InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Lumos!"

Candy Quackenbush can walk on water. (toitshour) wrote in undertherainbow,
@ 2008-08-03 01:13:00

Entry tags:

candy quackenbush, onyxx

I'm so sorry.

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	Candy _onyxx 2008-08-03 01:18 am UTC (link)
	I don't blame you for any of this. How could you have known? Just promise me you'll stay safe. No risks, no matter what. Okay? I love you. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Onyxx toitshour 2008-08-03 01:20 am UTC (link)
	I'll do what it takes to keep you safe. I love you too. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Candy _onyxx 2008-08-03 01:23 am UTC (link)
	No risks. I'm serious, Candy. Let the big names handle this. Maybe one day we'll be the Batmen and Supermen of the world, but right now the best thing for us to do is just stay low. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Onyxx toitshour 2008-08-03 01:25 am UTC (link)
	I'm the last resort. I'm going to let them all try, and I'm sure they can take care of things. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Candy _onyxx 2008-08-03 01:31 am UTC (link)
	I'm serious, Candy. This guy is scary smart. He has a way about fucking up even the best laid plans. I'm sure they can. But if they can't, it doesn't change that we should both be trying to stay safe and stay under his radar. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Onyxx toitshour 2008-08-03 01:34 am UTC (link)
	I'm already on his radar. It's Carrion all over again. He won't stop until he finds me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Candy _onyxx 2008-08-03 01:42 am UTC (link)
	So are a bunch of other people. Let one of them be the hero. I know you can handle yourself. But this guy, he can turn everything around on you in a matter of seconds. Before you know it he's torn down every safeguard and every backup plan you've got. No matter how good of a plan you think you've got, he's always able to spot some flaw in it and exploit it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Onyxx toitshour 2008-08-03 01:44 am UTC (link)
	Onyxx... I don't want to kill anyone else. I remember everything, and people keep dying for me, or around me, or because of me and I - I don't know how to deal with any of this. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Candy

_onyxx
2008-08-03 01:57 am UTC (link)

When I first started the war, I wasn't ready. I didn't know how to deal with any of it, either. Some days, I wanted to curl up and die. Do you want to know how I handled it?

I stared at myself in the mirror and I let it all come at once. Sometimes I would throw up. Other times I would cry. Sometimes I would end up punching the mirror into a million tiny shards.

Then I took that ball of nastiness, and I squashed it back down where it belonged, into a deep dark place inside of me where it wouldn't get in the way of what I had to do.

I'm doing the same thing now. If I had my way, I'd have already solved this little problem and put this sniveling little clown out of everyone's misery. But I know that it's not the smart thing to do right now, not what's needed, so I let myself feel that urge and then I squash it down until it can't get to me anymore.

No one is dying for you. That's the first thing I had to learn in the war. They make their own choices, whether they're intelligent or not, and ultimately their fates are their own. All you have to control is your own fate. You can't make their choices for them, and in a situation like this, you can't afford to feel guilt for the choices they make. It sounds cold, and it is, but it's also smart and will keep you safe.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Onyxx toitshour 2008-08-03 02:00 am UTC (link)
	There's no war. There's not going to be one, because you're not going to lose me. Okay? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Candy _onyxx 2008-08-03 02:06 am UTC (link)
	I know there isn't. You just promise me you'll stay safe, okay? Promise me. ~~I couldn't survive losing you again...~~ (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Onyxx toitshour 2008-08-03 02:10 am UTC (link)
	I promise. ~~You won't have to. I'll kill him first.~~ (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Candy _onyxx 2008-08-03 02:17 am UTC (link)
	I love you. ~~Good. Someone should've done it a long, long time ago.~~ (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Onyxx toitshour 2008-08-03 02:19 am UTC (link)
	I love you too. ~~I've done it three times now. What's another one?~~ (Reply to this) (Parent)