Tweak

InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Thank you for the standing O."

Username: 
Password:    
Remember Me
  • Create Account
  • IJ Login
  • OpenID Login
Search by : 
  • View
    • Create Account
    • IJ Login
    • OpenID Login
  • Journal
    • Post
    • Edit Entries
    • Customize Journal
    • Comment Settings
    • Recent Comments
    • Manage Tags
  • Account
    • Manage Account
    • Viewing Options
    • Manage Profile
    • Manage Notifications
    • Manage Pictures
    • Manage Schools
    • Account Status
  • Friends
    • Edit Friends
    • Edit Custom Groups
    • Friends Filter
    • Nudge Friends
    • Invite
    • Create RSS Feed
  • Asylums
    • Post
    • Asylum Invitations
    • Manage Asylums
    • Create Asylum
  • Site
    • Support
    • Upgrade Account
    • FAQs
    • Search By Location
    • Search By Interest
    • Search Randomly

Oliver Wood ([info]die__trying) wrote in [info]snark_n_bark,
@ 2008-09-08 19:38:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:complete, faelan, harry, oliver

Second verse
Who: Oliver, Faelan and Harry
Summary: The brothers try again



Oliver left his flat at half four, knowing he was entirely too early for his meeting with Faelan, but unable to sit in his flat any longer. He'd already paced a path onto the carpeting of his lounge and that more time spent staring at the clock wasn't going to do his mental health any good.

He'd Apparated just outside the town limits, deciding a walk to the pub would calm the last of his nerves (or close enough). It mostly worked and by the time he stepped through the doorway to the bar, he felt almost himself.

Never having been in one of the private rooms here, Oliver looked around for some indication of where he should go.



(Post a new comment)


[info]mussed_hair
2008-09-08 07:59 pm UTC (link)
Harry took Faelan around the waist and Apparated them to just outside the Three Broomsticks. Normally, he would have preferred the head-clearing walk into town, but Faelan had changed his clothes three times before he gave the whole idea of fashion up as bad business. He'd ended up in his usual jeans and t-shirt, although Harry could tell they were newer than Faelan's normal clothes.

When they coalesced, Harry held Faelan a second longer than necessary, as close to a hug as they came most days. The boy had been increasingly quiet and jumpy as the hours to dinner passed. Harry had been doing his level best to hide his own confused feelings so that Faelan would feel confident in one of them.

Just inside the door, they found Rosmerta approaching Oliver, who had managed to be even earlier than they were. Harry had hoped for a few moments alone to get a drink or two into Faelan beforehand, but it couldn't be helped now, so he stepped forward and asked the owner for the room he'd arranged. Rosmerta gave him a wink, remarking on how dapper they all looked as she lead the way to a private room in the back that revealed itself from a crack in the foundation.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]runaway_cub
2008-09-09 05:30 pm UTC (link)
Faelan had thought he'd have a minute to orient himself before seeing his brother, but the moment they walked through the door, there he was. Oliver was early, and Faelan wondered if he'd come to ease his nerves beforehand, like Faelan had intended to. But now it was too late. The confrontation was upon him, and it was only with distant awareness that he took note of the woman named Rosemerta directing them to a nook of a lounge, already set with tea and firewhiskey, at the back of the pub. He was too busy staring at Oliver, who stared back, and Faelan was unsettled when the door closed behind them and he turned to face his brother.

"Hey," he said, his mind going blank and his mouth growing dry as silence rang around them. The sight of his brother standing across from him again overwhelmed him and he noted with one long glance the casual grace of his brother's posture, the slight tilt of his head, the wide-eyed openness in his expression that Faelan had completely forgotten but which was now so painfully familiar. A glimpse over his shoulder proved that Harry was nearby, giving him a prompting nod.

He rubbed his hands on his trousers, and then raked one through his hair, which Padma had trimmed for him with a charm she learned from Parvati. "Um, thanks for coming."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]die__trying
2008-09-09 05:47 pm UTC (link)
While he knew Harry was there, it hadn't really registered with him completely. All he could see, his entire focus, was on the young man standing nervously in front of him.

Almost as nervous as I am, he thought and found himself thanking years of playing professional sport for honing his ability to keep his emotions off his face when necessary. Or most of them, anyway.

