svelosynco (svelosynco) wrote in thegrand_ic, @ 2012-11-06 19:51:00 |
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Entry tags: | andrew kirin, taj habib bahar |
And after all these things I've done, I think I love you better now.
Who Taj and Andy
Where On the roof again
What To have that talk they never did get to before.
Warnings possible Rape and incest references - talk about not happy things.
Status In Progress
Andy said he was ready to talk about "it" - the it being the subject no one ever wanted to actually deal with. But, Taj was ready. He would be there at whatever phase of Andy's healing there had to be and this talk had to happen to move forward in life. It was just one of those things.
He waited casually just as he told him he would be only there was something more alight in him than had been in a long time. He sat there on his lawn chair, staring at the sky, with his music on, his keyboard in his lap, his Jack n Coke on the side table, yet the bottle hadn't even been opened and he'd been up there for hours. He was dressed in one of his signature outfits. He wore his worn out jeans and a necktie that was flitting in the breeze around his hip as it was tied on to act as a belt.
The sphinx knew what the subject of the evening was going to be, but it didn't stop him from sitting there lit up like a light with a soft smile on his face that rarely disappeared since Andy allowed himself to really be there in his life, together. He'd woken up with Andy in his bed so many times before that the concept of waking up next to him wasn't a new one. But, somehow, now... there was even a more tranquil peace about it. The supposed to be even tempered sphinx that was prone to emotional outbursts seemed more at peace really than he'd ever been.
Satisfied.
That was the word that described his newly taken on permanent demeanor. He believed and trusted Andy gave himself to him for good this time. He trusted it with all his heart. Little did he know all it would take was one word from Kareem to tear them all apart. He didn't have any sphinxy magic visions that let him know Andy would walk away from him just like that if K said the word. Taj himself was ready to stand up and hold tight to Andy no matter what came from anyone's mouth. He trusted his brothers to handle the situation enough for it not to actually come to that, but goodness how that would crack his heart somewhere on the inside if he ever found out. All it took was one vision to break that peace he'd been living in. Well, one vision... or one word from K apparently. Andy just didn't realize that walking away from Taj over a word from K wouldn't save their family at all. It would damage far more than whether Taj and Andy kept any official title as a couple, not that Taj would leave or break up the family, he'd gone years pretending for everyone, he'd go right back into faking life if they all forced him into a corner. But, he sure as Hell would withdraw from them all. He would never leave them all. He loved them all. They were his bros and they always would be. But, if his bros would try to fuck with the one dream he's had since he was small after he finally got it, got Andy, and didn't have faith in him, that he was a good thing for Andy, that's what would break him the most. It wouldn't be that Andy made a move to save peace just like they did as kids, but it would be that after all these years, if K couldn't see what they meant to each the whole damn time, and that they'd already tortured themselves for years, to keep family peace to begin with, and it'd been hell... that he'd want to put them through it again? Well, the Sphinx in Taj wouldn't be able to handle such selfishness after all he'd sacrificed for years upon years to get to this point. And now that he'd made it... to think of his own beloved brothers taking it from him...
Yeah, he'd just totally break. Nothing would ever be the same. Hopefully that wouldn't happen. Taj was already a damaged soul. He wasn't as strong as Andy gave him credit for.
Of course Taj had actually already spoke with his brothers and they all seemed to be very supportive, so hopefully Andy's thoughts were all for not either way.
But, back to the here and now and real and not hypothetical what ifs, Taj sat grinning up at the sky listening and pecking away at the keyboard on his lap. He was singing too, some cover. But, it meant something to him and reminded him of Andy. And it was the meaning behind the lyrics of how Taj interpreted that song, that would make him never leave, no matter what K ever did, or if Andy walked away, or come whatever may, no matter how broken his heart could ever possibly be, it was how full it felt right then, right now, that same determination that help him forge on and simply never give up. He's gotten a taste of everything he wanted. He wouldn't ever give up on it that easily.