my_sam_dean (my_sam_dean) wrote in t_31_bang, @ 2008-11-17 02:19:00 |
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Current mood: | sick |
Entry tags: | entry, rated: adult, supernatural |
Bobby Before Hunting, 1/1, R
Title: Bobby Before Hunting
Author: my_sam_dean
Rating: R
Characters: Daddy Singer, Mama Singer, Singer cousins, Bobby/Loretta
Warnings: Some swearing
Spoilers: Dream a Little Dream
Disclaimer: I own nothing Supernatural.
Summary: What Bobby's life was like before hunting.
The smell of his mama's cooking was the best way to wake up. Just as the evening breeze and stars were the best thing to put Bobby asleep. It was the first day of summer vacation. Bobby was thrilled to be out of school and anxiously awaiting the arrival of his cousins for the summer.
Daddy always said family was the most treasured gift a man could have. Mama had had complications after having Bobby, so he didn't get to have a younger sibling. Instead, He got more extended family than anyone could imagine and cousins that stayed all summer.
There was always room for more, his mama claimed. They didn't have enough beds but the younguns could sleep on the floor. The extra pillows and bedding were in the trunk upstairs. Same as the extra towels.
Everyone pulled their weight at the scrap yard. Daddy worked on cars all day. The older boys would flock around him and learn about auto mechanics. He promised each of them that when they were old enough, he'd teach them to drive.
Girl cousins learned to cook, bake, and do handiwork. They helped with preparing meals and looking after the younger kids.
No matter what each child did, there was always plenty of time to play in the sun, tend to the garden, and run among the rusted automobiles behind the scrap yard. At any given time, there were games of cowboys and Indians, cops and robbers, or hide and seek. Every now and then the boys relented and allowed themselves to be talked into playing house just to get the girls to quit asking.
As he listened to the children's voices floating on the breeze, Daddy would have to chuckle when he heard the familiar sounds of playing house. Some of the lines came from what the kids had heard in the house during the past couple of days. He had to make sure never to argue with the missus in earshot of the children or he was sure to hear it repeated.
The more people in the house, the happier Mama and Daddy seemed. They smiled and laughed more. It didn't matter that bath night had to be spread out over a couple of nights or that there were only pathways between the sleeping bodies spread out over the living room floor. It was their idea of heaven and Bobby agreed with it.
Homemade ice cream was a big hit as well as a trip into town for any reason. Many bodies would fill the box and cab of Daddy's truck. Usually they would just walk around while Daddy did whatever he had to do. The younger ones stuck near the older ones. That protectiveness had been drilled into them since they were born. In all the years that cousins came to visit, no one was ever lost.
Bobby was able to keep his room and bed during the summer, but he had cousins camped out on the floor in there. Their summers seemed to go by so fast. They stayed up late into the nights talking. Sharing and learning about each other so that they'd still know each other when the next summer rolled around. There was always the option of writing letters but the girls were much better about that than the boys were.
The older girls learned about life when they took care of the younger kids, cooked and baked. They gained important life skills that they would need when it came to be their time to run a home. Some of them even watched Daddy work on the cars for awhile. Learning about cars wasn't going to hurt them. Daddy thought it was very practical for the older girls to watch him. He'd break away from what he was working on and teach the girls a little lesson. It would be something simple, basic car maintenance, how to change a tire, or warnings that something is wrong.
Likewise, some boys liked to play with the babies. They were never discouraged, especially if they liked to watch Mama cook. Boys had to eat, too. Odds were that not every single one of them would have a successful marriage. They needed to be able to feed themselves if there wasn't someone else to help them with that.
Most of all, during those summers, they learned to be carefree children in the safety of a world that hadn't reached the gates of the scrap yard. They learned from each other--how to accept differences or work through them, how to be kind and understanding even when you'd rather just be mad, and how love wipes out all other emotion.
***
Little by little, there were fewer babies during the summer and some of the older cousins went away to school or found work that kept them away from the scrap yard. Sometimes they could find a seasonal job in town and stay with their cousins, but that was rare.
