Thalia Grace (wasatree) wrote in thedoorway, @ 2013-05-11 16:46:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log, luke castellan, thalia grace |
WHO: Luke Castellan and Thalia Grace
WHERE: Thalia’s apartment
WHEN: May 10
WHAT: Discussing the implications of losing Thalia’s archery skills
RATING: PG
STATUS: log; complete.
Beckendorf and Annabeth and the rest of the demigods who had descended upon Thalia’s apartment trying to distract her with Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em robots had gone by now, and Jason had stepped out to give Thalia some time with Luke. The instant support the other demigods had shown her after her panicked post was both humbling and heartwarming, but it still didn’t ease the fear and worry she felt over the loss of her archery skills. No matter what she told herself about it being caused maybe by the flu, or by some Tesseract-related shenanigans, she couldn’t help but think that Annabeth was right: she’d fallen in love, and as such, she’d forfeited her status as Hunter. At the same time, there was a part of her that wouldn’t stop whispering that maybe this was a good thing. If Thalia weren’t a Hunter anymore, she could be with Luke. They could hold hands and cuddle up to each other at movies and do all those sappy, gooshy things that couples in love could do. There was no denying that she wanted it. But at the same time, she hated the idea that she’d gone and broken an Oath she’d made, even if it had been unintentional. Her honour was so important to her, and yet she’d gone and ruined it. She didn’t regret telling Luke that she loved him and she wouldn’t have changed her feelings for all the arrows in the world, but there was no getting around the fact that she’d gone and done what Hunters were forbidden to do: fall in love. It was a complicated situation, and it made Thalia’s head and heart hurt. At least Luke was coming over. Everything was better when Luke was around. He had begun to worry about Thalia as soon as he saw her post on the network. Part of Luke wanted to believe it was just a fluke. Strange things happened on this side of the Tesseract all the time, and Luke knew that being a Hunter was important to Thalia. The Hunt was where she had found peace and belonging after he’d gone and ruined everything. He didn’t want her to lose that. He wanted her to be happy. It was just that he couldn’t completely silence the utterly selfish part of him that wondered if maybe she could be happy without the Hunt, and with him. Luke knew he didn’t deserve that. He didn’t even deserve the friendship that they had. Even if the goddess had forsaken her, she might not even want to be with him anyway. She had said she loved him, and they’d had all those little moments of nearly crossing the line, but that had all been with the clear understanding that they could never be together like that. If the possibility had opened up, that could change everything. But still...still he had that little thread of hope that was so hard to let go of. He came to her apartment carrying all that baggage, plus a worry that this (like virtually every other lousy thing that happened) was in someway his fault, and also a box of pizza. “Hey,” he said, giving Thalia a tilted smile as she opened the door. “I got too tired and lazy to cook anything, so you’re gonna have to live with pizza.” "Pizza's fine," Thalia said, giving him a smile that couldn't quite mask her worry. It did help just to see him, though. They'd already been through so much together, and he'd been a source of ideas and comfort for most of that time. Whatever was behind this, they'd make it through. She hoped. She stepped back to let him in, and led the way to the kitchen to pull out a few plates. Awkwardness was creeping in to add to the worry. They'd established a sort of relationship they could live with, but now with the possibility that she may not be bound by her Oath anymore, she felt as nervous and self-aware as...well, a teenager around the boy she liked. "Beckendorf came by with his version of Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots," she said, by way of explaining all the cups in the sink. That, at least, was an easy way to open up the conversation. It seemed like maybe Thalia wanted to stay away from the heavy conversation, at least for now. Luke was all right with that; it gave him a little less to worry about, at least temporarily. He’d still pick back up on panicking that he’d ruined her life yet again later, but this gave a brief reprieve. “He was talking about those the other night,” Luke said, smiling faintly at her. “They sounded pretty cool. ‘dyou guys have fun?” It was hard to have fun when she was freaking out about the idea that she was an Oathbreaker, and about the loss of her powers and her immortality, but the other demigods had been so determined to keep her distracted that it seemed churlish not to acknowledge their efforts somehow. "It was pretty cool," she said, smiling slightly at the memory. "He had the robots trash talking, and at one point one of them breathed fire. I'm pretty sure that wasn't supposed to happen." “Ya never know with Beckendorf,” Luke replied with a wry smile. Breathing fire might be an accident, or it might be totally part of the plan with that guy. He could catch the nervous tone in her voice, though, wavering under the surface. Uncomfortable though it might be for both of them, he figured it had to be addressed. