InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I AM A GOLDEN GOD!"

Ren Waugh-Solo (behindthemask) wrote in thedisplaced,
@ 2017-11-19 20:45:00

Entry tags:

anakin skywalker, kylo ren / ben solo

[Filter:Anakin Skywalker]

Are you awake?

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behindthemask
2017-11-21 10:22 pm UTC (link)

I don't like to think of myself as Ben. He never seemed to know what to do. [...] But I'm not sure that I know any more now. It makes more sense than I would like for it to.

I know nothing about most of them, and I don't sit around worrying about what they've done in the past. It's bullshit.

Do you think they're right? Eliot [...] makes me believe I could be... the sort of person I think I always wanted to be ... if I can manage not to kriff it all up.

I intended to kill my father. I was conflicted about actually doing it, but I thought it would make me stronger. It was an intentional gesture. I don't want to ever unintentionally hurt El.

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balancetheforce
2017-11-21 11:27 pm UTC (link)

Why do you continue to split your identity like that?

You haven't had access to their "stories" like they've had ours. If you continue to see their worries as "bullshit" instead of understandable, you're going to make a lot of enemies, or at least have a lot of people greatly disliking you.

I don't know. But I have to hope it is and act as if it's possible or I'll never be better than I've been. I can't just ignore what I've done or say it doesn't matter here, but I have to actively seek to be better.

I worry that you'll be like me. That someday you'll do to him what I did to Padmé.

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behindthemask
2017-11-22 12:40 am UTC (link)

I don't know. I'm not certain I know how not to.

If I spent my time going out and watching everyone's stories and then pointing out their mistakes on the network for the world to see, people would consider that bullshit, and rightly so. I don't care if people like me, I just want my mother to be able to read the network without worrying about someone callously reminding her about all the mistakes her son makes.

I wouldn't hurt Eliot. Not ever. He's the only reason I think I maybe could [...] change and like who I might be.

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balancetheforce
2017-11-22 01:28 am UTC (link)

I don't think it's about your mother's potential discomfort at all. You and I have committed atrocities that are deserving of condemnation. They aren't mere "mistakes" being pointed out and reducing them to that is, to use your word, "bullshit."

I never wanted to believe I was capable of hurting Padmé. If he is your only reason, what happens if he disappears from this place?

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	behindthemask 2017-11-22 01:55 am UTC (link)
	I need to go. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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