InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Mich Forever"

Steve Rogers (captainhandsome) wrote in snapthread,
@ 2019-06-15 10:32:00

Entry tags:

bucky barnes (mcu), steve rogers (mcu)

Who: Steve Rogers (mcu) and Bucky Barnes (mcu)
What: A few old friends
Where: Outside Bucky's place
When: Friday evening
Rating: Low

It had been a heck of a time. Perhaps not for the world around him, in fact things had been quiet there and Steve had been focused on building his gym, something to do with his hands, something to pass the time. But for the people, his people, it had been tough. Too many revelations, pain and misunderstandings. But good things too, important things. But for him and Bucky it had been quiet. His friend had wanted space and time, something they'd both needed and of course Steve had given it to him. When they saw each other it wasn't like they ran in opposite directions or ignored each other, it was a small place, there had been nods, waves, perhaps a clap on the shoulder in passing. It had been strange but it hadn't been awful.

There had been more than enough awful to make up for it elsewhere.

He and Tony had gone through the door and he'd come back with a new friend and Steve had found that he liked to stretch his legs and he could relate. So before it got dark Steve headed out for a run, throwing a stick ahead of him which his Pokemon chased after eagerly. They were on their way home when he caught sight of Bucky and he lifted his hand to wave on his way past.

The last time they'd stood here, Steve had yelled, so many things had been said and he felt almost like you could sense it there now like it hung in the air. But it passed, like most things did. Steve slowed as he wiped his brow with his arm, so it didn't look like he was actively running past him.

It had hurt to have Natasha talk about what had happened between him and Bucky so casually and Steve knew there were some hurts that weren't ever going to really go away. He'd always been a stubborn man and to keep the important people in his life he was going to have to just let things go, not push them down and carry them with him like the walking wounded. Bucky deserved to be happy, they all did and wherever they found that little slice of happiness, well that was where they found it. Steve was glad he had someone to confide in and how that made him feel had to not matter if they were going to move forward.

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

sgt_barnesjb
2019-06-21 09:57 pm UTC (link)

They'd wound up in a position where they'd both been able to find their way back to love with others although when they'd parted ways that day Bucky hadn't been so sure he'd be able to find it again. After everything with Steve, he'd gone to both Natasha and Clint to tell them how he felt, knowing the two of them had already found each other and that he likely wouldn't have anything to show for his honesty other than the knowledge that he'd been open with the people he cared for and could say he put himself out there to the fullest extent. For a time after that he'd been terribly lonely, sad, and resided to the fact that he was going to stay alone. Thankfully it hadn't ended up like that, but there was a stint of time where he believed it would.

In the end, Clint and Natasha had come to him with the idea of them all trying this relationship out together because neither of them had wanted to let their feelings for him go. And that, well, that had meant everything to Bucky. He was important enough to them both that they were letting him into the life they'd started building because they wanted him to play a part in it.

Hearing that Steve loved Tony and assuming then that things were really working out for them, Bucky was glad for him. He meant it when he said all he'd wanted for so long was for Steve to be happy. If they could now both be happy and be happy for each other, then there wasn't much more they could ask for at this point.

"No, wouldn't want that," he agreed. He looked up at Steve again, away from the two dogs who'd become best friends, it seemed. "It's gonna be okay now, Steve. We are, I mean. We're okay."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

captainhandsome
2019-06-23 09:44 pm UTC (link)

Bill had always trusted Bucky, he'd trusted him as children, during the war, heck he'd even trusted him as The Winter Solider, to see him and for their bond to be enough to bring him back. So when he told him they were okay, Steve was going to believe him. That's what he wanted, that's what he'd always wanted. Bucky deserved a life, after everything he deserved the warmth and safety of real love and maybe he'd found that.

It was unconventional and Steve was going to worry, it was what he did best, but he wasn't going to judge. Bucky was an adult now, not a wayward youth and trusting him meant that Steve was going to trust his choices. Even then it didn't really matter what he thought, this was something that had nothing to do with him and that was going to take some getting used to because usually Bucky and his life were exclusively Steve's business. Their relationships, all of them, had changed and shifted and losing things left room for new things.

