Christopher Pike (daretodobetter) wrote in thedoorway, @ 2013-05-19 19:41:00 |
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Entry tags: | !thread, christopher pike (movies), pavel chekov |
Who: Christopher Pike and Pavel Chekov
When: Sunday morning, May 19
Where: Chekov's apt
What: Pike comes by to check out Pavel's warp designs and check up on Pavel
Rating: G
Status: complete
SPOILER WARNING FOR STID
Pike had come back from his self-imposed exile on Saturday in time for prom. He hadn't been in the mood to go, but he'd promised Babs and others that he would be there. And right now, his obligations were the only thing keeping him going. He'd put on the good face, smiling and pretending to have a good time. Twenty-five years as a Starfleet captain meant he knew how to fake it, show people what they wanted to see. It was the only way he was making it through this. Pike was grateful for the chance to talk to Chekov about warp cores and showed up Sunday morning carrying two cups of hot liquid - black coffee for himself and tea for Chekov. He knocked on the door, hoping he wasn't interrupting any morning things between Pavel and Rebekah. Pavel woke up earlier than expected, but he wasn’t falling asleep again. Finding his tuxedo from the night before, the young man pulled out about twelve napkins with small sketches and equations scrawled across them, bent and mangled. Standing, not sitting, in front of the table, he pushed his previous designs into mildly organized stacks to make room for what had come to him during prom and been scrawled down. There was more. His hand reached to his ear for a pencil but found none. Instead, he crouched, leaned under the table, and picked up half a pencil from the floor. It was sharp enough to write, and he had paper. So he began sketching, trying to get it all on paper. The knock registered as a quiet noise, just enough to grab his attention. “Come in,” Pavel called out, shifting his weight as he sketched warp coils curling the other direction. Pike opened the door and came in, a fond smile on his face as he watched Pavel at work. That sort of dedication and genius reminded him of days long ago before his job involved bureaucracy. "Morning, Pavel," he said as he came over towards the table, glancing at the designs and holding out a cup. "I brought you tea." A great amount of physics changed liked this, Pavel pushed his feet against the ground like he was going to take off. The magnetic fields were so different that nothing in the current designs for Starfleet were built to handle them. Why would they? “Morning,” Pavel only glanced at the admiral briefly, biting his tongue in his mouth just seeing him. This wasn’t going to help Pike. Ten seconds later the tea actually registered in Pavel’s mind, and he turned back to take it. “Thank you, sir,” he paused, hand touching Pike’s and thinking only of what Spock had said to Uhura and Kirk, and took it, almost spilling it on one of the napkins. “I’ve done barely anything,” Pavel mentioned, arranging some of the napkins into an actual order they could be followed on. Pike carefully set his coffee on the table, a fair bit away from the drawings before gripping the edge of the table with both hands and pulling himself to his feet so he could get a better look at the designs, eyes widening slightly as he processed it. "What you're proposing.. it'd be a vast improvement," Pike said, admiration evident in his voice as he turned to look at Chekov. His quantum mechanics fell aside in a trailing unfinished equation when Pike pulled himself to his feet. Pavel hadn’t seen that, not when Pike looked like this, when he had been in a chair. His eyes stayed on the man, an imaginary cane getting a fancy twirl of the wrist before being set on the table. Pike deserved so much more. Pavel turned back to the notes, where he had been working on the math to determine what he’d need to stabilize a core like that. It was harder, possibly less stable overall, but the math was out on that. “Right now it’d destroy an entire shipyard before getting anywhere near the engine room,” Pavel pointed out, “The whole engine room needs to be redesigned to be able to balance the magnetic fields.” Pike nodded, taking a final look at the designs and equations before easing himself back into his chair. He still couldn't stand for too long and it was easier at times just to sit. "Still, it has the potential to vastly improve the capabilities of our ships, even if it requires a redesign. That's what we need at times. It's rare that you have everything worked out the first time," Pike said as he reached for his coffee and took a sip, studying Chekov. "If this design can work though, if we can stabilize it, then it'd be worth the redesign." Pavel’s heart sunk back into his stomach when Pike sat back down. None of it reflected anything about what happened in their future, in the film, and it was their future. He had been on screen for little more time than Pike, but that was because he had been alive and in the engine room, not because he had died. Even in the red shirt, he never died. He nodded at Pike’s comment, knowing this was his sixth design already, the only one worth anything at all. “It only works starting a new engine room