InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Why didn't you call me?"

Eliot the Spectacular (highkingeliot) wrote in thedisplaced,
@ 2018-03-19 12:02:00

Entry tags:

alucard emery, annie cresta (au), eliot waugh, emmeline vance, johanna mason (au), john murphy, julia wicker, kylo ren / ben solo, link, padme amidala, scott mccall, selina kyle (gotham)

Are there any veterinarians on board?

KYLO REN

Good morning. Hypothetical question here. How do you feel about kittens?

JULIA WICKER

So...Tony Stark?

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	king_quentin 2018-03-19 11:29 pm UTC (link)
	I guess if you want me to, I can. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	outlawthief 2018-03-19 11:32 pm UTC (link)
	I want you to do what you feel comfortable with, Quentin. It doesn't have to be now, either. At some point in time or never. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	king_quentin 2018-03-19 11:35 pm UTC (link)
	It’s not that I’m not comfortable. I guess it’s just that I don’t [...] I’m not used to people wanting to paint me or anything like that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	outlawthief 2018-03-19 11:42 pm UTC (link)
	You should quickly become accustomed then because I do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	king_quentin 2018-03-19 11:44 pm UTC (link)
	I’ll try to get used it as quickly as I can. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	outlawthief 2018-03-19 11:50 pm UTC (link)
	Just tell me when. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	king_quentin 2018-03-19 11:58 pm UTC (link)
	Maybe not tonight, but we can figure something out. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	outlawthief 2018-03-20 12:14 am UTC (link)
	Whenever is fine with me, Quentin. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Napoleon/Q king_quentin 2018-03-20 12:30 am UTC (link)
	Thank you. For everything. I feel vaguely ridiculous. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Napoleon/Q outlawthief 2018-03-20 12:31 am UTC (link)
	You are vaguely ridiculous, but that's part of your charm. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Napoleon/Q king_quentin 2018-03-20 12:40 am UTC (link)
	Who knew all this time being a vaguely ridiculous human being was a positive thing. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Napoleon/Q outlawthief 2018-03-20 12:41 am UTC (link)
	I like it when you smile. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Napoleon/Q king_quentin 2018-03-20 12:49 am UTC (link)
	I prefer it. It’s never a hundred percent sort of thing. I’m better than I was, though. Overall. I’m making a point to do what I can to keep from sliding backwards. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Napoleon/Q outlawthief 2018-03-20 02:22 am UTC (link)
	You're making an admirable effort and if you ever need the reminder to keep going forward, I'm happy to provide when I'm able. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Napoleon/Q

king_quentin
2018-03-20 02:47 am UTC (link)

It doesn’t feel that way all the time. But I’m just trying to take it a day at a time. I am trying to avoid letting it go on untreated because when I do that, I end up hospitalized and I don’t want that. I don’t want to get to that point. I’m lucky I listened when I did about going because I think I might have ended up there. It wasn’t good, really. Eliot’s pretty good at picking up on my bullshit, so if he says anything, you can trust him.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Napoleon/Q outlawthief 2018-03-20 03:00 am UTC (link)
	I very much want to avoid you being hospitalized as well, so if there are certain things I should be noticing, please let me know. As I told Eliot earlier, I have only known you for a short amount of time. And while it feels like I've known you for much longer, I do not want to risk your health on my assumptions. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Napoleon/Q king_quentin 2018-03-20 03:12 am UTC (link)
	I tend not to talk about myself and I just shut down. I drink a lot. Like not just socially. Everything is drinking. It’s a bad coping mechanism. I’m very careless with myself in general. You’re actually helping my mental health. But it’s definitely my responsibility to keep my shit together. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Napoleon/Q outlawthief 2018-03-20 03:50 am UTC (link)
	It may be your responsibility, but you have your friends to be there for you as well. Should I stop drinking around you? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Napoleon/Q

king_quentin
2018-03-20 04:14 am UTC (link)

I know, but I don’t want anyone to feel like they have to be careful because I’m a fucking mess. Or like it’s anyone’s responsibility outside of mine. But I’m grateful for the support of people outside of me. No. That’s not necessary. I’ve been okay about it. I had a moment in Middle Earth, but...

