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Tweak says, "have a romy and michelle day!!"

Messr Moony is passionately curious (thewolfen) wrote in the_recruitment,
@ 2012-02-10 21:59:00

Entry tags:

! 02/1977, ! complete, ! thread, char: remus lupin, char: sirius black

Who: Sirius Black and Remus Lupin
What: Sirius crawls into Remus' bed to take care of him after the full moon. And they have an almost ~moment.
Where: Gryffindor dorm
When: The night after the full moon, after Remus returns
Status: Incomplete
Rating: PG

Once again, he'd survived. There had been moments in the past when Remus sometimes prayed for death during his transformations because he was so ashamed and disgusted with the creature he became. However, he did not hate the wolf inside of him as much as he used to, because in truth he had to be grateful to it. If not for his furry little problem, he and the other Marauders might not have been so close. His problem had brought them together in a way that only they themselves could understand. They'd bonded in a way that not many others could really even understand. For that, he had to be thankful for his condition. Nevertheless, he still worried about his friends getting involved. They could be seriously injured, or worse. It would've been better for all of them if Remus just dealt with his issue himself, but the others didn't seem to think that way.

After spending the full day in the infirmary, Remus snuck back through the castle, to the Common room, and up into their dorm. He'd left during dinner, when he knew almost everyone would be gathered in the Great Hall. It left him free to make it back unnoticed, which was how he preferred it. Once inside, he took his shoes off and switched into his pajama bottoms. He left his t-shirt and the cardigan Sirius had lent him on and curled up under the covers. For an hour, maybe two, he laid alone in silence, just trying to relax. He was still sore and terribly exhausted, though Madam Pomfrey did amazing work in healing his injuries.

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thewolfen
2012-02-12 04:40 pm UTC (link)

That gesture of affection might have seemed small and inconsequential to some, but for Remus it meant all the world. He didn't let people in like this. He couldn't. But that didn't mean he wasn't longing for closeness. Depriving himself of it was because of his condition, not because of an empty heart. He cared deeply for his friends, and that feeling ran even deeper for Sirius.

He'd never really heard him say anything like that before. He knew Sirius had a heart of gold, and was the most loyal friend anyone could ask for (which was exactly why his betrayal concerning The Incident had hurt so much), but it was mostly due to his actions, not necessarily his words.

Slowly, he tilted his head toward the hand caressing his face and nudged the other boy's palm with his nose. Maybe it was the wolf in him, or maybe it was just Remus being affectionate. "That's what I want most for you," he murmured, and placed a hand on his friend's knee.

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_withoutacause
2012-02-12 05:20 pm UTC (link)

This was it. Sirius' heart was racing, his mind was going black, and the world was narrowing to include only the boy on the bed who was touching him gently and who was just so beautiful it made his heart ache. The hand cupping Remus' face slowly lifted, even as he bent down, bringing them closer. He could see the faint scars on Remus' face and he wanted so badly to taste them...

"Remus, I..." They were mere inches from one another now, Sirius could feel Remus' breath soft against his cheek. "Remus..."

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thewolfen
2012-02-12 06:08 pm UTC (link)

Moments like this, they just didn't happen for people like him. It reminded him of scenes he'd seen in Muggle films, where the two stars locked eyes and slowly drew nearer until they were wrapped up in what would become a passionate kiss that surely only existed in the cinema, not real life. Remus hadn't believed in such things because he'd never experienced a moment like that. He'd never been in such a position before because the only person he'd ever wanted to be face to face with like that was Sirius.

This wasn't happening. Sirius wasn't really touching him and looking at him like he was the only other person in the world that mattered. He had to be dreaming. How often had he closed his eyes at night and prayed for dreams that would bring him such beautiful imagery?

"Sirius.." He whispered, the name falling off his lips as naturally as an intake of air. But as beautiful as it was, as perfect as it was, it scared him. His whole heart belonged to Sirius and had for years, no matter how much he tried to hide that fact from himself. But there were countless reasons as to why he could never reveal such a thing. Sirius deserved so much better than anything Remus could give him, and not only that... He had to protect his heart. If this was just one of Sirius' whims, he wasn't sure he'd be able to recover from that.

Cuddling was safer. Cuddling they'd done before. Wandlessly, he magically shut the curtains around them, then shifted closer and slipped his arm around the other boy's waist. He nestled into him and brought their foreheads together.

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_withoutacause
2012-02-12 06:18 pm UTC (link)

Sirius felt a sharp jab of dissapointment when Remus pulled away, but then he was closing the curtains and cuddling up right next to him and the only qualifier he could use for this situation was confused, because it had seemed for a moment like Remus might have kissed back...

And suddenly Sirius realized what he had almost done. He had almost kissed his best mate. His best, straight, mate, while he was injured and vulnerable and more than half asleep. He'd practically forced himself on the other boy, done what he'd sworn never to do to anyone, least of all Remus. The room began to swim out of focus and Sirius couldn't tell if he was about to cry or about to be sick. He was just as bad as the rest of his family after all, and the fact that Remus was still here, still this close to him, was testament to just how out of it the other boy really must be.

"I should go," he mumbled, trying to extract himself without casuing anymore pain. That was the last thing Remus needed from him right now.

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thewolfen
2012-02-12 07:13 pm UTC (link)

Remus had hoped that they could just transition into curling up together like they sometimes did and that it wouldn't abruptly change anything. But he'd been wrong. He could feel Sirius shifting and could almost sense the disappointment and fear lingering within him. It made Remus afraid too; what had he done by derailing that moment? It seemed to have a tremendously negative effect on Sirius. So much so, that he was saying he ought to leave? Sirius never left him when he was recovering like this.

He wanted to tell him no, to tell him he didn't want him to leave, to plead with him to stay. But that wasn't Remus; he couldn't ask Sirius to stay in a situation where he felt uncomfortable. The more he thought about it, the more he thought he understood. Why would Sirius want to stay with someone who couldn't give him what he wanted? Why would he want to stay with someone like him when he could be out having a laugh with someone else?

All he could do was give a short nod. Slowly, he drew back from him. "I'll see you tomorrow then," he said, trying to hide the disappointment he felt inside. He didn't plan on getting out of bed until morning.

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_withoutacause
2012-02-12 07:37 pm UTC (link)

"Remus..." Sirius wanted to appologise, the plead with the werewolf that he hadn't meant it, that he would never... But he couldn't articulate the words, and there was something hot burning it's way through his chest and if he didn't get away then he was going to cry and how the Hell would he explain that?

Sorry I'm snivelling on you, oh yeah, and sorry for the molestation as well. Ta.

He fumbled with the curtains, finally managing to open them, then swung himself off the bed. He stayed for a moment, trying to get his bearings, before pushing himself off the bed.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, before all but fleeing the room.

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