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tough_tonks (tough_tonks) wrote in strugglewithin,
@ 2008-11-03 19:09:00

Entry tags:

*complete, august 1997, npc, nymphadora lupin, remus lupin

RP: A Quiet Shock...
Date: 3 August 1997, Evening
Characters: Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Lupin
Location: Tonks' (and Remus') Flat, Just off Diagon Alley
Status: Private, Unless you want to knock on the door!
Summary: Tonks finally breaks the news to Remus about their unexpected bundle of joy.
Completion: Complete

Coming home was rarely difficult for Tonks, at least not since they had been married but a scant month before. Despite her flat being tiny, there was a warmth with Remus' presence that it hadn't ever held before. It truly felt like a home and not simply a place of residence near to her work. And she did live near to London, just down a little side alley off of Diagon and above a shop that sold magical time pieces and the like. Her apartment consisted of a single, small living area and an even small bedroom beyond. The living area held two shabby couches and a plush chair, all of different textiles, surrounding a fire place and an old, knicked coffee table. The floors were hardwood and worn, but covered with comfortable rugs of all different colours and shapes. Everything looked hand-me-down from her furniture, to her curtains and even to her dishware, but it was all immensely comfortable, well loved and practical. In short, it was Tonks.

She loved her flat. She loved her husband. She loved coming home, but just not tonight. There was really no denying her suspicions any longer and, a quick trip to Mungo's on her lunch hour confirmed, she was pregnant. She wasn't just sick with some mid summer cold or stomach bug, but hormones and the preparation for entirely too many unexpected changes. If the world wasn't too quickly tumbling towards war, if just today she hadn't heard from her boss' lips the shift in powers at the Ministry, if they had possibly just been married a month or so longer, the entire matter might be considered a blessing. But all those factors built upon each other to make the news possibly mote frightening than happy. She didn't even know how to tell him.

And that fear, that dread, is what made her hesitate outside her own door. She walked home instead of apparating tonight. She stopped at the Cauldron for a mug of tea. She listened to the various rumors and heated whispers about the resignation/removal/disappearance/killing of Rufus Scrimgeour. The account of the matter changed depending on who was speaking about it and to whom they were speaking. It wasn't necessarily her job or assignment, but Tonks couldn't help but keep an ear open for all the heated information. And it did delay her homecoming, but she could only delay so long.

Now, almost a full two hours late from her usual time to return home from work, Tonks finally worked up the courage to push open her front door and walk up the stairs to their tiny flat. She slipped the key in the lock, focused her mind and a quiet word on dropping the few protective wards she had in place, and slipped into the living room. "...Remus? Are you home?" It wasn't her usual greeting either. Not a friendly 'wotcher', or a kiss, or the usual immediate removal and tossing away of her Auror's robes to some random arm of a chair in the room. She was quiet tonight. Pensive.

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tough_tonks
2008-11-04 11:23 pm UTC (link)

Something inside her went cold when he refused her kiss, her hands going too still in their desperately tight grasp of his own. Tonks stared into his eyes, trying not to let her heartbreak clear, but she could practically feel it cracking within her chest. It was not supposed to end like this. It simply wasn't. She swallowed tightly, still not letting go of his hands as her mind raced in some efforts to find a response, anything to make him see sanity.

"Remus, I do not think the world could be any worse... than what I would face... if you left my side. I love you. We promised to each other. Sickness, health, rich, poor. Better -or- worse. It will be hard, but we made promises. Do not break your promise. I love you. I love this child. I know you love me. Don't... don't go back on the pledges we both made." Tonks would not beg him, her pride too much, but she would challenge him on his own honour and love -- things which she knew he had in abundance, no matter how much he hid them.

She refused to let any other tears fall, but the moisture clung stubbornly to the edges of her lashes as she stared at him through glassy eyes, searching for any sort of recourse, trying to find that one little ray of light and hope that said he would soften his conviction and remain in this marriage.

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sw_npc_1
2008-11-04 11:52 pm UTC (link)

What could he say to breaking a promise? Or to loving her? It was because he loved her that he had to leave her. He had to; he just couldn't see any other way.

He was barely able to meet her eyes, and when he did, he wished he hadn't. She was so beautiful and amazing, and she was his. He didn't deserve her, not in the least.

"Don't say that, Dora," he begged her. "I know it's hard for you to understand, and I do love you." He meant it, with every bit of his heart, and that was why he knew he had to leave. He exhaled slowly, a long, shuddering breath, and then got to his feet.

"I just -- I won't ruin my child's life, or yours. You'll be better off without me. Stay with your parents. They know it's true."

And if his child was a werewolf, he was certain Dora would come to the same conclusion. She wouldn't understand once her baby went through the pain. She didn't know what it was like, to scratch and tear at yourself during the loneliest nights of your life.

