InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Nitwit, blubber, oddment!"

Hannah Ryan | Sam Winchester (lostmyshoe) wrote in thereincarnates,
@ 2011-06-20 13:53:00

Entry tags:

benjamin macmahon, cassie macmahon

WHO: The MacMahons
WHEN: Monday afternoon
WHERE: Ben's apartment
WHAT: Cassie just finished Mockingjay, and she's a little pissed at her brother for keeping it a secret.
WARNINGS: Language? Allusions to badness and death? Mentions of sexual abuse. Oh. And spoilers for The Hunger Games. Big ones.

It shouldn't have taken her as long as it had to get through The Hunger Games and its sequels. Cassie was an avid reader, always had been. Had she been reading the series in her free time at work just to read the series, it would have been finished in a couple of days. It wasn't exactly a hard read--intense, even heavy at times, but not hard. The problem really lay in the content of the ages, specifically in the character of Finnick. It was always different when you personally knew the characters in the pages, or on the screen. And Finnick? Finnick was her brother, and she just had to read about him dying.

Her first instinct was to chuck the book across the room, but as she was at work that wasn't exactly a viable possibility. Instead she had to keep her cool for the rest of her shift, and from there it was the MTN, and then her brother's apartment. The travel was a lot more of a blur than it usually was to the point that she couldn't exactly remember walking from the MTN to Ben's door, but that was a moot point. What was important was that she was there, and she wasn't going to stop knocking until he opened up the fucking door.

And when he did? He wasn't greeted by the shining face of his smiling baby sister. Instead, Cassie met his appearance with an angry glare, and instantly chucked Mockingjay as hard as she could at him. "You should've fucking told me!" She spat, shoving past him into the apartment so that he couldn't close the door on her. Once a safe distance from the entrance she whirled around to jut an accusatory finger in his direction. "Ben, that's not shit you deal with alone! Sex slave?! You fucking die!"

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withsecrets
2011-06-24 03:49 am UTC (link)

"I'm not backpedaling! I'm just- just..." Ben groaned in frustration, scrubbing his face with one hand and trying to pull his thoughts together. But as panicked as he was, it was difficult for him to do that. All that he could focus on was the fact that she knew, and that everything was going to fall apart now. No one was supposed to know, ever. He didn't want looks of pity or have people going around thinking that he was some kind of whore. That because no one had physically forced him he must have enjoyed it or wanted it. Just the fact that his sister knew was making Ben's hands shake.

Ben began to pace back and forth across the room, running his fingers through his hair one moment and then tugging on the hem of his sleeve the next. He wished he had his rope, or just something to tie knots with. "It's not that I don't think I can count on you. It's that I don't want you to have to. I didn't want yo to find out." But that was all part of the problem, wasn't it? The MacMahons never had been big on sharing much of anything. Before all of this had happened it wasn't such a big deal. Now, things were different. Unless one of them took the plunge to try and trust the other, nothing was ever going to happen because both of them were terrified of sharing what had happened. So if Ben wanted to help Cassie... He was going to have to tell her.

That decided, it was like all the pent up energy flickered out of him. He sat down next to her on the couch, his shoulders hunched and his elbows on his knees. "When I left home, I did it because I was worried that if anyone from my source was reincarnated that they might try and hurt the people I cared about. And since I figured that you guys might try looking for me, I had to hide. That's when everything started going wrong." As he spoke, it sounded more like he was telling the story about someone else, and not particularly someone he cared about either. His voice was quiet and distant and he absolutely refused to look anywhere but at his hands.

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lostmyshoe
2011-06-24 05:00 am UTC (link)

"Just...?" Cassie prodded, trying to get him to talk more. His pacing was making her nervous, even if she shouldn't have been. It was her brother pacing because he was upset, not because he was some lunatic. She swallowed and nonchalantly touched her neck, remembering the last time she was in that room with him upset--and hoping he didn't notice her movement. She didn't want him to think she was scared of him or anything; which was totally stupid, she wasn't afraid of her brother, especially facing the likes of Alastair and Lucifer and... Okay, so she didn't want to get him to the place he was that time. It didn't make her afraid of him. Or ready to back down, even.

Cassie clasped her hands together between her knees, watching him pace quietly. It was true. The MacMahons weren't sharers. For Cassie, it was a trait that started because she had always felt her problems couldn't match what Jacob was dealing with, and the feeling that that was all her mom wanted to focus on anyway. It was just cemented and reinforced as she got older. Ben leaving, getting Sam... It just made her internalize more than was normal, and it wasn't a habit that was likely to change. But Ben was right even if he couldn't get confirmation from her right then--she wasn't going to share with him if he didn't first.

