InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Are you watching me? WELL?!"

Winry Rockbell (automailist) wrote in thedisplaced,
@ 2017-10-13 14:38:00

Entry tags:

edward elric, winry rockbell

WHO: Edward Elric and Winry Rockbell
WHEN: Early Friday evening
WHERE: Winry's room
WHAT: Winry ~~is a sad panda~~has been secluding herself
WARNINGS: Cursing very likely, otherwise TBD
STATUS: In progress

The clinking of metal against metal could be heard from the other side of Winry's bedroom door. It was the only place she had where she could work without interruptions. Without anyone watching over her shoulder to see what she was making. It also provided privacy because she didn't feel completely comfortable working in the open just yet. This world was still so new to her and even with Ed and Al there, Winry felt very much alone. With the workload of classes she felt her work on her automail slipping. It made her feel tremendously guilty to have any other work besides her intended purpose. Sure, she enjoyed the sciences she had signed up for and she found them absolutely fascinating. She felt right at home in her anatomy and physically class because she had practically grown up as an amateur surgeon, so she understood most of the subject. It didn't make up for the fact that she didn't get to work on what mattered most to her.

She hadn't gone to dinner that evening. She simply wasn't hungry. Her mind was too focused on her work to really care about food. Instead, she'd opted to seclude herself in her room like she had every other evening that week. She had been keeping to herself more and more ever since Al had returned to normal, even to the point that she didn't say much when she did see Ed and Al. Making pies had been an exception because it was something she needed to do. Al deserved anything he asked for, and even if he hadn't asked for one of Winry's homemade apple pies he was getting one. She liked surprising him that way. She liked making him smile and how happy he got when he received his gift.

Winry sat on the floor, hunched over as she tinkered away with a rather delicate piece of automail. Even while she worked her thoughts continued to drift off to the real reason she had been keeping to herself so much lately: She felt she didn't belong. She was worried about saying anything to Ed, because she just knew he wouldn't understand. He had all the confidence in the world, why would he understand Winry feeling out of place? She also worried that Ed would- No, she didn't want to even think that. It was offensive to Ed and she felt even worse just having that thought.

In her minds eye she saw Ed having a laugh with the others, having all sorts of fun because they understood what it was like to be exceptional. With Winry in the background, simply watching and wishing she had more to offer. She wanted to fit in, but she simply didn't. Her brow furrowed as she tried to push that thought aside. It was offensive to Ed. How could she ever think he would do that? She sniffled suddenly and for a brief moment, the sounds of her work halted as she wiped her eyes.

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automailist
2017-10-23 02:06 am UTC (link)

Winry pulled off her gloves and tossed them onto her desk, still without so much as glancing at Ed. It wasn't unlike her to stay up for days on end to complete her work. It wasn't unlike her to hide away with her projects. However, it was unlike her not to at least emerge for food and water at some point. She did need to eat, she was aware of them at, she just didn't have an appetite. It was also unlike her not to have at least one arguement a day with Ed. "Al told you, didn't he?" she finally said. She felt a little betrayed, but in her usual state she would have prodded Al for
information if it had been her friend hurting instead of her.

Winry allowed him to pull her next to him. She curled right up to him, resting her head on his shoulder. She stayed quiet for several minutes. Then her eyes scanned the side of his face now, finally looking to him. Maybe if she got it all off her chest she would feel better. Maybe she needed Ed to remind her she was more than ordinary. She took a slow, deep breath. "I feel out of place," she said quietly. "Sure, I can make automail.. and I love my work. I love helping you. I just... I see these people with legitimate powers and I feel like I shouldn't be here because I don't actually have powers." Her eyes lowered to stare at a fixed point on his shirt. "And then my mind wanders... and I start thinking about you and... how amazing you are and... how you and Al really do belong here because of all the great things you've done."

Winry paused a moment, clearly thinking about something. "Then I see me... in the background... and you getting on with everybody. I'm scared that.... that..." She didn't complete that sentence and instead went silent. She didn't want to offend Ed by admitting this particular worry.

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fullmetal_elric
2017-10-23 02:17 am UTC (link)

"Al didn't have to tell me anything, and no he didn't," Ed replied, glancing down at Winry. "It's not that hard to figure out when you're in a bad mood - trust me, I know when you're upset." he sighed. His legs shifted slightly, trying to get more comfortable. As he listened to her, her words started sounding even more ludicrous and he shook his head, putting his fingers over her mouth. "Winry, that's ridiculous. I've never had special powers. Alchemy isn't magic, it's science. Just about anybody from our world could learn it, including you. Being able to do Alchemy isn't some sign that we're special - that's a load of crap and you know it."

"I'm perfectly happy the way I am now, Winry. What the hell are you even worried about? That I'll drift away because you can't make things explode?" he questioned, trying to understand what she was thinking, though it came off in the same, mildly abrasive way it always did from Ed. "Because if we're talking in terms of special powers, I'm pretty sure your gift for throwing wrenches is almost supernatural."

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automailist
2017-10-23 02:39 am UTC (link)

Okay, so Winry didn't need to feel betrayed then. She honestly should have expected Ed to have figured it out. She didn't appreciate his interrupting her like that. That wasn't a new occurrence, but she still didn't like it. It was like he was trying to negate her fears. "I know it's not magic, Ed," she snapped. The thing was, Winry didn't want to learn alchemy because of all the horrible things that could come from it.

She frowned, wishing he'd just met her get things out instead of using logic and rationale. Of course he would do that. It was one of the things she loved about him. But right now? She just needed to spill how inadequate she felt and just wanted him to make her feel better. Apparently that wasn't going to happen. "Throwing wrenches is irrelevant," she muttered. She wrinkled her forehead, looking more frustrated now than sad. "I don't give a damn about making things explode. I'm scared you're going to like everyone else more and forget about me." Her fear was losing him.

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fullmetal_elric
2017-10-27 12:49 am UTC (link)

"Winry, I'm not going to forget about you," he reassured her, moving so he was facing her and slightly on top. "You're amazing, alright? I've barely known these people for like a month. I've known you since we were kids. It's literally impossible for me to like them more than I do, you." His lips curled into a faint smile, trying to show her that he wasn't going anywhere.

The tips of his fingers on his right hand ran over her face. "I love you Win, but you really worry about the silliest things sometimes," he chuckled, pressing a kiss to her forehead. He moved to lay next to her again, pulling her to snuggle against him. "How is your project coming?"

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automailist
2017-10-27 01:08 am UTC (link)

A little smile appeared at his words, because that really did make her feel so much better. Her fingers played gently with the front of his shirt as he spoke, feeling silly at how she had let something like this get to her. They had known each other for so long and meant so much to each other. How could she have ever imagined he could forget her? Her biggest fear was losing him and Al, no matter the circumstances. As irritating as they could be to each other, they could still have moments like these, when things were calm and quiet. Where they could just talk.

There was a moment when her heart raced, from both the way his fingers touched her face and the way he told her he loved her. She smiled a little more at that. It was like some sort of confirmation for her, even if she already knew that. "I love you too, Ed," she replied, ignoring the last bit. Her free arm wrapped around him, curling right up to him, her foot resting on his. "It's going well. Slow going, but I think I'll pick up the pace."

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