"We're always okay," Steve assured him as he reached out to lay his hand on Bucky's shoulder and gave a firm squeeze. It warmed his heart to see the two dogs, maybe just what they needed right then, something light. Things between Bucky and Tony were a disaster and Natasha was cold and distant toward him in a way Steve couldn't fix, but he hoped that wouldn't hurt a bond that had survived lifetimes.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sgt_barnesjb
2019-06-24 11:18 pm UTC (link)

It wouldn't be normal if the two of them weren't worried about the other in some capacity. Bucky had been worrying about Steve since they were in elementary school. It wasn't like that would just stop now. Just like he knew Steve wouldn't stop worrying about him no matter how often he assured him he was fine. Even in happiness, worry was always going to linger. It was just what you did when you loved someone in any capacity.

But they could be okay. Bucky felt like they were in a place where they could see each other and actually stop to talk, or walk together instead of apart. It wouldn't be right to keep up the distance between them. As soon as he felt the familiar weight of Steve's hand on his shoulder, Bucky felt like the weight of their rift had lifted. "It's not the end of the line," he said, and smiled a little. "Not even close." He reached up with his other arm and wrapped it around Steve's shoulders so he could hug his best friend.

One day he might feel ready to ask Steve more about Tony, because he wanted to be supportive. If Stark was important to Steve, then in turn he kind of had to be important to Bucky by default. There was a list of issues a mile long between him and Stark, but since Steve loved him it kind of propelled Bucky into wanting to maybe sort them out. Maybe. If he was going to be the best friend he could be to Steve, then he needed to at least be able to be in the same vicinity as his significant other and not feel so ... well, bad.

Slowly, he drew back from Steve and let his hand drop. "We should go have a drink at Pancho's soon. Shoot the shit a little. I gotta learn more about Stark if you're gonna be running around with him, right?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

captainhandsome
2019-06-25 10:14 am UTC (link)

Things had relaxed some, time healed and all and Steve knew that they weren't instantly going to be back to normal. No because it would take time to create a new normal, to figure out how to keep the good parts of their relationship and let go of the inappropriate and painful. But they'd started and they'd had the space and now Steve wanted to integrate back into one another's space. Bucky's words had him smiling and he hugged him firmly in return. "It's never going to be," he promised him quietly.

It wasn't the time to launch into it now, Steve was sweaty from his run and they should take things a little slower, get each other used to it. But Steve wanted to share things with Bucky, to tell him about how good it was and how he was worried Tony was going to get tired of his old fashioned habits. He even wanted to hear about what was going on with Bucky, Natasha and Clint, to prove that they could make this work.

They parted and Steve stepped back, his hands sliding into his pockets. "That sounds like a great idea," he said sincerely. "We can trade stories, kiss and tell and everything," Steve said as he punched Bucky playfully in the shoulder.

Their two little dogs were playing some kind of little game chasing each other back and forth and Steve smiled fondly. "How about I leave him here with you while I finish my run, go shower then come back later? They can keep playing."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sgt_barnesjb
2019-06-25 07:55 pm UTC (link)

They were still sort of feeling things out, and that was okay. It would've been unrealistic to think that even after taking some time to heal that things would just bounce back like nothing had ever happened. That in of itself would just discredit the fact that they were both hurting and needing to heal, and that wouldn't be fair to them. But they both knew that the other was still vitally important to their lives, and they needed each other. Bucky needed his best friend, and he always would. Steve's words assured him that the feeling was mutual.

Although he was a little unsure if he'd be able to hear about Stark without feeling at least some pain in his heart, there was no way Bucky would know until they tried it. And he meant it when he said he was happy for Steve. He needed to be able to hear about that part of his life because he didn't want them to keep anything from each other anymore. That was exactly how they'd lost their chance to try to be together themselves, and though things had worked out the way they did and they were both happy, Bucky didn't want to make the same mistake and lose out on any aspect of their friendship.

"Sure," he said. "That'd be fine. Looks like they're already inseparable." He hadn't seen his Snubbull so happy since he'd brought him to town. Bucky felt compelled to say a little more, to tell Steve how happy he was to see him, that they were talking again. But he reined it in a little. Hopefully it'd show in his smile, and in the fact that they were going to see each other again in just a little while.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

captainhandsome
2019-06-27 08:48 am UTC (link)

There was always going to be moments when they were struck with a certain sadness, a pang of what might have been. But Steve knew now they'd get fewer and further between, the healing could begin and they'd have room to love other people. It had been a long time, all his life, since he'd let that happen and he loved Tony, he was stupid for him and that never would have happened if he'd stayed hung up on Bucky Barnes forever. What he hoped was they could be better friends now, could share what was making them happy not just a silent and not so secret longing.

