Bruce Banner (hulksmash) wrote in thedoorway, @ 2013-05-29 13:19:00 |
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Entry tags: | !network post, hestia jones, jane bennet, julie power / lightspeed (616), lizzie bennet, lydia bennet |
I've decided it's time I start using this thing more often! I used to do video blogs allllll the time and people really seemed to like those. They were just about my everyday life or whatever so hey, you get more blogs from me! I miiiiiight do some video blogs if Lizzie will let me borrow her camera. I just don't like staring at the last video I put up. It makes my stomach churn and I seriously need to get rid of it. Nobody wants to look at that pathetic mess of a human.
But watching it again made me think about a lot of things. I'm still not sure I know who I am. I mean I thought I knew when I was with Wickham, but now after everything that's happened I.. well, I don't know. I keep trying to go back to the person I was before him because that's familiar. That's what I know, that's me, but it's also not me anymore. I'm trying to be more responsible and take my life more serious and be a serious person, but it doesn't always feel right. Maybe I'm just both of those people all wrapped up in a big question mark because I'm like cookie dough and I haven't finished baking yet (Oh yeah, I totes just referenced a Buddy quote. Booyah!). Sometimes I'm annoying and loud and full of alcohol, but sometimes I'm quiet and sensitive and just want to read a book too. I cry and I laugh and maybe that's okay.
I still have a lot of stuff to work through. I still have some secrets I'm keeping to myself because I'm not strong enough to face them yet, but one day I will be and it will feel amazing to get all of that off of my chest. Today is a good day!