InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Tweak!"

Winry Rockbell (automailist) wrote in thedisplaced,
@ 2017-10-13 14:38:00

Entry tags:

edward elric, winry rockbell

WHO: Edward Elric and Winry Rockbell
WHEN: Early Friday evening
WHERE: Winry's room
WHAT: Winry ~~is a sad panda~~has been secluding herself
WARNINGS: Cursing very likely, otherwise TBD
STATUS: In progress

The clinking of metal against metal could be heard from the other side of Winry's bedroom door. It was the only place she had where she could work without interruptions. Without anyone watching over her shoulder to see what she was making. It also provided privacy because she didn't feel completely comfortable working in the open just yet. This world was still so new to her and even with Ed and Al there, Winry felt very much alone. With the workload of classes she felt her work on her automail slipping. It made her feel tremendously guilty to have any other work besides her intended purpose. Sure, she enjoyed the sciences she had signed up for and she found them absolutely fascinating. She felt right at home in her anatomy and physically class because she had practically grown up as an amateur surgeon, so she understood most of the subject. It didn't make up for the fact that she didn't get to work on what mattered most to her.

She hadn't gone to dinner that evening. She simply wasn't hungry. Her mind was too focused on her work to really care about food. Instead, she'd opted to seclude herself in her room like she had every other evening that week. She had been keeping to herself more and more ever since Al had returned to normal, even to the point that she didn't say much when she did see Ed and Al. Making pies had been an exception because it was something she needed to do. Al deserved anything he asked for, and even if he hadn't asked for one of Winry's homemade apple pies he was getting one. She liked surprising him that way. She liked making him smile and how happy he got when he received his gift.

Winry sat on the floor, hunched over as she tinkered away with a rather delicate piece of automail. Even while she worked her thoughts continued to drift off to the real reason she had been keeping to herself so much lately: She felt she didn't belong. She was worried about saying anything to Ed, because she just knew he wouldn't understand. He had all the confidence in the world, why would he understand Winry feeling out of place? She also worried that Ed would- No, she didn't want to even think that. It was offensive to Ed and she felt even worse just having that thought.

In her minds eye she saw Ed having a laugh with the others, having all sorts of fun because they understood what it was like to be exceptional. With Winry in the background, simply watching and wishing she had more to offer. She wanted to fit in, but she simply didn't. Her brow furrowed as she tried to push that thought aside. It was offensive to Ed. How could she ever think he would do that? She sniffled suddenly and for a brief moment, the sounds of her work halted as she wiped her eyes.

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fullmetal_elric
2017-10-17 05:04 pm UTC (link)

It disturbed Ed how quiet and withdrawn Winry had been since coming to the mansion. He wanted her to be happy here, and so did Al. The Elric brothers both had things of their own, but Winry was the world to them. She'd helped Ed regain his health after the Rebound and her automail had been the only thing Ed would take for the last four years. Her skills were amazing, and they both agreed she'd deserved to stay at Professor Xavier's mansion with the two of them.

When Ed stopped by her room, he knocked on the door when he saw it was closed. "Winry? I know you're in there. You can't just stay in there forever. Open up and talk to me, damn it," he sighed. He knew she was likely working on something and while he didn't want to disturb her work, they needed to talk. He had a plate of food fixed up for her, as he hadn't seen her in the dining hall for dinner. She was such a workaholic, now it was his turn to make sure she was getting nourishment.

"I brought you some food," he commented through her door, before adding (just for comic effect), "Don't make me stand here for too long, my arm is going to cramp soon and the food is going to get cold." Hopefully the last comment would provoke her enough to open the door and let him in - his arm was really quite fine in the moment, but her food would get cold soon if she didn't take a pause.

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automailist
2017-10-17 05:23 pm UTC (link)

Winry should have expected either Ed or Al to come around and check on her. While she hadn't grabbed dinner that evening, the days before she had at least taken something to her room. She chalked it up to needing alone time to work. As much of a workaholic as Winry was, this sort of seclusion wasn't normal for her. She was usually very open about certain things, able to call people on their bullcrap and argue like it was her first language. She just didn't seem to have that spark lately and clearly Ed had noticed.