"As I said, Faelan," and his heart gave a strange stutter when he said his brother's name, "there's nothing that could have kept me from it. Nothing."

Because he needed it said, now, before any possibility of their last meeting replaying itself, Oliver crossed the small distance between them, his hand outstretched.

He sought out and caught his brother's eyes and his voice lowered to a hoarse almost-whisper. "I'm sorry."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]runaway_cub
2008-09-09 06:29 pm UTC (link)
Faelan wasn't sure exactly what Oliver was apologizing for, but he was so shocked at the two simple words, so overcome with a mountain of thoughts and emotions, that it took him a few swallows before he thought he could muster up any words. And then, when he was ready to speak, he couldn't think of a thing to say.

Instead, he just reached out slowly and, hesitating with disbelief that this was actually real, clasped the offered hand, touching his brother for the first time in eight years.

"It's okay," he finally said, and the words seemed to fall out of him on a heavy anchor the size of Britain, it felt so good. Truthfully, it really wasn't okay, but he thought that maybe someday it could be. And if not, he thought with another sidelong glance in Harry's direction, he might not be any worse for wear. At least, he hoped not.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]mussed_hair
2008-09-09 07:27 pm UTC (link)
"Sounds like we're all done here!" Harry gave a cheeky grin and made a move for the door to break the tension. Oliver made a choking noise that might have been an attempt at a laugh and Harry decided to stop taking the piss out of them. "So sit down already. Have a drink." Harry poured himself a cup of tea, deciding he was the last one who needed to relax tonight.

Faelan and Oliver remained standing, and Harry stared at them baldly. "Or continue standing there, I don't care! I just think you two ought to get your stories straight with each other, that's all."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]die__trying
2008-09-09 08:01 pm UTC (link)
Oliver was so busy restraining himself from tugging on Faelan's hand and pulling him into a hug that he barely heard Harry's comments, but the tone came clear well enough.

Dragging his eyes away from Faelan, Oliver cut a glance and a tentative smile at Harry. He'd have to try and repair that relationship as well, but that was for later.

For now, there was his brother. He was standing here.

And Oliver needed to know.

"What happened, Faelan. That night that our father...," he took a breath, swallowed hard, then continued, "the night he took you into the forest?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]runaway_cub
2008-09-10 06:56 pm UTC (link)
Faelan would have been happy to just stand there for a while without thinking of those memories of the past, but he knew Harry was right. There was a reason they had come here, a reason they needed this conversation at all, and he couldn't ignore it any longer.

After smirking quellingly in Harry's direction, Faelan turned back to his brother, trying not to let his face fall too much at the reminder of that time.

"Which night?" Faelan asked, a bitter hint of sarcasm in his tone. "He took me every full moon that summer, and I'm pretty sure he never looked back." Faelan could remember standing in the forest and watching his father's retreating back until it was out of sight, the way his father's mouth tightened soundlessly every time Faelan emerged from the woods to meet him again, each moment of the long and silent walks home.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]die__trying
2008-09-10 07:46 pm UTC (link)
It was easier now, saying it when he knew he was wrong. When he knew his world hadn't really crumbled away. "The night you died, or I thought you had. The night you didn't come back."

His eyes wanted to close against the images he'd unearthed in himself, thinking of it. The way his sister had hidden under the furniture with her face tear-stained, the echoing memory of her small voice telling him "Faelan's gone." Instead, he kept his eyes clear and focused on his brother's, waiting for the mystery to end at last.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]runaway_cub
2008-09-10 08:03 pm UTC (link)
"Um...yeah," Faelan said, reaching behind himself to take a seat, and pouring himself a glass of firewhiskey.

That night, for some reason, he just hadn't felt like going, like facing the coldness he perceived at home when he could stay wrapped up in blankets at the back of Aylward's tent, where he foolishly thought it would always be warm and safe. Safer than the pain of his family's fear and rejection, at any rate. He'd been an idiot, but only a child. He just hadn't wanted to go right then and meet his father, and Aylward didn't make him, but the longer he stayed, the longer his father didn't come looking, the easier it was to tell himself that his family was obviously relieved, that they didn't want him back badly enough to come and get him.