Daddy, Mama and Bobby knew that it signified the coming end of their joyous summers with so many people around. The house seemed too big for just the three of them.
The change was gradual, but that didn't make it hurt any less. If he listened hard enough, Bobby could hear the laughter of children now grown, the pounding feet of the games of years ago that were held in the attic when it was too wet and rainy to go outside. He was thankful for his childhood memories, he just missed them.
***
Bobby didn't go to college or someplace else to work. He worked with his daddy in the scrap yard. He helped Mama in her garden. Even though their family was now much smaller than it had been in previous summers, she still planted the same amount out of habit.
Instead of allowing the extra produce to rot, which would have been a crime in itself, Mama sold it at the county market.
Bobby helped load the back of Daddy's truck and gave Mama a hug before they left. It was early in the morning and the sunrise was beautiful. He waved at them until they turned out of the long driveway. Then, he brushed his hands on his jeans and went back to working on the car for Mr. Anderson.
The sun was beating down on Bobby and he was greasy and dirty when his stomach began to growl. He cleaned up as best he could before entering the house. He was making himself a sandwich out of left over meatloaf when the phone rang. The voice on the other end changed Bobby's life forever.
***
"Loretta?" Bobby's voice sounded strangled.
"Bobby? What is it?"
"Can you give me a ride to the hospital? I don't have a car that's running right now."
"Sure, Bobby. I'll be right over. Are you alright?"
"No. No, I'm not. I just need a ride and a friend."
***
Bobby ran to the desk in the Emergency Room. “My name is Bobby Singer. My parents were brought here. They were in an accident.”
“Let me go check,” the nurse said sweetly before disappearing in the maze of rooms.
With his heart beating out of his chest, Bobby looked around the room.
“Have they told you anything?” Loretta was breathless after parking the car and running in.
He shook his head. “The nurse disappeared back there to get information for me.”
Loretta nodded. “How are you doing?”
The man beside her shrugged.
She slid her hand into his and gave it a squeeze. “I’m not going anywhere.”
***
They stood beside the gurney that held Daddy. He laid there, so still, abnormally so.
“You know the road exiting the market to the west. It swerves and is dangerous,” the man in the white coat droned on.
“It’s the only road to take to get to our place,” Bobby murmured.
“The other driver wasn’t drinking, he was just young. He slid out of his lane. Your father died instantly.”
Bobby stepped forward and moved the sheet to hold his daddy’s cold hand.
“Have they arrested the other driver?” Bobby’s voice was a squeak as the adrenaline that had kept him going began to wane. Loretta grabbed a chair and coaxed him into sitting down.
“He’s out in his parents’ custody. He’s just a kid.”
Although Bobby supposed that should make him feel differently, he still wanted the driver to be punished.
“Can you uncover him so I can say my goodbyes?” Bobby’s request made him sound so small.
The doctor pressed his lips together in a thin line. “I don’t think you want to do that, Bobby. It’s not how your father would like you to remember him. Between the glass of the windshield and drivers’ side window and the impact itself, I don’t want you to look. One of the paramedics positively identified him. They wanted to spare you the pain of having to do it.”
“Will you give us a few moments?”
Nodding, the doctor stepped into the hallway. Bobby was shaking so Loretta held his elbow as he stood up and said his farewells. Loretta had tears streaming down her face, but she was determined to be strong for him.
***
The doctor led them to another room. Machines almost hid the body of the woman they were keeping alive. Bobby stepped closer to the bed and gripped Loretta’s hand so she came with.
“Your mother is in an induced coma. It’s to give her body a chance to heal. She has a brain injury that we’re watching. It may heal on it’s own or require surgical intervention. She has a couple of cracked ribs, a broken arm, cuts and bruises. All we can do is wait.”
“Does she know about . . “ Bobby’s throat wouldn’t let him finish the question.