Of course he would.

When she heard the knock and Ed's voice calling through the door, she sat there quietly for a moment without answering. If she answered this second it would be obvious she had been crying. Get yourself together. She took a moment to wipe her eyes before quickly picking up her tools again. A part of her didn't want to answer, but she knew he'd barge in regardless. The sound of tools against metal commenced after a few seconds.

When he called out again she stopped momentarily and sighed. "It's open," she said without moving from her spot. There was no fire in her voice. In fact, she almost sounded defeated, and that was definitely not normal for Winry.

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fullmetal_elric
2017-10-17 08:52 pm UTC (link)

Opening the door, Ed set the plate on her dresser when he heard her voice. This wasn't the same Winry he knew and loved that was talking. She was down in the dumps, and uncharacteristically so. "Geez, Win... What the hell's gotten into you lately?" he asked, moving past her to sit on her bed. He pat a spot next to him for her to sit. "Come and talk to me. You've barely been talking to Al and I in the past couple weeks or so."

He knew exactly why she was upset - it was this mansion. She was feeling inadequate next to everybody else here. But Ed wasn't that special anymore either, now that he couldn't do Alchemy. He had superb fighting skills and was ridiculously smart for how old he was, but that was about it. "What gives?" he asked, tugging her to sit down next to him, his arm wrapping around her shoulders. His hair was tied back in a ponytail, his cheek resting on her head. "Al and I are worried about you. You're in here like all the time and it's not like you."

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automailist
2017-10-17 09:17 pm UTC (link)

Winry didn't so much as glance at Ed when he entered her room. Her focus was entirely on her current project. This time around it was different, however. So many times she had delved into her work because she was constantly worrying over Ed and Al. Or else she had a deadline to keep. This time she was dealing with her own inadequacies and burying herself in her work was her way of dealing with it. She scowled at his question because it implied there was something wrong with her. She didn't want to talk about it, even if she had already admitted to Al how she had been feeling. She hadn't told Ed yet because... because she didn't want to fight.

Finally, she set her tools down, carefully setting aside the delicate piece of work she had made so far. Without looking at him, she let him tug her closer so that she sat next to him. Winry leaned against him, looking down at the floor without saying anything. Instead, she just shrugged and made a little grunting sound as though it might actually pass for an answer. Again, she wiped a tear away, trying to hide her action even though that was futile.

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fullmetal_elric
2017-10-23 01:44 am UTC (link)

He glanced over at the project scattered around her room. She was working hard, which wasn't any surprise to him, but he wasn't here to focus on that. Winry was his concern right now. Seeing her wipe away a tear, his grip around her tightened a little more. "Winry, I don't know why on earth you'd think you don't belong here. Your skills are amazing. I don't know anybody that makes automail like you do, let alone someone who will pull three all-nighters to rebuild an entire arm from scratch."

Sighing, he pulled her down to lay next to him. They were alone, so he could afford her this moment of silence. "If you don't want to talk, that's fine. But you really need to start coming out of here more. Nobody here thinks you're weird or out of place. If they did, Al and I would've found a new place for us all to stay, by now."

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automailist
2017-10-23 02:06 am UTC (link)

Winry pulled off her gloves and tossed them onto her desk, still without so much as glancing at Ed. It wasn't unlike her to stay up for days on end to complete her work. It wasn't unlike her to hide away with her projects. However, it was unlike her not to at least emerge for food and water at some point. She did need to eat, she was aware of them at, she just didn't have an appetite. It was also unlike her not to have at least one arguement a day with Ed. "Al told you, didn't he?" she finally said. She felt a little betrayed, but in her usual state she would have prodded Al for
information if it had been her friend hurting instead of her.

