InsaneJournal

I broke my arm, in the maze, it's in a cast now.

And maybe, school isn’t for me. I’m starting to think I’m not meant to have a normal life.

[Klaus, Five & Diego]
I’m going to tell people everything… and I’m scared.

[Hargreeves]
Some of you know. Some of you don’t.
It was me. I killed Diego.
I can’t hide from that.
I’m sorry.

[Cisco; viewable by the Hargreeves]
In theory… Do you think that someone could live in that containment room…?

[warning: cut for mentions of suicide & vague parental abuse]

[Filtered to people who have powers, or work exclusively with powers; viewable by the Hargreeves]

My name is Number 6, but everyone calls me Ben. I have powers. Uncontrollable, crazy, monster-from-another-demension, killer powers. I was born with them… but my birth is somewhat of a mystery because… like my other siblings (and 36 other children) we were spontaneous births… meaning our mothers were absolutely not pregnant until the moment we were born… at the exact same time on October 1st.

Our adopted father, raised us to be the first class of a superhero academy, but he didn’t understand what I can do, so it’s hard to really know how to deal with it. What we know is that I have…. I have a portal in my torso. You can’t see it… from the outside, but I know it’s there. I can feel it, I can feel it when it wants to get out and I just… I always know its there. I can just… I just know. There is a monster that comes out of that portal… my father calls us (the Monster and I) ‘The Horror’. We don’t really know where the monster comes from… but it comes out of me, when I let it and it’s tentacles… it rips people apart or squeezes them until they’re broken, or slams them around until they die. … after I use my power, I’m often left soaking in blood.

The truth is, Dad tried to study it. He put me in this… glass box sort of thing, in the basement. And he would make me use my power… but he said it was disgusting. The very sight of it made him ill. That he could no longer work with me, that he no longer wanted to study the Horror. And though he kept me for group training, I never became any better at controlling it.

I became… a weapon. I was used very specifically to deal with a large number of people at once. I became a way to end the battle quickly, and so I was often forced to use a power that we knew nothing about. And that I absolutely hated.

I hate it. I hate every single thing about my power. In…. the real world… I killed myself so that I would no longer have to use my power, so that I wouldn’t have to constantly feel it, so that I could save the world from it.

In the maze… I lost control. I lost control, and I killed my brother when he was trying to save me because I can’t control it. I can’t control myself, then what can I do?

I… need to figure it out. I need to

I don’t know.

It doesn’t discriminate, it just… sort of pulls people apart. Until recently, it had never attacked any of my siblings, but I don’t trust it not to hurt people. Klaus thinks that maybe… we can try to communicate with it, or something, but I don’t know.

I’m afraid of my own powers. My father was. My siblings are. I need help.

What do I do now?