from scratch,” he pointed out, “Everything about our current designs are built around a concept that only destabilizes this kind of core. But it’d possibly increase warp speeds ten to a hundred times.” That was a safe bet, assuming he could stabilize the damn things and not kill whoever built the thing, in a world where that actually happened. They didn’t have the capability here, and here it wasn’t the point, it didn’t do a damn thing about anything. "So, we design the entire ship around a new core. From my standpoint, that's perfectly logical. If either one of us makes it back to our timeline, that type of knowledge would be incredible to have," Pike explained. He didn't know if they'd remember it if they went through, but it was worth a shot. Besides, this had the potential to keep him distracted. "Just think of how much further we could go in our explorations." He took another sip of his coffee and changed topics. "What prompted this redesign?" Some elements stayed the same, certainly, and Pavel didn’t want the ship to have to be bigger for it. If it were, fine. But it wasn’t going to be like the ship Khan helped design. There were elements of it that were useful, for inspiration or even incorporation, but that ship had it all wrong on many fronts. The weapons it had wouldn’t be compatible with this warp core by a long shot. Pavel smiled. For now, it had to be peaceful. “We could do a lot more in a five year mission,” Pavel agreed. The question prompted him to drink some of the tea, without regard for its temperature. That wasn’t a good question. “It’s possible,” Pavel replied, one hand coming up toward his head but not reaching it, “Peace is possible.” He had studied all the old wars. He had known about Khan and had seen everything with him in the prime universe. So much intellect, and it had been pushed into a dead end. "Yes. It is." Pike's words were filled with a confidence he didn't quite feel, but this wasn't about him right now. This was about Pavel and taking care of his crew. Family. The film had gotten that part right. "Pavel? What's this really about?" he asked, giving Pavel a look. Pavel didn’t like the way Pike latched on. Everyone had been hurt enough, lost enough, last time, and he had been a seventeen year old... kid they didn’t know that well. No one had kept pushing, and he handled everything fine. It was being here, a handful among billions to come from the same place, that changed that. He didn’t need the attention. The chair put some distance between them and separated them. Pavel didn’t look back at Pike, didn’t believe a single one of them was okay. “I’m alive.” "You are," Pike said, watching him with worry. "So am I." Pike did his best to make the words sound cheerful and optimistic, even if that didn't reflect his thoughts at the moment. "I take it you've seen the movie, then?" Pavel laughed. It was inappropriate and wrong, completely the wrong response. But Pike was like so many others here, so many people who knew that when they returned home, if they returned home, and they didn’t remember this place, they were going to die. Even if they went somewhere else, they were still dead, still dead in the original universe they came from. “You’re a cat,” he muttered under his breath, not pronouncing the words clearly. “I saw it Wednesday,” he shook his head. “I watched you die.” Pike nodded, pulling himself to his feet again and bracing himself heavily on the table as he reached out with one hand and clasped Chekov on the shoulder. "I know. I watched it do. But I'm here. Alive. There's no Khan here. No Starfleet HQ to attack," Pike said, trying to reassure Chekov. There were feeling he couldn't share with people, but his crew was his family and he needed to take care of them, reassure them that he was okay. "Chief of Engineering though, not bad," he said with a smile. "You know it wasn't your fault what happened to the warp core, right?" He raised his eyebrow at Pavel and gave him a look. "You were amazing and exceptional. Not many Starfleet officers, let alone eighteen year old ones could manage what you did. Not to mention, you saved Kirk and Scotty. I'm sure there were a few medals and commendations for you based on your actions." None of that was here, Pavel knew, for better and for worse. This one had to be better for Pike, better than the prime universe, better than their universe, better than any universe that killed him so young or even just cut off from everyone else. Spock had done a good thing, in the prime universe, with what everything was. But it wasn’t good enough. “Scotty could have fixed it,” Pavel pointed out. He wasn’t jealous of Mr. Scott or hurt that someone was better than him at it. Engineering wasn’t his primary specialty. But it mattered. It had also mattered Scotty was on the other ship. And none of that changed a thing about Pike. He moved quicker than he even was aware of himself, hugging Pike and holding onto him and not letting go. “I don’t care,” Pavel spoke, muffled. Medals weren’t the point. He had lost a lot of people, people under his command because he was the chief of engineering with all that meant. And he couldn’t even blame himself for Pike. "You don't know that," Pike said, wrapping one arm tightly around