"It had been a rough moon, and I was tired and..." And bloody and aching and hurt, and with Aylward, who understood. "...and not really in any condition to walk home. I wanted to stay a little longer. So I did. And he didn't come."

Faelan shrugged. "That's kind of all there is to it, actually."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]die__trying
2008-09-10 08:09 pm UTC (link)
His hands fisted and he shoved them straight into his pockets to not incur any damage by smashing one of those fists straight through a nearby table. But he did drop into a nearby chair because the shock of what he'd just heard pressed in on him so badly, his knees were suddenly unable to bear it.

"He...our Father. He didn't come for you? He left you with those...where you were and didn't...?"

He managed to unclench one hand enough to scrub it over his face.

"I've wanted to kill him several times in the past few years but never more than I do right now."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]runaway_cub
2008-09-10 08:29 pm UTC (link)
So he hasn't stopped being a jerk then, Faelan thought silently. Strangely, it was little comfort. But he couldn't say the same for Oliver's words. That Oliver was surprised at all surprised Faelan a great deal, but not as much as Oliver's clear anger at their father.

"What did you think happened?" Faelan asked, both confused and intensely curious, even as his stomach gave a painful churn. If Oliver really hadn't approved of their father leaving him to the wolves, had Faelan really held all of this pain and resentment for his brother inside of him all these years...for nothing?

Faelan swallowed hard and looked down at his lap. It was too much. His thoughts were swimming and he was afraid of all the emotions he was feeling all at once. He wasn't sure he could keep breathing, so he did the only thing he could think of, which was to tip his glass up and take a long, deep drink. He wanted a cigarette, badly, but he'd stopped carrying them a while ago.


(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]die__trying
2008-09-10 08:42 pm UTC (link)
The chair couldn't hold him any longer. He pushed out of it and didn't even flinch when it crashed backwards, then he started stalking around the room.

"He," Oliver broke off and started again. "When I came home, things just seemed out of sorts, the house was too quiet, too subdued. I couldn't find anyone and then I heard this muffled sound in the hall. Caitrin was hiding in a cupboard and it was clear she'd been crying. She said Father'd come back without you, wouldn't say more than that. So, I went to find him."

Oliver's teeth clenched, but he managed the rest. "When I did, he was sitting in his study and confirmed what Caitrin said. He told me you were gone, gave me nothing more than that save a lot of inferences that gone meant gone forever," his voice lowered, "meaning dead."

He turned then and faced Faelan. "I thought you were dead, Faelan. From that night on, I thought I'd lost you forever."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]runaway_cub
2008-09-10 09:00 pm UTC (link)
Faelan couldn't look up. He was shaking, ice rattling against the inside of his glass. A flurry of memories overtook him, but not of that night. He thought of all the nights after, of every night for the past eight years, when he'd thought of how his family hadn't wanted him -- when he'd thought of Oliver, agonized at the idea that his brother, of everyone, had been able to so easily turn his back -- the years of blame, of hatred, of trying so hard to forget them, of wishing so hard that he could stop caring, stop needing them, that he'd almost convinced himself that he needed no one.

"I don't..." I don't know what to say. "I...I can't..." he just shook his head until he couldn't stop, and finally he dropped his forehead into his hand. He'd spent so much time thinking up stories in his head of what had gone on in that house after he was gone, of yearning to know what had been said, what they all really felt and thought, that now he was hearing it, he couldn't take it.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]mussed_hair
2008-09-11 08:18 pm UTC (link)
Harry placed his hand flat on the middle of Faelan's back, a light, warm touch just to let the boy know he was there. He was still somewhat confused by both Oliver and Faelan's tales, but he was willing to listen further, if they could calm down enough to keep talking.

"Oliver, I don't understand. Did your family arrange a funeral or something? Did he really say Faelan was dead?"

He was asking both to keep the conversation going and to satisfy his own curiosity. Remembering his own memories of his parents, and how the Dursleys had him convinced they had died in a car accident, made Harry want to give Oliver a second chance -- but only if Faelan did, too.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]die__trying
2008-09-11 08:30 pm UTC (link)
Oliver watched Harry place his hand on Faelan's back and shoved his own back into his pockets. He wasn't the one to comfort his brother anymore.

Dragging his eyes from Faelan's grief, the longing clear in them, Oliver answered Harry in a hollow voice.

