Original poster: sylvanawood
Here are a few things to laugh and giggle about.![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
the_bitter_word has posted a link to the Black-Snape DH review comic in her reply to the affiliate post, but to make it a bit more visible, for those of you who haven't seen it featured on the newsletters, here it is: The BS Book Review
Something else, funny and very satisfying (at least for spiteful, vengeful me) I found while checking Snape stuff: The Final Battle
And, here's proof that Severus is alive. He showed up in my chat window yesterday:
And so we had a little chat. You can read the whole thing behind the cut. But you don't have to. In fact, I'd rather keep him to myself. But if you must...
| sylvanawood@googlemail.com | ||||||||
| date | 15-Aug-2007 18:11 | |||||||
| subject | Chat with Severus Snape | |||||||
| mailed-by | googlemail.com | |||||||
17:35 sylvanawood: I knew it! Severus, you're alive!
17:36 Severus: Shh... I'm no longer called Severus. Call me Snarc.
Obliviate!
17:37 sylvanawood: Sorry, s
ir!
ir!
Severus: Bill Snarc, that's me. All around PI in Los Angeles, taking the jobs nobody else wants.
17:38 sylvanawood: Uhm. If you get tired of Los Angeles, you could come to my place. I give good back rubs, and am very, VERY understanding.
Severus: I'm a flawed hero with a tragic past. Don'r ruin my gig!
sylvanawood: I won't tell anyone. What does that have to do with back
rubs?
rubs?
17:39 Severus: I can't ever be happy. It's predetermined.
Like everything else.
17:40 sylvanawood: I see that I have my work cut out for me. I have a lot to say to that, but you'd have to come face to face for that. Surely you understand. It's predetermined. Our chat here proves it.
17:41 Severus: Indeed, you are far too clever for your own good, Miss Sylvana. Oh, I see incoming mail from _vocalion_. Too bad she left L.A. for the chilly U.K. I so looked forward to, ah, getting to know here. Unlike you, she is unencumbered with a husband.
Typos galore.
17:42 sylvanawood: You sir, live in our hearts, and that's no one else's business. So why the name Bill? Wouldn't something a bit more, err, significant have been better? Like Severus?
Severus Snarc is a good name
17:43 Severus: Severus is a, if you'll forgive the term, dead giveaway. Perhaps Tobias Snarc. I'm going to see if I can get _vocalion_ in on the chat.
17:44 sylvanawood: I am pleased to see that there is no one with the first name of a flower present in this chat. Tobias Snarc... not quite.
17:45 Severus: Flower names ... ah, the sweet memories. Toby Snarc sounds very L.A.
17:46 sylvanawood: Ugh. Sorry, that's just so not you. And you better forget about these flower names. There's nothing sweet there.
I could offer you Sylvanus. How's that?
17:47 Severus: I'm through with the wizarding world. Bill or Frank or ... ooh, Albie.
sylvanawood: NO! Cough. I see that you are traumatised.
Severus: I'm a doormat, what can I say?
sylvanawood: We'll have to work on that. And you are not. You're a hero.
17:48 Severus: I'm also a greater Christian by far than those other posers, by the way, because I sacrificed myself for people I didn't like!
And I didn't do that lame "I'm back and everyone's saved" routine.
17:49 sylvanawood: Indeed. However, I'm quite certain that there are some who would challenge you on that. It's always better to keep religion out of this.
17:50 Severus: Assuredly. A customer was asking how I felt about the book, and I told her, in great detail, as you can imagine. She asked how I would have finished the series. I am thinking of posting that question on Snapedom. What do you think (as if I care)?
17:51 (Just kidding)
17:52 sylvanawood: Now that's more like you. I was worried for a moment. Don't let that woman dictate your character. And it's a good idea to post this, I look forward to the replies.
Severus: I am sure I will find them annoying and tedious, but ... a little amusement could certainly help in this searing outpost.