“She knew when your father wasn’t answering her that he was gone. She was in shock when the ambulance arrived and she told the medic that he’d passed. I don’t know if she will remember when she wakes up.”
Bobby nodded, not trusting his voice.
“Just let the nurses know if you need to speak to me. They can find me or page me. I am sorry for your loss, Mr. Singer.”
After the door clicked shut, Bobby released the breath he’d been holding, trying not to cry.
“I’ll get us a couple chairs.” Loretta patted his shoulder and then urged him to sit down. “I don’t think I could pick you up from the floor.”
Bobby gave her a small smile. He cradled her hand in his. She fell asleep with her head on his shoulder. Bobby slept with his head resting on hers. The nurse came in quietly and covered them with an extra blanket.
***
Loretta’s family barely saw her over the next few months. She was usually up at the hospital or resting at the Singer’s. Bobby didn’t work on anything in the scrap yard. All of his time was spent at the hospital.
“That was a great breakfast, Loretta.” Bobby put the last bite in his mouth as he stood to put his plate in the sink.
“Thanks. You have to have a hearty breakfast if you’re going to be at the hospital all day.”
“You don’t have to do this, Loretta. It’s been weeks since the accident.”
“I want to do this.” Loretta kept wiping the stove and didn’t look him in the eye. “I want to be here for as long as you need me. I’ve felt like that for quite awhile, Bobby. I thought you knew that.”
Confused, Bobby just looked at her.
“I guess you didn’t know that.” Loretta sighed. “I’ve been trying to get your attention for some time. It took your parents’ accident for you to notice I was here.”
“Why didn’t you say something before?” he knew he could be thick skulled. She could have thrown every possible hint at him and he still wouldn’t have understood. Bobby needed to be flat-out told some things.
“I thought you knew. Other folks knew. I just figured you didn’t care.”
“Don’t think that I didn’t care. I never knew. Can we sort this out when we get back from the hospital tonight?”
Loretta gave him a small smile and nodded her head.
Bobby tucked part of her hair behind her ear and his hand and eyes lingered. Then, he stuck his hands in his pockets, embarrassed.
***
Mama was awake and her injuries were healing. It was her mind that was progressing the slowest. Her memories were coming back, ever so slowly. They still hadn't told her about daddy's death, not wanting her to regress in her grief. Bobby had his father's wedding ring in his pocket, along with a chain for if mama wanted to wear it. If she asked, Bobby wanted to be able to give something tangible to hold onto of her husband's.
There were many therapies to teach her to do the simplest tasks. Tying her shoes was difficult. Bobby bought shoes and boots with Velcro. Hanging onto silverware and taking more than two bites wore her out. Bobby sat with her at mealtimes and helped her eat when she was too tired to bring the fork up to her mouth again.
He told her stories about their busy summers with a houseful of active children running through the house. How her laugh made everything okay, even when she and three cousins were covered in flour during a cooking lesson gone awry. She kissed the owies of the children and put band aids on them. She bullied the older boys into either showing her what their injuries were or getting hauled into the clinic. They always chose her because under the gruff and pissed off attitude she had to get them to listen, was their aunt who was the gentlest person they knew.
Loretta came in with sandwiches for lunch the same time that mama's tray was delivered.
"I didn't know if you wanted to leave to eat," Loretta blushed.
"Thank you, Loretta." Bobby took one of the sandwiches and ate as he helped mama with her meal.
When they were done and mama was resting against her pillow, her mind was putting some pieces together. "Loretta. . . Loretta . . . You went to school with Bobby."
"Yes, I did. We were in the same grade since kindergarten, Mrs. Singer," Loretta replied.
Bobby smiled, happy that mama was making some connections on her own, even if the memory wasn't about him.
"You were sweet on my Bobby." Mama smiled. "I saw your mother at Russell's Grocery and she told me how smitten you were. Did you find someone to marry?"
"No, no, I didn't." Loretta still held Mrs. Singer's hand. I'm happy with my life as it is. I'm glad that I've been able to help you and Bobby, though."
"She's a good woman, Bobby. Don't let her slip away."
