Candy
When I first started the war, I wasn't ready. I didn't know how to deal with any of it, either. Some days, I wanted to curl up and die. Do you want to know how I handled it?
I stared at myself in the mirror and I let it all come at once. Sometimes I would throw up. Other times I would cry. Sometimes I would end up punching the mirror into a million tiny shards.
Then I took that ball of nastiness, and I squashed it back down where it belonged, into a deep dark place inside of me where it wouldn't get in the way of what I had to do.
I'm doing the same thing now. If I had my way, I'd have already solved this little problem and put this sniveling little clown out of everyone's misery. But I know that it's not the smart thing to do right now, not what's needed, so I let myself feel that urge and then I squash it down until it can't get to me anymore.
No one is dying for you. That's the first thing I had to learn in the war. They make their own choices, whether they're intelligent or not, and ultimately their fates are their own. All you have to control is your own fate. You can't make their choices for them, and in a situation like this, you can't afford to feel guilt for the choices they make. It sounds cold, and it is, but it's also smart and will keep you safe.