Chekov while bracing himself with the other on the table. "What matters is that you did the best that you could in the situation. That is something I know to be true of you, Pavel. You will always do the best that you can - defying what people think is possible." Pavel had to get better - at engineering, at transporting difficult targets, at compensating for strange magnetic fields, to be able to identify, there were a lot of things. Few people were their best at eighteen, and Pavel meant to be one of the many on that. His weight stayed his own, not leaning on Pike but holding Pike to him. “That’s not what matters,” he spoke into Pike’s shoulder. "I'm alright, Pavel," Pike reassured the younger man. "I'm alive here. Just because I died on screen doesn't mean that's going to happen here. I'm alive and going strong." If he were honest, the movie affected him deeply, but probably not for the reasons people would think. Nonetheless, he didn't want to talk about that. And his needs were secondary to his crew's. "What does matter, then?" “No you’re not,” he disagreed immediately, not thinking of how rude it was to mouth off like that to Pike. He wasn’t okay, and Pike wasn’t okay. And he was just a navigator, or chief of engineering, whatever rank, so he didn’t expect Pike to talk about it with him. But that didn’t mean Pike was okay. He wasn’t going to accept a lie on that. It didn’t make anything better. Pike was pushing at him. Fine, but he didn’t get to lie. “Whether it’s enough,” Pavel replied. It mattered who lived and who died, it mattered that Pike never set foot on the Enterprise again, even though he had been made captain again, it mattered Pavel hadn’t seen him in some time, too much time. But with what they knew, what could they have done differently? Kirk had noticed, and it hadn’t been enough. But that didn’t make it better. "I'm alive, though," Pike said, not bothering to contradict Chekov, especially when he was right. Pike was far from alright. After all, he'd taken off for a few days and only his sense of obligation and responsibility had made him tell people he'd be leaving for a bit and made him come back for prom. "You can't always save everyone," Pike said soberly. "People get injured and die. It's an unfortunate side effect of Starfleet. High risk life choice. You can't blame yourself for what happens." He felt the muscles in his leg twitch. "Pavel, I need to sit. Either in the chair or on the couch." They were each of them alive here. That wasn’t enough, Pavel knew, and he had found purpose in being here. He had never been about wishing to go back. But going back now had other meanings now. That only made him hold on tighter. “This was all Starfleet’s fault,” Pavel replied, angry with Admiral Marcus who also died but that Pavel couldn’t bring himself to mind the death of. Starfleet wasn’t supposed to kill its own officers. He had gotten away with a lot for a long time. The words ran over him, and Pavel took a moment to recognize the immediacy of it. But his arms weren’t willing to let go. Instead, Pavel simply shifted, his hug moving a little lower on Pike’s back. Chekov stood up straight, lifting all the weight off Pike’s legs and carried him - toward the couch. Pike's grip on Chekov tightened when Pavel lifted him up, not relaxing until he felt the couch under him. It was hard for him to argue with Pavel's statement though. "Marcus.. We need other people. People who remember that Starfleet is about exploration and science, discovering new things, charting unknown territories - not those determined to make a name for themselves in a war of their creation. I should have seen it coming." Pavel went down with Pike, keeping enough control to ease Pike down but still come down, landing in a semi-sitting position still wrapped around Pike. His feet came up to the couch, pushing his knees toward his chest and creating some separation of the two. “As soon as he told Kirk open war was coming,” Pavel pointed out, “That’s when I knew.” Pavel had never met the admiral, and it didn’t look like he did either, from what the film showed. He didn’t know if Pike could have seen it coming, if Pike could have done anything. “He followed the rules or made them not apply to him,” Pavel pointed out, “And he hid that.” Rules were supposed to help, sort of like a conscience, but Marcus had lost that. Kirk hadn’t. That had made the difference. "After the Narada, I- I should have paid more attention," Pike said, keeping an arm wrapped around Chekov to comfort the younger man. "Marcus met a fate I wouldn't wish on anyone, but what he did should serve as an example. To remind the rest of us of what we shouldn't do. Rules-" Pike paused. "They're in place for a reason and though I have broken some or looked the other way in the past, to completely disregard them isn't good. It's hard to lose people under you - and it should be - it should never be easy to know that people's lives are at stake. Pavel was glad Pike didn’t have sideburns, as he had in their future. It was easier not to see blood spilling out of his mouth. Marcus hadn’t simply disregarded them, though. He had been delusional. Even if war came, he was not the man to lead them into it. “Starfleet has to stand for