"He wouldn't say another word about it, no matter how many times I asked, or shouted, or threatened. The subject was closed for him.

"In the end, I stormed away from the house and never looked back. I haven't been back there since. It bothered the girls to speak of that night, so I never asked them, or Mum, about what happened after. It was too painful for all of us."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]runaway_cub
2008-09-11 08:37 pm UTC (link)
Faelan ran both hands over his face before looking up again, tamping his emotions down until he felt the comfort of slight numbness again, which he needed in order to process all of this without lashing out with all of his old and familiar defenses, or breaking down in shock and other emotions that he didn't know quite how to name.

Flatly and quietly, he said, "Mum didn't want me anymore than Dad did. I could see it every time I looked her in the face." Faelan hadn't expected to hear that Oliver had never gone home again, or the implication that he didn't speak to their father, but the emotion of that revelation was equalized by the fact that Oliver apparently absolved their mother of any blame.

He didn't stop to think about Oliver's relationship with their sisters. He couldn't.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]die__trying
2008-09-11 08:42 pm UTC (link)
His jaw dropped open. "Didn't want...," his voice broke off as he tried to collect himself. "You're having me on, right? She was, and is, devastated, Faelan. She believes you dead every bit as much as I did, and you can still see the loss in her eyes to this day. I try to fill the gap, so do the girls, but she's still grieving."

He sighed again. "I haven't told her, about any of this yet. I was fairly sure you didn't want us back in your life and I thought it cruel to tell her that you were alive but that you didn't...," he couldn't finish.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]runaway_cub
2008-09-11 08:56 pm UTC (link)
"Didn't what?" Faelan asked, his temper threatening to spark at Oliver's defense of their mother, but he somehow found the presence of mind to control himself. He would push Oliver away again if he erupted, and he knew that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to work this out, so he had to behave himself. But it always was difficult for him to not lash out when it seemed the blame for something was being turned on him.

"Didn't forgive her?" he asked tightly, rising to his feet. "Because no, I don't forgive her. She wouldn't look at me, Oliver! I begged her not to send me back into the woods that first month. I had been bitten there, I had nightmares about it every night, and she let him take me anyway! She let him take me every time, and when I cried about it, she turned her back!" Faelan ground his teeth, trying to push away the memory of how that had felt, the memory of the dreams that had come later, when he'd slept in a tent in the woods, of his mother coming to get him, and of the awful re-living of utmost rejection every time he awoke. "She turned her back," he repeated, quiet and incredulous.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]die__trying
2008-09-11 09:09 pm UTC (link)
Tears were now prickling the corners of his eyes. "And she's felt that every moment of every day since. The guilt still eats at her, as it does me. I know...I understand that that can never be forgotten or forgiven. What we did, or didn't do."

He founds his chair again and dropped into it. "It was why I started looking for you, when the reports came of the dead coming back. I wanted this chance, this moment, to apologize. For not living up to the promise I made you."

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]runaway_cub
2008-09-11 09:18 pm UTC (link)
Those half-people who had come back from the dead wouldn't have been capable of real forgiveness, but Faelan didn't think that was worth pointing out. He wasn't dead, so he was capable of it, but he wondered genuinely if he could. So their mother felt guilty. Big deal, thought Faelan.

"She should feel guilty," he said, but his voice was quiet and hoarse when he said it. He could see the guilt Oliver felt first-hand now, and his brother looked positively broken. If his mother was this affected, could he look her in the eyes and not feel some measure of regret himself? He couldn't imagine it right now, but then, he couldn't have imagined himself feeling this way about his brother either. He couldn't have described it, but he felt sorry. He still had so much anger inside, so much pain, but beneath it he felt sorry that he hadn't known how much Oliver had cared.

"What promise?" he asked at last, when he got his full voice back.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]die__trying
2008-09-11 09:25 pm UTC (link)
"The one I made to you the first time I held you, when you were about three days old," his voice broke again and he swallowed hard to clear it before continuing. "When I promised that I'd always look after you, always protect you, be the best big--"

He couldn't continue.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]runaway_cub
2008-09-11 09:32 pm UTC (link)
Oliver dropped his head and Faelan just stood there, his heart beating harder every second, and he had a moment of utter silence inside, when he couldn't help but think of how completely surreal this was. It simply couldn't be real. His brother hadn't cared that much, couldn't have, or else...or else Faelan would have to re-think everything he'd believed in for the past eight years, and he really had no idea how to even begin doing that.

