It was in that moment that John sort of understood her. He didn't trust it either. He never did. And in those rare moments where he dropped his guard, things tended to go badly. The people around him died, his friendships crumbled and he had to move on with his life, only for the whole damn cycle to start anew. There were few constants in his life. Magic, Gin, faithful Chas, and all the madness that lurked in John's shadow. His friendships, his love life, was fated to forever crumble and decay. But still, even a bitter man like John could find hope every now and then. He had found it in Derry that day. When he was reminded what unity could bring, just like he had found with the Legends. Not that he would ever admit it to any of them, on board the Waverider, or on the station. Well... maybe one person aboard each.
"Honestly, I don't know" he replied. "I try not to give it much thought. It seems pointless. In the end, everything doesn't tend to work out. But for some reason, this stupid notion, this stupid idea that things could work here keeps creeping into my mind. I don't know what that might look like yet" he shrugged. He lit a cigarette and closed the lighter with a satisfying metallic clack sound, placing it down on the wooden surface.
"A life with someone who cared about me. A life free from the pull of Heaven and Hell... No Demons and monsters pulling my strings" he said, trying to force a small smile. "People like you... give me some hope" he admitted, lowering his gaze. He wasn't good with being frank about his emotions. He was terrible at it.