He physically ached, knowing that he had to leave his wife, and his child. It had been a long time since he'd experienced love - and none that was quite the same as Dora's - but he couldn't see it ending any other way.

"It will be better if I go," he told her, and a bit more harshly than he would have liked, but he didn't want to break his resolve. He was doing this because he loved her. It was best.

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tough_tonks
2008-11-05 04:20 pm UTC (link)

Tonks shivered as he got to his feet, abandoning her on their small, dilapidated couch. She tried to keep his hands, but when he would not grasp back, what was there to truly hold? Her own hands trembled as she finally released his palms, not wanting to let him pull away, but she had to. She loved him too much to keep him a prisoner. He was a prisoner of his condition, of the ministry's hate, of people's fear. He would not be a prisoner of her love, no matter how sick it made her feel.

"My parents are wrong. The ministry is wrong, Remus. This is everything Dumbledore fought against. The reason the Order even exists, is so children like ours do not have to live in fear! You won't give up the fight, I know you won't. Why would you give up the very thing you're fighting for? Remus. Please... don't leave me. I don't know... what I'll do... without you." Tonks' voice cracked out quietly, but she knew she was losing the battle.

She could scream, fight, struggle, rant, rave, do everything possible to keep him there, but it would not help. She could see it in her eyes. He would slip out in the night if not now, he would not stay, no matter how hard she fought. She stood quietly before him, something inside her going very still and very cold as she waited for his response, hoping he would take that last chance. Hoping she was wrong.

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sw_npc_1
2008-11-05 09:13 pm UTC (link)

His eyes swept the flat, the hodgepodge of furniture and the bright colors, all of which embodied Dora's eclectic, warm personality. He loved her, he did; he just couldn't stay and watch her realize what a disservice he'd done her.

"They may be wrong," he said quietly, "but I don't see this ending quickly." He didn't even know if it would truly end. "The Order won't stop my child from fearing me. It won't stop the child from taking after me. What will you do, if it does? What will you do when it changes? You won't be able to take care of it, and neither will I. I don't even know if Wolfsbane would work on an infant. Dora, you don't even know how it will affect your pregnancy! Did you ask? Did you tell the Healer?"

He didn't think she had, but couldn't look at her, not when she was begging him and saying she wouldn't know what to do without him. He didn't want to do leave, but he could see no other way of making this better for her. His presence would make things worse.

"You'll be better off," he said in a brittle voice. "Stay with your parents, where it's safe."

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tough_tonks
2008-11-05 09:22 pm UTC (link)

"You child will never fear you, Remus. Just as I don't fear you. Love is stronger than fear. And... if... If it is passed to your child, then he will need you all the more! Do you truly wish to leave him alone through this?! No, we don't know what is to come, or what will change, but we shouldn't be doing it alone! I can't... can't do this alone, Remus. Please." Tonks whispered faintly, taking one shaking step in his direction but not actually able to get the strength to go farther.

He had demolished her with his determination to leave. He had taken everything she loved, all she fought for, and ripped it from her heart. Now she stood empty, cold, and so very alone. She couldn't even find any more words, though tears finally broke their way through. The only last show of emotion from Nymphadora were the silent and steady streaks of saline down her ashen pale face. She couldn't move, could barely breathe, but she could cry. Tears were all she had left with him gone from her grasp.

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sw_npc_1
2008-11-05 09:46 pm UTC (link)

He found it difficult to believe her. Love might very well be stronger than fear, but in his experience, it didn't last long.

"You won't be doing it alone," he told her, and shifted to look at the door. "Your parents will be there for you. They'll understand." They'll be relieved.

He forced himself to look at her, and blinked back tears as he did. He soaked in the mousy brown color of her hair and the tears running down her pale face. He knew she was hurting, but it would get better and she would understand. Her parents would see to that.

"I'm sorry, Dora," he said quietly, and then turned towards the door. He wasn't sure where he would go, or what he would do, but he'd been on his own with nothing before. It was better this way.

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tough_tonks
2008-11-05 10:12 pm UTC (link)

"Remus..." Tonks' voice crackled out quietly, the only thing she could think to say. She didn't have anything more she could say. She had run out of protests and promises. Apparently, none of it mattered. The only response she heard from him was the quiet opening of the door. And, a moment later, the click of it shut.

The shutting of that door ripped open her world. Where she had been locked in icy numbness, the soft click ripped everything free. She screamed. She had no other words, but she had passion and pain. It ripped from her throat in a sound primal and horrific. Before she knew what was happening, she fell to her knees, still screaming through the tears.

Tonks ripped off her wedding ring, tossing it at the door in the fit of emotion and pain. She didn't even see where it fell or hear the quiet clink that was drown in the cry of her voice. But the scream could not last. Soon, it dissolved into wracking, quiet sobs. She lay on her side, across the ground, curled into a tight little ball. She couldn't think, couldn't move, couldn't speak.

Her marriage was over. All she knew was pain and tears.

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