InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "did you get my fax?"

Dean Winchester (cram_it_ugly) wrote in spinningcompass,
@ 2015-09-06 21:05:00

Entry tags:

!closed, dean winchester, ~claire novak

Who: Dean and Claire.
Where: Claire's place
What: Dealing with anger issues and damaged pride
When: After this.
Rating: Depends
Open: Nope
Status: on going

Dean had fully intended on just speeding through the city, gunning Baby's engine on the curves. And if he spotted Anders. But instead he found himself in front of her place, without knowing how he really got there. He sat in the car, though, the steady rumble of his beloved car's engine rattled beneath his fingers and his feet. AC/DC cranked up over the speakers.

Why did he bring this to her door? Maybe it was the memories of feeling absolutely elated yesterday. The ultrasound, the smudge, the heartbeat... He tried to grab onto those memories again. His throat felt thick, as he rocked his head back against the headrest.

Dean was half tempted to roll down the window and fling the damn phone out. Instead he settled for throwing it across the seat. Girls like Max was why he didn't bring them home. Max fucked everything up. How the hell had he got so... into her?!

He roared out his anger, fingers white knuckling the steering wheel. As he shook it. Before busting his fists against the metal frame of it, likely hitting the horn a time or two. Once the rage was out he settled against the wheel. White heat streaking down his cheeks.

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angelhearted
2015-09-07 03:37 am UTC (link)

Claire heard the familiar low-thunder rumble of Baby's engine idling, but only after shutting off the tap water. Shaking her hands dry, she peered out the window of her small, but quaint house that faced the road out to the woods, and sure enough, Dean was there.

Her brows knit, watching him just sit there, then abuse the wheel in a sudden fit. Whatever that was, it couldn't be good.

She swallowed the irrational spike of panic and forced herself out the front door, onto the old porch that needed painting, making her way toward the driver window, still barefoot.

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cram_it_ugly
2015-09-07 04:52 am UTC (link)

He wasn't sure why he knew she was there. Using the heels of his hands he wiped his face, and rolled down the window once he was sure evidence was at least partially gone. She didn't need his stress. She needed to relax.

Dean forced a smile, even though he was genuinely glad to see her. "Hey." He hoped he sounded at least half way normal.

His eyes searched for something else, without really looking at anything. His hands moved without thought, as he opened the door, and shoved over so she could get in. Brain half on autopilot. Like it had been to get him here.

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angelhearted
2015-09-07 05:14 am UTC (link)

If he was trying to hide the face wipe, he failed miserably. Claire immediately felt her stomach sink, and his halfassed attempt at normalcy didn't help. She didn't say anything yet, but her face certainly wasn't hiding anything as she seased down into the driver’s seat.

She left the door open, though, to keep it from becoming an oven.

"What happened." Not a request, but a quiet demand to know why the toughest sonovabitch she knew was in tears.

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cram_it_ugly
2015-09-07 05:46 am UTC (link)

As he thought to explain it he collected his phone unlocked it, and handed it to her. The texts from Rory open from where he hadn't closed them. "She took him." His chin quivered just a little before he bit it back.

Dean bit the insides of his cheeks to keep from letting it overflow all over again. He gave her a few minutes to read the texts, but didn't watch her do it, instead he rolled down the window on the passenger side. If it got too hot he'd just close it and crank the AC.

But for now, once the window was down, he simply poked at the buttons on the radio, after he turned it down.

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angelhearted
2015-09-07 06:00 am UTC (link)

His shaky explanation didn't make much sense, but Claire held off. Reading the texts between he and Rory certainly helped, but that didn't exactly make anything easier.

Then her ass buzzed: texts from her halfbrother. More complications. More emotional shitstorms.

But at least, nobody died.

"C'mon," she sighed at Dean after she got through the convo. "Inside." She handed back his phone, but kept hers in hand, preparing to get out of the car. And to make sure he followed, shr killed the engine and took the keys with her.

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cram_it_ugly
2015-09-07 06:35 am UTC (link)

He definitely wasn't running on his own steam. So he did as he was told, though when the thing buzzed in his hand again he had wanted to before he'd give it to her to read. Once he was out of the car he flung it away from him as hard and as far as he could And didn't watch to see if it smashed on the ground. He'd had that one too long anyway.

Dean knew he'd have to get a new one. But for now, he was going to be just fine without it. Better even.

After, he simply shuffled after her. "I'm sorry. I... don't..." He trailed off.