"Yes, m'am," Bobby muttered with a red face, head bowed.
The trio stayed in silence until Mama said, " I haven't seen or heard anything about Daddy since I woke. He was so still in the truck while we waited for help. I said my goodbyes to him as I felt him slip away. I think his soul stayed around long enough to make sure that I was taken care of. That's right, isn't it, Bobby?" Tears were streaming down her face.
"He passed, Mama," tears fell down his face freely as he took her in his arms. "You were in a coma and I didn't know what to do. He was unrecognizable. I had him cremated like he used to talk about. Thought he'd like to be spread over the scrap yard that he loved so much. Then, part of him could also be buried with you some day. I just couldn't have a funeral without you. The pastor will say a few words before we scatter the ashes. We can do that when you've healed. "
Mama brought her hand to Bobby's face. She understood his reasoning and hated that he'd had to go through that alone. She ran her fingers through his hair and he rested his head on her chest. She carded through his hair murmuring soothing words. She knew Bobby was hurting, and there was nothing she could do to make it better.
Sniffling, Bobby stood and pulled the ring and necklace. Mama smiled, tears threatening to fall. "Thank you for saving this for me."
***
It was a quiet drive back from the hospital. Loretta didn't bring up their conversation from that morning and Bobby was wondering what he was going to say when they got home. He was thankful that Loretta couldn't see how fast the wheels were turning in his mind to try to get his thoughts in order. He fought the urge to drive slower, just to give himself more time. He figured Loretta might pick up on that.
Bobby shut off the engine and Loretta asked him, "How does coffee sound?"
"That'd be great," Bobby gave her a smile and hoped it didn't look like a grimace. He could feel his muscles tensing up as his nerves began to take over.
His hand trembled when he put his keys on the hook. They jingled and if Loretta noticed, she didn't say anything about it.
"I can bring it into the living room," she offered. "I thought some muffins sounded good."
Bobby's head jerked when he nodded and walked through the dining area into the living room. He tried to get comfortable, but that was impossible.
"Are you feeling okay?" Loretta asked when she came into the living room.
"Sure. Why?"
"You just look a little pale. You've been visiting the hospital every day for awhile now. It's not unrealistic to think that you could catch an illness when you're up there."
"I'm fine," he took a drink of coffee and hoped the warmth would put some color in his cheeks.
After a couple moments of silence, she stared into her coffee cup and said, "I didn't mean to upset you with what I said this morning. It's not something we need to talk about. I'm sure you're tired. Let's just forget what was said, alright?"
Bobby was stunned.
She stood and began to walk away.
"Don't go!" Bobby surprised himself with his outburst as he shot to his feet.
Loretta gave him a small smile. "I'll be back here in the morning."
"No. I mean, I'd like you to sit down again," his words fell over themselves.
She nodded, sat back down, and waited for Bobby to begin.
***
"Mama, let's just get you settled in," Bobby eased her into bed. "It must feel so good to be home."
"I'm just so tired, baby. I'm sorry to be such a bother," she sighed.
"I'm just happy you're home, Mama. Loretta is making us lunch right now. Do you think you'll be hungry in 20 minutes or so?"
"Just want to sleep." She sank into her pillows.
Bobby pulled her covers up and kissed her cheek. He was glad that he's lined pillows along his daddy's side of the bed. Mama didn't need to feel that emptiness any more than she already felt it in her heart.
He closed the door as quietly as he could and made his way to the kitchen and Loretta.
"How is she?"
"Resting. I think getting discharged tired her out. Looks like it's just the two of us for lunch." Bobby sat at the table.
"I don't have a problem with that. I made enough so that we can have leftovers to heat up later. Figured we could concentrate on your mom and eating would be just more convenient."
Wearily, Bobby nodded. "I need to go through her medications to figure out their schedule again. I don't know how the hospital expected Mama to understand it all herself."
Standing behind him, Loretta rubbed his shoulders. "They knew we would be with her. I've made up the guest room and moved some items in there so I can help you during the night, too."
