InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I want some candied walnuts."

lotus_blossom (lotus_blossom) wrote in snark_n_bark,
@ 2008-11-17 19:58:00

Entry tags:

complete, faelan, padma

How did we get this far apart?
Characters: Padma, Faelan
Summary: Padma's made a decision, and Faelan's not happy...

Padma sat curled up on her couch, not even able to give herself the comfort of reading as she waited for Faelan. She'd owled him, asking him to come by, but hadn't said why. Gently running a finger across the mostly healed wound on her neck, Padma sighed. She knew what she needed to do... she just hoped Faelan would understand.

It hadn't been easy, deciding to leave the country, but it was only for a while. Just to let things calm down. She was going to owl the man who had taken credit for Mcnair's death - she thought he was in the Department of Mysteries somewhere, maybe - and let him know what was going on in the hope that he could take care of Mcnair. She would ask him to let her know when Mcnair was gone, then she'd come back. Hopefully, she'd be gone no more than a month. Time enough for a break, to take a deep breath and leave some of the horrible things that had been happening behind. Maybe Faelan could even take a few days and come visit... that would be nice.

But first she had to tell him she was going away for a while...

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	lotus_blossom 2008-11-17 07:37 pm UTC (link)
	"It's just for a little while," Padma said. "Not forever. And Brenna is going to manage the store while I'm gone. But I'll be back soon." Heart aching, she wanted to reach out and touch him, but he seemed so cold and far away. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

runaway_cub
2008-11-17 07:39 pm UTC (link)

Faelan nodded and clenched his jaw, gazing out the window into the dusk. This was some kind of test, he knew it, but he couldn't find the right answer. He didn't want Padma to get hurt, and if Macnair was finding her, he did want her as far away from the man as possible. But what he wanted was not for her to leave, but for Macnair to get what he deserved. And he should have been able to do that, he should have gotten rid of the threat for Padma's benefit, so the numb sense of anger and betrayal coursing through his blood wasn't really directed at her. It was directed at himself, and at fate.

But Faelan had already shut off his emotions, so he could not realize any of that. All he could feel was the door in his heart swinging shut and closing him in.

"Okay."

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	lotus_blossom 2008-11-17 07:40 pm UTC (link)
	Padma felt that one word answer said everything. It was over. Faelan was done. He wasn't willing to stand by her any more. Swallowing back tears, she nodded. "Okay. I... I guess that's it then." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

runaway_cub
2008-11-17 07:44 pm UTC (link)

Not turning his eyes from the window, Faelan answered, "I guess so."

He should have left then, he knew it in his brain, but something in his feet kept him rooted, and all he could think about was the feeling of Padma in his arms and how he wasn't going to feel that anymore. Sure, she said she would come back, but people usually said they wouldn't leave in the first place, and then they never came back. Not for him.

She would be happy once she was safe, and she would stop missing England over time. She would start a new book store and meet someone else who was older and smarter and un-diseased, and she would stay with him and his handsome exoticness and his Spanish money.

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	lotus_blossom 2008-11-17 07:45 pm UTC (link)
	"Right," Padma said faintly. She couldn't take this anymore. She had expected... had hoped that he would understand, would come visit maybe... all that was gone. "Well, I'll see you soon. When I get back." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

runaway_cub
2008-11-17 07:46 pm UTC (link)

He wanted to kiss her. That was all his body wanted to do, but he couldn't let himself let go and risk the control he was so carefully holding onto. Stupid thoughts came to him, like the fact that he had clothes in her room and would have to finish reading "The History of British Wizardry in the Modern Age" without her there to fill in the gaps, and how cold and sad it would feel in her apartment, without her light, even though he wouldn't be there to notice it.

Instead he just stood there and said nothing until he chanced a look at her and her broken eyes. He had never done this before.

Uncertainly, he told her, "I don't really have anything else to say."

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	lotus_blossom 2008-11-17 07:48 pm UTC (link)
	"Me either," Padma admitted. She wanted to touch him, to hug him one last time, but she couldn't. Carefully taking a step back, she took a deep breath and willed herself not to cry. "Bye." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

runaway_cub
2008-11-17 07:50 pm UTC (link)

It was a long, conflicted moment as Faelan stood there watching her, waiting to see if she would close the space between them, or if he would break and do it, but she didn't and he didn't. He wasn't sure if it was easier or harder to stand there all alone, but in the end it didn't matter. He gave up before he had to decide.

He hadn't even taken off his coat. "Bye," he said, and moved to the door. Without another word, he pulled it open, then quietly shut it behind him. Already, it was just another chapter come and gone.

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lotus_blossom
2008-11-17 07:51 pm UTC (link)

The door shut behind him, and Padma stood there a moment, torn between running after him to beg him not to leave and hoping that he would come back in on his own and say he didn't want to leave her. After a few moments, Padma realized that he was really gone, that he had really left her... that he wasn't going to even try.

Padma closed her hand around the heart necklace that he had given her, intent on yanking it off... but she couldn't do it. Instead, clutching the simple, beautiful heart, she sat down on her couch and cried.

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