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angelhearted
2015-09-07 06:53 am UTC (link)

Claire was no good at these things when it came to her own emotions. She got stopped up, anxious, and all too often angry when she ended up cornered in conversations that required her to put them in words. Emoting made her feel vulnerable and weak, and lately? She was all over the damn emotional map.

But these weren't her emotions, so at least she had that divide. Claire also knew a potential train wreck when she saw one, and this one not only involved the two people she cared most about in the world, but that train was headed straight for her.

"You don't have to say anything," she told him quietly, quickly texting Rory back before setting her phone down. "Too much, too fast." She eased up in front of him, gently catching the moisture on his cheeks he'd missed with her palms, then slid her arms around his shoulders and brought him close.

"But it's still gonna be alright," she uttered against the side of his hair. How many times had she needed someone- anyone -to hold her and whisper those words...

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cram_it_ugly
2015-09-07 07:29 am UTC (link)

When it came to family, when it came down to his kids, it was nearly impossible to keep his emotions in check. He wrapped his arms around her and settled his face into her shoulder. His shaking slightly as he tried to hold in that tide that had already hit him once.

"He's my son, and she's taken him from me." The whisper was choppy and broken at best. It still baffled him how he got mixed up with a girl like Max.

Dean sniffled softly into her shirt, another attempt to stop the tide. He didn't want to be too much. He hadn't meant to end up at her door. "I don't know what to do."

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angelhearted
2015-09-07 07:48 am UTC (link)

"She hasn't taken anyone from you," Claire hushed in reply, quiet because the pain in his voice, even tangible in the way he held her, racked her hard. The only reason her hormones didnt cripple her was because she planned on defusing this bomb before it exploded in all their faces. She didn't have to know the details beyond the texts between Dean and Rory, but she wasn't just placating him.

"He's not going anywhere." Claire ran a hand up his back, then soothed down his hair before she pulled back just enough to fus on his face, and meet his eyes. That hurt... seeing how red and raw they were.

"He just doesn't understand... and you're nerves are already open and raw. Just look at me- breathe- and trust me."

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cram_it_ugly
2015-09-07 09:09 am UTC (link)

All Dean could do when she pulled back, and asked him to trust her, to breathe, was nod. The breaths he worked in and out of his lungs were ragged, and harsh. More than a few were punctuated with sniffles.

"I trust you." And that said a lot. She was one of two he could actually trust right now. He dropped his head so that his forehead rest against her shoulder, but not in a way that he was muffled when he spoke.

"Mom's gone. Jo's gone." He stopped himself short. "Or the pod person that was wearing a Jo meatsuit is gone." He knew he should have ran the tests. "And now.. Rory." Rory had been the straw that broke the camel's back. What had sucked the glee and happiness he'd felt the day before, at the doctors, away.

In an effort to lighten the mood, even if it wasn't completely in him, he teased. "Your boobs look huge from this angle."

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angelhearted
2015-09-07 11:19 pm UTC (link)

When he dropped his brow on her shoulder, her hands found a more natural place- her arms wrapped around the back of his shoulder blades, with one hand cradling the back of Dean's head. For now, at least. The comment about her boobs derailed her train of thought, if only briefly, but not in an unpleasant way. The crack of a joke in the middle of their week of heavy-ass conversations was always welcome. "Thanks for noticing," she huffed at him, petting his hair back one more time before wrapping him up in another hug.

"Rory wasn't hurt the way you were," Claire moved on in soft reminder. "He doesn't know what he was doing... but for right now, it doesn't matter. You need to break or shoot something- whatever you need to unload..."

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cram_it_ugly
2015-09-07 11:55 pm UTC (link)

For right now he savored the affection enough that he didn't want to move too much. His arms settling around her middle. "I did break something." He pointed in the direction of where his phone was flung. And he knew who he wanted to put a few holes in. But he couldn't exactly do it without making a few enemies, even if they didn't like the guy.

"But shooting something does sound good." He agreed. Dean had said he trusted her. And with everything he couldn't trust himself.

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angelhearted
2015-09-08 12:34 am UTC (link)

Even though he agreed - and she knew as well as anyone the theraputic effect of unloading an entire clip into something, for there were times when simply screaming at the sky or breaking your knuckles on the wall just wasn't enough - Claire sensed no eagerness in the thickly muscled body clinging to her. Even the way he held her felt both desperate and uncertain- as if he thought she might disappear if he held too tight, but he obviously didn't want to let go.

After a few heartbeats, her head turned a little more into his, her lips tickled by the hair near the crown of Dean's head. She breathed out slow.