something, or it cannot win,” Pavel remembered the words Kirk had said, almost a year and a half into his future. “We’re violating the prime directive just being here, you know.” "I know, but there's not much we can do about that," Pike said with a sigh. "What does Starfleet stand for to you? What does it mean to you?" Pavel’s head leaned down, as he thought about the questions. Physics of warp cores? He could explain that in an instant. This was harder, and it was very early in the morning, and despite the sleep the last two nights, he hadn’t slept the two before that. “It’s going out, it’s seeing the universe... with an open mind,” Pavel shrugged, “It’s not being frightened by the unknown but embracing it, learning from it, seeing it. It’s respecting other forms of life as equally valid as our own. I’m not perfect at any of that, but it’s the point.” Pike nodded. It was one of those questions he had used to challenge new recruits. He didn't want to hear anyone recite the mission of Starfleet, he wanted them to speak from the heart. "Marcus corrupted that, but you have to stay true to it," Pike said. "Why did you join Starfleet?" It reminded him of interviews he had in the past, when he was thirteen, and when he was fifteen. Starfleet gave them, and they asked until they got to the truth. Pavel had been telling the truth because it wasn’t just a line, and Khan and Marcus had shown, if anything, that it had to be true or Starfleet wasn’t worth being in. It had sounded like a fairy tale when he was a boy, just coming in, and it sounded anything but now. It was hard work and sweat and people dying, but they had to die for a reason. They had to. Or it wasn’t worth it. “I wanted to see space, I wanted to witness physical phenomena you couldn’t see on earth,” Pavel laughed, “I was so young. And I didn’t want to be a diplomat. I’d be a terrible diplomat, whatever Dedyushka says.” It was even worse now than then, if not so bad as a couple years ago. "That's what you need to remember. That's what you keep telling yourself after things like this. That there's a greater purpose to all this - that the good in Starfleet outweighs the bad - that the potential for what Starfleet can do out in space - that it's worth it." Pike squeezed Chekov's shoulder. "There are always times when it's difficult, there will be times you think about the what ifs - what if you had done something different? Been faster, smarter, fought harder? But you can't think like that. You take each day as it comes and remind yourself why you're doing this." His feet pushed against the couch, forcing him to sit with no room between his butt and the back of the couch. He wasn’t slouching, except for the way he leaned on Pike. It wasn’t appropriate, by regulation, perhaps, but they weren’t on active duty or something like it. He hadn’t doubted Starfleet could be all that, was still that. Marcus hadn’t destroyed that for him. It didn’t haunt him, for all that they very nearly died because of it. But he stopped before opening his mouth. It wasn’t all about him here. And the what ifs, Pavel knew damn well. “You are,” Pavel stated, “You’re why I went to command school.” He nearly simply did science, without a command focus at all. But Pike was his hero, had been from the time he started reading about those in Starfleet. Pike raised an eyebrow at Pavel. "Me?" “Yeah,” Pavel confirmed, “I worked as hard as I could that year so that I’d get assigned to your command. They weren’t going to let anyone but the best serve you.” He didn’t see what was so shocking about it. How did Pike think he got a seventeen year old crew member? The Enterprise was supposed to be the best of the best, and that meant Pike as captain. "Well, I'm glad I managed to be an inspiration," he said, running a hand over his hair and feeling a bit surprised by this conversation. He hadn't come in here to get his ego stroked, and even after so many years in the fleet, he still wasn't entirely used to it. Pavel wasn’t sure how to take it. It honestly surprised him that Pike seemed shocked to hear it. Someone like Pike wasn’t supposed to die like that, die at all for at least another few decades. “You always will be,” Pavel knew it was fact, “Spock prime risked court martial to help you in the prime universe.” And that was Spock, not exactly a Jim Kirk rule breaking leading by his gut type. He smiled at that. "I know that. Spock told me about it and then I watched the episodes. It was interesting because I visited Talos in my past as well but while I served on the Yorktown. I don't think I ever would have chosen. Yet in that circumstance, it was preferable. It was, at least, a semblance of reality." He sighed. "Thank you. I just do my best, every day, and try not to get anyone killed." It wasn’t fair, what happened to Pike, in either universe. That things had gone differently in theirs, Pavel had hoped Pike would get the life he deserved. Instead Khan had cut it short. If only they could complete the ritual that had saved Spock Prime on Pike, since Spock had melded minds with him at the time of his death. Pike had said not to think about what ifs. “That’s why you’re a great man,” he didn’t really know what else to say. But he wasn’t letting go just yet either. |