaths but eventually it slowed to a near stop. The sobs ended. The room grew terribly quiet.

She'd let him hold her when she'd cried. Now that the worst of it had passed, she let one hand lightly go around his middle. She rested her face against his shoulder. Closing her eyes, she inhaled his scent, that weird mix of animal smells, in an effort to try and get the scent of blood out of her nose. It helped, but couldn't get rid of all the blood.

Inhaling deeply, Rose closed her eyes. "I'm sorry," she mumbled in a low whisper. She wasn't sure if she was apologizing to Gar for intruding like this or if she was apologizing for all the sins committed over the past few days.

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[info]lewdgreendude
2008-01-21 11:12 am UTC (link)
Gar chose to take it as the former. "It's fine." He wanted to say something that would magically make it all better, but that wasn't him. That was Donna. That was Vic. He made jokes. And right now there wasn't one funny enough to help Rose. "It's okay," he repeated.

Even though he knew intellectually that she was far from actually all right, Gar was a little bit relieved. Her voice wasn't steady, and he could almost feel the shame and sorrow and worry coming off of her, but it did feel like there was at least a chance of her feeling better. Or at least not feeling as bad in the same way.

And, he thought wryly, at least he knew what she was doing there now.

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[info]diamondclaws
2008-01-21 06:21 pm UTC (link)
"It's not okay," she said, a bit dully. There wasn't much argument in her voice. He was trying to comfort her, she realized. But things were so completely and utterly not okay, and she didn't know if they ever would be again.

Rose knew she probably should have moved away from his touch, but she didn't. Couldn't, at the moment. Her head was still on his shoulder. Slowly, she opened her eyes and saw green. Much better than the red she kept remembering. "I don't know what to do," she admitted quickly. Before she could stop herself, she was asking, "What should I do?"

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[info]lewdgreendude
2008-01-22 12:54 am UTC (link)
Gar gave thought to this. What did you do? It wasn't as if there was a simple list of rules somewhere, a how-to guide for getting over the trauma of seeing the abyss inherent in the human soul. "You remember. You try to move past it. You try to make up for it. And you learn from your mistakes."

He realized how unhelpful this was, which might have been why he added, "There's not really going to be a point anytime soon where you're completely okay with everything that... happened. But sooner or later you'll stop thinking about it all the time. And sooner or later you'll let yourself laugh and tell jokes again. And sooner or later you'll see one thing happen that you know shouldn't have happened, and you'll know for a fact that the future isn't set in stone."

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[info]diamondclaws
2008-01-22 01:05 am UTC (link)
He hadn't sugarcoated things and for that she was slightly grateful and a little sad. It would have been nice to be told that things could be fine in enough time. But Rose didn't think that could happen. She felt too different.

After a very long moment, Rose straightened and pulled away a little. She wiped at her cheeks with the blanket's edge. Her eyes held all the sadness she felt. "I can't go home," she said softly.

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[info]lewdgreendude
2008-01-22 03:15 am UTC (link)
"You can always go home. That's what home is." Gar took Rose's hand. "You have to keep telling yourself that all those things... that wasn't you. That wasn't really the person you are. And that now that you know something like that can happen... you know how to make it not happen." He kissed the top of her head.

"About a year and a half ago..." Was it already that long? It had to be. "About a year and a half ago, I got pulled into the future. In ten years I had become a monster. Literally, I was barely human anymore. I went out of my way to be less human than I even am. My friends and I were hell bent on ruling the world. Torturing, murdering, maiming anything that went against us. Even our younger selves. So I know what it's like to be ashamed of what you can be. I also know that you have to work as hard as you can to believe that you're better than that."

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[info]diamondclaws
2008-01-22 03:51 am UTC (link)
He was saying the right things to strike a chord. Rose nodded, even though she didn't completely believe everything he was saying. She wasn't sure she could go home, show her face to the people she cared about. She didn't know if she could talk to Rachel, whom she would have killed had the Phoenix force not awoken during the attack. But she was listening and some of it got through. When he kissed her forehead, her eyes watered and she felt the lump in her throat grow.

When he told her his story, she just stared. Mostly because she couldn't ever see Gar, who was always joking, being anything but some snarky superhero who was lewd but well meaning. That he had the potential to be a murderer was a big surprise. Rose opened her mouth to say something, but nothing really came. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. She sniffed and realized there were tears on her cheeks again. It was likely she'd be a leaky faucet for a while. "I'm sorry," she whispered into his ear. Sorry that he could understand how she felt. Sorry that he hadn't seen a good future for himself.

