InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "shadows and light"

power_vacuum (power_vacuum) wrote in tensor,
@ 2011-03-25 01:20:00

Entry tags:

chase_stein, gert_yorkes, nsfw

Chase
Gert was pacing, and Old Lace was tucked away soundly in her head although she could feel her shifting and stirring. Even with her roommate gone, it would have been irresponsible to let her out. Gert couldn't keep things the emotions from funneling to her currently. Pacing was not something she did regularly. It was typically reserved for very complex homework assignments that required concentration. There could be something relaxing in the movement, but now she was just fidgeting and there was a terrible, horrible knot in her stomach.

Calm, cool and collected were out the window, and Gert was reduced to the sort of person that she didn't like. What the fuck was wrong with her and why couldn't she seem to stop it? Gert stopped and pressed her forehead against the wall, counting under her breath. That wasn't helping, either.

What the shit was going on? How the hell was it that whenever Chase Stein was in her life the whole world seemed to get shaken and strange? And how could she get that to stop?

Did she want it to stop? That thought made her start pacing again, muttering darkly to herself. "Stop it. This is ridiculous. You are not five years old. You can control yourself better than this. Fuck." There was a note of resignation rather than anger in the swear.

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power_vacuum
2011-03-25 05:49 am UTC (link)

Gert started at the sound of the knock, which was also not like her at all, and turned quicker than she normally would have. Her words and her movement were all supposed to be controlled and planned and perfected. It wasn't just for appearance's sake, either. Her entire life she had been putting things in order and enjoyed it. Some things were messier than others. Some things bothered Old Lace more than others. She lived entirely in her own head too much. Most of the time she avoided actual conversations with people because she could play out their answers in her head before she had even asked the question. What was the point? She had already done all the heavy lifting herself. Emotion had very rarely come into play at all.

So she just listened to him for a moment, confusion all over her face. Suddenly there were in a very different landscape, and she was feeling out of her depth, overwhelmed and stupid. Gert hated feeling stupid. It made her stomach tightened into a tiny ball of rage.

"I don't understand what the fuck is going on. He's some boy. Some idiot boy in a fucking bubble. Why would you even care? What is there to be jealous of? He's barely got one functioning braincell. He is dumb. He's not pretending like you."

Gert waved a finger at him, her eyes wide and scared and her hand shaking just a little. "And you are pretending. You keep surprising me. People don't do that. They bore me. You're not boring. You're probably the only friend I have here. You don't have to worry about me replacing you with him. I'd have to be lobotomized to hang out with that idiot."

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_talkback_
2011-03-25 06:06 am UTC (link)

Okay, the whole thing just flew right over Gert's head. It was pretty amazing to see, really. Because really, did she ever miss anything? She'd figured out he was smarter than he pretended to be. Which was kind of a duh, considering how much of a mechanical genius he was. He couldn't be a complete moron and be able to build the things he could do.

But that wasn't the point. When she called him her only friend, he almost stopped. Because what he was trying to explain could potentially screw that up. Which was a problem, since while he didn't have many other friends here, it was less a problem for him. Chase was pretty social and had no problem making friends (or agreeable enemies). Gert wasn't like him.

Of course, it was going to gnaw at him and every guy who looked at her would get on his nerves and then his temper would get the best of him. Yeah, not getting away from it that easy.

God, and she called Jared stupid... "Gert, will you shut up and listen to me for once?" he snapped. Yeah, temper bad. They didn't need that right now. Taking a few breaths before continuing, Chase held out his hands in a calming gesture. "Sorry, you drive me crazy sometimes. Okay, all the time apparently. Which is the whole thing."

Taking another breath. "First of all, guys do not talk about their female friends that way," he told her. "Or potential female friends. Not the way Jared did. Look yourself, it's not locked." Which apparently, she hadn't. "Anyway, when I said he had the hots for you, I wasn't kidding. Which is totally understandable, but I didn't expect any of these guys to notice. Hell, I didn't notice until I saw you standing outside my room."

Okay, rambling not helping. Chase took a deep breath. "I got jealous, because he had the hots for you." Might as well break it down easy for her. "Like I said, mean jealous. Which was totally not cool. But now that I think about it, it makes total sense. Us. Or what we probably appear like to everybody else. I mean, I'm always over here or you in my room or we're together and I talk about you all the time..."

