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alucard emery (anoshe) wrote in thedisplaced,
@ 2018-09-03 10:11:00

Entry tags:

!network post, alucard emery, bill weasley, buffy summers (the shift), eleanor shellstrop, james potter, kell maresh, rhy maresh, zelda

It is my absolute pleasure to announce some good news to this community. Rhy Maresh and I, Alucard Emery, are to be married. I look forward to the planning with all its details, to the wondrous day to come, and most of all to all the days that will follow it.

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Rhy | Alucard

goldenhelm
2018-09-04 04:58 pm UTC (link)

You already have, my love. I'm better with you.

Just as I will make sure that sailing is better for you, with me.

None of it was ever fully a lie. Just playing up one element of my character over another. But you are by far the most observant person I've ever met. More than me, certainly, at least in a conscious and deliberate way. And perhaps because of that, you've always known exactly how to get through any facade I might put up, which would be a terrifying quality in anyone else. If you had any intention of it, love, you could destroy me.

But I'm not afraid. I've known instinctively, since we met, what kind of person you are. Even when my mind doubted my instincts, my heart still knew.

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Rhy | Alucard

anoshe
2018-09-05 03:47 am UTC (link)

I know you are not lying, even as you act one way or another. I have done the same myself, and it is natural, a part of being who we are. It is human. And I do not hold it against you, as I hope those I care about do not hold it against me.

My love, I cannot imagine ever wanting such an event to come to pass, much less to be the architect behind its design. You should be supported, perhaps sometimes challenged, but made to succeed.

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Rhy | Alucard

goldenhelm
2018-09-05 04:01 am UTC (link)

I quite like the face you show to the world, don't worry. But I like the one only I get to see even better.

No, no, love, I don't think you want that. I'm trying to tell you how deeply I trust you. It's impossible, in my position, not to question the people I keep close to me, especially after a lifetime of being told that I'm too trusting for my own good. My instincts about people -- to trust them or distrust them, whether I have any reason behind it or not -- have not been wrong yet. My mind is the one that leads me astray when it doubts that instinct, or reasons that the risk might be worth taking.

I've learned to trust my instincts and my heart the most. You taught me that, by coming back and telling me the truth. And by proving over and over again that you are exactly the person I thought you were, in every moment since.

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Rhy | Alucard

anoshe
2018-09-05 04:57 am UTC (link)

I trust you Rhy, you and your good heart. It can accomplish what those skeptical hearts can only dream of. And I know you trust me, though I had once feared I had lost it. Taking Bard onto my ship was perhaps one of the times I most acted like you, though to be honest it was at least as much for the puzzle she represented. And so many times she nearly destroyed everything. And yet.

It amazes me what instincts you have and how true they bear themselves out. I trust my observations and my decisions, but they are not made the same way as yours, and I do not know that I would trust myself the way I trust you.

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Rhy | Alucard

goldenhelm
2018-09-05 05:26 am UTC (link)

Oh, I liked Bard as soon as I met her. Of course, it helped that she had just helped Kell save my life.

This is yet another way in which we are incredibly complementary, love. Where my instincts might lead me wrong -- or probably more accurately, my mind might try to override my instincts -- you are not likely to be fooled, because of your observations and reasoning, and vice versa. I was glad to have you there when Kylo told us about his past, for instance. I found it difficult to think beyond the fact that I'd already trusted him with my [...] current state, because he had been able to sense that I had no life force, the way I should. But you knew how to react, how to handle that confusing ground between trust and distrust (confusing for me, at least), and I followed your lead.

It took a great deal for you to even come close to losing my trust, and even then, I wrestled with it all those years because what I had felt and what I was told about what you'd done just didn't add up. I let myself be convinced that my instincts were wrong, though, which I will never do again. I won't follow my instincts blindly, either, but rather pursue the truth until both instinct and knowledge are in agreement.

That's why I trust you now: because my rational understanding of you as a person, including your darkest moments and hardest decisions, lines up perfectly with the way I've instinctively perceived you since the moment we met. And I love the person I know you are, everything about you, with the entirety of my heart.

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Rhy | Alucard

anoshe
2018-09-06 01:53 am UTC (link)

I met her under quite different circumstances. She had stolen from my thief, then killed him when he confronted her. Now, what the crew did not know was that the thief had been stealing from us. So she did untie that thorny knot of a situation for me. Not how I would have done it, but... nothing I could do once it was done. And she didn't speak any common language. And was an antari whose magic was tied in knots. How was I supposed to resist?