She cleared her throat and pulled away and ran a hand through her hair. She worried her lip. "What if I'm not better than that?"

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[info]lewdgreendude
2008-01-22 05:04 am UTC (link)
At least she was actually talking now. But Gar had had the same thought more than once in his life. So he told her the same thing he ended up telling himself. "If you weren't better than that, it would be bothering you as much as it is." And because even when she was doing it, there had to be a little part of her that was ashamed. He didn't know why that was, why it was that Gar was the only one that seemed to pull those feelings from her, but she had chased him away for a reason.

"Look, Rose." He put a hand on her chin and turned her head so that she was looking at him. "You don't have to have faith in yourself right now. It's hard to find out that you might not be who you think you should be. But I want you to know that I have faith in you, okay?" He looked into her eyes for the first time since she'd shown up on his doorstep. "You're a good person. I promise."

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[info]diamondclaws
2008-01-22 05:43 am UTC (link)
She blinked back tears again. Now he was forcing her to look at him, to realize that he meant it. She didn't mind, but it was hard to keep herself from crying again. "I-" She found it was hard to speak. After clearing her throat, she tried again, "Why are you being so nice?"

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[info]lewdgreendude
2008-01-22 06:18 am UTC (link)
"I..." It hadn't occurred to him not to be nice. When she showed up at his door, that was pretty much it. "Because you need me to be. Besides. Nice guys finish last, and women like that in a partner."

Gar Logan was nothing if not stubbornly devoted to telling the worst possible jokes at the worst possible times.

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[info]diamondclaws
2008-01-22 06:33 am UTC (link)
"Thank you," Rose said. She was thanking him for being a nice guy, for making a joke at a bad time, for being her friend. He was saying what she needed to hear. Who knew Gar Logan could be serious for more than five minutes at a time and would be so good at handling a messed up girl? Rose swallowed and leaned in, breaking the bit of distance between them to press a soft kiss to his lips. It was quick and chaste.

When she pulled away, she looked down at the floor, thoughtful. "I can't hide here for very long, can I?" She was almost asking permission, as though he could hide her away from the world for a while. She knew logically that was impossible. Her family was going to find her. Sooner rather than later.

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[info]lewdgreendude
2008-01-22 06:58 am UTC (link)
If he'd still been white, he would have turned pink. As it was, his cheeks turned a darker shade of green. "You're welcome." She wasn't better, he knew. But she wasn't feeling quite as bad. Which was probably all he could really have hoped for.

"You probably can't hide forever, no." In a best case scenario, her mother wouldn't be a powerful psychic and her father's wouldn't have superhuman tracking abilities. And even then, she clearly couldn't stay hidden forever. "You can stay here as long as you like, but it's not going to make your problems go away."

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[info]diamondclaws
2008-01-22 07:07 am UTC (link)
"I know." She looked down at her hands before fiddling with the blanket. There was a loose string which she wound around her fingers. It was something to do to keep her hands busy. She didn't want to leave. Maybe she could stay the night.

She didn't look at him when she said, "I'm scared." Exhaling quietly, she went on, "I don't want to sleep." She wasn't sure if she'd remember more once her head hit a pillow or if she'd have nightmares. She didn't really want to take the chance.

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[info]lewdgreendude
2008-01-22 08:02 am UTC (link)
"You don't have to be afraid. But I'll stay up with you until you're ready." He put his arm around her again. "You can take my bed when you're ready. Until then..." He trailed off. He didn't know what to say. He hadn't known what to say all night, though.

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[info]diamondclaws
2008-01-22 08:17 am UTC (link)
She thought for a minute. She didn't want to sleep, but it was going to happen soon anyway. Really, she could only stay up for so long before she got tired enough that she'd just pass out. With all the stress she'd been under lately, she could feel it pressing down on her. There were light circles around her eyes from the fact that she hadn't gotten much sleep in days and she'd been crying so much recently.

"Would you...?" She made a little face, not sure whether she should even ask. "Would you stay in bed with me?" Sex was the last possible thing on her mind. All Rose wanted was someone to be near. "You don't have to," she added quickly, not wanting to guilt him into bed.

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[info]lewdgreendude
2008-01-22 08:36 am UTC (link)
Gar hid a smirk. He could tell that she'd come very close to saying "Would you sleep with me?" without meaning to. Even if it was just her being tired and vulnerable, it did make him smile. Even as lewd as he could be, turning her fearful question into a dirty sexual innuendo was something that didn't occur to him. At least, not in any genuine way.