But it would be better to ease into that one, give each other some more time before they started singing their new partner's praises. They could take it slow, they were champions at that, after all.

It was good to see them bonding, he wanted his Buddy to have friends and it seemed like Bucky's Snubbull had really needed one too. The excitement was mutual, along with the relief, he'd been half terrified Bucky was never going to be okay enough for them to try to get back to being not just friends but family. "And one day real soon we'll get that drink?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sgt_barnesjb
2019-06-27 07:23 pm UTC (link)

One of the realest, truest traits of the relationship he and Steve had shared for nearly a century was that neither of them was willing to give up the other. Even when the situation was dire -- Steve stuck on one end of a burning building and Bucky refusing to leave without him; "No, not without you!" -- Bucky a brainwashed killing machine beating the life out of Steve; "You know me." -- Or now, having to rework what was there into something else because things, and they, had changed. They weren't willing to just let go of each other. They had to heal, it was taking time, but there was a light at the end of the tunnel and they were getting there. They'd started that journey at their separate corners but now they had to come out of it together, side by side, like they always had with everything in life.

In an ideal world, yes, they would be able to talk about their significant others like it was no big deal. 'You'll never guess what Clint said in his sleep last night..' But they weren't quite there yet. They weren't in the ideal, but they'd manage. And they weren't going to get there by avoiding it. They needed to go get that drink. Bucky needed Steve to fill in those gaps of years where he'd been on the run and before that, to learn about Steve and Tony. He wanted those puzzle pieces. And maybe one day he'd mend things with Stark. It wasn't that he hadn't wanted to. But he'd told Stark to get his shit together with Steve first and it looked like they had. So maybe it was time. Or the time was really near where he and Stark needed to have a conversation.

Baby steps.

They needed to get that drink first.

"Yeah," he said, nodding. "Real soon. How 'bout this weekend?"

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

captainhandsome
2019-06-29 10:57 pm UTC (link)

They were both as stubborn as each other. It would have been so much easier to just walk away from this, this sad and drawn out heartbreak of a thing between them. But they weren't people who took the easy way out. It needed work and honesty and that terrified Steve in a lot of ways. But he was still here because at the end of the day their friendship and Bucky was worth fighting for. He hadn't done all that he'd done and hurt the people he'd hurt just to lose him now. They'd been brothers once and Steve wanted to get back to that, to people who could share everything and not be jealous of the other people in their lives.

It wouldn't be easy but he wanted to hear about Clint, about the man in his life and feel fond not hurt. Steve knew he'd get there and he wouldn't stop until he did. When Steve Rogers set his heart on something, well it tended to happen. He held out hope that Bucky and Tony would be able to be more than just civil, they'd like each other if given half a chance and Steve hoped what had happened could be something of the past.

"You're on," Steve confirmed easily. "Carol's got this whiskey from some other planet that might kill a regular fella, so it'll be like the good old days."

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

sgt_barnesjb
2019-07-01 08:51 pm UTC (link)

No matter what context or capacity it was in, the relationship between Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers was too important to ever let go. They couldn't lose each other, and because of that they'd both been doing what they had to in order to get to a place mentally and emotionally where they could be friends again, and brothers. Were they not both as committed to each other as they had been and always would be, it never would've worked.

Just as it would be harder for Steve to hear about Bucky's relationships, it was hard for Bucky to hear about his. But he was in a position now where he felt it was going to be necessary. If they were going to be the best of friends and brothers, then they needed to be able to share everything with each other again. He didn't want to just be Steve's friend on the condition that they leave out their romantic partners. That wasn't real and it would be denying themselves and each other of a genuine connection. Hard as it might be, they needed to cross that bridge together.

"We'll see who drinks who under the table. Think we both know you're the light weight," he teased.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

captainhandsome
2019-07-02 11:55 pm UTC (link)

Sometimes the hardest things were those most worth doing. Like perceiving with this hurt to get to a new place, a place where they could share. Who was Steve kidding? He was going to need advice, someone to turn to who could give him a slap over the back of the head and tell him to get it together. Seeing Bucky now he knew they'd both done some work by themselves already and it already lessened that squeezing feeling in his chest.

"I'd argue, but you've had way more practice," Steve said with a laugh.

And it was good, it was so good to laugh. Things between them weren't just going to be okay, they were going to be better than ever without all the turmoil they'd brought upon each other by loving so fiercely.

Whatever wasn't good? Well, it would be.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(Read comments) -