"You shouldn't have to do that--"
"I wanted to. You're dear to me and so is she."
Bobby leaned into her touch. "Thank you, Darlin'."
They ate lunch and then held hands in the silence.
"You made any plans for our wedding?" Bobby turned to Loretta.
She shook her head. "We need to get used to what your mom needs and have a service for your dad. After that, I'd like to ask her for her input since I'm marring her baby. I want it to have everything she thought it would have for you."
"That's why it's you, Loretta."
***
Mama's screams ripped through the air. Bobby and Loretta ran into her room. Mama's nightgown was soaked through and she was sitting up in bed.
"What is it, Mama?" Bobby knelt by her side, brushing her hair back.
"The accident. It was so awful." Mama began to cry and Bobby held her close.
He made soothing sounds until she cried herself out.
"How does a warm bath sound? We'll get you into some clean bedclothes and you'll sleep so much better."
Mama nodded.
"I'll get some new linens," Loretta said as she left the room.
Bobby took Mama in her arms, realizing how frail she'd gotten during her hospital stay. Hopefully some home-cooked meals would help her get her strength back.
Mama relaxed in the bath. She was sleepy when Bobby tucked her into clean sheets. Bobby sat with her until he was sure she was asleep. He was quiet as he closed her door and walked through the dark living room to the kitchen.
"She asleep?" Loretta asked from her seat at the table.
Bobby nodded. "Hopefully she won't have any more nightmares tonight."
"Did the hospital say anything about nightmares?"
He shook his head. "Maybe it took coming home to trigger them. It's a dreadful thought. I wanted home to bring her comfort."
"It will. She's still grieving. Home is the best place for her to heal."
"I hope so."
***
"He was a dedicated husband and father. He's looking down at us from heaven, proud that we've allowed him to return to the land he loved so much."
Mama, Loretta and Bobby watched as the Pastor released the ashes into the air. They drifted over the land, trees and stream. Mama still had a small packet to keep and have buried with her.
Bobby stood in the middle, holding hands with Loretta and Mama. He knew that once they got through the scattering of Daddy's ashes, the days would get easier.
Back at the house, there were women from church and old friends of Daddy. Bobby was relieved to have their support and it helped Mama tremendously to have the church ladies to lean on.
***
As they got into their daily routine, Loretta helped Mama and Bobby went back to working in the scrap yard. Work had been piling up and they needed the money for the hospital bill.
Mama began to regain her strength but her memory still had holes in it. Loretta was her constant companion. At night, she would tell Bobby how Mama had done during the day. He hated having to work, but knew that he had to.
Loretta kept Mama's mind occupied with joyous thoughts planning a wedding. Bobby was having his grandma's ring reset for Loretta. Mama's wedding dress was getting some alterations so that Loretta could wear it down the aisle.
In Loretta's family, she had three sisters. Her mom had helped plan their weddings and planning one was no longer a special occasion for her. That's why Loretta asked Mama to help her.
When the special day came, Bobby looked so handsome in his new suit. Loretta carried a small bunch of wildflowers. It was a simple, traditional service with the new couple grinning from ear to ear.
Bobby and Loretta had a couple of nights at a motel in town. A nurse was going to sit with Mama while they were gone. She had helped Mama in the hospital, so they were familiar with each other.
***
Their honeymoon was all they expected it to be. They were so in love with each other that they seemed to radiate it. Back at home, Mama and the nurse had gotten along great.
Mama was thrilled to see how married life suited Bobby and Loretta. She'd always wanted her Bobby to find someone. Loretta was all she could have wished for in a daughter-in-law.
Years passed. They seemed to fly by at the Singer household. Bobby and Loretta had tried for a baby but it wasn't in the cards. They'd succeeded in getting pregnant twice. And, both times, they'd suffered a miscarriage. After the second one, both of them were too shattered to try again.