"Yeah. No problem." He hugged her close. "I told you, didn't I? I'll be here for you." It probably should have been weirder than it was, he thought. But he wasn't going to leave her alone when she asked for help. That was why she was sitting on the sofa in a blanket to begin with.

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[info]diamondclaws
2008-01-22 08:53 am UTC (link)
It struck Rose very suddenly that she didn't deserve all of this kindness after what she'd done. People were in pain, maybe dead because of her and someone was giving her the comforting hug. She had to swallow the sour taste in her mouth and try to push those thoughts away before they drove her completely crazy. Rose melted into Gar's arms for a minute and shut her eyes. It took an effort to clear her head.

When she felt the guilt subside for the moment, she opened her eyes and leaned back and got to her feet. Her eyes were bright again and had the look like she might cry again at any moment. "Let's go to your room," she said. She wanted to curl up under blankets and hide for the night.

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[info]lewdgreendude
2008-01-22 12:28 pm UTC (link)
"All right." Again, he felt the passing desire to tell a joke. Instead he just walked her to the bedroom door. Contrary to what she might have expected of him, it was relatively clean. His bed was made, his sheets were clean, and his closet was even organized. Of course, he'd gotten into the habit when he was sixteen and he'd always had a vague hope that some woman would want to have sex with him, which may have slightly lessened the maturity factor.

Feeling a bit tense, Gar opened his mouth, which was his default action in the face of any feeling he ever had. "So... do you have a side of the bed that you like? I can go either way, Red Rose."

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[info]diamondclaws
2008-01-22 05:10 pm UTC (link)
Any other night and Rose would have felt nervous, excited, or weird. She was going to sleep in a twenty year old boy's bedroom. None of her friends could boast similar conquests. But Rose was mentally and emotionally exhausted and her mind was elsewhere. She barely picked up on Gar's discomfort.

But she did notice the bedroom, which was a sign of how much she'd improved since she'd arrived. Later on, she'd only be able to remember that his living room had a couch and the color of the walls. She actually paid attention to his bedroom, noticing how things seemed rather tidy and comfortable. It wasn't at all what Rose had expected.

"It doesn't matter," she said softly. Turning, she looked at him for a moment before climbing into the bed. The blankets and pillows held Gar's scent and that was a comfort. The scent of blood wouldn't quite go away, but it was slightly overpowered by his smell.

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[info]lewdgreendude
2008-01-22 06:13 pm UTC (link)
"So do you want a shirt or something to sleep--oh." She had already gotten into bed. "It's just as well, I'm not much bigger than you are anyway." Once she climbed into bed he gave her a moment to get comfortable before getting in with her. In truth, there had been no chance of her sleeping alone that night. If she hadn't asked him to stay with her he would have curled up like a guard dog on the foot of the bed in case she needed him during the night, even if it was only a hug and a friendly face.

"You'll feel better in the morning." He said this in a tone that he hoped conveyed absolute certainty when what he actually felt was desperate hope. It hurt him seeing her like this, even more than her claws could have done. Ha. So maybe future bitch got him after all.

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[info]diamondclaws
2008-01-22 11:44 pm UTC (link)
Possibly for the first time in her life, clothing wasn't at all important to Rose. She blinked when he spoke, but then shrugged lightly. She was comfortable enough as she was.

The mattress sank a little from the added weight of Gar getting in beside her. She was on her side, back to him. She buried her face into his pillow and closed her eyes. "I hope so," she mumbled quietly, not really believing she would feel better.

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[info]lewdgreendude
2008-01-23 04:13 am UTC (link)
After turning off the light, Gar curled up just behind her and took her hand in his. She still felt small to him, but he probably couldn't expect her to be back to one hundred percent after just a night of talking with him. And he did know exactly how she felt; he sometimes had nightmares of the things he'd done while possessed by Trigon.

He sighed, pushing dark memories out of his mind. He could be sad on his own time. Rose needed a strong friend now. "Good night, Rose."

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[info]diamondclaws
2008-01-23 04:27 am UTC (link)
Rose leaned back so that she could be a little closer to him and squeezed his hand lightly. There wasn't a thank you big enough for what he'd done tonight. She'd have to try and make it up to him sometime after she'd healed a bit.

But in the dark, in his bed, Rose just laced their fingers together and closed her eyes. "Night." In a voice that was so low, he could have missed it, she added, "Thank you, Gar." Sleep wouldn't could quickly or easily but when it did, it'd be dreamless and peaceful.

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