Whoa, he did, didn't he? Chase sat down at that realization. "Fuck, I do talk about you all the time," he said. "Kitty even noticed. The whole 'measuring everything in gerts' joke." Okay, making no sense at all, since she didn't have the reference. Chase scrubbed his hands down his face. "I think I have a thing for you. And I didn't realize how obvious it was until now."

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power_vacuum
2011-03-25 06:29 am UTC (link)

Gert hadn't heard that tone in his voice for years and years. It made her press her lips into a tight line and fold her arms over her chest for a few minutes, which was as long as she could stand to be still before she started fidgeting again. At least she had stopped pacing. Mostly because Chase was there, and the pacing would have meant she would have to redirect her path. Instead she was playing with her snake bites again.

The idea of reading anything on the simpleton's journal was beyond her. What would be the point? The sentences would be inane and completely lack any semblance of substance. She might as well just watch reality television. It would have a better chance of being entertaining than the bubble boy.

She stayed quiet during his entire spiel and then she just stood there, still fidgeting with her lip for at least another two minutes after he had stopped talking before she even considered saying a word. When she did start speaking her voice was flatter than normal, despite the fact that her eyes were still wide and her hands were shaking. "Now you're being stupid and hurtful, which I thought you had outgrown."

Folding her hands together, she pressed them against her lips for a moment. On anyone else the gesture would have looked like praying, but on Gert it was for pondering. "No. You just don't know what you're saying. That's all. Although if it a joke, if this is some sort of scheme you've had from the beginning."

She stopped herself and passed a hand over her face, trying to keep herself together and also switching from one tactic desperately to another. "I don't know how to fucking process this, Chase. I don't know what to fucking say."

"What am I supposed to say? Everything was fine before you got here. I had acquaintances. That was it. People left me alone for the most part. Any now I don't know what to say."

She spread her hands out like a deck of cards. "I think you missed the memo. People don't like me. Scary, quiet, judgmental, bitch girl. And certainly no one has a thing for me. So you're misdirecting the childhood camaraderie that was forced upon us as something else. It's as simple as that."

Only it didn't feel as simple as that. Not even to her. The words still didn't feel right. "No. Still wrong." She looked lost, eyes closed, head down, furiously thinking. "None of these play out right."

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_talkback_
2011-03-25 06:40 am UTC (link)

Yeah, because he looked like he was enjoying this. Chase scowled at the argument he was fucking with her. Because this was so much goddamned fun. How he loved to spend his evening. Trying to make Gertrude Yorkes realize things were not what she thought they were.

Actually, lately, that had become one of his favorite pastimes. Fuck, he hadn't payed this much attention to girls he'd been trying to get into the pants of. What the hell?

At least she discarded the whole prank idea. And moved onto utter confusion. Good. They were at least on the same page there. "Just fine?" he challenged. "If they were so awesome, why didn't you tell me to go to hell? Get real, Gert, if you really don't want to do something, you won't do it. I learned that at like six, remember?"

"Yeah, you are," he told her. "You're an elitist snob who thinks she's better than everybody else because she has a huge vocabulary and think you know everything. Until you forget yourself and let yourself have fun. Then you stop being all of those things and are pretty damned awesome. Hell, you're pretty damned awesome when you're being a bitch and riding my case about everything and calling me stupid."

Holy hell, he did have it bad... How the hell had that happened?

"That's because what I'm telling you is the truth and even you know it," he pointed out wearily. "And I'm not going anywhere until you work through the denial and- I don't know, tell me I have no chance in hell because I don't measure up to your incredibly ridiculously high romantic standards."

Which would be a good out for both of them, really. It wasn't like Chase had ever lived up to anybody's standards. There was no reason for Gert to be any different.

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power_vacuum
2011-03-25 06:58 am UTC (link)

"I already told you. You weren't boring. I wasn't five steps ahead of you in a conversation because I wasn't sure what you were going to do before you did it. So I," she sighed. This was going to sound horrible. "So I was just going to keep looking and gathering data until I could predict you. The only good thing about puzzles is smashing them to bits, Chase. The only good thing about surprises is avoiding them."

"This shit," she waved an arm in the air somewhat wildly. "This shit makes it hard to control everything. And I have to control fucking everything."