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it over here earlier,” he said. “Friday’s always one of our busy days downstairs. Are you doing okay?” There it was. In a way, Thalia was relieved that he'd been the one to tackle the topic of why he was here; she hadn't quite been ready herself. "No, it's okay," she assured him, staring down at the plates of pizza she'd just prepared. "It's just..." She hesitated, then finally looked back at him, not bothering to even try to hide her dismay. "I'm just worried this isn't a temporary thing." “I know.” Luke had been worried about the same thing, and seeing how obviously bothered she was by it just made things worse. Not that he could blame her for that - the Hunt was immortality and a neverending slumber party with bows and arrows. She would never have to worry about dying, or growing old, or running from monsters, or boys who’d break her heart by trying to burn the world down. It was a safe, comfortable place for her, and Luke could never fault her for wanting that. He felt terrible that he might be the reason she could lose it. “The love thing, right?” he asked quietly. “That’s what you’re worried about. It’s sure been what I’ve been worried about. I’ve tried really hard not to screw up your life again, and I don’t know what I’ll do if I’ve gone and done it anyway.” The possibility of forfeiting her place in the Hunt meant a lot of things to Thalia, most of them bad, but never once had she thought of it as Luke ruining her life. It came as a surprise, then, when he voiced his own fears, and she shook her head quickly in response, intent on nipping that thought in the bud. “No,” she said forcefully, turning so that she could face him fully. “You’ve done nothing to screw up my life since we got here. You even saved my life, and you gave me my best friend back, and even if this is all because of the love thing and I’m kicked out of the Hunters for it, I’m never going to regret falling in love with you.” It was a pretty powerful declaration. He hadn’t ever really imagined that he might hear it, not even in idle fantasies of a different life. Since the worry had arisen, Luke had been fairly certain that Thalia would absolutely regret having anything to do with him at all if it meant losing her place with Artemis. He bit his lip for a second as he looked back at her, trying to dam up the emotional flood washing over him. He hadn’t felt this far in over his head since the Titan War, and though it was at least unlikely that anybody was going to die or any civilizations would be potentially destroyed this time, he still felt that frightening lack of any control over himself or his situation. Just keeping himself reasonably together required a deep breath and a second of closing his eyes. When they opened again, Luke had a faint smile tinged with sadness for her. “I’d only ever regret it if you did,” he said softly. “I just want you to be happy. I’d given up a long time ago on it being with me. So whatever happens, whatever you decide to do...just know that I’ll love you either way, and that I know better than to go nuts and screw everything up again regardless of what happens.” He spoke as if he were expecting her to run away and have nothing to do with him again in an effort to get back into the Hunt. Thalia was pretty sure she wouldn’t be taken back even if she did decide to forsake his company now, and even if it could happen that way, she wasn’t sure if she’d go for it. It was too late now to repair a broken Oath, if that was indeed what was causing her lack of archery skills. All she could do was try to regain her honour in other ways. “I don’t regret it,” she told him, her voice quiet but firm. “If this is all because of the love thing, I’d be disappointed in myself for letting down Artemis, but it’s not like either of us made this happen on purpose. Whatever happens, I’m not going to stop loving you.” He would have liked nothing more than to finally step in and kiss her then. They didn’t really know for sure what was going on, though. It was still possible that there was just rogue magic going around or even just that Thalia had an inner ear infection. Luke certainly didn’t want to ruin immortality for her now if he hadn’t already, so he just reached out and took her hand in his. “And whatever happens, you’re going to be okay,” Luke said. “Whatever this is, whatever’s going on...you’ll be all right. So don’t worry yourself too much, okay?” It was a strange effect: in reassuring him, she’d reassured herself. She was going to be okay. Breaking an Oath was a big thing, but she still had friends who would support her despite it, and she had a wonderful man who would love her no matter what happened. For the first time since she’d missed hitting that oak tree, Thalia felt like she could breathe again. If it turned out she had indeed lost her Hunter status, she’d still grieve for it, and it may still be used against her in the Hall of Judgement, if they could see events in this world, but she was going to be okay at the end of it all. “Okay,” she said, turning her hand in his to give his a squeeze. The smile she gave him was still nervous, but it was genuine. “Thank you.” Luke smiled slightly back. “Any time,” he said. To his surprise, he actually believed what he was saying. She was going to be all right, and so was he. He hadn’t really believed that was possible in years...but they would be. They were trying their best in a messed up world, and in the end maybe that was all anybody could do. “So...dinner?” “Dinner,” Thalia confirmed, and handed his plate of pizza to him. They weren’t any closer to finding out if her situation was a temporary or permanent one, but she felt much better about it being either possibility now. All they could do was wait and see if her archery skills came back, and if she went back to feeling as sharp and resilient as she did before, and in the meantime they could eat pizza and watch movies and simply be together. |