InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Omae o korosu!"

Peter Petrelli | Heroes (savedthechrldr) wrote in thedoorway,
@ 2013-03-28 23:30:00

Entry tags:

!network post, jace wayland, maedhros, nathan petrelli, peter petrelli

Claire is gone.

I hate that she left, and I hate that she left before I could convince her how much she matters to me. I feel that I said some stupid things that made her feel that she didn't, and now I'm not going to have the chance to make that up to her. Maybe back home, she won't remember the stupid things I said and did. I can hope, anyway.

[Susan]

You don't like me. I get it. And I'm tired of trying to change your mind.

But if you really love her like you say you do? Back off. Leave her alone. Let her be happy without trying to convince her that everything she does is wrong. Because that's crap.

[Lucy]

Nathan moved out. You...wouldn't want to move in with me, would you?

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	nelyafinwe 2013-03-29 05:31 am UTC (link)
	Like your Claire, I wish I had said different things to him. But that cannot now be changed. Do you know what you go to when you leave here? What does she go to? I had spoken to her several times but I did not know her well. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

savedthechrldr
2013-03-29 05:34 am UTC (link)

I do. I've watched the show I'm in, which s a really strange thing to do, by the way. That's why...in some ways I don't want to leave. And I know that's selfish, because I have important things to do back home, but terrible things happen, too. And it's just...easier here, you know? I don't want to lose my powers, or help to kill my own father, or lose my brother. I just want to pretend that those things aren't going to happen. I'm not afraid of my own death at all, but all these things are my fault.Or, at least it feels like it.

Claire? She has some hard times coming, but she's strong. And she makes it.

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nelyafinwe
2013-03-29 05:46 am UTC (link)

I understand. But that is your fate and you cannot change destiny. It has already happened and nothing may change it. Are you looking for a second chance? They say that is why we may be here, but I do not know that I believe it.

I would like to, but I cannot accept this place.

It is difficult.

I cannot reconcile that with myself or what I must do. I have an errand. As do you.

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savedthechrldr
2013-03-29 05:53 am UTC (link)

You're right. I know it. This is just a temporary break for both of us, although I've been here since before Christmas now. It's hard to know whether to settle in, or get ready to leave, but you've got to do one or the other. I can't stand being in a constant state of flux.

What's your errand? What do you have to do back home still? Have you read the books you're in?

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nelyafinwe
2013-03-29 06:08 am UTC (link)

Settling feels like giving up. Like losing what I know to be true of myself. I do not wish to be one of these mortals. I do not wish to live their lives. I despise them for the atrocities committed to the lands and for their disrespect. I have seen more than 3000 years of the earth and never have I been more disappointed by it.

But I am wrong to feel these things, of course. I am wrong because I do not fit in. I have known good Men in my life, and so I cannot blame them all for their ugliness but it is difficult to see otherwise.

I am torn.

I go to a war. I have led a war for 470 years and each year that passes it becomes increasingly clear that we will not win. I will run my family to their deaths, and my people to ruin. For a war we had no chance to win from the very start.

I am so tired.

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	savedthechrldr 2013-03-29 06:12 am UTC (link)
	You're not wrong. It's different here, and it's got to be really strange and even a little scary. Everything you know is gone, and that can't be easy. Hey, I'm from New York, and this is strange to me. So I can't even imagine what it must be for you. Can't you just...stop fighting? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	nelyafinwe 2013-03-29 07:05 am UTC (link)
	I am not the wordsmith that my father is so I cannot describe it, truly. Indeed I am not anything my father is but that is for a different day. I have sworn, to fight this war until the ends of the world. Or until my oath is fulfilled. I know the ending. I know it. I dream of fire. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	savedthechrldr 2013-03-29 08:02 am UTC (link)
	If you know what happens, doesn't that give you a chance to change it? To do something different, to make a better future for yourself? Surely breaking your oath can't be any worse than what happens? Or, maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. Why fire? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	nelyafinwe 2013-03-29 06:08 pm UTC (link)
	I am not sure I know anymore either. I swore to fight until the end. And the end, for me, is fire. Fire, agony and a welcomed death. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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