"We can do that later." Her voice was even softer, not just in volume but in tone. In the meantime, she moved her hands to his arms around her waist, guiding them to hold her closer- tighter- tight has he needed. She wasn't going anywhere.

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cram_it_ugly
2015-09-08 03:34 am UTC (link)

"Later... Later sounds good." Lifting his head a little, he tightened his hold on her like she urged. As tight as he dare, not wanting to hurt her, even if it wasn't intentional. Dean trailed his fingers up and down the center of her back. Both enjoying the feel of her shirt beneath them and the heat of her body, as it flooded the seemingly bloodless tips.

"I'm sorry I'm bringing this to you. I don't even know how I got here. I got in the car fully intending on driving around the city until she needed more gas," What he left out was that he would be driving really really fast. But He was sure that she could probably figure that part out without him really having to say it. What he missed most was tearing down back roads, without running across any other cars.

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angelhearted
2015-09-08 04:05 am UTC (link)

Even when he kissed her after the doctor visit, Claire didn't remember this much physical contact between them. Soft trail-sensations followed the path of his hands up her spine, chasing her breaths- each one of which she could feel keenly with how tightly he held her. It felt good, despite the circumstances.

"Don't be. Better this than peeling you out of a melted wreck," she breathed in deep, but closed her eyes when a whiff of gasoline from his clothes invaded her nose. Suddenly that close grip didn't feel so good. "Except one thing... Take off your shirt."

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cram_it_ugly
2015-09-08 04:26 am UTC (link)

Dean leaned back shock clear on his face, when he asked her to take off his shirt. But he didn't hesitate. He shrugged out of the jacket, flung it car-ward, and tugged his shirt up and off, and flinging it back in the same direction of the car.

He spread his arms in a basic ta-da fashion. "Better?" Not that he had a problem getting naked, if that was what she wanted. He wasn't completely mended, but he felt better than he had.

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angelhearted
2015-09-08 04:36 am UTC (link)

Once that smell was in her nostrils, it really didn't want to leave, or she may have thought of a more tactful way to rectify the situation. Maybe. Either way, she couldn't help the ghost of a chuckle at how absurd her sudden demand of him had been, given the situation. At least it was half-muffled by the back of her hand- which had lifted to her nose to drown out the smell with that of vanilla-lavender soap.

"Much-" she decided to go with it. At least he didn't look completely broken now. Plus, the offending smells were far away from her. And he was shirtless. She met his eyes, the hint of a soft-natured smirk in her own, before she cleared her throat. Starting over.

"Sorry-" she huffed, pressing her palms briefly over her face, wiping down. "Bloodhound Nose is a really sucky superpower. You were working on the car, weren't you."

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cram_it_ugly
2015-09-08 05:06 am UTC (link)

"Yeah when he first texted me. What was it the oil smell?" He glanced back at the shirt, before lifting his arms to sniff at himself as best he could. He couldn't smell it on himself anymore. He brought his hands to his nose and sniffed. No, they just smelled like the soap he'd used.

He closed the gap, wanting to be sure the smell was off of him. Only way to tell was for her to get a whiff. "Besides, you don't have to be sorry for wanting to get me naked." He teased half heartedly. Yet he was sincere. Here she was having his kid, letting him lay his soul bare... There wasn't anything he could give her that would say he appreciated her. There wasn't anything on the island that was big enough.

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angelhearted
2015-09-08 05:28 am UTC (link)

"Gasoline," Claire reiterated, unable to stop herself from being amused at the self-sniffing. She tried to keep it from her face, but failed. Probably miserably.

When he closed the distance, something in her automatically reached for him, though the actual movement hesitated with all the tangled shit in her head. And his (her rational side reminded)- but her hands still found their way to his now-bare shoulders like they had been a minute earlier. Except this time, his head wasn't seeking solace in the crook of her neck. His gaze was right there, clear and raw, vulnerable- and he knew it. It was ...intimate. Almost overwhelmingly so.

Claire recognized the little twist and constriction in her chest; she'd felt it for the first time the other day, while watching a smear of black and white on the ultrasound monitor, hearing the fast swishswishswish of a tiny, tiny heart. Mostly it was pure affection, woven with a thread of soul-bending terror.

"You know what- I know what you need," she told him after letting out a long breath, and making a solid decision. Claire was also not blind to the double meaning possible in her words, as said by the way one eyebrow notched up. "Okay- a few things," she beat him to it with a gentle smirk. Her thumb also moved to catch a smudge of grease from his lower cheekbone- she watched it's path as she spoke. Somehow it was easier than keeping his gaze. For now. "Go take a hot shower. I was just about to make food. After that, we'll see how you feel and go from there- alright?"

