InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Happiness is a warm Tweak"

Harry Hook is chaotic neutral (ง'̀-'́)ง (callemfishbait) wrote in somerealityweb,
@ 2019-09-10 20:35:00

Entry tags:

inactive: harry hook, inactive: mal bertha

mal
Oy, you.

Talk ta me.

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	Harry ifonly 2019-09-11 12:42 am UTC (link)
	...are you okay? what's up? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	callemfishbait 2019-09-11 12:43 am UTC (link)
	I'm fine. Do ye ever wonder wut it would have been like ta- Never mind, forget it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ifonly 2019-09-11 12:49 am UTC (link)
	oh yeah. because i'm letting you get away with that. spill. do i ever wonder what? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	callemfishbait 2019-09-11 12:52 am UTC (link)
	...it ain't anything bad, Malsy. Just a lot of thoughts flitting about me head. I dinnae think much about until recently, but...did ye ever wonder- Wut if our parents had actually loved us? I mean, ye know, wut would have been different in our lives. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ifonly
2019-09-11 01:00 am UTC (link)

well, you can talk them out with me.

yeah. i do think about that. a lot more than i'd like to admit. you know that some parents bake cookies for their kids when they're upset? to make them feel better. they care if they feel better. it isn't just an inconvenience to them.

i don't really know if i can even imagine what it would've been like, though. i don't think our parents were capable of love for anyone but themselves.

what made you think about this?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

callemfishbait
2019-09-11 01:08 am UTC (link)

...not all me thoughts are suitable for airing, yer ladyship.

Cookies just cause a person is upset? Dinnae seem fair, that, but then again when has our world been fair? Can't imagine me old man actually given a shite about my mood.

It is stupid. I haven't been sleepin' and the thoughts creep in- and I was talking with Barry.

I dinnae get him. I dinnae get Freddy's friend tryin' ta find his mum. ~~Ye know CJ was the damn apple of me da's eye, aye? She could do no bloody wrong it seemed like. Bloody ran off to Auradon and it wasn't her name he cursed.~~

I...think I might be a wee bit jealous for once. Except this isn't something I can just break to make meself feel better. Uma isn't here...

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ifonly
2019-09-11 01:29 am UTC (link)

please. what do you think i think about, puppies and kittens? i can guarantee i've had some thoughts, too. no judgment here.

cookies with chocolate chips. my mind was blown when i first heard about it. parents doing stuff for their kids? crazy. my mom would just get annoyed with me and yell. god, she always yelled. being happy was weak, being sad was weak. i couldn't win.

i used to think that she loved me. in her own way. but when she came to auradon and tried to take away everything that i cared about...i realized that she didn't, at all. she loved herself. she loved power. she loved making people miserable and that included me. it's like trying to imagine what the sky would look like if it were green to think of what it would've been like if they loved us. nothing but a wild dream.

that's not stupid. it's not like you can help it. i think we've been holding back for a long time, harry. pushing away thoughts and feelings about certain things. replacing them with other things. i mean, i know i have. i guess it makes sense that we would come across new people, get to know them and their lives...and those things would bubble up again, you know? the bitterness. the missed opportunities. years wasted on a glorified garbage barge.

i'm not really the best person to give advice on how to deal with stuff like this. i get stressed or upset enough, i become a dragon, after all. uma may not be here, but i am. and i know...i'm not her. i get that and i'm never going to try to be. you guys have a thing that i can't touch. but i'm here. you're not alone.

what do you think would make you feel better? anything i can help with?

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	callemfishbait 2019-09-11 01:43 am UTC (link)
	Wut did I say about ye in yer pretty words? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ifonly 2019-09-11 01:58 am UTC (link)
	might be pretty words but i mean them. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	callemfishbait 2019-09-11 01:49 am UTC (link)
	...and dinnae. I feel like- I feel like I'm on a wee bit of driftwood in a raging sea. And for once in me life I don't know how to navigate. I have spent my whole life thinking about wut was beyond the horizon. I wanted to chase the second star and now I'm still bloody trapped. And I dinnae know a thing about wut would make me feel better. Fuck. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ifonly
2019-09-11 02:08 am UTC (link)

now who's got the pretty words? i've been there, though. it's...sometimes you can't navigate. you have to just let the waves take you wherever. and maybe that's where you're supposed to be.

i know. it's not fair that you finally had a shot at freedom only to end up here. if i could change it, i would. you deserve it after helping to save auradon.

what if we went to the roof? and you just...yelled for a while, as loud as you can. until you can't anymore. i used to scream into a pillow but this seems like it might be a lot better. i'll do it, too if you want.