You don’t have to alter anything for me. I’m good, really. I’m not an alcoholic, which is something an alcoholic might say, I know. I just have a tendency to rely on it to mask things when I start going down or if something happens and I’m a fucking idiot about it. But it’s not an always problem.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Napoleon/Q outlawthief 2018-03-20 02:36 pm UTC (link)
	I think you should give yourself a little more credit than that because you seem to be doing very well. What happened in Middle Earth, if you don't mind my asking? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Napoleon/Q

king_quentin
2018-03-20 03:33 pm UTC (link)

I’m afraid I’m not the most positive sometimes about myself. Something I need to work on.

I started something with someone and I wasn’t upfront about how I felt and they didn’t want that. The feelings part. I don’t think they knew what they wanted really. They were hung up on someone else and I thought I was until I realized I wasn’t. I thought I could stop feeling it because it was just a crush, but that’s not really how it worked out. They also basically felt that I was too young most of the time, which didn’t make sense to me when anyone would be in the same boat. Anyway. They broke it off because of that Michael guy putting it in their head that they were using me and I guess it got really stuck in there and I didn’t react well. Especially not to the part where they said we were both using each other once I explained my having a crush on them.

It all blew up because I told Eliot about it an Eliot is very protective. Especially with me. This was post drinking until I remembered basically nothing after a certain point. So being hungover an trying to navigate emotions is complicated and Alice was nice enough to come over with something to help with the hangover and make me sleep more. I asked Eliot and everyone to leave them alone, which didn’t happen, so then we weren’t even going to be friends, so Alice and I went out to kill spiders and I definitely almost died a few times.

We’re okay now. Sort of. We can talk. Not sure I’m able to talk to them about things like I used to, though. I tried once, but it didn’t work so well, so I’ll just keep it to surface level and hope for the best.

I’m not always good at making choices for myself in sexual or romantic situations. All of this was before the life that happened and didn’t was in my head except the sharing things part.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Napoleon/Q

outlawthief
2018-03-20 06:04 pm UTC (link)

There is a very large part of me that wants to go find this person that upset you so deeply and have a nice long talk with them about assumptions and misplaced blame. From what I can see, you became honest with them when you realized your feelings were something more.

But the more sensible part of me knows that you handled this situation the way you needed to, that you have a plan of action for the aftermath. But I want you to know that if you need to get something like this out, that if you want commentary on it or advice, I am here for you.

I realize we may have rushed into something undefined a little quickly after what happened with you in Middle Earth, but I don't wish to change any of it, so long as you don't. I like you, Quentin, and I like our friendship the way it is.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Napoleon/Q

king_quentin
2018-03-20 06:24 pm UTC (link)

Not right away. [...] I don't want anyone doing the talking for me or to help me. Even if I understand that people want to do that. I just [...] I don't know. It was both of us. I can't pretend I didn't have a hand in it. I should have been honest. I just wanted. I probably should have thought things through a little more.

It didn't feel rushed. It was unexpected, I suppose, but I wouldn't say it felt particularly rushed to me. I like you, too. I'm not looking to change things right now. Part of taking things one day at a time. If that changes, I'll let you know. You'll let me know, too? And if you want anything in particular, let me know that too.

Thank you for letting me talk to you and making it easy to talk to you.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: Napoleon/Q

outlawthief
2018-03-20 06:40 pm UTC (link)

I will never presume to speak on your behalf or pretend to know what is going on in your mind. That's not my place, Quentin, so I will not invade it.

You're right, unexpected fits better. It was unexpected, with unfortunate timing for it to be so soon after your Middle Earth issue. But I like where we are. I like what we are doing. So long as you do as well, I'd like to stay on this course.

You don't have to thank me for that. I like doing all of this with you, the kissing, the sleeping together yes. But also the talking and helping each other. You've helped me with my own inner struggles as well.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Napoleon/Q king_quentin 2018-03-20 06:53 pm UTC (link)
	Thank you. It was a bit, yes, but I wouldn't change it. I'm happy to keep doing what we're doing. Maybe not, but I'm still grateful. I have? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)