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cram_it_ugly
2015-09-08 06:27 am UTC (link)

Now that he knew what one smell was, he put it on the list. He'd make sure anytime that he worked on the car that he'd wash up really well, and wear fresh clean clothes before he came to see her. The minute her hands touched his bare skin, a little something else flashed into his eyes. He couldn't help it.

When her eyes left his, a little grin twisted his lips. His dropped to her lips. Dean actually chuckled when she beat him to the door she'd left standing open. But the trace of her thumb against his cheek... That had his eyes fluttering closed, a groan just caught on the edge of his tongue so it didn't quite escape. "Shower, food, both sound pretty good." He didn't want to push things. Not too far. But her joining him for that hot shower sounded pretty good too.

Heavy lidded he forced his eyes open. "Okay. I think I have clothes in the trunk." But would those smell? That was the question.

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angelhearted
2015-09-08 06:43 am UTC (link)

The thought wasn't as far from Claire's mind as he may have guessed, but there was still enough leftover anxiety and caution from all the drama she was avoiding for the last handful of months to keep those ideas from carrying any real weight. For now, anyway. But the image of him in her old apartment bathroom was still fresh in her memory. That wasn't going away anytime soon.

"I'll toss yours in the wash real quick if you don't," she said after a very brief, but poignant feeling pause. She moved her hand from his cheek and gave his biceps a squeeze that felt awkward as soon as she did it. Obviously, her body didn't want to let go. Claire forced herself to remember that her body was doing weird things because of hormones and she needed food anyway.

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cram_it_ugly
2015-09-08 09:16 am UTC (link)

"I almost hope I don't." Dean could tease, because just like the other day she was his saving grace. Even if his teasing was only half hearted. He didn't mind the bicep squeeze, though. He would have done just about anything to keep touching her. He'd felt almost human when her hand was on his cheek.

He held his hand out. "Keys?" Because with the promise of hot water and warm food he wasn't going anywhere. Where would he go? He didn't want to lay this on Mary's feet. She'd liked Max. And Rory... He didn't want to take that thought path. It hurt too much and was way too fresh.

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angelhearted
2015-09-08 09:19 pm UTC (link)

The right corner of her mouth tugged up into it's cheek at his teasing, even if she knew his heart wasn't entirely in it. No one could blame him- least of all her. Whether clothed or wandering around in a towel, it didn't matter- long as he was here.

Funny how much difference hearing a little heartbeat could make.

Claire dug his keys out of her back pocket and set them in his hand, unwittingly letting the touch linger just a little longer than necessary before she drifted away, heading toward the kitchen. She scooped up his jacket and shirt on the way.

During the time he was in the bathroom, she'd cooked two full pounds of thick cut bacon, and the smell permeated the warm summer air in the house, even with the evening breeze coming in from the open windows. The purple dusk darkened them, the sun having just barely disappeared beyond the treeline. Along with a plateful of cut tomatoes and romaine lettuce, Claire sat at the small kitchen table with a thick BLT on her plate, and a glass of water.

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cram_it_ugly
2015-09-08 09:40 pm UTC (link)

It didn't take long for him to collect the bag that he kept in Baby's trunk. He'd known it was there. It was always there. His life before the island wasn't completely gone, and things that were hammered into his skull remained, and probably would for the rest of his life.

Dean could lie to everyone but himself. He was a little disappointed that she hadn't come into the shower. But he figured the kid was tugging at her need to eat. But he did enjoy the heat that permeated his muscles, and washed away the drying blood on his knuckles.

As tempted as he was to leave the bathroom in nothing but a towel, he resisted. But he didn't dry off completely, especially since the smell of bacon hit him mid swipe. The white undershirt clung and his jeans hadn't been all that easy to pull on, as he followed his nose into the kitchen. Fingers fumbling with the zip and button, belt dangling undone. "Can you smell me?"

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angelhearted
2015-09-08 09:53 pm UTC (link)

The truth to the reason why Claire didn't follow through with the flickering thought to join him was complicated. A number of reasons, really- but she was hungry, and when she was hungry nowadays, she ate. Period. She was three bites into her sandwich when he came back from the bathroom in a state of half-dress that was impossible not to smile at, even around a huge hunk of BLT.

Still chewing, she shook her head a little, a chuckle muffled in the back of her bite before she could get it down her throat. "Yes, but you smell much prettier now."

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