In that moment, he was entirely lost, and yet, without feeling anything at all, he became distantly aware of a warm tear rolling down his cheek.

"It's okay," he said, surprising even himself, but moving forward with some compulsion to place a hand on Oliver's shoulder.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]die__trying
2008-09-11 09:43 pm UTC (link)
The touch was like fire through his shirt, a heat he felt all the way through to his bones. It was probably the only thing that could have reached him in this protracted moment.

He raised his head, Faelan's words still echoing in his ears, and met his brother's eyes. Without meaning to, he reached up towards Faelan's face and brushed the one track of moisture from his cheek, completely unaware that his own face was just as wet.

"Don't cry, Fae. It'll be all right." The words were pulled from long ago, but it sounded right in his ears, in his heart.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]runaway_cub
2008-09-11 09:50 pm UTC (link)
No one had called him that in years.

With almost any other living person, Faelan's reaction would have been to flinch away, to resist contact at all costs, but if anything could have driven home the gravity of the moment, it was his old nickname and his brother's touch. It was Ollie, who always had loved him and cared for him, and wanted him.

Still completely unaware that his emotions were breaking down, Faelan heard himself stifle something that could have been a sob, if he was a person who cried.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]die__trying
2008-09-11 09:58 pm UTC (link)
Oliver was on his feet a second later, tugging Faelan into his arms and holding him in a tight hug. It felt good, but very different from the last time he'd been able to do this and the warmth of reunion filled him.

His arms stayed tight around him for several moments, his chin resting on Faelan's shoulder, drinking in the scent, the feel of him. Even if he only ever had this moment, it would be enough. He hoped for more, for so much more, but as he now had more than he ever dreamed? He wasn't about to be greedy.

He loosened his hold after a moment and moved back, a very watery and tentative smile on his face. "You've grown a bit since the last time I did that."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]runaway_cub
2008-09-11 10:05 pm UTC (link)
"Yeah," Faelan agreed, nodding and giving a small, nervous laugh. He lifted his hand to wipe the back of it against his nose. His brother's hug had barely even made him stiffen, and for some reason he was able to let himself just feel it. It was good. Too good to be real, and yet it was.

The moment passed, however, and Faelan felt himself pulling away from his brother's arms, unconsciously searching for some defense to re-establish a safe distance.

So, with his lips quirked in a small smirk, he joked, "Bugger all, I didn't realize big Quidditch heroes were allowed to cry."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]die__trying
2008-09-11 10:12 pm UTC (link)
He was amazed to find himself chuckling in response, smiling a bit wider as he wiped at his own face. "We're not, unless we've just won the league and took a Bludger to the head doing so. And even then it's frowned upon."

It was hard, letting him go, but he dropped his arms to the sides and gave Faelan space. In actuality, he needed a bit of his own to collect himself.

(Reply to this) (Parent)


[info]mussed_hair
2008-09-11 10:26 pm UTC (link)
Harry conjured handkerchiefs and subtly let them drift across the table. "Didn't know I was getting saddled with a couple of girl's blouses," he said, refilling the firewhiskeys all around. His own eyes stung, but as long as he kept focusing on his hands, Harry knew he'd be in the clear in a few moments.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]die__trying
2008-09-11 10:31 pm UTC (link)
Oliver snatched up the handkerchief and wiped at the remnants of wetness near his eyes before snorting in Harry's general direction.

"Bugger off, Potter," he said, still with the same smile on his face, "we're having a moment here in case you didn't notice."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]runaway_cub
2008-09-12 06:10 pm UTC (link)
"Don't mind him," Faelan told Oliver, twisting the handkerchief in his hands but refusing to bring it to his eyes. "He says he doesn't like girls or their blouses, but I have my doubts."

With a smirk in Harry's direction, Faelan used the moment of levity to try and gather himself. He poured them all more whiskey, trying not to let his hand shake, and settled a safe distance away in a comfy chair. He had a feeling they might be here a while.

(Reply to this) (Parent)



Home | Site Map | Manage Account | TOS | Privacy | Support | FAQs