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	callemfishbait 2019-09-11 02:15 am UTC (link)
	...I dinnae do it to save Auradon. Eh. Might help. If all else fails I could just push ye off the roof. I am, of course, jesting. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ifonly 2019-09-11 02:27 am UTC (link)
	the reason you did do it was admirable, too. either way, you should be doing whatever you want right now. not stuck here. and i'm sorry that you are. or at least...i wish you had your friends here, too. eh, i would just turn into a dragon and have some barbecue. i am also, of course, kidding. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

callemfishbait
2019-09-11 10:23 am UTC (link)

If I hadn't worked at saving the Isle would ye have taken that barrier down? Or would you have kept on as ye were? Mal, ye lied to our faces from the moment I escaped. I mean, aye, you did right in the end, but I still hold issue with the fact you lied to wee Celia and even Evie.

Having Uma and Gil would be nice. I'm not holding me breath.

Funny, Malsy.

...do ye ever feel like maybe yer actions do matter here?

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ifonly
2019-09-11 08:16 pm UTC (link)

yeah. yeah, i would have. it wasn't just you guys that made me realize how wrong i was - and i was wrong, harry. and i'm sorry. it was hades, it was audrey. it was thinking back to when we first arrived and everyone thought we were bad news - and we were, i mean. we were going to try to get the wand. but...we changed. we found something in ourselves that we weren't allowed to see before and everyone deserves that chance. like i said, you never know where the good or bad is going to come from and that would stand even if you guys hadn't done anything.

i shouldn't have lied. god, and i really shouldn't have lied to those two and to my other friends. i have a lot to make up for and i know that. i just hope the barrier was enough of a good start. i wonder what's happening back home right now.

i think that actions matter everywhere. why here specifically?

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	callemfishbait 2019-09-12 12:48 am UTC (link)
	Lovely bedtime tale, Malsy. Nay, ye shouldn't have lied and I guess ye did do the right thing for the kids eventually. I ain't passing judgment on yer sin, I'm just gonna point out that some people gonna hold wee grudges. ... dinnae. People seem to be invested in me or some shite. I dinnae like it. Wut if I feck it all up? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ifonly
2019-09-12 02:57 am UTC (link)

you asked, that's my answer and my reason for it. it might be ooey gooey, sugary sweet but it's the truth.

i know and i don't blame them. i'll have to work hard to make it up to them, to rebuild trust or...build it up in the first place, in some cases.

if they're invested in you, then they'll still be invested in you even if you fuck up, harry. that's what friends do, they stand by you even when you've made a mess of things. or when you are a mess, yourself. besides, the people here are good people. i think they would want to help you if you mess up more than they would want to write you off.

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	callemfishbait 2019-09-12 09:06 pm UTC (link)
	Fine, ye meant it. Not like there be much we can do here about yer situation. Only me here and I doubt ye care what I think about the lying bit. We both know I have told me share of twisted words. ... Strange. They dinnae know, do they? They dinnae know my head gets too loud. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

ifonly
2019-09-12 11:55 pm UTC (link)

actually, i do care what you think. and believe me, i'm just as shocked as you are. you were manipulated into getting involved in a pretty dangerous situation. if i didn't care how you felt about that, i'd be a pretty shitty person. though i guess that's up for debate after everything, anyway.

no, i don't think they do. but i also think they would be understanding. we've had...really messed up lives. we didn't choose it, not any of it. we just got the consequences of it. and i don't think there's anyone here that would think it was your fault or that you were doing anything on purpose.

i know i don't. i just wish i could help more.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	callemfishbait 2019-09-13 12:16 am UTC (link)
	... I'm tired, Malsy. We can talk another time. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ifonly 2019-09-13 12:22 am UTC (link)
	yeah, okay. anytime, you know. (Reply to this) (Parent)