InsaneJournal

WHO: Elenwë and OPEN
WHAT: She's fought with everyone she loves. Life currently sucks.
WHERE: By the sea
WHEN: Saturday night
WARNINGS: Low/TBD
STATUS: Open/Incomplete


Elenwë was generally a happy elf. She had a positive outlook on life, and had always found it easy to see the silver lining in any cloud. She had married late, but that had never bothered her. She had always been happy enough without love, and was not one to trouble herself over something she did not have. And then when she had met Turukáno, she had found an unlooked for happiness that had simply added to what she already had. And Itarillë had made her world just a little bit brighter. She had always been the sort to sing to herself out of pure joy, to find the world a lovely place despite its faults.

But since she had arrived here, things had become so difficult. And tonight...

Tonight.

Tonight she had angered not only her daughter, but her husband. And now she was alone, watching the reflection of the moon in the water, her face streaked with salty tears. She wished so much that she hadn't arrived here at all. This was not how things were supposed to be. She was supposed to have died, and Turukáno gone on to build Gondolin and Idril to marry Tuor, and then Sara died, and came back to Valinor, and found healing in the gardens of Lórien, and found peace again.

Not like this.

There was no peace he could find here. And she...perhaps, needed the sundering of those five hundred years as well. Then, perhaps, they could take the baby steps together, rediscovering each other slowly and in small measure.

But...two weeks ago, their life had been perfect. Yes, there had been strife in Aman, but she was as close to him as it was possible for a wife to be. They were one, they made their decisions together, they loved each other thoroughly and completely, and between them, there was nothing unknown.

Then she had awakened here and all had changed. This man was Sara, and sometimes she could see it. But sometimes...there was a coldness in him that she had not seen before, a distance he forced between them, out of fear. And every time he put it there, her heart broke a little more.

And now, she was alone. She wasn't sure if she'd ever felt this alone in all of her long life. Itarillë was angry with her, and she knew not why, and Turukáno felt like she was pushing things too fast. Maybe. That was what she feared, anyway. She was trying not to do so. She had no desire to push him further than he wanted to go, but to back off the right amount was difficult, especially when she was accustomed to such emotional intimacy. She felt as if she had been given the truest love in the world, and perfect happiness, then had it ripped from her heart in the cruelest way possible.

She did not even wish for physical intimacy! She could go a very long time with out that, despite her love for him. She just wished for the comfort, for the small touches and smiles, for the perfect and complete understanding that once they had known, and she feared they would never know again.

Hugging her knees to her, she pressed her forehead to them and wept, letting out all the emotion that she had withheld for the past weeks. It did not, however, assuage her pain, and she began to fear that she would never be able to stop at all, and would die here of grief, under the stars that had once brought her so much happiness.