daddyissues_ (daddyissues_) wrote in spinningcompass, @ 2015-02-21 11:21:00 |
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Entry tags: | katherine lokadóttir, ~princess luna |
Who: Kat, Abi, Maryanne, Gatsby and Luna
Where: The club
What: A little party
When: Friday evening
Rating: Middle?
Open:to everyone mentioned above
Status: unfinished
Ever since that dreadful conversation she had felt horrible. She had been stupid and naive expecting anything than what she had received. Blame was handed into all kinds of directions: her father, mainly, for being the cold-hearted asshole that he was, Maryanne for trying to convince her that he wasn't, herself for even needing this, her adoptive parents for taking away a life she could have had and putting her through everything they had, her mother for ever having a child with a man as cruel as him, for leaving her alone to sort out the mess that was her life and even people like Abi, Maryanne and Jay for being nice to her, for not seeing the monster that was inside of her. Plates had been smashed and tears shed. She felt pathetic for the emotions he could make her feel and she hated him for that. She did not want to be this person. This anger and hatred, it felt like a monster had woken up inside of her. Whenever she tried to let go of it, it came back. Doubts clawed at her and his words invaded her mind whenever she thought that she had reclaimed her sanity. She wanted him to feel the hurt she was feeling. But mostly, she just wanted him to care. That was the hardest part. For him, she was nothing. Uninteresting. Useless. A nuisance. Hate should could tolerate. Love she craved. Indifference was the cruelest thing to face. She had wrecked her brain over the last thing. But besides Maryanne's suggestion, she had no options. She might be angry but she wasn't dumb. If she wanted to build up a relationship, he would disregard it as manipulation, even if it would be a genuine attempt. If she tried to trick him, he would see through it. Whatever she would do, he would interpret it in a way that was self-serving for him. She knew that far too well from herself. She was so much like him that it scared even her. The one thing she could try to do was to live her life. She would try to find Lucy's best friend inside of her and be that person. It would prove him wrong and she refused to let him be right. She was nervous, going to the club. Being nice and sweet was easy over the network, she wasn't sure she could hold onto it face-to-face. But she needed this. She needed to know that she could be this person, something that was not a monster. And the first step on her agenda list was the most girly outfit she could find that still felt like her. High boots, black tights and a colorful dress ended up being her choice. She did not a cardigan, she could probably even go without a jacket. It was one advantage of running cold. Make-up and hair consumed almost an hour. She had nothing better to do and it gave her a facade to hide behind. |