Gert sat down on the floor and looked at her hands. "So my powers manifested. Then a little while later, you made me so mad that I couldn't keep my powers from biting you. Literally. That could have ended terribly. So I came here, and I taught myself what not to think, what not to feel, what not to do. Because there's a giant fucking dinosaur that manifests out of my brain and acts out on my subconscious. Do you have any idea how fucking scary that can be, Chase?"

"So in middle school, there's a boy that I maybe, sort of liked. He was smart and, yeah, mean. He was interesting. And I was stupid. I was fucking stupid. And he was mean. Predictably because it's middle school and everyone is mean. Old Lace bit him, too. Him and his awful little idiot friend. I didn't get sent home. I got sent to the counselor. The counselor was shit so I made my own plan. And it's been working wonderfully."

"Only there are a number of factors that it lacks. It isn't programed for a lot of things." She stopped looking at her hands and looked over at him. "Chase, I'm not trying to be difficult. Not right now anyway. There's a lot of times when I'm purposefully being difficult."

"Why the hell would I be the one telling you that you don't have a chance anyway? You're the most interesting thing to happen to me in years. And, if we going to be honest, that scares the shit of me."

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_talkback_
2011-03-25 07:13 am UTC (link)

Okay, none of that was really surprising, nor went against what Chase knew about Gert. He just wasn't sure who she was trying to convince here, him or her?

Standing up, Chase walked over to her. He was...incredibly calm, which was pretty damned strange considering the situation. He hesitated for a second, the took Gert firmly by the shoulders. "I hope she took a piece out of both their asses," he began with a small smirk. "You're always difficult, Yorkes. If you were easy, I'd have gotten bored of tormenting you after like the first year. Not that it was fair for me to pick you on you. I wasn't mad at you. I never hated you. I hated the fact that my parents liked you better than me. No matter what I did, I wasn't good enough. After Old Lace bit me, I realized I wasn't any better than they were. I was taking out my anger at them on you. But you were already gone by then, so you never got to see that."

Chase shrugged. "I am not afraid of you. Or Old Lace," he told her firmly. "Because deep down, you aren't going to hurt anybody who isn't asking for it. You have too many high ideals of changing the world for the better. Or can't be bothered unless they make you."

Yeah, because that was obvious. The same reason he was never good enough for his parents. He let go of Gert and walked over to one of the discarded books she loved so much. "Because I'm not Tolstoy. Or Yeats, or whichever of these boring dead white guys you've been dreaming about all your life. And I'm never gonna be. My parents tried to make me be like that. And it's not me." He dropped the book back on his bed. "And that's okay, too. I just had to be honest with you, before I did something stupid in jealous denial. Because then I'd be even deeper in and have to explain all of this, anyway."

He shook his head. "I'm not good at this. I just know when to stop lying to myself. I'll get over it, okay?"

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power_vacuum
2011-03-25 07:37 am UTC (link)

Gert was silent, knees drawn up to her chest, chin resting on them as she watched him. "I always knew your parents were evil. I just wasn't sure why. They weren't like my parents. There was just something unsettling about yours. especially your dad. I'm sorry if they made you feel like that because you're not disappointing. You're fascinating and inventive and not nearly as dumb as you look or make yourself out to be."

Shaking her head, she made a noise that was almost a laugh. "You were my only friend then, too. And let's be honest. I deserved some of it, and I gave back as good as I got most of the time. A number of times I even beat you to the proverbial punch, although there weren't any actual blows ever thrown that I recollect."

"Chase, I messaged you first. I accepted your invitations. I didn't slam the door in your face. I didn't ignore you. I interacted. You weren't making me do anything."

She got up and brushed her palms together before passing a hand through her hair. Then she positioned herself so she could look at his face. "That smart, mean boy. He might have reminded me of you a little. Of course he was actually an asshole."

Then she glanced down at the floor, hands twisted together. "I'm not any good at this, either, Chase. I like ideas. I like thinkers and cerebral things, yes, but those things don't challenge me. Shit. I'm fucking this up."

"You're Chase Stein. You're the only person I never managed to figure out. You're the only one who keeps me guessing. I don't know what that means to me other than it's really important. Fuck. Okay. This is cheesy. I look forward to being around you. I miss you when you're not here. I want you to just keep talking to me, and I know that you're usually not going to let me have the last word so if I keep talking, you keep talking."

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