She wasn't expecting him to sit next to her, and especially with the wind knocked out of his sails. When he sagged onto the couch she frowned, watching him and hanging on his words for fear they might stop. Reading about Finnick was one thing; if she was going to separate Ben from Finnick, she needed to hear his life in his words. The way he spoke about himself, and especially the tone that suggested dislike for the star of his stories, made her stomach twist. She reached over to grab his hand, giving it an encouraging squeeze.

"You can tell me, you know. No matter what. Keep going."

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withsecrets
2011-06-24 11:27 pm UTC (link)

"Just... Ugh." Ben was so caught up in his own frustration and mind wracking attempts to find a way out of the mess he'd made that he thankfully didn't notice when Cassie put a hand to her throat. He still had yet to forgive himself for what he'd done that night, no matter how out of his control it had really been. Too much had happened for Ben to be able to be completely sane, even if he didn't even dare to think about the slightest possibility that he was a little cracked.

Ben blinked in surprise when Cassie took his hand, but otherwise didn't show any sign that he'd really noticed her support. He just hoped that she wouldn't notice how badly he was still shaking. "I came to L.A.," he went on, his tone of voice never changing. "I wanted to be near the ocean. You'd think there'd be more people who wouldn't mind hiring a kid and paying under the table, but there weren't. At least not that I could fine. I spent a lot of time crashing on strangers couches after parties. I'd raid their cupboards for food. Just... Anything I could do to survive. And then one day, I met her." He swallowed hard; he thought he was going to be sick just thinking about Imogene. Ben finally squeezed Cassie's hand back, probably a little harder then he should have, but he still refused to look up at her.

"We just met on the street. I don't even remember how we started talking, but somehow it came up that I was looking for a job and she told me she was looking for a personal assistant." What Ben still could remember was the warm feel of her slender hand on his arm, long nails digging into his skin through his sleeve. The way she'd smiled at him. It had seemed sweet and charming at the time, but he later learned it was a predatory grin. "It went well, at first. When she heard that I was living in one of the worst parts of town, she offered to rent out the finished basement of her house to me. And when I couldn't sleep because of the nightmares, she'd talk to me. That's how she found out about you guys. Because I was careless and stupid and I wanted to trust her. She was like an aunt, or an older sister."

Ben closed his eyes and took a shaky breath. "But that's not... How she saw me. And then I found out she wasn't really looking for a personal assistant. She threatened to turn me over to the cops for tax evasion, and for the fake I.D. I'd made, and she said that she'd make your lives a living hell unless I did whatever she wanted me to do. And she would have, Cassie. She really would have. She had the money and the connections, and she was more then vindictive enough to do it, just to spite me. So I did what she asked, so that I could keep you guys safe from my idiot mistake. I-" He stopped. He couldn't say it, not those words exactly. "I became to her what Finnick had been in the Capitol."

'I own you.' That what she'd always whisper to him, her breath hot against his ear as she grabbed his hand to guide him upstairs. He'd been so confused that first time, and so angry. He'd told her no, no way in hell, not in a million years. But then she'd just smiled and told him exactly why she owned him. At the time, he couldn't think of anything else he could do besides comply. And then she'd started to send him to strangers. Women, men, young, old, anyone would do. Having Ben to warm the bed of a friend or co-worker of hers did wonders for her career, as it turned out. But Ben would never tell anyone about that part; this much at least, he would take to his grave.

"So I did what Finnick did. I learned her secrets until I had enough to blackmail her back and get away." It had been easier said then done, and it had taken him almost four years before he had been able to leave that house for good, but he'd done it. Maybe it had been stupid to stay in L.A. afterwards, but it was a big city, and it had become his home. He knew her habits well, and he knew how to avoid her. He wasn't going to let his fear of her force him to leave the place he loved. And even if they did meet, he had the upper hand. "She can't touch me, or threaten to hurt anyone I love again. If I go down, I can just drag her with me."

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lostmyshoe
2011-06-25 01:13 am UTC (link)

Cassie wasn't sure what she expected when Ben started talking. Monsters in the closet? Ghouls under the bed? They were all viable options in her world, along with haunting spirits torturing him every day he was away from home. Hell, the way their lives were, Ben could've been imprisoned by a goddamn demon who somehow knew that he would somehow bring them Sam Winchester. It was the pattern of Sam's life; family, friends, fellow hunters all got hurt for the sake of tearing down the Winchesters and bringing on the Apocalypse. Realistically? She reigned Sam's paranoia in to try and figure out what it could have been that terrified her brother into secrecy. Drug dealers? Off alone at such a young age with no money, joining a gang was a viable and enticing offer when the alternative was the cold street and death. Loan sharks? Hell, she could picture some sick bastard beating the shit out of him every day. Those were all places her mind went, even if she could never make the people have normal eyes. For somebody so used to dealing with demons, she had a hard time accepting that humans could be their own brand of evil. Every nameless bastard had black, yellow, sometimes even white or red eyes.

