"You survived because you were strong enough"John replied simply, topping up his glass. "We do what we can to survive. There's no point in feeling guilt over that... Feel proud that you managed" he said with some passion in his voice. He lifted the glass up to his lips and took a drink, slowly placing it back down. "The guilt... It comes back from time to time. It does with everyone. Those who've survived, but I still know it's stupid of me to feel that way" he said.
Was that heartless of him? It was that hard outer shell that allowed him to survive. Others died, allowing him to continue. And there were times where he felt he didn't deserve to life. Times where he tried to take his own life. Manny claimed that he was the one that stopped John from going through with the act each time but John wasn't so sure about that.
"You could always help me" John suggested. "If you need a distraction. I'd like to see a bit more of what you're capable of. With magic" he explained. Maybe one day he could trust her enough to teach her. Maybe she would teach him? And there was plenty to do on the station when it came to magic. A lot that John wanted to uncover for himself. He needed answers.