My feelings toward Kylo are deep, conflicted, and not entirely certain. But he has been a friend to us here, as well as an ally. He is working at changing himself and has been removed from the circumstances most thorny for him. So here, I think we are safe enough as friends. But there are few people I don't watch carefully. Possibly no one. People are too interesting to simply assume I know everything about them.

I agree that we work together well, our strengths helping each other, rather than hindering. We can reduce the blind spots we have. And I trust you, wholly and completely. Just as I love you.

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Rhy | Alucard

goldenhelm
2018-09-06 02:41 am UTC (link)

I don't know how anyone could have resisted that, love. Even Kell couldn't, and he's resistant to everyone and everything.

I agree with your assessment. I'd mainly be concerned if his circumstances changed, or if someone took a particular interest in manipulating him. People with the best of intentions can still have their weaknesses exploited into making the worst of decisions; I am a perfect example of that. I do hope that he has the best of luck here, not just for our friendship with him, but for him. Everyone deserves the chance to be the best of themselves, I think. But it is certainly easier to think that when I know only what he's told us about his past. I suspect if I'd had personal interactions with the person he was before, I might be rather more biased.

I speak so many languages, but I still don't feel like I have the words for how wonderful you are. I hope I figure it out before it's time to speak our vows. In the meantime I suppose I'll just have to settle for showing you how I feel.

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Rhy | Alucard

anoshe
2018-09-06 02:50 am UTC (link)

She burrowed quickly and deeply into Arnes and into our lives. And Kell let her in before he knew she was antari.

Indeed, I would feel immensely differently about meeting him in his universe as who he was surrounded by people and structure who encourage terrible choices. I will admit I have been reading more, generally speaking, about his universe. It has taken some effort to separate the timelines. There is far more available about the other one. But yes, we have the benefit of not having born the consequences of his decisions personally. And I expect the same is true about many people here interacting with many others. I can only hope it encourages everyone down better paths.

Words have yet to capture what I want to say during those vows. It is difficult to express feelings not bound by words. But we will both have to settle, until such time. And a good settling it will be.

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Rhy | Alucard

goldenhelm
2018-09-06 03:11 am UTC (link)

I hope she visits along with Kell, at home. She'll keep our lives interesting.

In the deepest parts of my heart, I want those better paths for everyone, even those who've hurt me personally. Whether they can be said to deserve them or not -- though I certainly expect them to earn it, to be worthy of the opportunity. It's encouraging that Kylo, at least, is doing that.

I'm glad you feel that way as well. I don't feel a strong need to hear the perfect words from you, if that helps, though I do look forward to hearing whatever you decide to say. I am very aware of how you feel about me. Every nerve and fiber of my being is well aware.

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Rhy | Alucard

anoshe
2018-09-06 04:00 am UTC (link)

That she will, even seeing her on occasion only. At least for now, her heart belongs at sea.

I cannot claim so kind of sentiments. The best I can offer, to those who have hurt me, is to leave them be, unless I should have some reason I cannot. No hopes, no dreams for them. Only existence, as long as it can be spared. Unfortunately, in my experience, they do not all take that chance.

Still, I will do my best. To show it in all ways.

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Rhy | Alucard

goldenhelm
2018-09-06 04:11 am UTC (link)

I'm sure we'll find ways to entertain ourselves even while she's away.

It's not easy to maintain that sentiment, in some cases. I'm sure you can guess which, so I don't feel any particular desire to name them. Hoping that they could improve and show the best of themselves doesn't prevent me from wanting to seek justice for any of their wrongdoings. And it's true that it's rare they take that better path, but I can't help hoping anyway.

I am quite convinced, but I still do very much enjoy the way you show it. And I will continue to endeavor to show you how I feel, as well. I hope you have at least some idea of how I feel at this point, though it will not stop me from continuing to try.

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	Rhy \| Alucard anoshe 2018-09-06 05:32 am UTC (link)
	You have the kinder soul. And it is dear to me. May we always meet the endeavor to show our love. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Rhy \| Alucard goldenhelm 2018-09-06 05:42 am UTC (link)
	You've plenty of kindness in yourself, darling, even if it is a different kind, or shows itself differently. Do you think a kind soul like mine would be so perfectly matched with yours otherwise? I'm going to kiss you as soon as I see your pretty face. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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