Mama cried for the lost babies at night when she could hear Bobby and Loretta doing the same. It hurt her to think of the grandbabies she could have had. She'd brought up adoption once, and the look on Loretta's face was enough to make her never bring it up again.
When Mama would hear Loretta cry during the day when Bobby was working, she made sure to comfort the distraught woman. Once, Bobby came in for lunch to find them huddled together. The three of them were on the couch until they were cried out. Then, they took a nap instead of finishing their day.
***
Bobby went to wake Mama for breakfast one morning to find that she'd passed in her sleep. She looked so peaceful and had a smile on her face. Bobby knew that she'd had a glimpse of heaven and Daddy. He laid in bed beside her, memorizing the smell of her lotion and shampoo. All the scents that he associated with comfort during his childhood were still there.
Loretta finished breakfast and wondered what was taking them so long. Once she got to the doorway, she knew.
"Oh, Bobby," she whispered. "I'm so sorry. Do you want me to call someone?"
"I just need some time with her first," he looked at Loretta with bloodshot eyes.
"Okay. I'll leave you alone."
"Stay. Just -- stay."
Loretta sat at the end of the bed, giving Bobby the time and support that he needed.
The wind whistled through the trees as Mama was lowered into the family plot at the edge of the Singer land. She was buried in her Sunday best with some of Daddy's ashes. It wasn't necessarily cold that day, but Bobby could feel the wind blowing right through his suit coat. He shivered. Loretta, who didn't feel cold at all, looked him over for any sign of sickness and didn't see any. She turned her eyes back to the pastor.
Bobby didn't speak to many people back at the house. He was polite enough and shook hands. He didn't forget his manners, but he didn't feel like making conversation. Loretta made sure that everyone got enough food and drink. When Bobby could politely make an exit, he went upstairs, took off his jacket and tie, and laid down. He didn't care if he slept. He just knew that he couldn't be around a crowd of people right now, even though he'd known most of them all of his life.
The sun had gone down and shadows were long when Loretta came in to check on him. "How are you doing, honey?" she pulled the quilt from the foot of the bed over his tired body.
"I'm an orphan," he told her. It had taken him awhile to figure it out. "I can't run and ask my folks if I don't know anything. I'm the only one left."
"You're mistaken," Loretta spoke softly. "You have me."
"That I do, sweetheart. I'm thankful that I do."
Loretta laid down by Bobby and snuggled into him. He kissed the top of her head. "You're an amazing woman, Loretta. I've known it for awhile, you just proved it again today."
"You're pretty amazing yourself, Mr. Singer. You make me fall in love with you everyday."
"Didn't know I had that much power," Bobby chuckled.
"You do. Just don't use it against me," Loretta smiled. "Let's rest. We deserve it."
With their bodies snuggled together, they soaked up the warmth provided by the bodies and the quilt. Loretta honestly didn't think they'd sleep that long. She was surprised when she woke up to birds singing. It was morning and Bobby was still asleep, content with holding her.
***
Bobby couldn't pinpoint when Loretta started to get wonky. First it was just little quirks that she'd never had before. Then, there were the quirks that went totally against what she had thought before.
One evening, she got violent over supper. Bobby watched her eyes turn black before a voice that wasn't hers growled a warning before her body flung itself across the table at him. She stabbed him a couple of times with her fork.
Bobby was thankful that they hadn't had steak that night as he roller her off of him. He straddled her waist and held her arms down.
"Loretta, what was that?" He asked.
She gnashed her teeth, looking at Bobby with wild eyes. As quickly as it came upon her, it left. She gave Bobby a confused look.
Slowly, carefully, he got off her and backed away. He filed the incident away in the back of his mind and hoped that it was just a one-time happening. Somewhere, deep in his mind, he knew it was going to happen again. It was just a matter of time..
Loretta attacked Bobby once more in the kitchen. When she went for him in the bedroom, he apologized for what he felt he had to do.
"I'm sorry, Baby. I just don't know what else to do. " He raised the knife that he'd kept under his pillow. "I'm sorry, Loretta. Forgive me."