What had actually happened was so much worse than she could have imagined. Ben hadn't even had to continue after he'd made the comparison between his experience and Finnick's life in the Capitol; the book was still fresh in her mind, so she was well aware of what that implied, and how sick it made her feel. Somebody had used her brother in the worst way imaginable. Not just that, but they had used her to do it. Her, Jacob, their mom and dad... Her free hand clenched into a fist but for once, she kept herself under control.

No, she'd save her anger for the bitch who did it.

"You're not going down," Cassie said quietly, and with a sigh she pulled herself on her knees so that she could turn to him and hug him properly. "I promise, Ben. Dragging her or not, you're not going down." And he wouldn't be. Plans were already half-forming in her head. She didn't have a name of the woman who had done it, but she had others. Hunter and Inez. Not exactly everyday names, and if they were reincarnates, they were on the boards. She'd talk to them first, see where that led her. Besides, the names sounded really familiar; she was sure she'd seen them somewhere before.

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withsecrets
2011-06-27 09:56 am UTC (link)

Of all the things that Ben had been expecting, this hadn't really been it. The MachMahon's weren't well known for keeping their tempers in check, and that was especially true for Cassie. She was always protective of the people she cared about, especially in light of what had happened with Jacob when he had been in high school. She would fiercely defend anything, and likely very loudly or sometimes violently, if she could, and sometimes even if she couldn't. After all, just like Ben, Cassie had run away from home in the hopes of keeping her family safe. There was little either of them wouldn't do.

So the fact that instead of rushing off and threatening someone's life, Cassie simply hugged him and tried to reassure him was startling, but not unwelcome. After that confession, Ben wasn't sure he was all that up for trying to stop Cassie from gong on a rampage.

Part of him wanted to ask what made her so sure he wasn't, but the other part of him didn't think he wanted to know the answer, or if there really was one. Ben was scared that one day Imogene would get better leverage on him then he had on her and would get back at him. It was a strong possibility, and who was Cassie to say that nothing was going to happen to him? But just like he was too exhausted to chase her down, he was too exhausted and scared to ask.

Instead, he wrapped his arms around her to hug her back and rested his forehead on her shoulder. "Yeah. If you say so." His own shoulders sagged and he clung a little tighter. Ben stayed there for longer then he probably should have, but he didn't care. If he were to sit back up before he was ready, the stinging in his eyes would likely turn to crying. He was a mess enough as it was. When he finally thought he could, Ben sat up and tried to disguise his wiping at his eyes as brushing the hair out of his face. "Sorry," he muttered. "And thanks for listening. Even if it wasn't all that... Pleasant." He tried to give her a dry smile that didn't quite meet his eyes.

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lostmyshoe
2011-06-28 03:49 am UTC (link)

It was funny how memories could creep up on you at the strangest moments, little pieces of time replaying themselves behind your eyelids because something minute had triggered them and shook them loose from their branches. The smell of a mother's perfume before Christmas mass, the smell of turkey cooking Thanksgiving. For Cassie, it was the feel of protective arms around her, the comfort of older brothers cheering her up after she fell off her bike trying to learn how to ride. The MacMahons were supposed to be a normal, apple-pie, white-picket-fence family. There was nothing about them that suggested extraordinary circumstances, nothing to foreshadow that two out of three children would be thrust into darkness.

But wasn't that they way it was supposed to be? Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some had greatness thrust upon them? They weren't characters in a Shakespearean play, but their lives did mimic those of their counterparts, and they had such great fallback because they were heroes. Heroes who fought to keep their little section of the world safe. She frowned at that realization but didn't let Ben see it, instead running her hand down the back of his head in as soothing a motion as she could. As the baby girl in the family, it was expected that she had a nurturing nature by principle. Reality deemed otherwise. After all, she was a 20-something, 6'4, supernatural-hunting red neck stuck inside the body of a young girl, right?

"Yeah, no problem," She said lamely and cringed, catching herself. He was probably expecting better words of wisdom to seal up the wounds she had freshly ripped open, but what exactly could you say to somebody about that kind've thing? Especially your brother? Instead she ruffled his hair with a half-smile that lacked any real happiness, and disappeared into the kitchen for a minute. It wasn't her place, but it didn't take her long to locate a glass and return to him with some water.

"Maybe we should, I don't know," She shrugged, sitting back on the couch next to him and holding the glass out. "Accept the fact that we're not alone anymore." Which was almost as hard as accepting she had to leave in the first place. But if she wanted to help Ben, she had to fully embrace the idea that she had actual family in the same boat as her. "You can rely on me for stuff, and I can rely on you, and we can get our heads out of our asses and just...yeah." At least, until she found the bitch. Then they could deal with that with a couple of shotgun shells.

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