InsaneJournal

WHO: Valkyrie [Narrative, but open if anyone wants, but not necessary]
WHERE: The rooftop gardens
WHEN: Evening
WARNINGS: Val is her own warning? but mostly language.



Valkyrie was feeling out of sorts and that actually kind of pissed her off. She hated feeling out of sorts, and she had been facing down far too many feelings in one week than she'd done in one lifetime. That got under her skin too. She really, really hated it. But not at the same time? Things she'd wanted for centuries were coming back to her.

So why was she so angry about it?

Besides her default state of mind being angry, that is. She had spent the last few hours training, and now she had wandered up to the gardens. She had come back to the tower and skipped seeing anyone and everyone, merely headed up to the top and found a place to sit. Legs folded criss-cross style, back ramrod straight. Her hair was in boxbraids still but twisted up into a neat bun to keep them out of the way.

Everything started with family, and sometimes, family was the best and hardest thing to have. Hers was all 'adopted' and she loved them fiercely. But for someone who had gone a very, very long time without family? it was also hard to handle. They were wild, and crazy, dysfunctional and diverse. It wasn't bad, it just was, different. She draped her hands over her knees and closed her eyes. There had to be something under everything that was uniquely her, wasn't there?

A hint of something? Sifting through a millennia of alcohol hazed memories was no picnic, and by the time she was done, she was sweating with the effort. And she'd gotten nowhere fast, and that just made her angrier. Why couldn't she remember anything? What was the point? She rolled her shoulder.

She'd sworn an oath to Odin, and she couldn't remember anything before that day. Then, Hela laid her and hers to waste, and she couldn't even remember how she had survived. But she had. She'd faced her down twice and survived both. That had to mean something, right? Something under it all.

Valkyrie was also having a hard time grappling with emotions, period. She was elated to see Loki back - if anyone understood how feeling burned by Odin felt, it was him. And Thor was a complicated knot of emotions. Steve was growing on her - but in a way she also side eyed him a lot. Too observant for his own good, damn you Steve.

Trying to sit with her feelings on Thor was hard - she'd learned a lot more than she'd known this week, but it didn't change anything. It only made her feel like they were all bearing the same marks - self-loathing, anger, moments of pride that were arrogance in disguise. Thor's words had only confirmed the cycle she'd seen - Odin had been much like that at one time, Hela was too. It seemed that line had to go through those cycles to get further. Even Loki was not immune.

But was she? the more she thought about it, she was not. Her issues of the similar ilk just didn't happen in Asgard. They'd all happened on Sakaar - which hadn't been the best of life either.

She sighed and ran a hand over her face, she didn't regret anything with Thor but she was wishing she was like her previous self - angry and half drunk - because feelings were hard and she kind of hated them.