17:53 Oh, I think _vocalion_ is around!
sylvanawood: I'm quite sure it will help you get back into your loveable sarcastic self again.
_vocalion_ will be absolutely delighted to chat with you. Give her my regards, please
17:54 Severus: She's offline now. Oh, well, another missed opportunity.
Two ships passing in the night.
sylvanawood: Cough, cough. You know, you can stop with that romantic stuff now.
17:55 She prefers your sarcasm, too.
Severus: _vocalion_ ... is that a Russian flower?
sylvanawood: Did you ever heard of that guy who was killed by
dead flowers?
dead flowers?
17:56 Severus: As I'm talking to a whole wood, I'm sure you will tell me.
17:57 sylvanawood: There are these fangirls. They don't like it when you're obsessed with someone else but them. They will pick certain flowers from the Lily family and beat you with it. Hard. But maybe you like that?
Severus: Couldn't you tell from DH how much I like that sort of thing?
sylvanawood: I thought that the stress got to you in DH, and a severe case of bad-writers-pox.
17:58 Six books don't lie.
Severus: Yes, that author always had blinkers on when it came to Potter.
17:59 sylvanawood: Indeed. But since he now lives happily in his little ever after it is time for you to move on and get some fun out of life. I know just the place...
Severus: Really? Is the Malfoy mansion?
sylvanawood: How does Snape Manor sound? There is a land called AU on the planed fandom. They have good things in store for you.
18:00 Severus: By good, you mean ... reunited with my own true love?
sylvanawood: If you insist. Some do. But others have other plans. SHE IS NOT YOUR TRUE LOVE.
18:01 Severus: I sacrificed my life for her. She'd better be my true love, or else I'm just a tragic woobie, whatever that means.
18:02 sylvanawood: You didn't. You look rather alife and kicking to me. And it wasn't for her, although she may have been the initiator in the beginning. You didn't do it for Dumbledore either. You did it for yourself, and for those you saved.
18:03 Severus: Thank you, Dr. Wood. I feel better already. Now, I wonder if the local pub, er, I mean bar, is open yet.
sylvanawood: And being a tragic woobie makes you very popular with teh ladies.
Severus: Who says I like ladies? :-(
18:04 sylvanawood: I do. :P I expect you for another therapy session tomorrow, same time.
Severus: There was a reason I wanted to look into Potter's eyes, you know.
Potter
18:05 sylvanawood: Well, I am quite certain that there are enough people on snapedom who will suport you in this decision as well. There are many different paths for you to take.
Severus: So reassuring to know that I won't be left alone even in "death".
18:06 Although I was left alone enough in life. But that was my own choosing. That's right, my own choosing! I can choose it again, you knowl
sylvanawood: No one believed that routine anyway. You're a Potions Master.
And of course you can. Your choice! Although it's not only our choices who make a person.
Don't ever believe anything that grey-bearded monster told you.
18:07 Severus: Well, at least we see eye-to-eye on that, which is why I called him Dumbledore, you'll notice, never Albus.
sylvanawood: Indeed. Better to keep a distance from these people.
18:08 Severus: Well, this little chat has certainly been ... refreshing. We must do it again sometime. No, really, I'm sincere.
sylvanawood: Very good. Anything to get you back to your old self, without the flower, Sev... err, Bill.
18:09 Severus: Yes, I must get back to my tawdry life here in L.A. (Snape Manor -- snerk!)
sylvanawood: You'll see it. In fact, I remember pictures, and interior design. Let me hunt down the links for our next session.
18:10 Severus: Sev? You dare use that name with me, me, the Half Blood ... I feel like myself again!
sylvanawood: Prince! The Wizard Formerly Known As.. oh, no, wrong show.
18:11 Severus: Total wizarding confusion here. OK, the cops are at the door. I must go out the window! (I can fly, you know.)
sylvanawood: I know. Good luck. See you soon.
Severus: Ciao, you deluded fan.
18:12 sylvanawood: Ciao, Love!