Winry allowed him to pull her next to him. She curled right up to him, resting her head on his shoulder. She stayed quiet for several minutes. Then her eyes scanned the side of his face now, finally looking to him. Maybe if she got it all off her chest she would feel better. Maybe she needed Ed to remind her she was more than ordinary. She took a slow, deep breath. "I feel out of place," she said quietly. "Sure, I can make automail.. and I love my work. I love helping you. I just... I see these people with legitimate powers and I feel like I shouldn't be here because I don't actually have powers." Her eyes lowered to stare at a fixed point on his shirt. "And then my mind wanders... and I start thinking about you and... how amazing you are and... how you and Al really do belong here because of all the great things you've done."

Winry paused a moment, clearly thinking about something. "Then I see me... in the background... and you getting on with everybody. I'm scared that.... that..." She didn't complete that sentence and instead went silent. She didn't want to offend Ed by admitting this particular worry.

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fullmetal_elric
2017-10-23 02:17 am UTC (link)

"Al didn't have to tell me anything, and no he didn't," Ed replied, glancing down at Winry. "It's not that hard to figure out when you're in a bad mood - trust me, I know when you're upset." he sighed. His legs shifted slightly, trying to get more comfortable. As he listened to her, her words started sounding even more ludicrous and he shook his head, putting his fingers over her mouth. "Winry, that's ridiculous. I've never had special powers. Alchemy isn't magic, it's science. Just about anybody from our world could learn it, including you. Being able to do Alchemy isn't some sign that we're special - that's a load of crap and you know it."

"I'm perfectly happy the way I am now, Winry. What the hell are you even worried about? That I'll drift away because you can't make things explode?" he questioned, trying to understand what she was thinking, though it came off in the same, mildly abrasive way it always did from Ed. "Because if we're talking in terms of special powers, I'm pretty sure your gift for throwing wrenches is almost supernatural."

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automailist
2017-10-23 02:39 am UTC (link)

Okay, so Winry didn't need to feel betrayed then. She honestly should have expected Ed to have figured it out. She didn't appreciate his interrupting her like that. That wasn't a new occurrence, but she still didn't like it. It was like he was trying to negate her fears. "I know it's not magic, Ed," she snapped. The thing was, Winry didn't want to learn alchemy because of all the horrible things that could come from it.

She frowned, wishing he'd just met her get things out instead of using logic and rationale. Of course he would do that. It was one of the things she loved about him. But right now? She just needed to spill how inadequate she felt and just wanted him to make her feel better. Apparently that wasn't going to happen. "Throwing wrenches is irrelevant," she muttered. She wrinkled her forehead, looking more frustrated now than sad. "I don't give a damn about making things explode. I'm scared you're going to like everyone else more and forget about me." Her fear was losing him.

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fullmetal_elric
2017-10-27 12:49 am UTC (link)

"Winry, I'm not going to forget about you," he reassured her, moving so he was facing her and slightly on top. "You're amazing, alright? I've barely known these people for like a month. I've known you since we were kids. It's literally impossible for me to like them more than I do, you." His lips curled into a faint smile, trying to show her that he wasn't going anywhere.

The tips of his fingers on his right hand ran over her face. "I love you Win, but you really worry about the silliest things sometimes," he chuckled, pressing a kiss to her forehead. He moved to lay next to her again, pulling her to snuggle against him. "How is your project coming?"

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automailist
2017-10-27 01:08 am UTC (link)

A little smile appeared at his words, because that really did make her feel so much better. Her fingers played gently with the front of his shirt as he spoke, feeling silly at how she had let something like this get to her. They had known each other for so long and meant so much to each other. How could she have ever imagined he could forget her? Her biggest fear was losing him and Al, no matter the circumstances. As irritating as they could be to each other, they could still have moments like these, when things were calm and quiet. Where they could just talk.

There was a moment when her heart raced, from both the way his fingers touched her face and the way he told her he loved her. She smiled a little more at that. It was like some sort of confirmation for her, even if she already knew that. "I love you too, Ed," she replied, ignoring the last bit. Her free arm wrapped around him, curling right up to him, her foot resting on his. "It's going well. Slow going, but I think I'll pick up the pace."

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